The King of Queens Quotes
Delivery man Doug Heffernan has a good life: He's got a pretty wife (Carrie), a big TV and friends to watch it with. Then Carrie's goofy and annoying father Arthur moves in with them.
[Doug answers the phone]
Doug Heffernan: Hello... Mhm?... Oh, hold on a second, let me get him... Arthur! Phone!
Arthur Spooner: Who is it?
Doug Heffernan: It's Louis Di Robertis from some law firm.
Arthur Spooner: Tell him to drop dead!
Doug Heffernan: Okay, I am not going to tell him to drop dead.
Arthur Spooner: Then tell him to go to hell!
Doug Heffernan: Not telling him that either.
Arthur Spooner: Then you go to hell!
Doug Heffernan: You go to hell!
Arthur Spooner: Drop dead!
[Doug lifts up the phone]
Doug Heffernan: Sorry, wrong number.
Doug Heffernan: Hello... Mhm?... Oh, hold on a second, let me get him... Arthur! Phone!
Arthur Spooner: Who is it?
Doug Heffernan: It's Louis Di Robertis from some law firm.
Arthur Spooner: Tell him to drop dead!
Doug Heffernan: Okay, I am not going to tell him to drop dead.
Arthur Spooner: Then tell him to go to hell!
Doug Heffernan: Not telling him that either.
Arthur Spooner: Then you go to hell!
Doug Heffernan: You go to hell!
Arthur Spooner: Drop dead!
[Doug lifts up the phone]
Doug Heffernan: Sorry, wrong number.
[Arthur has put dirty dishes in the cupboard]
Doug Heffernan: No big deal. We'll just reload the dishwasher and wash 'em. Okay, which of these did you already put away?
Arthur Spooner: Let's see, I definitely remember putting away a blue bowl with big white and yellow sunflowers on it.
Doug Heffernan: Okay, we don't own anything close to that.
Doug Heffernan: No big deal. We'll just reload the dishwasher and wash 'em. Okay, which of these did you already put away?
Arthur Spooner: Let's see, I definitely remember putting away a blue bowl with big white and yellow sunflowers on it.
Doug Heffernan: Okay, we don't own anything close to that.
Arthur Spooner: What's going on?
Doug Heffernan: It's Carrie. The weirdest thing, every time we get together with our friends to play board games, she cheats.
Arthur Spooner: She cheats? That little girl? That's impossible.
Doug Heffernan: Arthur, I've seen her do it.
Arthur Spooner: No, no. She may put some cotton in her bra from time to time, but she does not cheat at board games!
Doug Heffernan: It's Carrie. The weirdest thing, every time we get together with our friends to play board games, she cheats.
Arthur Spooner: She cheats? That little girl? That's impossible.
Doug Heffernan: Arthur, I've seen her do it.
Arthur Spooner: No, no. She may put some cotton in her bra from time to time, but she does not cheat at board games!
Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Dad, why have you been hanging around that school playground?
Arthur Spooner: Business.
Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Not selling those dumb ribbons, I hope.
Arthur Spooner: Let's just say kids will be running home to their mommies to tell them about their encounter with the Ribbon Man.
Arthur Spooner: Business.
Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Not selling those dumb ribbons, I hope.
Arthur Spooner: Let's just say kids will be running home to their mommies to tell them about their encounter with the Ribbon Man.
[Doug, Deacon and Arthur are going to babysit Major and spend some time together]
Kelly Palmer: Okay, honey you are all set. Here is your "see and say"... Here is pinkys, whites, towels, diapers and buttcream.
Arthur Spooner: Buttcream?, where is this day headin'?
[Arthur looks at Doug]
Doug Heffernan: Yeah, You wish!
Arthur Spooner: Like I waste a wish on that, huh?
Kelly Palmer: Okay, honey you are all set. Here is your "see and say"... Here is pinkys, whites, towels, diapers and buttcream.
Arthur Spooner: Buttcream?, where is this day headin'?
[Arthur looks at Doug]
Doug Heffernan: Yeah, You wish!
Arthur Spooner: Like I waste a wish on that, huh?
