The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear Quotes
Lieutenant Drebin discovers that his ex-girlfriend's new beau is involved in a plot to kidnap a scientist who advocates solar energy.
Waiter: Telephone call, commissioner.
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: Thank you.
[picks up phone]
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: Hello?... He did what?... How many animals escaped?... Oh, my God...
Lt. Frank Drebin: Good evening, commissioner. You're looking lovely tonight.
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?
[Frank walks away, leaving Commissioner Brumford with an astonished face]
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: Thank you.
[picks up phone]
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: Hello?... He did what?... How many animals escaped?... Oh, my God...
Lt. Frank Drebin: Good evening, commissioner. You're looking lovely tonight.
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?
[Frank walks away, leaving Commissioner Brumford with an astonished face]
[Lt. Frank Drebin is unhappy about Dr. Mainheimer]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Have you noticed anything different about him?
Jane Spencer: Well, only that he's a foot taller, and he seems to be left handed now... Frank, what are you trying to tell me? That Quentin has somehow found an exact double for Dr. Mainheimer and that tomorrow that double will give a fraudulent report to the president?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Why that's brilliant, that's a lot better than what I came up with.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Have you noticed anything different about him?
Jane Spencer: Well, only that he's a foot taller, and he seems to be left handed now... Frank, what are you trying to tell me? That Quentin has somehow found an exact double for Dr. Mainheimer and that tomorrow that double will give a fraudulent report to the president?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Why that's brilliant, that's a lot better than what I came up with.
[Lt. Frank Drebin and Ed Hocken are in a sex shop making inquiries]
Lt. Frank Drebin: We're looking for Hector Savage. Where is he?
Busty Female Shop Assistant: Why should I tell you, copper?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Because I'm the last line of defense between sleaze like this and the decent people of this town.
[a male shop assistant walks in from a back storeroom]
Sex Shop Assistant: Oh, hi, Frank. Say, we finally got that model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine that you ordered.
Lt. Frank Drebin: [to the Female Assistant; embarassed] It's a gift.
Lt. Frank Drebin: We're looking for Hector Savage. Where is he?
Busty Female Shop Assistant: Why should I tell you, copper?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Because I'm the last line of defense between sleaze like this and the decent people of this town.
[a male shop assistant walks in from a back storeroom]
Sex Shop Assistant: Oh, hi, Frank. Say, we finally got that model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine that you ordered.
Lt. Frank Drebin: [to the Female Assistant; embarassed] It's a gift.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.
Ed Hocken: Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.
Nordberg: I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati.
Lt. Frank Drebin: No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.
Ed Hocken: He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin.
Nordberg: Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South.
Lt. Frank Drebin: North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.
Ed Hocken: You sure know your boxing.
Lt. Frank Drebin: All I know is never bet on the white guy.
[Nordberg nods in agreement]
Ed Hocken: Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.
Nordberg: I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati.
Lt. Frank Drebin: No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.
Ed Hocken: He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin.
Nordberg: Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South.
Lt. Frank Drebin: North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.
Ed Hocken: You sure know your boxing.
Lt. Frank Drebin: All I know is never bet on the white guy.
[Nordberg nods in agreement]
Lt. Frank Drebin: [describing Jane; voice-over] I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say... "Hey! Look at these!" She was the kind of woman who made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it.
Ed Hocken: Frank, snap out of it! You're looking at her like she was your mother for Christ's sake!
Ed Hocken: Frank, snap out of it! You're looking at her like she was your mother for Christ's sake!
Dr. Mainheimer: It's a terrible thing that's happened here, Lieutenant. I do hope you will find the people responsible.
Lt. Frank Drebin: I'm sorry I can't be more optimistic, Doctor, but we've got a long road ahead of us. It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.
Lt. Frank Drebin: I'm sorry I can't be more optimistic, Doctor, but we've got a long road ahead of us. It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.
Lt. Frank Drebin: You know, sometimes I envy you and Edna. You have the same person every day for over 30 years. You wake up, eat with her, sleep with her. Make love to the same woman.
[Ed looks increasingly disgusted as Frank goes on]
Lt. Frank Drebin: You spend every possible waking moment together, while I'm out running around with a bunch of 20-year-olds who only want a good time and cheap sex sex sex. Girls who can't say no. Girls who can't get enough. "More, more, more. It's your turn now to wear the handcuffs... "
[Ed starts foaming at the mouth... literally]
Lt. Frank Drebin: I just want love, Ed.
Ed Hocken: I'm sure you'll... find love, Frank.
[Ed looks increasingly disgusted as Frank goes on]
Lt. Frank Drebin: You spend every possible waking moment together, while I'm out running around with a bunch of 20-year-olds who only want a good time and cheap sex sex sex. Girls who can't say no. Girls who can't get enough. "More, more, more. It's your turn now to wear the handcuffs... "
[Ed starts foaming at the mouth... literally]
Lt. Frank Drebin: I just want love, Ed.
Ed Hocken: I'm sure you'll... find love, Frank.
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: Ladies and gentlemen, I would now like to introduce a most special American. Tonight, he is being honoured for his 1000th drug-dealer killed.
Lt. Frank Drebin: [to applause] Thank you. But, in all honesty, the last three I backed over with my car. Luckily, they turned out to be drug-dealers.
Lt. Frank Drebin: [to applause] Thank you. But, in all honesty, the last three I backed over with my car. Luckily, they turned out to be drug-dealers.
Dr. Mainheimer: [the entire audience is asleep] Now, to elaborate on point 102...
Ed Hocken: [hands him a book called "Strokin' The Love Muffin"] Here! Read this, it's an emergency.
Dr. Mainheimer: [starts reading] "His strong manly hands probed every crevice of her silken femininity, their undulating bodies writhing in sensual rhythm, as he thrust his purple-headed warrior into her quivering mound of love pudding."
[audience slowly wakes up]
Nordberg: All right, listen up everyone! I want you to calmly file towards the exits. That's it, that's it! Nobody runs, just walk. Single file. That's it. Now if we just stay calm, no one's gonna be harmed by the huge bomb that's gonna explode any minute.
[audience panics and runs everywhere]
Ed Hocken: [hands him a book called "Strokin' The Love Muffin"] Here! Read this, it's an emergency.
Dr. Mainheimer: [starts reading] "His strong manly hands probed every crevice of her silken femininity, their undulating bodies writhing in sensual rhythm, as he thrust his purple-headed warrior into her quivering mound of love pudding."
[audience slowly wakes up]
Nordberg: All right, listen up everyone! I want you to calmly file towards the exits. That's it, that's it! Nobody runs, just walk. Single file. That's it. Now if we just stay calm, no one's gonna be harmed by the huge bomb that's gonna explode any minute.
[audience panics and runs everywhere]
[after the explosion, Frank sees two bodies on the verge of death; he confronts one]
Lt. Frank Drebin: All right. Where is Hapsburg?
Explosion Thug #1: [groans in pain]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Where were you hit?
Explosion Thug #1: It's not that. You're on my groin!
Lt. Frank Drebin: [gets off] Oh. Sorry. All right, now! Where is he?
Explosion Thug #1: You're too late. Hapsburg has plan "B" in... In... In...
[dies before he continues]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Where? Where?
[drops the first thug]
Lt. Frank Drebin: All right. Who else is almost dead?
Explosion Thug #2: [raises his hand]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Okay, now.
[grabs the 2nd thug]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Talk!
Explosion Thug #2: You're too late, Drebin.
Lt. Frank Drebin: He already said that.
Explosion Thug #2: Where did he leave off?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Uh, "Hapsburg has plan "B" in...".
Explosion Thug #2: Oh, yeah. Hapsburg has plan "B" in... In...
Lt. Frank Drebin: Where? Where? Talk, you low-life scum!
Explosion Thug #2: Gee. If that's your attitude, forget it!
[he chokes and dies]
Lt. Frank Drebin: All right. Where is Hapsburg?
Explosion Thug #1: [groans in pain]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Where were you hit?
Explosion Thug #1: It's not that. You're on my groin!
Lt. Frank Drebin: [gets off] Oh. Sorry. All right, now! Where is he?
Explosion Thug #1: You're too late. Hapsburg has plan "B" in... In... In...
[dies before he continues]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Where? Where?
[drops the first thug]
Lt. Frank Drebin: All right. Who else is almost dead?
Explosion Thug #2: [raises his hand]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Okay, now.
[grabs the 2nd thug]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Talk!
Explosion Thug #2: You're too late, Drebin.
Lt. Frank Drebin: He already said that.
Explosion Thug #2: Where did he leave off?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Uh, "Hapsburg has plan "B" in...".
Explosion Thug #2: Oh, yeah. Hapsburg has plan "B" in... In...
Lt. Frank Drebin: Where? Where? Talk, you low-life scum!
Explosion Thug #2: Gee. If that's your attitude, forget it!
[he chokes and dies]
Ed Hocken: [as Savage is surrounded] All right, Savage! What do you want?
Hector Savage: I want a car out front! Something fun. A Porsche! Then I want a plane ticket to Jamaica. And I want a nice hotel. No touristy place. Something really indicative of the people and their culture.
Ed Hocken: Can't do that, Savage! We're calling your bluff! Now put your hands on top of your head and come out!
Hector Savage: I want a car out front! Something fun. A Porsche! Then I want a plane ticket to Jamaica. And I want a nice hotel. No touristy place. Something really indicative of the people and their culture.
Ed Hocken: Can't do that, Savage! We're calling your bluff! Now put your hands on top of your head and come out!
[Frank makes a speech at the White House]
Lt. Frank Drebin: I want a world where Frank Junior and all the Frank Juniors can sit under a shade tree, breathe the air, swim in the ocean, and go into a 7-Eleven without an interpreter. I want a world where I can eat a sea otter without getting sick! I want a world where the democrats will put somebody up there worth voting for! I may not get there with you, but most of all, I want a world where I can wake up each morning with this woman, whom I love!
Lt. Frank Drebin: I want a world where Frank Junior and all the Frank Juniors can sit under a shade tree, breathe the air, swim in the ocean, and go into a 7-Eleven without an interpreter. I want a world where I can eat a sea otter without getting sick! I want a world where the democrats will put somebody up there worth voting for! I may not get there with you, but most of all, I want a world where I can wake up each morning with this woman, whom I love!
Lt. Frank Drebin: [Waiter at Blue Note hands him a drink] I've got one already.
Waiter: It's from the lady
[Frank looks up. Jane waves at him from across the room]
Lt. Frank Drebin: [Sitting down again after making his way across the room] I just want someone to hold, someone to love.
Jane Spencer: [Interrupting him from a nearby table] Frank, I'm over here.
[Frank looks up and discovers that the table occupied by a man. The man looks at him tersely]
Waiter: It's from the lady
[Frank looks up. Jane waves at him from across the room]
Lt. Frank Drebin: [Sitting down again after making his way across the room] I just want someone to hold, someone to love.
Jane Spencer: [Interrupting him from a nearby table] Frank, I'm over here.
[Frank looks up and discovers that the table occupied by a man. The man looks at him tersely]
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: [Drebin has just run a tank into a zoo, causing zoo animals to escape]
[on the phone]
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: He did what?
[pause]
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: How many escaped?
[pause]
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: Oh my god.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Good evening Commissioner, you look lovely.
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: [angry] Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Isn't that the fault of the voters?
[on the phone]
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: He did what?
[pause]
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: How many escaped?
[pause]
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: Oh my god.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Good evening Commissioner, you look lovely.
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: [angry] Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Isn't that the fault of the voters?
Chief of Staff John Sununu: Thank you. Mr. President, tonight I am extremely proud to welcome our distinguished guests from the nation's energy suppliers. From the coal industry, chairman of the Society for More Coal Energy, or "SMOCE", Mr. Terence Baggett. Representing the oil industry, head of the Society of Petroleum Industry Leaders, better known as "SPIL", Mr. Donald Fenswick...
Donald Fenswick: [to applause] Thank you, thank you very much.
Chief of Staff John Sununu: And from the nuclear industry, president of the Key Atomic Benefits Office of Mankind - "KABOOM", Mr. Arthur Dunwell.
Donald Fenswick: [to applause] Thank you, thank you very much.
Chief of Staff John Sununu: And from the nuclear industry, president of the Key Atomic Benefits Office of Mankind - "KABOOM", Mr. Arthur Dunwell.
