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A struggling salesman takes custody of his son as he's poised to begin a life-changing professional endeavor.
Christopher Gardner: Hey. Don't ever let somebody tell you... You can't do something. Not even me. All right? Christopher: All right. Christopher Gardner: You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period.
Christopher: Hey dad, you wanna hear something funny? There was a man who was drowning, and a boat came, and the man on the boat said "Do you need help?" and the man said "God will save me". Then another boat came and he tried to help him, but he said "God will save me", then he drowned and went to Heaven. Then the man told God, "God, why didn't you save me?" and God said "I sent you two boats, you dummy!"
Christopher Gardner: It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?
Martin Frohm: What would you say if man walked in here with no shirt, and I hired him? What would you say? Christopher Gardner: He must have had on some really nice pants.
[last lines] Christopher Gardner: How many planets are there? Christopher: Um... 7? Christopher Gardner: Seven? Nine! OK, who's the king of the jungle? Christopher: The gorilla? Christopher Gardner: Gorilla? Nope. Lion. Christopher: Yeah, lion, lion. You wanna hear something funny? Christopher Gardner: OK. Christopher: Knock knock. Christopher Gardner: Who's there? Christopher: Shelby. Christopher Gardner: Shelby who? Christopher: Shelby comin' round the mountain when she comes, Shelby comin' round the mountain when she comes! Christopher Gardner: Hey, that's good. Christopher: Knock knock. Christopher Gardner: Who's there? Christopher: Nobody. Christopher Gardner: Nobody who? [Christopher doesn't respond] Christopher Gardner: Nobody who? [Christopher still doesn't respond] Christopher Gardner: A-ha-ha, that's a good one, I like that!
[last narration lines] Christopher Gardner: [voice-over] This part of my life... this part right here? This is called "happyness."
Christopher Gardner: Probably means there's a good chance. Possibly means we might or we might not. Christopher: Okay. Christopher Gardner: So, what does probably mean? Christopher: It means we have a good chance. Christopher Gardner: And what does possibly mean? Christopher: I know what it means! It means we're not going to the game.
Christopher Gardner: [about the spelling mistakes in the graffiti of a building] It's not H-A-P-P-Y-N-E-S-S Happiness is spelled with an "I" instead of a "Y" Christopher: Oh, okay. Is "Fuck" spelled right? Christopher Gardner: Um, yes. "Fuck" is spelled right but you shouldn't use that word. Christopher: Why? What's it mean? Christopher Gardner: It's, um, an adult word used to express anger and, uh, other things. But it's an adult word. It's spelled right, but don't use it.
Christopher Gardner: I met my father for the first time when I was 28 years old. I made up my mind that when I had children, my children were going to know who their father was.
Christopher: You're a good papa.
Christopher Gardner: [voice-over] This part of my life... this part right here? This part is called "being stupid."
[last lines] Christopher: Knock, knock. Christopher Gardner: Who's there? Christopher: Nobody. Christopher Gardner: Nobody who? [Christopher says nothing] Christopher Gardner: Christopher, nobody who? [Christopher says nothing] Christopher Gardner: [laughs] Okay, that's funny.
Christopher: What are you doing? Christopher Gardner: Paying a parking ticket. Christopher: ...But we don't have a car anymore. Christopher Gardner: Yeah, I know...
Reverend Williams: The important thing about that freedom train, is it's got to climb mountains. We ALL have to climb mountains, you know. Mountains that go way up high, and mountains that go deep and low. Yes, we know what those mountains are here at Glide. We sing about them.
[repeated line] Christopher Gardner: Christopher is staying with me.
Shoe-Spotting Intern: Hey, you're missing a shoe. Christopher Gardner: Oh, hey, thanks!
Christopher Gardner: You gotta trust me, all right? Christopher: I trust you. Christopher Gardner: 'Cause I'm getting a better job
[after he hits Chris] Driver Who Hits Chris: Hey, asshole! Are you all right, asshole?
[repeated line] Christopher: Where are we going?
[about Chris' bone-density scanner] Homeless Guy #1: It's a time machine... I know it's a time machine... Christopher Gardner: [voice-over] This machine in my lap? It is not a time machine.
Christopher Gardner: There's no salary? Jay Twistle: No. Christopher Gardner: I was not aware of that. My circumstances have changed some.
Christopher Gardner: This part of my life is called "internship."
Christopher Gardner: I've been sitting out here for the last half-hour trying to come up with a story that would explain my being here dressed like this. And I wanted to come up with a story that would demonstrate qualities that I'm sure you all admire here like earnestness, diligence, team-playing. And I couldn't think of anything. So the truth is, I was arrested for failure to pay parking tickets. Jay Twistle: Parking tickets? [employers laugh] Christopher Gardner: I ran all the way here from the police station. Martin Frohm: What were you doing before you were arrested? Christopher Gardner: I was, uh, painting my apartment.
Christopher Gardner: [voice over] This part of my life is called running.