The Expendables Quotes
A CIA operative hires a team of mercenaries to eliminate a Latin dictator and a renegade CIA agent.
Trench: Oh, like I said. I'm busy anyway, so give this job to my friend here. He loves playing in the jungle. Right?
Barney Ross: [sarcastically] Right.
Mr. Church: [Uncertain] That's right.
Trench: [to Barney] Hey, why don't we have dinner?
Barney Ross: Sure. When?
Trench: In a thousand years?
Barney Ross: Too soon.
[Trench walks off]
Mr. Church: [Confused; about Trench] What's his fucking problem?
Barney Ross: He wants to be president.
Barney Ross: [sarcastically] Right.
Mr. Church: [Uncertain] That's right.
Trench: [to Barney] Hey, why don't we have dinner?
Barney Ross: Sure. When?
Trench: In a thousand years?
Barney Ross: Too soon.
[Trench walks off]
Mr. Church: [Confused; about Trench] What's his fucking problem?
Barney Ross: He wants to be president.
Tool: [to Ross] You remember that time we was up in Bosnia? We took down them Serb bad boys? All our guys were gettin' chopped up all around us and there was blood everywhere. I never though I was gonna make it out of there and I know you didn't and you didn't either. Kinda feelin' like... dead too, ya know? My heads all very, very black place. Didn't believe in shit. Just goddamn Dracula black. I remember I got this bottle of this local shit they have over there. That slivovitz... I think that's what it was called. And I ain't feelin' no pain now... and I come up on this, uh... I come up on this overland bridge, and I see this... I see this... I see this woman standing there, ya know? And she's, uh... I stepped out and she saw me, and she's just lookin' right... right in my eyes. And I was lookin' right in her eyes, and I knew what she was gonna do. She looked at me, and I knew she was gonna jump. You know what I did, man? I just turned around I kept walkin' until I heard that splash and she was gone. After... after taking all them lives, she was one that I could have saved, but I didn't, and... what I realized later on was if I'd have saved that woman, I might have saved what was left of my soul, ya know.
Barney Ross: What the hell's he doing?
Lee Christmas: Hanging a pirate.
Barney Ross: Don't be ridiculous. Gunner! What are you doing?
Gunnar Jensen: Hanging a pirate!
Toll Road: That's seriously demented.
Yin Yang: This is no good.
Hale Caesar: Not that you'd feel it, but put one in Speed Racer's shoulder.
Lee Christmas: Hanging a pirate.
Barney Ross: Don't be ridiculous. Gunner! What are you doing?
Gunnar Jensen: Hanging a pirate!
Toll Road: That's seriously demented.
Yin Yang: This is no good.
Hale Caesar: Not that you'd feel it, but put one in Speed Racer's shoulder.
Barney Ross: I got a feeling everyone else passed on this job, so our fee is $5 mil.
Mr. Church: $5 mil?
Barney Ross: And I want half upfront, and the other half in an offshore account. You got a problem with that?
Mr. Church: No. What I have a problem with is people who try to fuck me over. So if you take this money and you don't deliver, or you try to fuck me in some kind of weird cockamamie scheme of yours, me and my people are gonna come get you and your people and chop you up into little fucking dog treats. You got a problem with that?
Barney Ross: Let's talk.
Mr. Church: $5 mil?
Barney Ross: And I want half upfront, and the other half in an offshore account. You got a problem with that?
Mr. Church: No. What I have a problem with is people who try to fuck me over. So if you take this money and you don't deliver, or you try to fuck me in some kind of weird cockamamie scheme of yours, me and my people are gonna come get you and your people and chop you up into little fucking dog treats. You got a problem with that?
Barney Ross: Let's talk.
Yin Yang: It's difficult.
Barney Ross: What?
Yin Yang: My life is difficult. I need more money.
Barney Ross: Why that?
Yin Yang: I work harder than the rest.
Barney Ross: No, you don't.
Yin Yang: Yes, I do! Everything is harder for me. When I'm hurt, wound is bigger, 'cause I'm smaller. When I travel I need to go farther.
Barney Ross: I know, because you're smaller, right?
Yin Yang: Yes.
[pause]
Yin Yang: I need more money.
Barney Ross: I know, you told me.
Barney Ross: What?
Yin Yang: My life is difficult. I need more money.
Barney Ross: Why that?
Yin Yang: I work harder than the rest.
Barney Ross: No, you don't.
Yin Yang: Yes, I do! Everything is harder for me. When I'm hurt, wound is bigger, 'cause I'm smaller. When I travel I need to go farther.
Barney Ross: I know, because you're smaller, right?
Yin Yang: Yes.
[pause]
Yin Yang: I need more money.
Barney Ross: I know, you told me.
Hale Caesar: [Discussing his weapon with Toll Road] You know what? I trust you. I want you to meet my girlfriend.
[Pulls out an improvised shotgun shell]
Hale Caesar: Omya Kaboom.
[shows Toll Road a miniature warhead]
Hale Caesar: When Omya's prime is struck, she gets off a miniature warhead that arms itself. And when that happens, anything that gets in my lady's way becomes instant red sauce and Jell-O. And if that doesn't work...
[leans over and pulls out a straight razor]
Hale Caesar: ...her sister will.
[Pulls out an improvised shotgun shell]
Hale Caesar: Omya Kaboom.
[shows Toll Road a miniature warhead]
Hale Caesar: When Omya's prime is struck, she gets off a miniature warhead that arms itself. And when that happens, anything that gets in my lady's way becomes instant red sauce and Jell-O. And if that doesn't work...
[leans over and pulls out a straight razor]
Hale Caesar: ...her sister will.
James Munroe: [Holding Sandra hostage] The agency parasites hired you, didn't they? I'd have paid you twice as much to go fishing! You'd have to think I'm pretty freaking stupid to surrender to the agency! Why would I do that? I created this! I made it all happen and they wanted me out! Why? Because I saw the big picture!
[Ross approaches him]
James Munroe: Stop walking!
[Holds the gun to Sandra's head. Ross stops]
James Munroe: And what about me and you? We're both the same! We're both mercenaries! We're both dead inside! So why the hell did you come after me?
Barney Ross: I didn't come after you, dipshit! I came for her!
[Sandra escapes from Munroe. Ross shoots Munroe as Christmas throws Gunnar Jensen's knife straight through Munroe's chest, killing him]
[Ross approaches him]
James Munroe: Stop walking!
[Holds the gun to Sandra's head. Ross stops]
James Munroe: And what about me and you? We're both the same! We're both mercenaries! We're both dead inside! So why the hell did you come after me?
Barney Ross: I didn't come after you, dipshit! I came for her!
[Sandra escapes from Munroe. Ross shoots Munroe as Christmas throws Gunnar Jensen's knife straight through Munroe's chest, killing him]
Tool: [to Lee] I got a great idea. Why don't you let me doodle, like, a Charlotte's web on your head? On the top of your head. You know, something different, something exciting. 'Cause you got one of them perfectly shaped domed, muscular heads. I could put a web on the top of the head. Maybe a pregnant Charlotte coming out of your ear, peeking around, making sure them bugs don't come inside. Her long legs dangling down your neck. Yeah. Sexy, right?
Barney Ross: Very sexy. He looks thrilled.
Barney Ross: Very sexy. He looks thrilled.
Gunnar Jensen: [Barney has just shot Gunnar after nearly killing Yang] You shot me.
Barney Ross: You were gonna kill him.
Gunnar Jensen: I was only trying to scare him.
Barney Ross: Don't put that on me, you never really liked him.
Gunnar Jensen: [Gasping] Hey, am I dying?
Barney Ross: Shot three inches above the heart.
Gunnar Jensen: [Groans] I'll take that as a yes.
Barney Ross: You were gonna kill him.
Gunnar Jensen: I was only trying to scare him.
Barney Ross: Don't put that on me, you never really liked him.
Gunnar Jensen: [Gasping] Hey, am I dying?
Barney Ross: Shot three inches above the heart.
Gunnar Jensen: [Groans] I'll take that as a yes.
James Munroe: How did two obvious professionals pass right through security personnel, kill 41 soldiers and get away? With help, that's how. Everything's under control, except one detail, a daughter who wants her father and company dead and gone. Bad Shakespeare. Somehow the company parasites got to her. Look, she's your daughter, and that's tragic. But blood or not, she's goes. Call it the price of doing business.
General Garza: You don't kill your familia.
James Munroe: Come around my house during the holidays, pal.
General Garza: You don't kill your familia.
James Munroe: Come around my house during the holidays, pal.
James Munroe: First of all, I don't feel comfortable talking business with a giant carrying a shotgun.
The Brit: Pretty boy wouldn't give it up.
Gunnar Jensen: Not if you wanna know where they are.
James Munroe: What do you know?
Gunnar Jensen: I used to be one of them.
James Munroe: Why are you turning on them?
Gunnar Jensen: Lover's quarrel.
James Munroe: We settle on 50.
Gunnar Jensen: No, math whiz. We settle on 100 grand upfront, in my pocket.
Paine: The guy thinks he's a real badass.
Gunnar Jensen: Actually, I'm a horror show.
The Brit: This geezer's a bloody joke.
Gunnar Jensen: Life's a joke, gum-chew.
The Brit: Pretty boy wouldn't give it up.
Gunnar Jensen: Not if you wanna know where they are.
James Munroe: What do you know?
Gunnar Jensen: I used to be one of them.
James Munroe: Why are you turning on them?
Gunnar Jensen: Lover's quarrel.
James Munroe: We settle on 50.
Gunnar Jensen: No, math whiz. We settle on 100 grand upfront, in my pocket.
Paine: The guy thinks he's a real badass.
Gunnar Jensen: Actually, I'm a horror show.
The Brit: This geezer's a bloody joke.
Gunnar Jensen: Life's a joke, gum-chew.
