The Master of Disguise

The Master of Disguise Quotes

An Italian waiter fights off a criminal mastermind with his inherited powers of disguise.

Pistachio Disguisey: Am I not turtley enough for the turtle club. Turtle, turtle, turtle!
[From trailer]
Devlin Bowman: I think it's time for you to go.
Pistachio Disguisey: [Making talking gesture with hand] This is what you're doing...
[Closes hand]
Pistachio Disguisey: this is what I want you to do.
Devlin Bowman: Did you just tell me to shut up?
Pistachio Disguisey: Yes.
Grandfather Disguisey: Who are you now?
Pistachio Disguisey: The question is not who I am, the question is who are you? I'm Prince LaIi Jhamba from the Ringy Dingy Heights near Bombay, Calcutta and New Delhi, India. India. India.
Grandfather Disguisey: It's time to test that.
Pistachio Disguisey: What is it?
[Grandfather Disguisey opens basket]
Pistachio Disguisey: That is a big reptile.Not a problem.
[Plays recorder]
Pistachio Disguisey: Oh, yes. He wouldn't hurt anybody now.I'm going to call him Buttercup! So cute, eh?
Grandfather Disguisey: Energico! God help me, I love it!
Pistachio Disguisey: [Dangling cheese above reptile] You like the cheese. Go get the cheese, Buttercup. You know you love it.
Pistachio Disguisey: [Ending Credits] Once I found an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know!
[after reading a chapter about finding Mama and Papa in the pop-up book]
Pistachio Disguisey: That's one specific farmer.
Pistachio Disguisey: Can I help you?
Grandfather Disguisey: I have come to help you, Pistachio.
Pistachio Disguisey: Help me what?
Grandfather Disguisey: Find your mother and your father. My son.
Pistachio Disguisey: My father... your son... Holy canoli! You are my sister!
Pistachio Disguisey: [as Gammy Num-Nums] And yet, Backstreet Boy, this is one girl who isn't content to be the Malcolm in *your* middle!
Grandfather Disguisey: When you were on the roof, did you hear something like this?
[Slaps Pistachio]
Pistachio Disguisey: Yes exactly that! But without the pain on my face. We have a clue!
Jennifer: ...And now I believe that you can do anything.
Pistachio Disguisey: Ah! That's very nice but not exactly true, I... I can't turn mud into oatmeal, for example, I can't build a spaceship that will travel to Pluto...
Texas Man: Am I going too fast for you?
Pistachio Disguisey: [Mocking Texas Man] Am I going too fast for you?
Texas Wife: Are you mocking my husband?
Pistachio Disguisey: [Mocking Texas Wife] Are you mocking my husband?
Texas Wife: 'Cause you better not be!
Pistachio Disguisey: [Mocking Texas Wife] 'Cause you better not be!
Pistachio Disguisey: It's so crazy, it just might work!
Grandfather Disguisey: Did you ask Jeeves?
Pistachio Disguisey: Yes but no such luck.
Grandfather Disguisey: When you were on the roof... did you hear something like this?
[Slaps Pistachio]
Pistachio Disguisey: Yes exactly that. But without the pain on my face. We have a clue!
[From the trailer]
Pistachio Disguisey: [to a snake] Come get the cheese, buttercup.
Jennifer: Love Cake?
Pistachio Disguisey: What?
Jennifer: You said "Love Cake"!
Pistachio Disguisey: Why would I say that? Your hindquarters are hideously scrawny!
Jennifer: What?
Pistachio Disguisey: What I was trying to say is that I have a present for Barney.
[hands her knee pads]
Pistachio Disguisey: Tell him they are from his dad... da da da dat Italian guy... Me.
Pistachio Disguisey: But, Papa, don't preach. I'm in trouble deep, and I'm keeping my baby.
Pistachio Disguisey: [as Gammy Num-Nums] Appraise this!
[Slams "Nest in a Box on counter]
Art Dealer: It appears to be of 12th century Tuscan design...
Pistachio Disguisey: I knew it was old, you fool! Let me appraise you; you're an idiot. A complete and total idiot!
Sophia: Look, Pistachios, the silly voices, the making faces, it was fun for like one second, okay?
Pistachio Disguisey: Only one second?
Sophia: I never wanted to go out with yous! I'm in love with Rex, okay?
Trent: What kind of crap are you filling his head with?
Pistachio Disguisey: Uh, the nice-ness?
Trent: "The nice-ness?" You are trying to horn in in my action, aren't cha?
Pistachio Disguisey: [Imitates Trent] You are trying to horn in in my action, aren't cha?
Trent: What?
[Looks away and back]
Trent: Are you mocking me?
Pistachio Disguisey: [Imitates Trent] What?
[Looks away and back]
Pistachio Disguisey: Are you mocking me?
Devlin Bowman: [Speaking to Jennifer] No need to bring anything...
Pistachio Disguisey: [as Gammy Num-Nums] We don't want to go anywhere with you, Melon Head!
Pistachio Disguisey: [as President Bush] The folks around here call me "Dub-ya". Hoo ya!
Grandfather Disguisey: [walks outside after hearing crash] Ahh you're too young for the job. Go home and ask your mommy to change you're diaper.
Barney Baker: I don't wear a diaper.
Grandfather Disguisey: [laughs] Hey Pistachio! There's a talking baby out here!
Pistachio Disguisey: I want to see the talking baby coochy coochy coo! Brave Barney Baker nice to see you again!
Grandfather Disguisey: You know this baby?
Pistachio Disguisey: Yes, yes of course I do!
Barney Baker: Actually I was potty trained when I was two.
Pistachio Disguisey: Yes you are the conductor of the potty train!
Pistachio Disguisey: [Barney falls off skateboard] I noticed that you became acquainted with the sidewalk a moment ago.

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