The Blues Brothers Quotes
Jake Blues, just out from prison, puts together his old band to save the Catholic home where he and brother Elwood were raised.
Mrs. Murphy: May I help you boys?
Elwood: You got any white bread?
Mrs. Murphy: Yes.
Elwood: I'll have some toasted white bread please.
Mrs. Murphy: You want butter or jam on that toast, honey?
Elwood: No ma'am, dry.
[Mrs. Murphy gives him a look, then turns to Jake]
Jake: Got any fried chicken?
Mrs. Murphy: Best damn chicken in the state.
Jake: Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke.
Mrs. Murphy: You want chicken wings or chicken legs?
Jake: Four fried chickens and a Coke.
Elwood: And some dry white toast please.
Mrs. Murphy: Y'all want anything to drink with that?
Elwood: No ma'am.
Jake: A Coke.
Mrs. Murphy: Be up in a minute
Elwood: You got any white bread?
Mrs. Murphy: Yes.
Elwood: I'll have some toasted white bread please.
Mrs. Murphy: You want butter or jam on that toast, honey?
Elwood: No ma'am, dry.
[Mrs. Murphy gives him a look, then turns to Jake]
Jake: Got any fried chicken?
Mrs. Murphy: Best damn chicken in the state.
Jake: Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke.
Mrs. Murphy: You want chicken wings or chicken legs?
Jake: Four fried chickens and a Coke.
Elwood: And some dry white toast please.
Mrs. Murphy: Y'all want anything to drink with that?
Elwood: No ma'am.
Jake: A Coke.
Mrs. Murphy: Be up in a minute
[after a burst of gunfire from the Mystery Woman, Jake climbs to his feet, covered in mud from the tunnel floor]
Jake: It's good to see you, sweetheart.
Mystery Woman: You contemptible pig! I remained celibate for you. I stood at the back of a cathedral, waiting, in celibacy, for you, with three hundred friends and relatives in attendance. My uncle hired the best Romanian caterers in the state. To obtain the seven limousines for the wedding party, my father used up his last favor with Mad Pete Trullo. So for me, for my mother, my grandmother, my father, my uncle, and for the common good, I must now kill you, and your brother.
[Jake falls to his knees]
Jake: Oh, please, don't kill us! Please, please don't kill us! You know I love you baby. I wouldn't leave ya. It wasn't my fault!
Mystery Woman: You miserable slug! You think you can talk your way out of this? You betrayed me.
Jake: No, I didn't. Honest... I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!
[Elwood covers his head in anticipation of more gunfire, Jake removes his sunglasses to make a wordless appeal, and the Mystery Woman visibly softens]
Mystery Woman: Oh, Jake... Jake, honey...
[Jake embraces the Mystery Woman and they kiss]
Jake: [to Elwood] Let's go.
[He drops the Mystery Woman and walks off]
Elwood: [to the Mystery Woman as he steps past her] Take it easy.
Jake: It's good to see you, sweetheart.
Mystery Woman: You contemptible pig! I remained celibate for you. I stood at the back of a cathedral, waiting, in celibacy, for you, with three hundred friends and relatives in attendance. My uncle hired the best Romanian caterers in the state. To obtain the seven limousines for the wedding party, my father used up his last favor with Mad Pete Trullo. So for me, for my mother, my grandmother, my father, my uncle, and for the common good, I must now kill you, and your brother.
[Jake falls to his knees]
Jake: Oh, please, don't kill us! Please, please don't kill us! You know I love you baby. I wouldn't leave ya. It wasn't my fault!
Mystery Woman: You miserable slug! You think you can talk your way out of this? You betrayed me.
Jake: No, I didn't. Honest... I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!
[Elwood covers his head in anticipation of more gunfire, Jake removes his sunglasses to make a wordless appeal, and the Mystery Woman visibly softens]
Mystery Woman: Oh, Jake... Jake, honey...
[Jake embraces the Mystery Woman and they kiss]
Jake: [to Elwood] Let's go.
[He drops the Mystery Woman and walks off]
Elwood: [to the Mystery Woman as he steps past her] Take it easy.
Jake: What's this?
Elwood: What?
Jake: This car. This stupid car! Where's the Cadillac?
[Elwood doesn't answer]
Jake: The Caddy! Where's the Caddy?
Elwood: The what?
Jake: The Cadillac we used to have. The Bluesmobile!
Elwood: I traded it.
Jake: You traded the Bluesmobile for this?
Elwood: No, for a microphone.
Jake: A microphone?
[pause]
Jake: Okay I can see that. What the hell is this?
Elwood: This was a bargain. I picked it up at the Mount Prospect city police auction last spring. It's an old Mount Prospect police car. They were practically giving 'em away.
Jake: Well thank you, pal. The day I get outta prison, my own brother picks me up in a *police* car!
Elwood: What?
Jake: This car. This stupid car! Where's the Cadillac?
[Elwood doesn't answer]
Jake: The Caddy! Where's the Caddy?
Elwood: The what?
Jake: The Cadillac we used to have. The Bluesmobile!
Elwood: I traded it.
Jake: You traded the Bluesmobile for this?
Elwood: No, for a microphone.
Jake: A microphone?
[pause]
Jake: Okay I can see that. What the hell is this?
Elwood: This was a bargain. I picked it up at the Mount Prospect city police auction last spring. It's an old Mount Prospect police car. They were practically giving 'em away.
Jake: Well thank you, pal. The day I get outta prison, my own brother picks me up in a *police* car!
Elwood: We're so glad to see so many of you lovely people here tonight. And we would especially like to welcome all the representatives of Illinois's law enforcement community that have chosen to join us here in the Palace Hotel Ballroom at this time. We certainly hope you all enjoy the show. And remember, people, that no matter who you are and what you do to live, thrive and survive, there're still some things that makes us all the same. You. Me. Them. Everybody. Everybody.
[Elwood Blues Jake Blues has a fight over the police car Elwood Blues got after he traded away the original bluesmobile for a microphone]
Elwood: You don't like it?
Jake: No I don't like it...
[Elwood Blues floors the pedal and jumps over an open drawbridge]
Jake: Car's got a lot of pickup.
Elwood: It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?
[a brief thinking pause while Jake attempts to light a cigarette]
Jake: Fix the cigarette lighter.
Elwood: You don't like it?
Jake: No I don't like it...
[Elwood Blues floors the pedal and jumps over an open drawbridge]
Jake: Car's got a lot of pickup.
Elwood: It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?
[a brief thinking pause while Jake attempts to light a cigarette]
Jake: Fix the cigarette lighter.
[while standing at the entrance to the Triple Rock church watching the service with much dancing and Hallelujah choruses, a heavenly light shines down on Jake and he has an epiphany]
Jake: The band? The band.
Reverend Cleophus James: DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?
Jake: THE BAND!
Reverend Cleophus James: DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?
Elwood: What light?
Reverend Cleophus James: HAVE YOU SEEEEN THE LIGHT?
Jake: YES! YES! JESUS H. TAP-DANCING CHRIST... I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!
Jake: The band? The band.
Reverend Cleophus James: DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?
Jake: THE BAND!
Reverend Cleophus James: DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?
Elwood: What light?
Reverend Cleophus James: HAVE YOU SEEEEN THE LIGHT?
Jake: YES! YES! JESUS H. TAP-DANCING CHRIST... I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!
Jake: We'll put the band back together, do a few gigs, we get some bread. Bang! Five thousand bucks.
Elwood: Yeah, well, getting the band back together might not that be that easy, Jake.
Jake: What are you talking about?
Elwood: They split, they all took straight jobs.
Jake: Yeah, so you know where they are. You said you were gonna keep in touch with them.
Elwood: Well... I got a couple of leads, a few phone numbers, but I mean, how many of them visited or even wrote you, huh?
Jake: They're not the kinda guys who write letters. You were outside, I was inside. You were supposed to keep in touch with the band. I kept asking you if we were gonna play again.
Elwood: Well, what was I gonna do? Take away your only hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in there? I took the liberty of bullshitting you, okay?
Jake: You lied to me.
Elwood: It wasn't a lie, it was just bullshit.
Elwood: Yeah, well, getting the band back together might not that be that easy, Jake.
Jake: What are you talking about?
Elwood: They split, they all took straight jobs.
Jake: Yeah, so you know where they are. You said you were gonna keep in touch with them.
Elwood: Well... I got a couple of leads, a few phone numbers, but I mean, how many of them visited or even wrote you, huh?
Jake: They're not the kinda guys who write letters. You were outside, I was inside. You were supposed to keep in touch with the band. I kept asking you if we were gonna play again.
Elwood: Well, what was I gonna do? Take away your only hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in there? I took the liberty of bullshitting you, okay?
Jake: You lied to me.
Elwood: It wasn't a lie, it was just bullshit.
Jake: [to Sister Mary Stigmata] Five grand? No problem, we'll have it for you in the morning. Let's go, Elwood.
Sister Mary Stigmata: No, no! I will not take your filthy stolen money!
Jake: Well then... I guess you're really up Shit Creek.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with a ruler for using that kind of language]
Sister Mary Stigmata: I beg your pardon, what did you say?
Jake: I offered to help you... You refused to take our money. Then I said: I guess you're really up Shit Creek!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with the ruler again]
Elwood: Christ, Jake. Take it easy man.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues]
Jake: Oh shit!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues]
Elwood: Jesus Christ!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues]
Jake: Shit!
Sister Mary Stigmata: No, no! I will not take your filthy stolen money!
Jake: Well then... I guess you're really up Shit Creek.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with a ruler for using that kind of language]
Sister Mary Stigmata: I beg your pardon, what did you say?
Jake: I offered to help you... You refused to take our money. Then I said: I guess you're really up Shit Creek!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with the ruler again]
Elwood: Christ, Jake. Take it easy man.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues]
Jake: Oh shit!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues]
Elwood: Jesus Christ!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues]
Jake: Shit!
Burton Mercer: [to Trooper Daniel] Hi! Wanna hand me the mike?
[Daniel gives him the police radio]
Burton Mercer: Thanks a lot.
[speaking in radio]
Burton Mercer: Hi, this is car um...
[to Officer Mount]
Burton Mercer: What number are we?
Officer Mount: Five-five.
Burton Mercer: [to radio] Car 55. Um... we're in a truck!
[chuckles nervously]
[Daniel gives him the police radio]
Burton Mercer: Thanks a lot.
[speaking in radio]
Burton Mercer: Hi, this is car um...
[to Officer Mount]
Burton Mercer: What number are we?
Officer Mount: Five-five.
Burton Mercer: [to radio] Car 55. Um... we're in a truck!
[chuckles nervously]
Reverend Cleophus James: And now, people... And now, people... When I woke up this mornin', I heard a distubin' sound. I said When I woke up this mornin', I heard a disturbin' sound! What I heard was the jingle-jangle of a thousand lost souls! I'm talkin' 'bout the souls of mortal men and women, departed from this life. Wait a minute! Those lost angry souls roamin' unseen on the earth, seekin' to find life they'll not find, because it's too late! Tooooo late, yeah! Too late for they'll never see again the life they choose not to follow. Alright! Alright! Don't be lost when your time comes! For the day of the Lord cometh as a thief in the night!
[singing]
Reverend Cleophus James: YEEEEEEEEEEEEAH! Can I get an AMEN?
[congregation shouts "AMEN!"]
Reverend Cleophus James: Can I get an AMEN?
[congregation shouts "AMEN!" again]
Reverend Cleophus James: Well Well Well!
[breaks into "The Old Landmark"]
[singing]
Reverend Cleophus James: YEEEEEEEEEEEEAH! Can I get an AMEN?
[congregation shouts "AMEN!"]
Reverend Cleophus James: Can I get an AMEN?
[congregation shouts "AMEN!" again]
Reverend Cleophus James: Well Well Well!
[breaks into "The Old Landmark"]
Jake: [about the electric piano] $2,000 for this chunk of shit? C'mon, Ray.
Murph: [tests the piano] I mean really, Ray, it's used. There's no action left in this keyboard.
Ray: [smiles, comes out to the piano] E-excuse me, uh, I don't think there's anything wrong with the action on this piano.
[launches into "Shake Your Tail Feather"]
Murph: [tests the piano] I mean really, Ray, it's used. There's no action left in this keyboard.
Ray: [smiles, comes out to the piano] E-excuse me, uh, I don't think there's anything wrong with the action on this piano.
[launches into "Shake Your Tail Feather"]
Elwood: [during "Everybody Needs Somebody to Love"] People, when you do find that special somebody, you gotta hold that man, hold that woman! Love him, please him, squeeze her, please her! Signify your feelings with every gentle caress, because it's so important to have that special somebody to hold, to kiss, to miss, to squeeze, and please!
[the Good Ole Boys arrive late]
Jake: My name is Jacob Stein. I'm from the American Federation of Music. I've been sent to see if you gentlemen are carrying your permits.
Tucker McElroy: Our what?
Jake: Your union cards. May I see your cards please?
Tucker McElroy: Well, suppose we ain't got no union cards and go in there and start playin' anyway? Whatcha gonna do about that? You gonna stop us, Stein? Ha. You're gonna look pretty funny tryin' to eat corn on the cob with no fuckin' teeth!
Jake: My name is Jacob Stein. I'm from the American Federation of Music. I've been sent to see if you gentlemen are carrying your permits.
Tucker McElroy: Our what?
Jake: Your union cards. May I see your cards please?
Tucker McElroy: Well, suppose we ain't got no union cards and go in there and start playin' anyway? Whatcha gonna do about that? You gonna stop us, Stein? Ha. You're gonna look pretty funny tryin' to eat corn on the cob with no fuckin' teeth!
Curtis: Well, the Sister was right. You boys could use a little churching up. Slide on down to the Triple Rock, and catch Rev. Cleophus. You boys listen to what he's got to say.
Jake: Curtis, I don't want to listen to no jive-ass preacher talking to me about Heaven and Hell.
Curtis: Jake, you get wise. You get to church.
Jake: Curtis, I don't want to listen to no jive-ass preacher talking to me about Heaven and Hell.
Curtis: Jake, you get wise. You get to church.
[Jake Blues is released on parole and gets back all the things he wore when he was arrested]
Corrections Officer: One Timex digital watch, broken. One unused prophylactic.
[looks disgusted, picks something up with his pen]
Corrections Officer: One soiled. One black suit jacket, one pair black suit pants. One hat
[punches it back out to full]
Corrections Officer: black. One pair of sunglasses. $23.07. Sign here.
Corrections Officer: One Timex digital watch, broken. One unused prophylactic.
[looks disgusted, picks something up with his pen]
Corrections Officer: One soiled. One black suit jacket, one pair black suit pants. One hat
[punches it back out to full]
Corrections Officer: black. One pair of sunglasses. $23.07. Sign here.
[the brothers race around the mall parking lot]
Elwood: We'll be all right if we can just get back on the expressway.
Jake: This don't look like no expressway to me!
Elwood: Don't yell at me.
Jake: Well whadda you want me to do, Motorhead?
Elwood: Try not to be so negative all the time. Why don't you offer a little... constructive criticism?
Jake: You got us into to this parking lot, pal. Now you get us out!
Elwood: You want outta this parking lot?... O.K.
Elwood: We'll be all right if we can just get back on the expressway.
Jake: This don't look like no expressway to me!
Elwood: Don't yell at me.
Jake: Well whadda you want me to do, Motorhead?
Elwood: Try not to be so negative all the time. Why don't you offer a little... constructive criticism?
Jake: You got us into to this parking lot, pal. Now you get us out!
Elwood: You want outta this parking lot?... O.K.
Mrs. Murphy: We got two honkies out there dressed like Hasidic diamond merchants.
Matt Murphy: Say what?
Mrs. Murphy: They look like they're from the CIA, or somethin'.
Matt Murphy: What they want to eat?
Mrs. Murphy: The tall one wants white bread, toasted, dry, with nothin' on it.
Matt Murphy: Elwood.
Mrs. Murphy: And the other one wants four whole fried chickens and a Coke.
Matt Murphy: And Jake. Shit, the Blues Brothers!
Matt Murphy: Say what?
Mrs. Murphy: They look like they're from the CIA, or somethin'.
Matt Murphy: What they want to eat?
Mrs. Murphy: The tall one wants white bread, toasted, dry, with nothin' on it.
Matt Murphy: Elwood.
Mrs. Murphy: And the other one wants four whole fried chickens and a Coke.
Matt Murphy: And Jake. Shit, the Blues Brothers!
Mrs. Murphy: Don't you "Don't get riled, sugar" me! You ain't goin' back on the road no more, and you ain't playin' them ol' two-bit sleazy dives. You're livin' with me now, and you not gonna go slidin' around witcho ol' white hoodlum friends.
Matt Murphy: But babes, this is Jake and Elwood, the Blues Brothers.
Mrs. Murphy: The Blues Brothers? Shit! They still owe you money, fool.
Jake: Ma'am, would it make you feel any better if you knew that what we're asking Matt here to do is a holy thing?
Elwood: You see, we're on a mission from God.
Mrs. Murphy: Don't you blaspheme in here! Don't you blaspheme in here! This is my man, this is my restaurant, and you two are just gonna walk right out that door without your dry white toast, without your four fried chickens, and without Matt 'Guitar' Murphy!
Matt Murphy: But babes, this is Jake and Elwood, the Blues Brothers.
Mrs. Murphy: The Blues Brothers? Shit! They still owe you money, fool.
Jake: Ma'am, would it make you feel any better if you knew that what we're asking Matt here to do is a holy thing?
Elwood: You see, we're on a mission from God.
Mrs. Murphy: Don't you blaspheme in here! Don't you blaspheme in here! This is my man, this is my restaurant, and you two are just gonna walk right out that door without your dry white toast, without your four fried chickens, and without Matt 'Guitar' Murphy!
Sister Mary Stigmata: [after chasing Jake and Elwood out of her office with a ruler for using foul language] You are such a disappointing pair. I prayed so hard for you. It saddens and hurts me that the two young men whom I raised to believe in the Ten Commandments have returned to me as two thieves, with filthy mouths and bad attitudes.
[pauses and points at them]
Sister Mary Stigmata: Get out, and don't come back until you've redeemed yourselves.
[pauses and points at them]
Sister Mary Stigmata: Get out, and don't come back until you've redeemed yourselves.
Head Nazi: White men! White women! The swastika is calling you. The sacred and ancient symbol of your race, since the beginning of time. The Jew is using The Black as muscle against you. And you are left there helpless. Well, what are you going to do about it, Whitey? Just sit there? Of course not! You are going to join with us. The members of the American Socialist White Peoples' Party. An organization of decent, law abiding white folk. Just like you!
[at the closing, as each character is credited]
Reverend Cleophus James: The sad sack was sittin' on a block o' stone/Way over in the corner weepin' all alone/
Curtis: The warden said, "Hey, buddy, don't you be no square / if you can't find a partner use a wooden chair!"
Ray: Let's rock, everybody, let's rock/
Mrs. Murphy: Everybody on the whole cell block / Was dancin' to the Jailhouse rock.
Reverend Cleophus James: The sad sack was sittin' on a block o' stone/Way over in the corner weepin' all alone/
Curtis: The warden said, "Hey, buddy, don't you be no square / if you can't find a partner use a wooden chair!"
Ray: Let's rock, everybody, let's rock/
Mrs. Murphy: Everybody on the whole cell block / Was dancin' to the Jailhouse rock.
[after arriving at Wrigley Field, thinking it's Elwood's house]
Head Nazi: [to the Nazis] Clever. Still... anybody with that kind of record is gonna make a mistake. I want all party members in the tri-state district to monitor the city, county and state police on their CBs. Sooner or later Mr. Blues is gonna fuck up, and when he does... he better pray the police get to him before we do.
Head Nazi: [to the Nazis] Clever. Still... anybody with that kind of record is gonna make a mistake. I want all party members in the tri-state district to monitor the city, county and state police on their CBs. Sooner or later Mr. Blues is gonna fuck up, and when he does... he better pray the police get to him before we do.
[last lines]
Cook County Assessor's Office Clerk: Can I help you?
[the brothers back him up and lift him onto the counter]
Jake: This is where they pay the taxes, right?
Cook County Assessor's Office Clerk: Right.
Elwood: This money is for the year's assessment of Saint Helen of the Blessed Shroud Orphanage in Calumet City, Illinois.
Jake: 5,000 bucks, it's all there pal...
Cook County Assessor's Office Clerk: Can I help you?
[the brothers back him up and lift him onto the counter]
Jake: This is where they pay the taxes, right?
Cook County Assessor's Office Clerk: Right.
Elwood: This money is for the year's assessment of Saint Helen of the Blessed Shroud Orphanage in Calumet City, Illinois.
Jake: 5,000 bucks, it's all there pal...
[first lines]
Prison Guard #1: Yeah, the Assistant Warden wants this one out of the block early. Wants to get it over with fast.
Prison Guard #2: Okay, let's do it.
[rattling the bars with his baton]
Prison Guard #1: Hey come on, it's time to wake up.
Prison Guard #2: Wake up. Let's go, it's time.
[striking the sleeping Jake with his baton]
Prison Guard #1: Yeah, the Assistant Warden wants this one out of the block early. Wants to get it over with fast.
Prison Guard #2: Okay, let's do it.
[rattling the bars with his baton]
Prison Guard #1: Hey come on, it's time to wake up.
Prison Guard #2: Wake up. Let's go, it's time.
[striking the sleeping Jake with his baton]
