Stretch Quotes
A hard-luck limo driver struggles to go straight and pay off a debt to his bookie. He takes on a job with a crazed passenger, whose sought-after ledger implicates some seriously dangerous criminals.
David Hasselhoff: Has anyone ever referred to you as a punk ass mother fucker?
Stretch: Uh, not to my recollection.
David Hasselhoff: You are a punk ass mother fucker.
David Hasselhoff: Who's an hour late and at my age when you find yourself making the most of even the smallest moments, the idea that you would swindle out of an entire hour, that you would have the balls to vaporize 60 minutes of my waking life is contemptible, it's criminal.
Stretch: I'm um really sorry.
David Hasselhoff: Come on son, if you're going to patronize me, at least put your fucking back into it, you don't have any respect for the HOFF. Am I right? You think I never held a knife? That I'm unfamiliar with the taste of blood? That I took a shitty sub par show about lifeguards and turned it into the highest rated syndicated hit in television history because I got fucking lucky?
David Hasselhoff: I once forcibly sodomize a Vietcong colonel with a stick grenade because he placed an ancestral curse on me while I was interrogating him and I don't even believe in ancestral curses but that's how fucking deep I roll.
Stretch: Uh, not to my recollection.
David Hasselhoff: You are a punk ass mother fucker.
David Hasselhoff: Who's an hour late and at my age when you find yourself making the most of even the smallest moments, the idea that you would swindle out of an entire hour, that you would have the balls to vaporize 60 minutes of my waking life is contemptible, it's criminal.
Stretch: I'm um really sorry.
David Hasselhoff: Come on son, if you're going to patronize me, at least put your fucking back into it, you don't have any respect for the HOFF. Am I right? You think I never held a knife? That I'm unfamiliar with the taste of blood? That I took a shitty sub par show about lifeguards and turned it into the highest rated syndicated hit in television history because I got fucking lucky?
David Hasselhoff: I once forcibly sodomize a Vietcong colonel with a stick grenade because he placed an ancestral curse on me while I was interrogating him and I don't even believe in ancestral curses but that's how fucking deep I roll.
[first lines]
Stretch: [narrating] If you like stories about chance and coincidence and fate, then here's one you'd never heard. Boy meets girl. Girl almost kills boy by running a red light at rush hour. Boy is T-boned at over 60 miles an hour.
Other Driver: God, are you alright?
Stretch: Uh huh.
Stretch: [narrating] And survives with barely a scratch.
Other Driver: Are you drunk?
Stretch: Not any more.
Stretch: [narrating] If you like stories about chance and coincidence and fate, then here's one you'd never heard. Boy meets girl. Girl almost kills boy by running a red light at rush hour. Boy is T-boned at over 60 miles an hour.
Other Driver: God, are you alright?
Stretch: Uh huh.
Stretch: [narrating] And survives with barely a scratch.
Other Driver: Are you drunk?
Stretch: Not any more.
