Wayne's World Quotes
Two slacker friends try to promote their public-access cable show.
Benjamin: Wayne! Listen, we need to have a talk about Vanderhoff. The fact is he's the sponsor and you signed a contract guaranteeing him certain concessions, one of them being a spot on the show.
Wayne Campbell: [holding a Pizza Hut box] Well that's where I see things just a little differently. Contract or no, I will not bow to any sponsor.
Benjamin: I'm sorry you feel that way, but basically it's the nature of the beast.
Wayne Campbell: [holding a bag of Doritos] Maybe I'm wrong on this one, but for me, the beast doesn't include selling out. Garth, you know what I'm talking about, right?
Garth Algar: [wearing Reebok wardrobe] It's like people only do these things because they can get paid. And that's just really sad.
Wayne Campbell: I can't talk about it anymore; it's giving me a headache.
Garth Algar: Here, take two of these!
[Dumps two Nuprin pills into Wayne's hand]
Wayne Campbell: Ah, Nuprin. Little. Yellow. Different.
Benjamin: Look, you can stay here in the big leagues and play by the rules, or you can go back to the farm club in Aurora. It's your choice.
Wayne Campbell: [holding a can of Pepsi] Yes, and it's the choice of a new generation.
Wayne Campbell: [holding a Pizza Hut box] Well that's where I see things just a little differently. Contract or no, I will not bow to any sponsor.
Benjamin: I'm sorry you feel that way, but basically it's the nature of the beast.
Wayne Campbell: [holding a bag of Doritos] Maybe I'm wrong on this one, but for me, the beast doesn't include selling out. Garth, you know what I'm talking about, right?
Garth Algar: [wearing Reebok wardrobe] It's like people only do these things because they can get paid. And that's just really sad.
Wayne Campbell: I can't talk about it anymore; it's giving me a headache.
Garth Algar: Here, take two of these!
[Dumps two Nuprin pills into Wayne's hand]
Wayne Campbell: Ah, Nuprin. Little. Yellow. Different.
Benjamin: Look, you can stay here in the big leagues and play by the rules, or you can go back to the farm club in Aurora. It's your choice.
Wayne Campbell: [holding a can of Pepsi] Yes, and it's the choice of a new generation.
[Wayne and Garth are lying on the hood of the mirth-mobile, staring at the starlit sky]
Garth Algar: Sometimes I wish I could boldly go where no man has gone before... but I'll probably stay in Aurora. What are you thinking about?
Wayne Campbell: Cassandra. She's a fox. In French, she would be called "la renarde" and she would be hunted with only her cunning to protect her.
Garth Algar: She's a babe.
Wayne Campbell: She's a robo-babe. In Latin, she would be called "babia majora".
Garth Algar: If she were a president, she would be Baberham Lincoln.
[a brief pause]
Garth Algar: Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played a girl bunny?
Wayne Campbell: No.
[cracks up laughing]
Wayne Campbell: No.
Garth Algar: Neither did I. I was just asking.
Garth Algar: Sometimes I wish I could boldly go where no man has gone before... but I'll probably stay in Aurora. What are you thinking about?
Wayne Campbell: Cassandra. She's a fox. In French, she would be called "la renarde" and she would be hunted with only her cunning to protect her.
Garth Algar: She's a babe.
Wayne Campbell: She's a robo-babe. In Latin, she would be called "babia majora".
Garth Algar: If she were a president, she would be Baberham Lincoln.
[a brief pause]
Garth Algar: Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played a girl bunny?
Wayne Campbell: No.
[cracks up laughing]
Wayne Campbell: No.
Garth Algar: Neither did I. I was just asking.
Stacy: Well, don't you want to open your present?
Wayne Campbell: If it's a severed head, I'm going to be very upset.
Stacy: Open it.
Wayne Campbell: What is it?
Stacy: It's a gun rack.
Wayne Campbell: A gun rack... a gun rack. I don't even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do with a gun rack?
Stacy: You don't like it? Fine. You know Wayne, if you're not careful, you're going to lose me.
Wayne Campbell: I lost you two months ago. We broke up. Are you mental? Get the net!
Wayne Campbell: If it's a severed head, I'm going to be very upset.
Stacy: Open it.
Wayne Campbell: What is it?
Stacy: It's a gun rack.
Wayne Campbell: A gun rack... a gun rack. I don't even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do with a gun rack?
Stacy: You don't like it? Fine. You know Wayne, if you're not careful, you're going to lose me.
Wayne Campbell: I lost you two months ago. We broke up. Are you mental? Get the net!
Wayne Campbell: So, do you come to Milwaukee often?
Alice Cooper: Well, I'm a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers were coming here as early as the late 1600s to trade with the Native Americans.
Pete: In fact, isn't "Milwaukee" an Indian name?
Alice Cooper: Yes, Pete, it is. Actually, it's pronounced "mill-e-wah-que" which is Algonquin for "the good land."
Wayne Campbell: I was not aware of that.
Alice Cooper: Well, I'm a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers were coming here as early as the late 1600s to trade with the Native Americans.
Pete: In fact, isn't "Milwaukee" an Indian name?
Alice Cooper: Yes, Pete, it is. Actually, it's pronounced "mill-e-wah-que" which is Algonquin for "the good land."
Wayne Campbell: I was not aware of that.
Mikita's Manager, Glen: [to the camera] I'd never done a crazy thing in my life before that night. Why is it that if a man kills another man in battle, it's called heroic, yet if he kills a man in the heat of passion, it's called murder?
Wayne Campbell: Hel-lo! What do you think you're doing? Only me and Garth get to talk to the camera.
Wayne Campbell: Hel-lo! What do you think you're doing? Only me and Garth get to talk to the camera.
Garth Algar: OK... First I'll access the secret military spy satellite that's in a geosynchronous orbit over the Midwest. Then, I'll ID the limo by the vanity plate "MR. BIGGG" and get his approximate position. Then, I'll reposition the transmitter dish on the remote truck to 17.32 degrees east, hit WESTAR 4 over the Atlantic, bounce the signal down into the Azores, up to COMSAT 6, beam it back to SATCOM 2 transmitter number 137, and down on the dish on the back of Mr. Big's limo... It's almost too easy.
Benjamin Kane: Russell's very excited you're coming down to the studio.
Mrs. Vanderhoff: Oh, the studio. That's where the magic happens.
Benjamin Kane: Oh, you've worked in television?
Mrs. Vanderhoff: No, but I watch a lot of it.
Benjamin Kane: Of course you do. You're creative.
Noah Vanderhoff: She's the one who came up with the name "Noah's Arcade."
Mrs. Vanderhoff: I just opened my mouth and out it came!
[They all laugh]
Benjamin Kane: You're a lucky man, Mr. Vanderhoff.
Mrs. Vanderhoff: Oh, the studio. That's where the magic happens.
Benjamin Kane: Oh, you've worked in television?
Mrs. Vanderhoff: No, but I watch a lot of it.
Benjamin Kane: Of course you do. You're creative.
Noah Vanderhoff: She's the one who came up with the name "Noah's Arcade."
Mrs. Vanderhoff: I just opened my mouth and out it came!
[They all laugh]
Benjamin Kane: You're a lucky man, Mr. Vanderhoff.
[last lines]
Cassandra: I love you, Wayne.
Wayne Campbell: I love you, Cassandra.
Dreamwoman: I love you, Garth.
Garth Algar: I love you, dreamwoman.
Noah Vanderhoff: You know, ever since I did your show, kids are looking at me in a whole new way.
Terry: I love you, man.
Russel: And I love you. Because I've learned that Platonic love *can* exist between two grown men.
Benjamin: And I've learned something, too. I've learned that a flawless profile, a perfect body, the right clothes, and a great car can get you far in America - almost to the top - but it can't get you everything.
Wayne Campbell: Isn't it great that we're all better people?
[beat]
Wayne Campbell, Garth Algar: FISHED IN!
Cassandra: I love you, Wayne.
Wayne Campbell: I love you, Cassandra.
Dreamwoman: I love you, Garth.
Garth Algar: I love you, dreamwoman.
Noah Vanderhoff: You know, ever since I did your show, kids are looking at me in a whole new way.
Terry: I love you, man.
Russel: And I love you. Because I've learned that Platonic love *can* exist between two grown men.
Benjamin: And I've learned something, too. I've learned that a flawless profile, a perfect body, the right clothes, and a great car can get you far in America - almost to the top - but it can't get you everything.
Wayne Campbell: Isn't it great that we're all better people?
[beat]
Wayne Campbell, Garth Algar: FISHED IN!
Terry: Wayne. Wayne. Garth told me about the show, man. I love you man.
Wayne Campbell: Yeah, and I love you too, Terry.
Terry: No, no, no. I mean it man. I LOVE you.
Wayne Campbell: No, I-I mean it. I love you.
Terry: No, you don't, man. I love you.
Wayne Campbell: [being hugged by Terry] Garth. Hey, come over here, I think Terry has something he wants to say to you.
Terry: I love you, man.
Garth Algar: Thank you.
Wayne Campbell: Yeah, and I love you too, Terry.
Terry: No, no, no. I mean it man. I LOVE you.
Wayne Campbell: No, I-I mean it. I love you.
Terry: No, you don't, man. I love you.
Wayne Campbell: [being hugged by Terry] Garth. Hey, come over here, I think Terry has something he wants to say to you.
Terry: I love you, man.
Garth Algar: Thank you.
Wayne Campbell: Let me bring you up to speed. My name is Wayne Campbell. I live in Aurora, Illinois, which is a suburb of Chicago - excellent. I've had plenty of jo-jobs; nothing I'd call a career. Let me put it this way: I have an extensive collection of name tags and hairnets. Ok, so I still live with my parents, which I admit is bogus and sad. However, I do have a cable access show, and I still know how to party. But what I'd really like is to do Wayne's World for a living. It might happen. Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.
Stacy: Hi, Garth.
Garth Algar: Hi.
Stacy: I'm looking for Wayne. I'm very concerned about him; he seems to be going through a difficult phase right now, ya know. What do you think it is?
Garth Algar: That you're mental.
Stacy: You know him best, what do you think I should do?
Garth Algar: Just get over it and go out with somebody else.
Stacy: "Get over it go out with somebody else." Yeah, thanks, OK, great. Hi.
Garth Algar: Hi.
Stacy: I'm looking for Wayne. I'm very concerned about him; he seems to be going through a difficult phase right now, ya know. What do you think it is?
Garth Algar: That you're mental.
Stacy: You know him best, what do you think I should do?
Garth Algar: Just get over it and go out with somebody else.
Stacy: "Get over it go out with somebody else." Yeah, thanks, OK, great. Hi.
Phil: [not remembering their trip to the Gasworks] Hey, did you guys go to the Gasworks on Friday night?
Wayne Campbell: [Referring to him and Phil as well] Yeah, we were there.
Phil: There was this band, 'Crucial Taunt'. They had this mega-babe for a lead singer, unreal.
Wayne Campbell: Phil, we were there. Have you gone mental? Hello!
Wayne Campbell: [Referring to him and Phil as well] Yeah, we were there.
Phil: There was this band, 'Crucial Taunt'. They had this mega-babe for a lead singer, unreal.
Wayne Campbell: Phil, we were there. Have you gone mental? Hello!
Wayne Campbell: Tell me, when the first show is over, will you still love me when I'm an incredibly humungoid giant star?
Cassandra: Yeah.
Wayne Campbell: Will you still love me when I'm in my hanging-out-with-Ravi-Shankar phase?
Cassandra: Yeah.
Wayne Campbell: Will you still love me when I'm in my carbohydrate, sequined-jumpsuit, young-girls-in-white-cotton-panties, waking-up-in-a-pool-of-your-own-vomit, bloated-purple-dead-on-a-toilet phase?
Cassandra: Yeah.
Wayne Campbell: Okay, party. Bonus.
Cassandra: Yeah.
Wayne Campbell: Will you still love me when I'm in my hanging-out-with-Ravi-Shankar phase?
Cassandra: Yeah.
Wayne Campbell: Will you still love me when I'm in my carbohydrate, sequined-jumpsuit, young-girls-in-white-cotton-panties, waking-up-in-a-pool-of-your-own-vomit, bloated-purple-dead-on-a-toilet phase?
Cassandra: Yeah.
Wayne Campbell: Okay, party. Bonus.
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Anything wrong, Davy?
Davy: Yeah, I got paid today.
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Yeah, I know what that's like.
Davy: No. You don't understand. They laid me off. I got one of these.
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Yeah, I know how that feels.
Davy: Know what I'd like to do?
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Yeah I know what you'd like to do. You'd like to find the guy who did it, rip his still beating heart out of his chest and hold it in front of his face so he can see how black it is before he dies.
Davy: Actually, I was thinking of filing a grievance with the union.
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Well, the world's a twisted place.
Davy: Yeah, I got paid today.
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Yeah, I know what that's like.
Davy: No. You don't understand. They laid me off. I got one of these.
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Yeah, I know how that feels.
Davy: Know what I'd like to do?
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Yeah I know what you'd like to do. You'd like to find the guy who did it, rip his still beating heart out of his chest and hold it in front of his face so he can see how black it is before he dies.
Davy: Actually, I was thinking of filing a grievance with the union.
Mikita's Manager, Glen: Well, the world's a twisted place.
Cassandra: I don't believe I've ever had French champagne before...
Benjamin Kane: Oh, actually all champagne is French; it's named after the region. Otherwise it's sparkling white wine. Americans of course don't recognize the convention, so it becomes that thing of calling all of their sparkling white "champagne", even though by definition they're not.
Wayne Campbell: Ah yes, it's a lot like "Star Trek: The Next Generation". In many ways it's superior but will never be as recognized as the original.
Benjamin Kane: Oh, actually all champagne is French; it's named after the region. Otherwise it's sparkling white wine. Americans of course don't recognize the convention, so it becomes that thing of calling all of their sparkling white "champagne", even though by definition they're not.
Wayne Campbell: Ah yes, it's a lot like "Star Trek: The Next Generation". In many ways it's superior but will never be as recognized as the original.
Benjamin: Do you have a lawyer?
Wayne Campbell: Yes. Ahm, no. We're between lawyers right now. You see, our first lawyer screwed our affairs so bad.
Garth Algar: That's right. I walked right to that office - that's what I did - and I reached across that desk and I grabbed him by his big fat head and I said "Listen, man. I'm not going to jail for *you* or for anybody."
Wayne Campbell: Yes. Ahm, no. We're between lawyers right now. You see, our first lawyer screwed our affairs so bad.
Garth Algar: That's right. I walked right to that office - that's what I did - and I reached across that desk and I grabbed him by his big fat head and I said "Listen, man. I'm not going to jail for *you* or for anybody."
[to the camera]
Wayne Campbell: What the hell's going on? I lost my show, I lost my best friend, I lost my girl. I'm being shit on, that's all, shit on, and you know what really pisses me off-
[Camera pans away]
Wayne Campbell: Wait, where are you goin'? OK, things aren't that great, but I'll get 'em back, OK?
Wayne Campbell: What the hell's going on? I lost my show, I lost my best friend, I lost my girl. I'm being shit on, that's all, shit on, and you know what really pisses me off-
[Camera pans away]
Wayne Campbell: Wait, where are you goin'? OK, things aren't that great, but I'll get 'em back, OK?
Benjamin: Have you spoken to Wayne about the Vanderhoff spot?
Russel: Yes, briefly. He was not very receptive.
Benjamin: Oh really? Well I'll explain it to him that it's not a choice. It's in his contract
Russel: Oh. Well Wayne will understand that right away... NOT!
[Ben glares at Russ]
Russel: Excuse me!
Russel: Yes, briefly. He was not very receptive.
Benjamin: Oh really? Well I'll explain it to him that it's not a choice. It's in his contract
Russel: Oh. Well Wayne will understand that right away... NOT!
[Ben glares at Russ]
Russel: Excuse me!
Garth Algar: Okay, pop quiz. Cassandra is not interested in Benjamin because... A: Chicks think he's handsome, B: has cool car, C: has lots of cash, D: has no visible scars, E: does not live with parents.
Wayne Campbell: Okay, how about, F: you're a gimp. You know what you can do with your pop quiz?
Garth Algar: Well, you know what you can do with your show? You can take a flying...
[a passing jet liner mutes out most of what he says]
Garth Algar: ...till the handle breaks off and you have to get a doctor to pull it out again!
Wayne Campbell: You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Wayne Campbell: Okay, how about, F: you're a gimp. You know what you can do with your pop quiz?
Garth Algar: Well, you know what you can do with your show? You can take a flying...
[a passing jet liner mutes out most of what he says]
Garth Algar: ...till the handle breaks off and you have to get a doctor to pull it out again!
Wayne Campbell: You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Wayne Campbell: [after Ben orders Chinese food while speaking Cantonese] This guy is good.
Benjamin: I picked up a little Cantonese while I was in the Orient. You know, you sound a lot like you're from Kowloon Bay as opposed to Hong Kong.
Cassandra: I was born in Kowloon Bay!
Benjamin: There you have it!
Wayne Campbell: This guy is really good.
Benjamin: I picked up a little Cantonese while I was in the Orient. You know, you sound a lot like you're from Kowloon Bay as opposed to Hong Kong.
Cassandra: I was born in Kowloon Bay!
Benjamin: There you have it!
Wayne Campbell: This guy is really good.
