The First Great Train Robbery Quotes
In Victorian England, a master criminal makes elaborate plans to steal a shipment of gold from a moving train.
[Edward Pierce arrives from on top of the train]
Robert Agar, Screwsman: You look a sight.
Edward Pierce: *I* look a sight?
Robert Agar, Screwsman: You're all covered in soot.
Edward Pierce: [aghast] It's the smoke! I haven't brought a change!
Robert Agar, Screwsman: Well, that's bloody brilliant!
[Edward Pierce looks at Agar's clothes]
Robert Agar, Screwsman: [realizing what Pierce intends] No! Oh, no! You pick me clean, you put me in a coffin with a rotten, stinking cat, and now you strip me bollock naked.
Robert Agar, Screwsman: You look a sight.
Edward Pierce: *I* look a sight?
Robert Agar, Screwsman: You're all covered in soot.
Edward Pierce: [aghast] It's the smoke! I haven't brought a change!
Robert Agar, Screwsman: Well, that's bloody brilliant!
[Edward Pierce looks at Agar's clothes]
Robert Agar, Screwsman: [realizing what Pierce intends] No! Oh, no! You pick me clean, you put me in a coffin with a rotten, stinking cat, and now you strip me bollock naked.
Edward Pierce: What exactly are you constructing?
Emily Trent: We thought a water wheel. It will be so delightful, especially when there will be the rusted curve of the water wheel itself. Don't you agree?
Edgar Trent: We are building the rusted wheel at considerable expense.
Emily Trent: It is constructed of previously rusted metal, the craftsmen are most ingenious. And of course we must wait for the weeds to grow up around the site before it takes on the proper appearance.
Edward Pierce: Oh I'm sure it'll be a handsome ruin.
Edgar Trent: Where is Elizabeth?
Emily Trent: I have passed many pleasant hours here, watching the workman fit each piece into its precise slot. Such skill!
Edward Pierce: They screw it together do they?
Edgar Trent: No, bolt it actually. With long bolts, fitted tightly.
Emily Trent: Yes. *Long* bolts, fitted tightly.
Edward Pierce: I've just returned from America, a country of many prominent erections.
Emily Trent: It *is* exciting to see things come together, so long as the quality does not suffer.
Edward Pierce: Tight-fitting joints, that's the secret.
Emily Trent: It's *so* rare these days.
Edward Pierce: [It] depends on the skill of the workman, of course.
Emily Trent: And he *must* have the proper tools.
Emily Trent: We thought a water wheel. It will be so delightful, especially when there will be the rusted curve of the water wheel itself. Don't you agree?
Edgar Trent: We are building the rusted wheel at considerable expense.
Emily Trent: It is constructed of previously rusted metal, the craftsmen are most ingenious. And of course we must wait for the weeds to grow up around the site before it takes on the proper appearance.
Edward Pierce: Oh I'm sure it'll be a handsome ruin.
Edgar Trent: Where is Elizabeth?
Emily Trent: I have passed many pleasant hours here, watching the workman fit each piece into its precise slot. Such skill!
Edward Pierce: They screw it together do they?
Edgar Trent: No, bolt it actually. With long bolts, fitted tightly.
Emily Trent: Yes. *Long* bolts, fitted tightly.
Edward Pierce: I've just returned from America, a country of many prominent erections.
Emily Trent: It *is* exciting to see things come together, so long as the quality does not suffer.
Edward Pierce: Tight-fitting joints, that's the secret.
Emily Trent: It's *so* rare these days.
Edward Pierce: [It] depends on the skill of the workman, of course.
Emily Trent: And he *must* have the proper tools.
Robert Agar, Screwsman: [referring to the London Bridge Station train dispatcher's office] What's your pogue up there, anyway?
Edward Pierce: Two Chubb keys in that green cupboard.
Robert Agar, Screwsman: What might they be, them keys?
Edward Pierce: Two keys that I happen to want.
Robert Agar, Screwsman: [turns to look at Pierce] We're partners, aren't we? Of course, if you're trying to say that you don't trust me completely...
Edward Pierce: [turns and looks at Agar] I don't trust you at all.
Robert Agar, Screwsman: [smiles and nods] Good.
Edward Pierce: Two Chubb keys in that green cupboard.
Robert Agar, Screwsman: What might they be, them keys?
Edward Pierce: Two keys that I happen to want.
Robert Agar, Screwsman: [turns to look at Pierce] We're partners, aren't we? Of course, if you're trying to say that you don't trust me completely...
Edward Pierce: [turns and looks at Agar] I don't trust you at all.
Robert Agar, Screwsman: [smiles and nods] Good.
[first lines]
Edward Pierce: [narration] In the year 1855, England and France were at war with Russia in the Crimea. The English troops were paid in gold. Once a month, twenty-five thousand pounds in gold was loaded into strongboxes inside the London bank of Huddleston and Bradford and taken by trusted armed guards to the railway station. The convoy followed no fixed route or timetable. At the station, the gold was loaded into the luggage van of the Folkestone train for shipment to the coast and from there to the Crimea. The strongboxes were placed into two specially-built Chubb safes constructed of three-quarter inch tempered steel. Each safe weighed five hundred and fifty pounds. Each safe was fitted with two locks, requiring two keys, or four keys altogether. For security, each key was individually protected. Two keys were entrusted to the railway dispatcher who kept them locked in his office. A third was in the custody of Mr. Edgar Trent, president of the Huddleston and Bradford. And the fourth key was given to Mr. Henry Fowler, manager of the Huddleston and Bradford. The presence of so much gold in one place naturally aroused the interest of the English criminal elements. But in 1855 there had never been a robbery from a moving railway train.
Edward Pierce: [narration] In the year 1855, England and France were at war with Russia in the Crimea. The English troops were paid in gold. Once a month, twenty-five thousand pounds in gold was loaded into strongboxes inside the London bank of Huddleston and Bradford and taken by trusted armed guards to the railway station. The convoy followed no fixed route or timetable. At the station, the gold was loaded into the luggage van of the Folkestone train for shipment to the coast and from there to the Crimea. The strongboxes were placed into two specially-built Chubb safes constructed of three-quarter inch tempered steel. Each safe weighed five hundred and fifty pounds. Each safe was fitted with two locks, requiring two keys, or four keys altogether. For security, each key was individually protected. Two keys were entrusted to the railway dispatcher who kept them locked in his office. A third was in the custody of Mr. Edgar Trent, president of the Huddleston and Bradford. And the fourth key was given to Mr. Henry Fowler, manager of the Huddleston and Bradford. The presence of so much gold in one place naturally aroused the interest of the English criminal elements. But in 1855 there had never been a robbery from a moving railway train.
Robert Agar, Screwsman: [They're at the train station about to do the "Jolly Gaff" to get the two keys] Where's the chavvy?
Edward Pierce: There.
[He nods towards a boy street urchin]
Edward Pierce: He's your son.
Robert Agar, Screwsman: I don't have no son!
Edward Pierce: Louisa says he's your son.
Robert Agar, Screwsman: [snorts a laugh] Louisa! She wouldn't know, would she? IS THAT HIM? He's not my son! He's too ugly to be my son!
[pause, then: ]
Robert Agar, Screwsman: What's the sweetener?
Edward Pierce: A guinea.
Robert Agar, Screwsman: [thinks about it for a moment, then:] Well, if he is my son he'll be worth it.
Edward Pierce: There.
[He nods towards a boy street urchin]
Edward Pierce: He's your son.
Robert Agar, Screwsman: I don't have no son!
Edward Pierce: Louisa says he's your son.
Robert Agar, Screwsman: [snorts a laugh] Louisa! She wouldn't know, would she? IS THAT HIM? He's not my son! He's too ugly to be my son!
[pause, then: ]
Robert Agar, Screwsman: What's the sweetener?
Edward Pierce: A guinea.
Robert Agar, Screwsman: [thinks about it for a moment, then:] Well, if he is my son he'll be worth it.
