Two for the Money Quotes
After suffering a career-ending injury, a former college football star aligns himself with one of the most renowned touts in the sports-gambling business.
Walter Abrams: I will match my dysfunctional childhood and Tony's against yours, any day of the week.
Walter Abrams: My father,five foot,arms like this... he had a cock like a Hebrew National.
Walter Abrams: I even looked at him the wrong way... he smacked across the room like Jake LaMotta
Walter Abrams: By the time i was five,he yelled at me so much,i thought my name was Asshole.
Walter Abrams: My father,five foot,arms like this... he had a cock like a Hebrew National.
Walter Abrams: I even looked at him the wrong way... he smacked across the room like Jake LaMotta
Walter Abrams: By the time i was five,he yelled at me so much,i thought my name was Asshole.
Brandon Lang: Talk to me, how'd we do?
Walter Abrams: You haven't seen the scores?
Walter Abrams: No, it's how I wanted it, make my picks and get the results later
Walter Abrams: Highest sales volume ever take a guess how we did?
Brandon Lang: Yeah I think we kicked ass
Walter Abrams: It was amazing
Brandon Lang: Last week was nothing
Walter Abrams: Your right, it was nothing compared to what we lost today
Brandon Lang: Where'd I go?
Walter Abrams: I got an idea why don't I give you a glimpse of what happened then you take a stab on how you went?
Brandon Lang: Just give me the numbers
Walter Abrams: Grown men crying on the phone, their wives screaming in the background, three sales people quit couldn't take the pressure
Brandon Lang: Fuck
Walter Abrams: No, no you lose ten out of twelve "fuck" doesn't quite cover it, you know what'd be more appropriate? Something like "holy fucking shit" or "Jesus fucking Christ" you go two for twelve on our highest weekend ever and what's left to say? Except we keep the phone number and switch it to a suicide hotline, tomorrow morning Brandon we start all over again
Walter Abrams: You haven't seen the scores?
Walter Abrams: No, it's how I wanted it, make my picks and get the results later
Walter Abrams: Highest sales volume ever take a guess how we did?
Brandon Lang: Yeah I think we kicked ass
Walter Abrams: It was amazing
Brandon Lang: Last week was nothing
Walter Abrams: Your right, it was nothing compared to what we lost today
Brandon Lang: Where'd I go?
Walter Abrams: I got an idea why don't I give you a glimpse of what happened then you take a stab on how you went?
Brandon Lang: Just give me the numbers
Walter Abrams: Grown men crying on the phone, their wives screaming in the background, three sales people quit couldn't take the pressure
Brandon Lang: Fuck
Walter Abrams: No, no you lose ten out of twelve "fuck" doesn't quite cover it, you know what'd be more appropriate? Something like "holy fucking shit" or "Jesus fucking Christ" you go two for twelve on our highest weekend ever and what's left to say? Except we keep the phone number and switch it to a suicide hotline, tomorrow morning Brandon we start all over again
Walter Abrams: You're a lemon. Like a bad car. There is something... there is something inherently defective in you, and you, and you, and me, and all of us. We're all lemons. We look like everyone else, but what makes us different is our defect. See, most gamblers, when they go to gamble, they go to win. When we go to gamble, we go to lose. Subconsciously. Me, I never feel better than when they're raking the chips away; not bringing them in. And everyone here knows what I'm talking about. Hell, even when we win it's just a matter of time before we give it all back. But when we lose, that's another story. When we lose, and I'm talking about the kind of loss that makes your asshole pucker to the size of a decimal point - you know what I mean - You've just recreated the worst possible nightmare this side of malignant cancer, for the twentieth goddamn time; and you're standing there and you suddenly realise, Hey, I'm still... here. I'm still breathing. I'm still alive. Us lemons, we fuck shit up all the time on purpose. Because we constantly need to remind ourselves we're alive. Gambling's not your problem. It's this fucked up need to feel something. To convince yourself you exist. That's the problem.
Walter Abrams: There's half a dozen games left I want you to watch every second of every minute of every one of them so sit down, you know how you go three and eleven don't you? You go three and eleven when you make Sunday's picks on Tuesdays it rains in Cincinnati on Saturday two starting quarterbacks never got to play, that's how you go three and eleven, you're a handicapper not a psychic
Brandon Lang: We still got Monday night parlay
Walter Abrams: Fuck Monday night fuck the parlay this isn't about that it's not about me it's about the commission thing
Brandon Lang: I don't know about that
Walter Abrams: Don't bullshit me, I'm going to bump you ten percent ok? You earned it this is dangerous territory we're getting into, you understand that? But I'm going to bump you now talk to me about Monday night because everyone and I mean everyone is going to double down after the hole you just put them in
Brandon Lang: We still got Monday night parlay
Walter Abrams: Fuck Monday night fuck the parlay this isn't about that it's not about me it's about the commission thing
Brandon Lang: I don't know about that
Walter Abrams: Don't bullshit me, I'm going to bump you ten percent ok? You earned it this is dangerous territory we're getting into, you understand that? But I'm going to bump you now talk to me about Monday night because everyone and I mean everyone is going to double down after the hole you just put them in
Walter Abrams: [forcibly grabs Brandon and whispers] I'm going to tell you something now, I'm only going to say this once if you want something more from me than a gesundheit after a sneeze you're going to have do more than come at me with this shit, you understand? you're going to have to earn it, and once you earn it, you're going to have to fight me for it, you're going to have to challenge me, you're going to rip it out of me that's how you get ahead with me, now John Anthony would know that and as a matter of fact next time you come to me with this shit, you come as John Anthony.
Walter Abrams: Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt or anything like that but I just got to know this I'm sitting over there with my friends, and you are drop dead gorgeous and we just want to know your dates look like they haven't missed a meal since Christ died, I mean seriously you guys are eating like you have a date with the electric chair
Brandon Lang: Let's start with how much you bet
Novian: A million a game across the board
Novian: Is that the ceiling here? is that the most we're working with?
[looking out the window]
Novian: do you rent that yacht?
Novian: No, I own it
Brandon Lang: That's how I feel about this weekend and I'm not being cocky I'm being straight commerce with you, I didn't come here to bullshit you got some inside information I know these teams better than they know themselves I'm going twelve for twelve this weekend and that includes the Monday night parlay
Novian: A million a game across the board
Novian: Is that the ceiling here? is that the most we're working with?
[looking out the window]
Novian: do you rent that yacht?
Novian: No, I own it
Brandon Lang: That's how I feel about this weekend and I'm not being cocky I'm being straight commerce with you, I didn't come here to bullshit you got some inside information I know these teams better than they know themselves I'm going twelve for twelve this weekend and that includes the Monday night parlay
Jerry: [on tv show] Stats, records, rankings, weather, if the goal post is tilted just a little bit, the Sykes system uses forty two proven indexes, to eliminate the guess work in sports wagering, without my patented computer based picks, you've got a better shot of having God showing up at your door,with nine strippers a bag of pure Bolivan cocaine even viagra to make Chuck's head blow up, than picking these things on your own.
Walter Abrams: Do you know what time it is?
Brandon Lang: It is 8:37 in the morning
Walter Abrams: Wrong it's time to press my man we're going to yank out all the stops, when your winning you press you don't rest on your laurels what are you doing?
Brandon Lang: I have a ten thirty tea time with a client so don't call me unless the line's changed got it?
Walter Abrams: The salmon are running, you've got to stay here field phone calls you can't go out and have fun, come on, stop playing around you got work to do
Brandon Lang: I'm not "asking" you if I could go I'm "telling" you that's how it is, you want me to make my picks I can give you those
Walter Abrams: Start picking on Tuesday for the weekend, you know we're going to be advising somewhere in the neighborhood of twenty million dollars this week
Brandon Lang: Circling
[his picks on a piece of paper]
Brandon Lang: that's a nice neighborhood we should be doing double that by week ten
Walter Abrams: I see, you're going to make the picks no study no analysis you're just going to pick them
Brandon Lang: I'm locked in Walter I don't really need it there's my picks for This week
[hands Walter his picks]
Brandon Lang: , if you need next week's picks I can give you those by Friday
Walter Abrams: I'm starting to get the drift here we'll put these picks on ice and we'll talk about them tomorrow
Brandon Lang: I won't be in tomorrow
Walter Abrams: Then the next day
Brandon Lang: We'll talk about it
[Brandon ignores Walter and leaves]
Brandon Lang: It is 8:37 in the morning
Walter Abrams: Wrong it's time to press my man we're going to yank out all the stops, when your winning you press you don't rest on your laurels what are you doing?
Brandon Lang: I have a ten thirty tea time with a client so don't call me unless the line's changed got it?
Walter Abrams: The salmon are running, you've got to stay here field phone calls you can't go out and have fun, come on, stop playing around you got work to do
Brandon Lang: I'm not "asking" you if I could go I'm "telling" you that's how it is, you want me to make my picks I can give you those
Walter Abrams: Start picking on Tuesday for the weekend, you know we're going to be advising somewhere in the neighborhood of twenty million dollars this week
Brandon Lang: Circling
[his picks on a piece of paper]
Brandon Lang: that's a nice neighborhood we should be doing double that by week ten
Walter Abrams: I see, you're going to make the picks no study no analysis you're just going to pick them
Brandon Lang: I'm locked in Walter I don't really need it there's my picks for This week
[hands Walter his picks]
Brandon Lang: , if you need next week's picks I can give you those by Friday
Walter Abrams: I'm starting to get the drift here we'll put these picks on ice and we'll talk about them tomorrow
Brandon Lang: I won't be in tomorrow
Walter Abrams: Then the next day
Brandon Lang: We'll talk about it
[Brandon ignores Walter and leaves]
Brandon Lang: [On the TV show] This is John Anthony, the million dollar man with the billion dollar plan, from Wall Street to Tokyo to Hollywood all your big money is going to stay and play with me, that's right, that's why they call me "the million dollar man", I can't say that, someone wrote some very clever stuff for me here like the "the million dollar man", so let's just call me John, I play quarter back division one and every QB knows the secret, the key to victory is anticipation, the ability to see the future and react to it, that is what I do, and that is the truth, for over one year I have been picking eighty percent winners unbelievable? Used to be, I know the leagues, I know the teams, I know the players, I know this wonderful game called football, call the number on the bottom of the screen and ask for John, let's make some money.
Brandon Lang: What do you say we go out for a late dinner right now have a couple kilo bottles of wine go back to that place where we first met?
Alexandria: Are you out of your mind? I live in this building asshole this is home I don't appreciate you stopping by without calling
Brandon Lang: Whoa, what the hell's gotten into you?
Alexandria: Let me make the shit real clear so this doesn't happen again, you made five thousand bucks, your friend set it up
Alexandria: Are you out of your mind? I live in this building asshole this is home I don't appreciate you stopping by without calling
Brandon Lang: Whoa, what the hell's gotten into you?
Alexandria: Let me make the shit real clear so this doesn't happen again, you made five thousand bucks, your friend set it up
Walter Abrams: Wait a minute I just got an idea, it just came to me out of the blue, what about this? Brandon didn't tell me he was going to leave because you let him fuck you, you deny it?
Toni Morrow: Do I have to?
Walter Abrams: You know you did, I saw you Toni, I saw you and him that night I never went to Vegas
Toni Morrow: You mean you lied to me about the trip
Walter Abrams: Don't talk to me about lying
Toni Morrow: I guess you had the whole thing set up
Walter Abrams: Don't make this about me
Toni Morrow: You just put me out there on a tray?
Walter Abrams: I put a tray out there, you didn't have to sholve a fucking apple in your mouth and sit on it, admit it!
Toni Morrow: You played me
Walter Abrams: You have any idea? it worked didn't it?
Toni Morrow: Brandon was right
Walter Abrams: You don't deny it?
Toni Morrow: This is the best pick he ever made
Walter Abrams: I don't know what that means
Toni Morrow: You were gambling with me that night, Brandon knew it because he knew you, he told me he was sure you were watching somehow so he asked me to spend the night put on a show for you but I didn't believe him after all we've been through, so I figure what the hell, he slipped out the back no big deal he never even stayed here, you were in such a good the next day , I figured thank God he must've been wrong otherwise why wouldn't he confront us you wanted to lose like something you could toss on a table only we got you back Brandon and me who evidently love you more than you love yourself, your fantasy is to end alone with nothing, I won't let that happen I will never let that happen, this is all real you, and me and Julia we're all that's real
Toni Morrow: Do I have to?
Walter Abrams: You know you did, I saw you Toni, I saw you and him that night I never went to Vegas
Toni Morrow: You mean you lied to me about the trip
Walter Abrams: Don't talk to me about lying
Toni Morrow: I guess you had the whole thing set up
Walter Abrams: Don't make this about me
Toni Morrow: You just put me out there on a tray?
Walter Abrams: I put a tray out there, you didn't have to sholve a fucking apple in your mouth and sit on it, admit it!
Toni Morrow: You played me
Walter Abrams: You have any idea? it worked didn't it?
Toni Morrow: Brandon was right
Walter Abrams: You don't deny it?
Toni Morrow: This is the best pick he ever made
Walter Abrams: I don't know what that means
Toni Morrow: You were gambling with me that night, Brandon knew it because he knew you, he told me he was sure you were watching somehow so he asked me to spend the night put on a show for you but I didn't believe him after all we've been through, so I figure what the hell, he slipped out the back no big deal he never even stayed here, you were in such a good the next day , I figured thank God he must've been wrong otherwise why wouldn't he confront us you wanted to lose like something you could toss on a table only we got you back Brandon and me who evidently love you more than you love yourself, your fantasy is to end alone with nothing, I won't let that happen I will never let that happen, this is all real you, and me and Julia we're all that's real
Novian: I didn't reconize you without the suit John
Brandon Lang: This is my time off if you want to talk make an appointment
Novian: Should I call you Brandon? someone costs you thirty million you do research, I got more than your name, where you live, where you're from, where your family lives your mom's a sweet lady I just come from Vegas, she got me three black jacks she's a good woman, who's a cocky motherfucker that came into my house?
Brandon Lang: You don't like the picks use somebody else
Novian: I just come for an apology, just look me in the eye and say you're sorry, say it so it'll make me believe you mean it
Brandon Lang: I'm sorry
Novian: Fuck that I'm not going to accept that, come on, one more time
Brandon Lang: I'm sorry
Novian: You mother fucker your not even close, I'm going to get my satisfaction
[urinates on Brandon]
Brandon Lang: This is my time off if you want to talk make an appointment
Novian: Should I call you Brandon? someone costs you thirty million you do research, I got more than your name, where you live, where you're from, where your family lives your mom's a sweet lady I just come from Vegas, she got me three black jacks she's a good woman, who's a cocky motherfucker that came into my house?
Brandon Lang: You don't like the picks use somebody else
Novian: I just come for an apology, just look me in the eye and say you're sorry, say it so it'll make me believe you mean it
Brandon Lang: I'm sorry
Novian: Fuck that I'm not going to accept that, come on, one more time
Brandon Lang: I'm sorry
Novian: You mother fucker your not even close, I'm going to get my satisfaction
[urinates on Brandon]
Walter Abrams: I've got to dance with you more
Toni Morrow: You do
Walter Abrams: I saw this house in the Bahamas, talk about an investment in case anyting should happen to me
Toni Morrow: I don't want to hear that
Walter Abrams: Why don't we go down there and check it out? just you and me, sit bare foot in the sand
Toni Morrow: Just tell me your not gambling
Walter Abrams: Eighteen years straight the shit's over
Toni Morrow: It's never over and you know that
Walter Abrams: How about a truth serum into the veins? Baby we just made two million dollars I want to celebrate with my wife I want to enjoy a dance
Toni Morrow: You do
Walter Abrams: I saw this house in the Bahamas, talk about an investment in case anyting should happen to me
Toni Morrow: I don't want to hear that
Walter Abrams: Why don't we go down there and check it out? just you and me, sit bare foot in the sand
Toni Morrow: Just tell me your not gambling
Walter Abrams: Eighteen years straight the shit's over
Toni Morrow: It's never over and you know that
Walter Abrams: How about a truth serum into the veins? Baby we just made two million dollars I want to celebrate with my wife I want to enjoy a dance
Walter Abrams: This is dangerous territory we're getting into. You understand that. But I'm gonna bump you. Now talk to me about Monday night because everyone, and I mean everyone, is gonna double down after the hole you put 'em in.
Brandon Lang: Monday night's fine.
Walter Abrams: You bet your mother's house on it?
Brandon Lang: I don't bet, Walter.
Walter Abrams: If you did?
Brandon Lang: I like the pick, Walter.
Walter Abrams: On your mother's house or not?
Brandon Lang: With my mother in it.
Brandon Lang: Monday night's fine.
Walter Abrams: You bet your mother's house on it?
Brandon Lang: I don't bet, Walter.
Walter Abrams: If you did?
Brandon Lang: I like the pick, Walter.
Walter Abrams: On your mother's house or not?
Brandon Lang: With my mother in it.
Jerry: I think I should lead off tonight I got some real strong stuff man
Walter Abrams: You got a good hole, stay in it
Jerry: Come on I went eight for twelve last week I'm hot I'm feeling it
Walter Abrams: You have one good weekend don't get pushy
Jerry: One good weekend? Sykes System revolutionized this industry am I wood?
[Shows a newspaper ad about Brandon]
Jerry: where's my fucking ad?
Walter Abrams: [Grabs the newspaper out of Jerry's hand and slams it down on the table] take a hike
Jerry: What?
Walter Abrams: You're fired you're gone
Jerry: I'm not fired you need me more than ever
Walter Abrams: Get out of here you cut rate parasite
Walter Abrams: You got a good hole, stay in it
Jerry: Come on I went eight for twelve last week I'm hot I'm feeling it
Walter Abrams: You have one good weekend don't get pushy
Jerry: One good weekend? Sykes System revolutionized this industry am I wood?
[Shows a newspaper ad about Brandon]
Jerry: where's my fucking ad?
Walter Abrams: [Grabs the newspaper out of Jerry's hand and slams it down on the table] take a hike
Jerry: What?
Walter Abrams: You're fired you're gone
Jerry: I'm not fired you need me more than ever
Walter Abrams: Get out of here you cut rate parasite
Walter Abrams: We need a bat light like one of those signals that shoot up into the clouds no matter where you are no matter what time of day just look up and say "hey Walter needs me" because I must have beeped you a hundred fucking times
Brandon Lang: Who were they?
[Sarcastically]
Brandon Lang: the Salvation Army, how does someone go one for eight? A fucking monkey tossing darts could do better
Brandon Lang: What's with all the money?
Walter Abrams: I got a plan, we take all your picks we reverse them like one of those twilight zone episodes where everything is the opposite you say "black" we go white
Brandon Lang: How much is there?
Walter Abrams: [Holding up stacks of cash] peanuts, two hundred seventy five thousand that's how desperate I am
Brandon Lang: What happen to the two million?
Walter Abrams: Two million? I was carrying twice that in red ink before you even showed up, look around you everything you see is smoking mirrors I got three mortgages on this house what do you want to know? I'm gambling again
Brandon Lang: Who were they?
[Sarcastically]
Brandon Lang: the Salvation Army, how does someone go one for eight? A fucking monkey tossing darts could do better
Brandon Lang: What's with all the money?
Walter Abrams: I got a plan, we take all your picks we reverse them like one of those twilight zone episodes where everything is the opposite you say "black" we go white
Brandon Lang: How much is there?
Walter Abrams: [Holding up stacks of cash] peanuts, two hundred seventy five thousand that's how desperate I am
Brandon Lang: What happen to the two million?
Walter Abrams: Two million? I was carrying twice that in red ink before you even showed up, look around you everything you see is smoking mirrors I got three mortgages on this house what do you want to know? I'm gambling again
