Undercover Brother Quotes
When "The Man" tries to derail a black candidate's presidential campaign, Undercover Brother and his fellow secret agents come to the rescue.
Sistah Girl: Undercover Brother, Conspiracy Brother
Conspiracy Brother: Hey, how ya doin.
Undercover Brother: Good mornin!
Conspiracy Brother: Good morning? Get on the desk, spy in the building! Spy...
Undercover Brother: Don't touch the fro!
Conspiracy Brother: Back up off me man!
Undercover Brother: Back up off me!
Conspiracy Brother: Let me tell you something about the word "good," brotha. Good is an ancient anglo-saxon word, go-od, meanin the absence of color. I.E. it's all good, which it is, OR Good Will Huntin', meanin, "I'm Huntin' Niggas!" So when you say good morning, what your telling me is "I'm gonna kill yo black ass, first thing in the mornin'!"
Conspiracy Brother: Hey, how ya doin.
Undercover Brother: Good mornin!
Conspiracy Brother: Good morning? Get on the desk, spy in the building! Spy...
Undercover Brother: Don't touch the fro!
Conspiracy Brother: Back up off me man!
Undercover Brother: Back up off me!
Conspiracy Brother: Let me tell you something about the word "good," brotha. Good is an ancient anglo-saxon word, go-od, meanin the absence of color. I.E. it's all good, which it is, OR Good Will Huntin', meanin, "I'm Huntin' Niggas!" So when you say good morning, what your telling me is "I'm gonna kill yo black ass, first thing in the mornin'!"
Undercover Brother: Are you telling me there really is a Man'?
Conspiracy Brother: What do you think? Things don't just happen by accident! Sometimes people - mostly *white* people - make things happen!
Undercover Brother: So the conspiracies we've believed for all these years are true? The NBA really did institute the three point shot to give white boys a chance?
Smart Brother: Absolutely!
Undercover Brother: Then the entertainment industry really *is* out to get Spike Lee?
Conspiracy Brother: Come on man! Even Cher's won an Oscar! Cher!
Undercover Brother: Then O.J. really didn't do it?
[Everyone looks away and mumbles]
The Chief: We... we ain't got time for this!
Conspiracy Brother: What do you think? Things don't just happen by accident! Sometimes people - mostly *white* people - make things happen!
Undercover Brother: So the conspiracies we've believed for all these years are true? The NBA really did institute the three point shot to give white boys a chance?
Smart Brother: Absolutely!
Undercover Brother: Then the entertainment industry really *is* out to get Spike Lee?
Conspiracy Brother: Come on man! Even Cher's won an Oscar! Cher!
Undercover Brother: Then O.J. really didn't do it?
[Everyone looks away and mumbles]
The Chief: We... we ain't got time for this!
Undercover Brother: [Smart Brother tried to turn Undercover Brother into a white man expert by showing his various and random clips from white movies and t.v. shows. Undercover Brother begins screaming so they stop the clips] CAUCASIAN OVERLOAD! CAUCASIAN OVERLOAD! CAUCASIAN OVERLOAD! CAUCASIAN OVERLOAD!
Smart Brother: Are you alright?
Undercover Brother: [pauses with a horrified look on his face] ... I... see... WHITE... people
Smart Brother: Are you alright?
Undercover Brother: [pauses with a horrified look on his face] ... I... see... WHITE... people
Penelope Snow: Hi Ton-ja. Listen... I was wondering, do you have any Dickies? 'Cause I couldn't find them.
Sistah Girl: [glaring at Undercover Brother/Anton] Really? Perhaps we're all *sold out*.
Penelope Snow: Aw, that's too bad. Come on, Anton. I saw a mock turtleneck at Eddie Bauer that's perfect for you.
Sistah Girl: [glaring at Undercover Brother/Anton] Really? Perhaps we're all *sold out*.
Penelope Snow: Aw, that's too bad. Come on, Anton. I saw a mock turtleneck at Eddie Bauer that's perfect for you.
Lance: Chief, and various brother agents. I owe all of you a huge apology. I just watched a show, ummm, Roots, maybe you've heard of it? It taught me such a profound lesson about bigotry. I have stood on the sidelines of race relations long enough! I want to march down that field of oppression and kick that ball of bigotry right over the goalpost of intolerance!
Conspiracy Brother: That's Right! It's goin' to the streets. Hey y'all! It's revolution up in this Bitch! Set the alarm for Defcon 5! It's on, baby... it's on!
The Chief: Good work, White She-Devil. Oh, and you in too.
Conspiracy Brother: What the Fuck? Chief! I've never seen this bitch in my agent classes! I'm still paying the loans off, man! I sleep on a pissy mattress! I ain't got good food to eat! I borough money for my Weed! I quit! That's it. Y'all ain't got Conspiracy Brother Jones to kick around no more! Give me a pillow case... I'm joining the Klan!
The Chief: Good work, White She-Devil. Oh, and you in too.
Conspiracy Brother: What the Fuck? Chief! I've never seen this bitch in my agent classes! I'm still paying the loans off, man! I sleep on a pissy mattress! I ain't got good food to eat! I borough money for my Weed! I quit! That's it. Y'all ain't got Conspiracy Brother Jones to kick around no more! Give me a pillow case... I'm joining the Klan!
Lance: So let me get this straight; whenever a black guy does well, starts wearing Dockers, buys a few Celine Dion records, and sleeps with a White chick, you automatically say he's sold out?
The Chief: That's enough, Lance!
Lance: Always trying to shut the white man down.
Conspiracy Brother: THAT'S RIGHT! That's Right!... Oh, that ain't right.
The Chief: That's enough, Lance!
Lance: Always trying to shut the white man down.
Conspiracy Brother: THAT'S RIGHT! That's Right!... Oh, that ain't right.
Undercover Brother: Hi.
Conspiracy Brother: "Hi"? What you mean "hi"? Like "high yellow wanna be white"? "High" like the *white man* wants to keep us? Wait, you don't smell any weed on me, do you?
Undercover Brother: Brother, when you get a minute, could I get a list of the words that trigger these fits?
Conspiracy Brother: "Hi"? What you mean "hi"? Like "high yellow wanna be white"? "High" like the *white man* wants to keep us? Wait, you don't smell any weed on me, do you?
Undercover Brother: Brother, when you get a minute, could I get a list of the words that trigger these fits?
[after witnessing the General's speech]
The Chief: Smart Brother, you're so damn smart. Can you tell us what the Hell just happened?
Smart Brother: Well, uh, I, uh, um...
The Chief: [mocking him] Well, um, I, uh... Shut up! If I wanted to hear something stupid, I'd ask his skinny Black Ass!
Conspiracy Brother: Ha, ha! In your face! Ha! Skinny black... HEY!
The Chief: Smart Brother, you're so damn smart. Can you tell us what the Hell just happened?
Smart Brother: Well, uh, I, uh, um...
The Chief: [mocking him] Well, um, I, uh... Shut up! If I wanted to hear something stupid, I'd ask his skinny Black Ass!
Conspiracy Brother: Ha, ha! In your face! Ha! Skinny black... HEY!
