The Lady Eve Quotes
A trio of classy card sharps targets the socially awkward heir to brewery millions for his money, till one of them falls in love with him.
Jean Harrington: [while observing Charles Pike from her pocket mirror] Not good enough.
"Colonel" Harrington: What'd you say?
Jean Harrington: I said they're not good enough for him. Every Jane in the room is giving him the thermometer and he feels they're just a waste of time. He's returning to his book; he's deeply immersed in it. He sees no one except - watch his head turn when that kid goes by. Won't do ya any good, dear - he's a bookworm - but swing 'em anyway. Oh, now how about this one. How'd you like THAT hanging on your Christmas tree? Oh, you wouldn't? Well, what is your weakness, brother? Holy smoke, the dropped kerchief! That hasn't been used since Lily Langtry. You'll have to pick it up yourself, madam. It's a shame, but he doesn't care for the flesh. He'll never see it. Look at that girl over to his left. Look over to your left, bookworm. There's a girl pining for ya. A little further. Just a little further... There! Wasn't that worth looking for? See those nice store teeth all beaming at you. Oh, she recognizes you! She's up, she's down, she can't make up her mind. She's up again. She recognizes you! She's coming over to speak to you. The suspense is killing me. "Why, for heaven's sake, aren't you Fuzzy Oathammer I went to manual training school with in Louisville? Oh, you're not? Well, you certainly look exactly like him, it's certainly a remarkable resemblance... But if you're not going to ask me to sit down, I suppose you're not going to ask me to sit down... I'm very sorry, I certainly hope I haven't caused you any embarrassment, you so and so." "I wonder if my tie's on straight. I certainly upset them, don't I? Now who else is after me?" Ah, the lady champion wrestler, wouldn't she make a houseful? Oh, you don't like her either. Well, what are you going to do about her? Oh, you just can't stand it anymore, you're leaving. These women don't give you a moment's peace, do they? Well, go ahead! Go sulk in your cabin. Go soak your head and see if I care!
"Colonel" Harrington: What'd you say?
Jean Harrington: I said they're not good enough for him. Every Jane in the room is giving him the thermometer and he feels they're just a waste of time. He's returning to his book; he's deeply immersed in it. He sees no one except - watch his head turn when that kid goes by. Won't do ya any good, dear - he's a bookworm - but swing 'em anyway. Oh, now how about this one. How'd you like THAT hanging on your Christmas tree? Oh, you wouldn't? Well, what is your weakness, brother? Holy smoke, the dropped kerchief! That hasn't been used since Lily Langtry. You'll have to pick it up yourself, madam. It's a shame, but he doesn't care for the flesh. He'll never see it. Look at that girl over to his left. Look over to your left, bookworm. There's a girl pining for ya. A little further. Just a little further... There! Wasn't that worth looking for? See those nice store teeth all beaming at you. Oh, she recognizes you! She's up, she's down, she can't make up her mind. She's up again. She recognizes you! She's coming over to speak to you. The suspense is killing me. "Why, for heaven's sake, aren't you Fuzzy Oathammer I went to manual training school with in Louisville? Oh, you're not? Well, you certainly look exactly like him, it's certainly a remarkable resemblance... But if you're not going to ask me to sit down, I suppose you're not going to ask me to sit down... I'm very sorry, I certainly hope I haven't caused you any embarrassment, you so and so." "I wonder if my tie's on straight. I certainly upset them, don't I? Now who else is after me?" Ah, the lady champion wrestler, wouldn't she make a houseful? Oh, you don't like her either. Well, what are you going to do about her? Oh, you just can't stand it anymore, you're leaving. These women don't give you a moment's peace, do they? Well, go ahead! Go sulk in your cabin. Go soak your head and see if I care!
Jean Harrington: Do you know Charles?
Sir Alfred McGlennan Keith: Oh, is he the tall backward boy who's always toying with toads and things? Yes, I think I have seen him skulking about.
Jean Harrington: He isn't backwards. He's a scientist.
Sir Alfred McGlennan Keith: Oh, is that what it is? I knew he was... peculiar.
Sir Alfred McGlennan Keith: Oh, is he the tall backward boy who's always toying with toads and things? Yes, I think I have seen him skulking about.
Jean Harrington: He isn't backwards. He's a scientist.
Sir Alfred McGlennan Keith: Oh, is that what it is? I knew he was... peculiar.
Jean Harrington: What were you doing up the Amazon?
Charles Pike: Looking for snakes. I'm an ophiologist.
Jean Harrington: I thought you were in the beer business.
Charles Pike: Beer? Ale!
Jean Harrington: What's the difference?
Charles Pike: Between beer and ale?
Jean Harrington: Yes.
Charles Pike: My father'd burst a blood vessel if he heard you say that. There's a big difference. Ale's sort of fermented on the top or something, and beer's fermented on the bottom, or maybe it's the other way around. There's no similarity at all. You see, the trouble with being descended from a brewer, no matter how long ago he brewed it, or whatever you call it, you're supposed to know all about something you don't give a hoot about.
Charles Pike: Looking for snakes. I'm an ophiologist.
Jean Harrington: I thought you were in the beer business.
Charles Pike: Beer? Ale!
Jean Harrington: What's the difference?
Charles Pike: Between beer and ale?
Jean Harrington: Yes.
Charles Pike: My father'd burst a blood vessel if he heard you say that. There's a big difference. Ale's sort of fermented on the top or something, and beer's fermented on the bottom, or maybe it's the other way around. There's no similarity at all. You see, the trouble with being descended from a brewer, no matter how long ago he brewed it, or whatever you call it, you're supposed to know all about something you don't give a hoot about.
Steward: Breakfast, sir?
Charles Pike: What'd you say?
Steward: I said, "Breakfast, sir?"
Charles Pike: Two scotch and sodas with plain water. You take it plain, don't you?
Jean Harrington: Don't you take cream and sugar?
Charles Pike: No, I always drink it black.
[pause]
Charles Pike: Say, what am I talking about?
Jean Harrington: That's what I was wondering.
Steward: How about a nice bicarbonate of soda with an egg in it? It does wonders!
Charles Pike: What'd you say?
Steward: I said, "Breakfast, sir?"
Charles Pike: Two scotch and sodas with plain water. You take it plain, don't you?
Jean Harrington: Don't you take cream and sugar?
Charles Pike: No, I always drink it black.
[pause]
Charles Pike: Say, what am I talking about?
Jean Harrington: That's what I was wondering.
Steward: How about a nice bicarbonate of soda with an egg in it? It does wonders!
Jean Harrington: [in her Eve personae] Naturally I was frightfully anxious to see Unlce Alfred, and as I didn't know just where Connecticut was, I took the tube.
Horace Pike: [the crowd laughs] The subway.
Jean Harrington: And to the official, I said, "Be so good as to let me off at Connecticut." You see, I thought we'd have the boxes sent up in a dray later that afternoon.
Horace Pike: The what?
Bartender at Pike's Party: Trunks on a truck.
[the crowd laughs]
Jean Harrington: So he said, "Lady, I don't know where Connecticut is, but this train goes to Harlem."
[the crowd laughs]
Jean Harrington: But I don't know how he knew I was a Lady!
[the crowd laughs]
Horace Pike: [the crowd laughs] The subway.
Jean Harrington: And to the official, I said, "Be so good as to let me off at Connecticut." You see, I thought we'd have the boxes sent up in a dray later that afternoon.
Horace Pike: The what?
Bartender at Pike's Party: Trunks on a truck.
[the crowd laughs]
Jean Harrington: So he said, "Lady, I don't know where Connecticut is, but this train goes to Harlem."
[the crowd laughs]
Jean Harrington: But I don't know how he knew I was a Lady!
[the crowd laughs]
