The Ringer

The Ringer Quotes

A young guy's only option to erase a really bad debt is to rig the Special Olympics by posing as a contestant.

David Patrick: We stopped off for ice cream.
Winston: When the fuck did we get ice cream?
Billy: You scratched my CD! You picked it up in pure daylight and you scratched it!
Glen: Next time we should go Danish - split it 60/60.
Lynn Sheridan: You mean 50/50.
Glen: What, you don't believe in tipping?
Mark: Why'd you scratch his C D?
Steve Barker: Jeffy just admiring it.
Mark: Do it again and you'll be admiring my butt from the pavement with a straw.
Steve Barker: ...What?
Mark: You heard me!
Mark: I've seen better acting on porno
Winston: Hey steve, ask me *any* movie.
Steve Barker: Okay, hmm..."Jaws"
Winston: That's a good movie.
Thomas: [to Steve] Should I wear my top up
[lifts top up]
Thomas: ... or down
[pulls top down]
Thomas: ... or up
[pulls top up again]
Thomas: ... or possibly... tucked in
[tucks in top]
Special Olympics Athlete: You're a faker.
Thomas: a mother-faker!
Steve Barker: Jeffy doesn't understand! Jeffy cocoa for cukoo pops, uhh... Jeffy...
Special Olympics Athlete: Shut up you stupid a-s-s!
Glen: Hey! Guess how many fingers i have.
Steve Barker: Uhh, 10?
Glen: No. I have 8 fingers and 2 thumbs! Ha Ha Ha!
Glen: I work at Burger King.
Glen: You want fries with that.
Steve Barker: Peter's another name for weaner.
[laughs]
Billy: SCRATCH! SCRAAAAAAAAATCH! Oh my stars of the love of Liza. You scratch my C-D!
Thomas: I would definitely bring protection.
[repeated line]
Billy: Oh my-lanta!
Thomas: Goodbye, Hooker Lady!
Glen: People tell us all the time what we wont ever do. Won't ever read, won't ever have a job, won't ever learn to tie my own shoes, won't ever have a girlfriend. Well I have done all those things.
Mark: But you can't tie your own shoes.
Winston: And you never had a girlfwiend.
Glen: That's right
Billy: Thomas, get me some water. My throat is parched.
Thomas: Do you want tap or Evian?
Billy: I don't know. Surprise me.
Thomas: What a cockblock!
Billy: Oh, Mylanta! You *are* my woman!
Thomas: [runs over to Jimmy] JIMMY! Can I have you're autograph?
Jimmy: Get it off eBay!
Thomas: Who is eBay?
Glen: Hi I'm Glen
Glen: Guess how many fingers I have?
Gary: ten
Glen: no I have eight and two thumbs
Rudy: Smooth moove, Ajax.
Steve Barker: [to lynn in cafeteria] Can I have a hug?
Thomas: I don't want her to know that I like her, I... did you know Christ was a Jew?
Steve Barker: Jeffy just doesn't know what's happening to his body...
Steve Barker: I can count to potato
Thomas: This is my doberman candy.
Gary: What? Since when did tard become politically incorrect?
Michael: Incredible; that guy is the Deion Sanders of retards.
Lynn Sheridan: [to David] Go away, asshole!
Billy: [laughs] Lynn said A hole with S's!
Gary: We need to come up with a slogan. You know, like "Life is like a box of chocolates.", or "Take my hands, boss." like that monster tard off of "Green Mile."
Steve Barker: Can I have a slice of your doody?
Steve Barker: My name is Lance, and I like nuts!
Stavi: Give Mr. Steve a Stavi goodbye.
[waves with thumb and pinkie]
Steve Barker: What's in that?
Glen: Milk, eggs, and meat.
Steve Barker: What kind of meat?
Glen: Raw meat!

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