The Fabulous Baker Boys Quotes
Frank and Jack Baker are professional musicians who play small clubs. They play schmaltzy music and have never needed a day job. Times are changing and dates are becoming more difficult to ... See full summary »
Frank Baker: Okay, let's hear it. We trashed the Avedon, the Luau Lounge - what's our beef with 'Feelings'?
Susie Diamond: Nothing... except who cares? I mean, does anybody really need to hear 'Feelings' again in their lifetime? It's like parsley, okay? Take it away, nobody's going to know the difference.
Frank Baker: 'Feelings' is not parsley!
Susie Diamond: Frank, to you 'Feelings' may be goddamn filet mignon, but to me, it's parsley. It's *less* than parsley.
Frank Baker: Look, 'Feelings,' despite what you may think of it, has always been one of the bright moments of the show, and a consistent crowd-pleaser, and consequently we have an obligation to perform it. If we didn't, the audience would be disappointed.
Susie Diamond: Oh. Well, they weren't exactly crying their eyes out on New Year's Eve.
Frank Baker: You passed over 'Feelings'?
Susie Diamond: Yeah. Oh, and 'Bali Hai' went out with the bathwater, too.
Frank Baker: Ah ha. I see. The cat goes away for the night, and the mice take over the orchestra.
Susie Diamond: Hey! I ain't no mouse.
Frank Baker: That's right - you're parsley.
Susie Diamond: Nothing... except who cares? I mean, does anybody really need to hear 'Feelings' again in their lifetime? It's like parsley, okay? Take it away, nobody's going to know the difference.
Frank Baker: 'Feelings' is not parsley!
Susie Diamond: Frank, to you 'Feelings' may be goddamn filet mignon, but to me, it's parsley. It's *less* than parsley.
Frank Baker: Look, 'Feelings,' despite what you may think of it, has always been one of the bright moments of the show, and a consistent crowd-pleaser, and consequently we have an obligation to perform it. If we didn't, the audience would be disappointed.
Susie Diamond: Oh. Well, they weren't exactly crying their eyes out on New Year's Eve.
Frank Baker: You passed over 'Feelings'?
Susie Diamond: Yeah. Oh, and 'Bali Hai' went out with the bathwater, too.
Frank Baker: Ah ha. I see. The cat goes away for the night, and the mice take over the orchestra.
Susie Diamond: Hey! I ain't no mouse.
Frank Baker: That's right - you're parsley.
Jack Baker: Listen to me, princess. We fucked twice. That's it. Once the sweat dries, you still don't know shit about me. Got it?
Susie Diamond: I know one thing. While Frank Baker was home putting his kids to sleep last night, little brother Jack was out dusting off his dreams for a few minutes. I was there. I saw it in your face. You're full of shit. You're a fake. Every time you walk into some shitty daiquiri hut, you're selling yourself on the cheap. Hey, I know all about that. I'd find myself at the end of the night with some creep and tell myself it didn't matter. And you kid yourself that you've got this empty place inside where you can put it all. But you do it long enough and all you are is empty.
Jack Baker: I didn't know whores were so philosophical.
Susie Diamond: At least my brother's not my pimp. You know, I had you pegged for a loser the first time I saw you, but I was wrong. You're worse. You're a coward.
Susie Diamond: I know one thing. While Frank Baker was home putting his kids to sleep last night, little brother Jack was out dusting off his dreams for a few minutes. I was there. I saw it in your face. You're full of shit. You're a fake. Every time you walk into some shitty daiquiri hut, you're selling yourself on the cheap. Hey, I know all about that. I'd find myself at the end of the night with some creep and tell myself it didn't matter. And you kid yourself that you've got this empty place inside where you can put it all. But you do it long enough and all you are is empty.
Jack Baker: I didn't know whores were so philosophical.
Susie Diamond: At least my brother's not my pimp. You know, I had you pegged for a loser the first time I saw you, but I was wrong. You're worse. You're a coward.
Susie Diamond: Oh no, not the goddamn Luau Lounge again!
Frank Baker: What's the matter with the Luau Lounge? They don't salt their peanuts?
Susie Diamond: Singing 'Feelings' knee-deep in paper orchids and plastic tiki lamps is not exactly my idea of a fun evening.
Frank Baker: Fun? Who promised you fun? We get paid, remember!
Frank Baker: What's the matter with the Luau Lounge? They don't salt their peanuts?
Susie Diamond: Singing 'Feelings' knee-deep in paper orchids and plastic tiki lamps is not exactly my idea of a fun evening.
Frank Baker: Fun? Who promised you fun? We get paid, remember!
Jack Baker: What do you want from me? You want me to tell you to stay, hmm? Is that what you're looking for? You want me to get down on my knees and beg you to save the Baker Boys from doom? Forget it, sweetheart. We survived for 15 years before you strutted onto the scene. Fifteen years. Two seconds, you're bawling like a baby. You shouldn't be wearing a dress; you should be wearing a diaper.
Jack Baker: Would you stop that please.
Nina: [while loudly playing with her paddle ball] You want me to make some coffee? How 'bout some eggs? I can make you some eggs, if you want.
Jack Baker: Knock it off with that fucking thing... driving me nuts! Jack you want eggs, Jack you want coffee. You're not my housekeeper, I'm not your fucking father. I can't babysit you every time your mama gets an itch!
Nina: [while loudly playing with her paddle ball] You want me to make some coffee? How 'bout some eggs? I can make you some eggs, if you want.
Jack Baker: Knock it off with that fucking thing... driving me nuts! Jack you want eggs, Jack you want coffee. You're not my housekeeper, I'm not your fucking father. I can't babysit you every time your mama gets an itch!
Susie Diamond: l stayed at the Hartford one time. You should see the rooms. All satin and velvet. And the bed... royal blue, trimmed in lace clean as snow. Hard to believe a room like that don't change your life. But it don't. The bed may be magic, but the mirror isn't. Still wake up the same old Susie.
Frank Baker: Jesus, when was the last time we played the Mallory?
Jack Baker: '78, November.
Frank Baker: Right, it was someone's birthday... Halloran?
Jack Baker: He had a daughter, sweet sixteen.
Frank Baker: Oh Christ! How could I forget? What a nightmare!
Jack Baker: She asked for it!
Frank Baker: I told Halloran we didn't do vocals, and he said, "What my Sissy wants..."
Jack Baker: "My Sissy gets!"
Jack Baker: [Leering] She got it, all right!
Jack Baker: '78, November.
Frank Baker: Right, it was someone's birthday... Halloran?
Jack Baker: He had a daughter, sweet sixteen.
Frank Baker: Oh Christ! How could I forget? What a nightmare!
Jack Baker: She asked for it!
Frank Baker: I told Halloran we didn't do vocals, and he said, "What my Sissy wants..."
Jack Baker: "My Sissy gets!"
Jack Baker: [Leering] She got it, all right!
