Welcome to Me

Welcome to Me Quotes

When Alice Klieg wins the Mega-Millions lottery, she immediately quits her psychiatric meds and buys her own talk show.

Alice Klieg: I was a summer baby born in 1971 in Simi Valley, California, and I've been using masturbation as a sedative since 1991.
[repeated line]
Alice Klieg: I would like to read from a prepared statement.
Alice Klieg: This morning I woke up and there was a pubic hair on my pillow shaped like a question mark. And it really got me thinking of unanswered questions, like all the times in my life when I was supposed to feel something but I felt nothing and all the other times in my life where i wasn't supposed to feel anything but I felt too much and the people around me weren't really ready for all of my feelings.
Alice Klieg: I love your facial expressions.
Alice Klieg: Come with me. Into another time that happened to me.
Alice Klieg: You docked in my port.
Alice Klieg: Let's castrate.
Alice Klieg: Ladies and gentlemen, meatloaf cake, with mashed sweet potato icing, with only 433 calories, 52 grams of protein, and only five caibo-hydrants. I think I'm going to have a slice.

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