Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home Quotes
To save Earth from an alien probe, Admiral Kirk and his fugitive crew go back in time to 20th century Earth to retrieve the only beings who can communicate with it, humpback whales.
Punk on bus: [Playing loud music on the bus]
Kirk: Excuse me.
Punk on bus: [He ignores him]
Kirk: Excuse me. Would you mind stopping that noise?
Punk on bus: [He turns it up louder]
Kirk: [louder and firmer] Excuse me! Would you mind stopping that damn noise?
Punk on bus: [He flips him off]
Kirk: [He looks at Spock]
Spock: [He gives the punk the Vulcan neck-pinch, followed by the delighted applause of the grateful bus passengers]
Kirk: Excuse me.
Punk on bus: [He ignores him]
Kirk: Excuse me. Would you mind stopping that noise?
Punk on bus: [He turns it up louder]
Kirk: [louder and firmer] Excuse me! Would you mind stopping that damn noise?
Punk on bus: [He flips him off]
Kirk: [He looks at Spock]
Spock: [He gives the punk the Vulcan neck-pinch, followed by the delighted applause of the grateful bus passengers]
Kirk: Mr. Spock, have you accounted for the variable mass of whales and water in your time re-entry program?
Spock: Mr. Scott cannot give me exact figures, Admiral, so... I will make a guess.
Kirk: A guess? You, Spock? That's extraordinary.
Spock: [to Dr. McCoy] I don't think he understands.
McCoy: No, Spock. He means that he feels safer about your guesses than most other people's facts.
Spock: Then you're saying...
[pause]
Spock: It is a compliment?
McCoy: It is.
Spock: Ah. Then, I will try to make the best guess I can.
McCoy: Please do.
Spock: Mr. Scott cannot give me exact figures, Admiral, so... I will make a guess.
Kirk: A guess? You, Spock? That's extraordinary.
Spock: [to Dr. McCoy] I don't think he understands.
McCoy: No, Spock. He means that he feels safer about your guesses than most other people's facts.
Spock: Then you're saying...
[pause]
Spock: It is a compliment?
McCoy: It is.
Spock: Ah. Then, I will try to make the best guess I can.
McCoy: Please do.
McCoy: [probing Chekov's head] Tearing of the middle meningeal artery...
Doctor #1: What's your degree in, dentistry?
McCoy: How do YOU explain slowing pulse, low respiratory rate and coma?
Doctor #1: Fundascopic examination!
McCoy: Fundascopic examination is unrevealing in these cases!
Doctor #1: A simple evacuation of the epidural hematoma will relieve the pressure!
McCoy: My God man, drilling holes in his head is not the answer! The artery must be repaired! Now, put away your butcher's knives and let me save this patient before it's too late!
Doctor #1: What's your degree in, dentistry?
McCoy: How do YOU explain slowing pulse, low respiratory rate and coma?
Doctor #1: Fundascopic examination!
McCoy: Fundascopic examination is unrevealing in these cases!
Doctor #1: A simple evacuation of the epidural hematoma will relieve the pressure!
McCoy: My God man, drilling holes in his head is not the answer! The artery must be repaired! Now, put away your butcher's knives and let me save this patient before it's too late!
Spock: [in response to Kirk pawning his antique spectacles from The Wrath of Khan] Excuse me, Admiral. But weren't those a birthday gift from Dr. McCoy?
Kirk: And they will be again, that's the beauty of it.
[to the Antique Store Owner]
Kirk: How much?
Antique Store Owner: Well, they'd be worth more if the lenses were intact. I'll give you one hundred dollars for them.
Kirk: [pause] Is that a lot?
Kirk: And they will be again, that's the beauty of it.
[to the Antique Store Owner]
Kirk: How much?
Antique Store Owner: Well, they'd be worth more if the lenses were intact. I'll give you one hundred dollars for them.
Kirk: [pause] Is that a lot?
Kirk: Out of the way...
Shore Patrolman: Sorry, Doctor, I have strict orders...
Dr. Gillian Taylor: [Gillian moans in pain]
McCoy: My God, man. Do you want an acute case on your hands? This woman has immediate postprandial, upper-abdominal distention. Now, out of the way! Get out of the way!
[They enter the operating room]
Kirk: What did you say she has?
McCoy: Cramps.
Shore Patrolman: Sorry, Doctor, I have strict orders...
Dr. Gillian Taylor: [Gillian moans in pain]
McCoy: My God, man. Do you want an acute case on your hands? This woman has immediate postprandial, upper-abdominal distention. Now, out of the way! Get out of the way!
[They enter the operating room]
Kirk: What did you say she has?
McCoy: Cramps.
McCoy: You sure this is such a bright idea?
Kirk: What do you mean?
McCoy: [referring to Spock] I mean him! Back at his post like nothing happened. I don't know if you got the whole picture or not, but he's not quite operating on all thrusters!
Kirk: It'll come back to him.
McCoy: Are you sure?
[Kirk doesn't answer]
McCoy: That's what I thought.
Kirk: What do you mean?
McCoy: [referring to Spock] I mean him! Back at his post like nothing happened. I don't know if you got the whole picture or not, but he's not quite operating on all thrusters!
Kirk: It'll come back to him.
McCoy: Are you sure?
[Kirk doesn't answer]
McCoy: That's what I thought.
McCoy: [McCoy, masked and in surgical garb, passes an elderly woman groaning on a gurney in the hallway] What's the matter with you?
Elderly patient: [weakly] Kidney
[pause]
Elderly patient: dialysis.
McCoy: [geniunely surprised] Dialysis?
[musing to himself]
McCoy: What is this, the Dark Ages?
[He turns back to the patient and hands her a large white pill]
McCoy: Here,
[pause]
McCoy: you swallow that, and if you have any more problems, just call me!
[He pats her cheek and leaves]
Elderly patient: [weakly] Kidney
[pause]
Elderly patient: dialysis.
McCoy: [geniunely surprised] Dialysis?
[musing to himself]
McCoy: What is this, the Dark Ages?
[He turns back to the patient and hands her a large white pill]
McCoy: Here,
[pause]
McCoy: you swallow that, and if you have any more problems, just call me!
[He pats her cheek and leaves]
Klingon Ambassador: Vulcans are well-known as the intellectual puppets of this Federation!
Ambassador Sarek: Your vessel did destroy the USS Grissom, your men did kill Kirk's son. Do you deny these events?
Klingon Ambassador: We deny nothing. We have the right to preserve our race.
Ambassador Sarek: You have the right to commit murder?
Ambassador Sarek: Your vessel did destroy the USS Grissom, your men did kill Kirk's son. Do you deny these events?
Klingon Ambassador: We deny nothing. We have the right to preserve our race.
Ambassador Sarek: You have the right to commit murder?
McCoy: Perhaps, we could cover a little philosophical ground. Life
[pause]
McCoy: Death
[pause]
McCoy: Life.
[pause]
McCoy: Things of that nature.
Spock: I did not have time on Vulcan to review the philosophical disciplines.
McCoy: C'mon, Spock, it's me, McCoy. You really have gone where no man's gone before. Can't you tell me what it felt like?
Spock: It would be impossible to discuss the subject without a common frame-of-reference.
McCoy: You're joking!
Spock: A joke
[pause]
Spock: is a story with a humorous climax.
McCoy: You mean I have to die to discuss your insights on death?
Spock: Forgive me, Doctor. I am receiving a number of distress calls.
McCoy: I don't doubt it.
[pause]
McCoy: Death
[pause]
McCoy: Life.
[pause]
McCoy: Things of that nature.
Spock: I did not have time on Vulcan to review the philosophical disciplines.
McCoy: C'mon, Spock, it's me, McCoy. You really have gone where no man's gone before. Can't you tell me what it felt like?
Spock: It would be impossible to discuss the subject without a common frame-of-reference.
McCoy: You're joking!
Spock: A joke
[pause]
Spock: is a story with a humorous climax.
McCoy: You mean I have to die to discuss your insights on death?
Spock: Forgive me, Doctor. I am receiving a number of distress calls.
McCoy: I don't doubt it.
Elderly patient: [the dialysis patient is being wheeled down the hall after being given the pill by McCoy]
[joyfully]
Elderly patient: The doctor gave me a pill, and I grew a new kidney! The doctor gave me a pill, and I grew a new kidney!
Intern #1: [in disbelief, walking ahead of the patient] Fully functional?
Intern #2: [incredulous] Fully functional!
[joyfully]
Elderly patient: The doctor gave me a pill, and I grew a new kidney! The doctor gave me a pill, and I grew a new kidney!
Intern #1: [in disbelief, walking ahead of the patient] Fully functional?
Intern #2: [incredulous] Fully functional!
[the crew is on a shuttlecraft pondering what their new starship will be]
Sulu: ...I'm counting on the *Excelsior*.
Scotty: The *Excelsior*? Why in God's name would you want that bucket of bolts?
Kirk: A ship is a ship.
Scotty: Whatever you say so.
[pause]
Scotty: Thy will be done.
[the new starship USS *Enterprise* 1701-A emerges into view]
Kirk: My friends.
[pause]
Kirk: We've come home.
Sulu: ...I'm counting on the *Excelsior*.
Scotty: The *Excelsior*? Why in God's name would you want that bucket of bolts?
Kirk: A ship is a ship.
Scotty: Whatever you say so.
[pause]
Scotty: Thy will be done.
[the new starship USS *Enterprise* 1701-A emerges into view]
Kirk: My friends.
[pause]
Kirk: We've come home.
Spock: Ready to engage computer, Admiral.
Kirk: What's our target in time?
Spock: Late twentieth century.
Kirk: Can you be more specific?
Spock: Not with this equipment. I've had to program some of the variables from memory.
Kirk: What are some of the variables?
Spock: The availability of fuel components, mass of the vessel through a time continuum, and probable location of humpback whales - in this case, the Pacific Basin.
Kirk: And you programmed all that from memory?
Spock: I have.
McCoy: Angels and ministers of grace, defend us!
Spock: [recognizing the quote] Hamlet, Act One, Scene Four.
Kirk: [smiling] No doubt about your memory, Spock. Engage computers. Prepare for warp speed.
Kirk: What's our target in time?
Spock: Late twentieth century.
Kirk: Can you be more specific?
Spock: Not with this equipment. I've had to program some of the variables from memory.
Kirk: What are some of the variables?
Spock: The availability of fuel components, mass of the vessel through a time continuum, and probable location of humpback whales - in this case, the Pacific Basin.
Kirk: And you programmed all that from memory?
Spock: I have.
McCoy: Angels and ministers of grace, defend us!
Spock: [recognizing the quote] Hamlet, Act One, Scene Four.
Kirk: [smiling] No doubt about your memory, Spock. Engage computers. Prepare for warp speed.
Spock: Your use of language has altered since our arrival. It is currently laced with, shall we say, more colorful metaphors, "double dumb-ass on you" and so forth.
Kirk: Oh, you mean the profanity?
Spock: Yes.
Kirk: Well that's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word.
Kirk: Oh, you mean the profanity?
Spock: Yes.
Kirk: Well that's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word.
Amanda: Spock, does the good of the many out weigh the good of the one?
Spock: I would accept that as an axiom.
Amanda: Then you stand here alive because of a mistake made by your flawed, feeling, human friends. They have sacrificed their futures because they believed that the good of the one - you - was more important to them.
Spock: Humans make illogical decisions.
Amanda: They do, indeed.
Spock: I would accept that as an axiom.
Amanda: Then you stand here alive because of a mistake made by your flawed, feeling, human friends. They have sacrificed their futures because they believed that the good of the one - you - was more important to them.
Spock: Humans make illogical decisions.
Amanda: They do, indeed.
Kirk: You mean the profanity? That's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays attention to you unless you swear every other word. You'll find it in all the literature of the period.
Spock: For example?
Kirk: Oh the collected works of Jacqueline Susann. The novels of Harold Robbins...
Spock: Ah, the "Giants".
Spock: For example?
Kirk: Oh the collected works of Jacqueline Susann. The novels of Harold Robbins...
Spock: Ah, the "Giants".
[Kirk is pacing back and forth, considering a below-decks room in the Klingon ship for possible whale transport]
Kirk: Scotty, how long is this bay?
Scotty: About sixty feet, Admiral.
Kirk: Can you enclose it to hold water?
Scotty: [laughs] I suppose I could. You planning to take a swim?
McCoy: [sourly] Off the deep end, Mr. Scott!
Kirk: We got to find some humpbacks.
Scotty: Humpbacked... people?
Kirk: Whales, Mr. Scott, whales!
Kirk: Scotty, how long is this bay?
Scotty: About sixty feet, Admiral.
Kirk: Can you enclose it to hold water?
Scotty: [laughs] I suppose I could. You planning to take a swim?
McCoy: [sourly] Off the deep end, Mr. Scott!
Kirk: We got to find some humpbacks.
Scotty: Humpbacked... people?
Kirk: Whales, Mr. Scott, whales!
Chekov: Please, please - We're looking for the naval base in Alameda can you tell us where the nuclear wessels are?
Random Passerby: Oh, I don't know if I know the answer to that. I think it's across the Bay. In Alameda!
Chekov: That's what I said - Alameda, I know that.
Cmdr. Uhura: But where is Alameda?
Random Passerby: Oh, I don't know if I know the answer to that. I think it's across the Bay. In Alameda!
Chekov: That's what I said - Alameda, I know that.
Cmdr. Uhura: But where is Alameda?
Federation Council president: [In an emergency transmission] This is the President of the United Federation of Planets. Do not approach the Earth. The transmissions of an orbiting probe are causing critical damage to this planet. It has almost totally ionized our atmosphere. All power sources have failed. All Earth-orbiting starships are powerless. The probe is vaporizing our oceans. We cannot survive unless a way can be found to respond to the probe. Further communications may not be possible. Save your energy.
[pause]
Federation Council president: Save yourselves. Avoid the planet Earth at all costs. Farewell.
[Transmission distorts and fades away]
[pause]
Federation Council president: Save yourselves. Avoid the planet Earth at all costs. Farewell.
[Transmission distorts and fades away]
McCoy: You're going to try time traveling in this rustbucket?
Kirk: Well, we've done it before.
McCoy: Sure, you slingshot around the Sun, pick up enough speed - You're in time warp. If you don't, you're fried.
Kirk: I prefer it to nothing.
McCoy: I prefer a dose of common sense! You're proposing that we go backwards in time, find humpback whales, then bring them foward in time, drop 'em off, and hope to Hell they tell this probe what to do with itself!
Kirk: That's the general idea.
McCoy: Well, that's crazy!
Kirk: You've got a better idea?
[pause]
Kirk: Now's the time.
Kirk: Well, we've done it before.
McCoy: Sure, you slingshot around the Sun, pick up enough speed - You're in time warp. If you don't, you're fried.
Kirk: I prefer it to nothing.
McCoy: I prefer a dose of common sense! You're proposing that we go backwards in time, find humpback whales, then bring them foward in time, drop 'em off, and hope to Hell they tell this probe what to do with itself!
Kirk: That's the general idea.
McCoy: Well, that's crazy!
Kirk: You've got a better idea?
[pause]
Kirk: Now's the time.
Spock: Father.
Ambassador Sarek: I am returning to Vulcan within the hour, I would like to take my leave of you.
Spock: It was most kind of you to make this effort.
Ambassador Sarek: It was no effort. You are my son. And besides, I am most impressed with your performance in this... crisis.
Spock: Most kind.
Ambassador Sarek: As I recall, I opposed your enlistment in Starfleet. It is possible that judgment was incorrect. Your associates are people of good character.
Spock: They are my friends.
Ambassador Sarek: Yes, of course. Do you have a message for your mother?
Spock: Yes. Tell her, "I feel fine." Live long and prosper, father.
Ambassador Sarek: Live long and prosper, my son.
Ambassador Sarek: I am returning to Vulcan within the hour, I would like to take my leave of you.
Spock: It was most kind of you to make this effort.
Ambassador Sarek: It was no effort. You are my son. And besides, I am most impressed with your performance in this... crisis.
Spock: Most kind.
Ambassador Sarek: As I recall, I opposed your enlistment in Starfleet. It is possible that judgment was incorrect. Your associates are people of good character.
Spock: They are my friends.
Ambassador Sarek: Yes, of course. Do you have a message for your mother?
Spock: Yes. Tell her, "I feel fine." Live long and prosper, father.
Ambassador Sarek: Live long and prosper, my son.
Saratoga captain: What do you make of it?
Saratoga science officer: It appears to be a probe, Captain. From an intelligence unknown to us.
Saratoga captain: Continue transmitting universal peace and hello in all known languages. Get me Starfleet Command.
Saratoga helmsman: Ready, Captain.
Saratoga captain: Starfleet Command, this is the U.S.S. Saratoga patrolling sector five, neutral zone. We're tracking a probe of unknown origin on apparent trajectory to the Terran solar system. Attempts to communicate with the probe have been negative on all known frequencies.
Starfleet Command: Continue tracking, Saratoga. We will analyze transmissions and advise.
Saratoga science officer: It appears to be a probe, Captain. From an intelligence unknown to us.
Saratoga captain: Continue transmitting universal peace and hello in all known languages. Get me Starfleet Command.
Saratoga helmsman: Ready, Captain.
Saratoga captain: Starfleet Command, this is the U.S.S. Saratoga patrolling sector five, neutral zone. We're tracking a probe of unknown origin on apparent trajectory to the Terran solar system. Attempts to communicate with the probe have been negative on all known frequencies.
Starfleet Command: Continue tracking, Saratoga. We will analyze transmissions and advise.
FBI agent interrogating Chekov: What do you think?
FBI Agent 2: He's a Russki.
FBI agent interrogating Chekov: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life, of course he's a Russki but he's a retard or something...
FBI Agent 2: You better call Washington.
Chekov: [picks up his phaser from the table, aiming at the FBI agents] Don't move!
FBI agent interrogating Chekov: OK, make nice, give us the ray gun.
Chekov: I warn you, if you don't lie on the floor... I will have to stun you.
FBI agent interrogating Chekov: Go ahead. Stun me.
Chekov: I'm very sorry, but...
[tries to fire the phaser, but it jams. Laughs nervously]
Chekov: Heh, must be the radiation.
[throws the phaser at the FBI agent and escapes through a back door]
FBI Agent 2: He's a Russki.
FBI agent interrogating Chekov: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life, of course he's a Russki but he's a retard or something...
FBI Agent 2: You better call Washington.
Chekov: [picks up his phaser from the table, aiming at the FBI agents] Don't move!
FBI agent interrogating Chekov: OK, make nice, give us the ray gun.
Chekov: I warn you, if you don't lie on the floor... I will have to stun you.
FBI agent interrogating Chekov: Go ahead. Stun me.
Chekov: I'm very sorry, but...
[tries to fire the phaser, but it jams. Laughs nervously]
Chekov: Heh, must be the radiation.
[throws the phaser at the FBI agent and escapes through a back door]
Punk singer: Just what is the future? / The things we've done and said? / Let's just push the button / We'd be better off dead / 'Cause I hate you / And I berate you / And I can't wait to get to you / The sins of all the fathers / Being dumped on us, the sons / The only choice we're given is / "How many megatons?" / And I eschew you / And I say *screw* you! / And I hope you're blue too / We're all bloody worthless...
[Captain Kirk and his crew prepare to time warp in order to retrieve Humpback whales from the past; via sling-shooting around the sun]
Kirk: [to himself] May fortune favor the foolish...
[normal voice]
Kirk: Warp speed, Mister Sulu.
Sulu: Aye, sir. Warp speed.
[the captured Klingon Vessel speeds up at warp speed]
Sulu: [silence in the cockpit; nonchalantly] Warp two... warp three.
Kirk: [uneasy] Steady as she goes...
Sulu: Warp four...
[a metallic reading plate slips off of Spock's desk. Spock reaches for it, but it falls into the grate. As the ship gets closer and closer to the sun, the interior of the Klingon vessel begins to vibrate gradually]
Sulu: Warp five...
[Another metallic reading plate slips off of Uhura's communications desk; clattering to the floor]
Sulu: Warp six...
[several objects fall to the floor noisily in the background as the ship's alarms go off]
Sulu: Warp seven... warp eight...
Chekov: Sir... heat shield's at maximum!
Sulu: [over the alarms] warp NINE! Time warp two, Time warp three...
Kirk: [over the noise] We need to break away the speed.
Sulu: [literally shouting over the alarms] Time warp five, Time warp six, Time warp seven, Time warp eight...
[a screen bursts into shatters due to the pressure from the sun; Uhura screams. Kirk, Chekov, McCoy and Spock immediately turn their heads toward Uhrua's direction]
Cmdr. Uhura: [over the noise] I'm fine... I'm all right.
[Kirk lets out a sigh of relief; steam hisses as the ceiling cracks; the window shows that they are getting really close to the sun]
Kirk: [shouts] NOW MISTER SULU!
[the ship successfully maneuvers around the sun]
Kirk: [to himself] May fortune favor the foolish...
[normal voice]
Kirk: Warp speed, Mister Sulu.
Sulu: Aye, sir. Warp speed.
[the captured Klingon Vessel speeds up at warp speed]
Sulu: [silence in the cockpit; nonchalantly] Warp two... warp three.
Kirk: [uneasy] Steady as she goes...
Sulu: Warp four...
[a metallic reading plate slips off of Spock's desk. Spock reaches for it, but it falls into the grate. As the ship gets closer and closer to the sun, the interior of the Klingon vessel begins to vibrate gradually]
Sulu: Warp five...
[Another metallic reading plate slips off of Uhura's communications desk; clattering to the floor]
Sulu: Warp six...
[several objects fall to the floor noisily in the background as the ship's alarms go off]
Sulu: Warp seven... warp eight...
Chekov: Sir... heat shield's at maximum!
Sulu: [over the alarms] warp NINE! Time warp two, Time warp three...
Kirk: [over the noise] We need to break away the speed.
Sulu: [literally shouting over the alarms] Time warp five, Time warp six, Time warp seven, Time warp eight...
[a screen bursts into shatters due to the pressure from the sun; Uhura screams. Kirk, Chekov, McCoy and Spock immediately turn their heads toward Uhrua's direction]
Cmdr. Uhura: [over the noise] I'm fine... I'm all right.
[Kirk lets out a sigh of relief; steam hisses as the ceiling cracks; the window shows that they are getting really close to the sun]
Kirk: [shouts] NOW MISTER SULU!
[the ship successfully maneuvers around the sun]
Federation Council president: The Council is now in session. If you will all take your seats. Bring in the accused.
[Spock leaves his seat and he moves at side of Kirk]
Federation Council president: Captain Spock, you do not stand accused.
Spock: Mister President, I stand with my shipmates.
Federation Council president: As you wish. The charges and specifications are: conspiracy, assault on Federation Officers, theft of Federation Property namely the Starship Enterprise, sabotage of the U.S.S. Excelsior, wilful destruction of Federation Property specifically the aforementioned U.S.S. Enterprise, and finally disobeying direct orders of the Starfleet Commander. Admiral Kirk, how do you plead?
Kirk: On behalf of all of us, Mister President, I am authorised to plead guilty.
Federation Council president: So entered. Because of certain mitigating circumstances, all charges but one are summarily dismissed. The remaining charge, disobeying orders of a superior officer is directed solely at Admiral Kirk. I'm sure the Admiral will recognise the necessity of keeping discipline in any chain of command.
Kirk: I do, sir.
Federation Council president: James T. Kirk. It is the judgment of this Council that you be reduced in rank to Captain, and that as a consequence of your new rank, you be given the duties for which you have repeatedly demonstrated unswerving ability: the command of a starship.
[Spock leaves his seat and he moves at side of Kirk]
Federation Council president: Captain Spock, you do not stand accused.
Spock: Mister President, I stand with my shipmates.
Federation Council president: As you wish. The charges and specifications are: conspiracy, assault on Federation Officers, theft of Federation Property namely the Starship Enterprise, sabotage of the U.S.S. Excelsior, wilful destruction of Federation Property specifically the aforementioned U.S.S. Enterprise, and finally disobeying direct orders of the Starfleet Commander. Admiral Kirk, how do you plead?
Kirk: On behalf of all of us, Mister President, I am authorised to plead guilty.
Federation Council president: So entered. Because of certain mitigating circumstances, all charges but one are summarily dismissed. The remaining charge, disobeying orders of a superior officer is directed solely at Admiral Kirk. I'm sure the Admiral will recognise the necessity of keeping discipline in any chain of command.
Kirk: I do, sir.
Federation Council president: James T. Kirk. It is the judgment of this Council that you be reduced in rank to Captain, and that as a consequence of your new rank, you be given the duties for which you have repeatedly demonstrated unswerving ability: the command of a starship.
