Small Soldiers Quotes
When missile technology is used to enhance toy action figures, the toys soon begin to take their battle programming too seriously.
Irwin Wayfair: We can't have toys out on the market that may be dangerous.
Larry Benson: How can they be dangerous? Everything on them is standard. The design is standard, the materials are standard... The mechanicals are standard. Even the... Oh.
Irwin Wayfair: What's "Oh"?
Larry Benson: What?
Irwin Wayfair: You just said "Oh."
Larry Benson: No, l said "Oh."
Irwin Wayfair: "Oh" like "Something interesting" or "We're screwed"?
Larry Benson: No. l mean, hey, whoa, oh... Forget the "Oh". l'll go to legal to start on the countersuit.
Irwin Wayfair: The chips! That's the "Oh."! These microprocessing chips. What do they do and where did you get them from?
Larry Benson: They microprocess. And they come from the land of l Saved Your Job.
Irwin Wayfair: [as Irwin checking the origins of the chips in the computer] They were designed for the Defense Department. You put munitions chips in toys?
Larry Benson: How can they be dangerous? Everything on them is standard. The design is standard, the materials are standard... The mechanicals are standard. Even the... Oh.
Irwin Wayfair: What's "Oh"?
Larry Benson: What?
Irwin Wayfair: You just said "Oh."
Larry Benson: No, l said "Oh."
Irwin Wayfair: "Oh" like "Something interesting" or "We're screwed"?
Larry Benson: No. l mean, hey, whoa, oh... Forget the "Oh". l'll go to legal to start on the countersuit.
Irwin Wayfair: The chips! That's the "Oh."! These microprocessing chips. What do they do and where did you get them from?
Larry Benson: They microprocess. And they come from the land of l Saved Your Job.
Irwin Wayfair: [as Irwin checking the origins of the chips in the computer] They were designed for the Defense Department. You put munitions chips in toys?
Larry Benson: Great! All we need now is a nuclear warhead.
Irwin Wayfair: l doubt l'll have one in the junk drawer.
Phil Fimple: Nuclear warhead? What are you talking about?
Larry Benson: The chips aren't shielded against an EMP. A nuclear blast would wipe them out.
Irwin Wayfair: That's why the military never used them.
Stuart Abernathy: What kind of moron would put military technology in toys?
Irwin Wayfair: [pointing at Larry] Well that would be Gizmo over here.
Irwin Wayfair: l doubt l'll have one in the junk drawer.
Phil Fimple: Nuclear warhead? What are you talking about?
Larry Benson: The chips aren't shielded against an EMP. A nuclear blast would wipe them out.
Irwin Wayfair: That's why the military never used them.
Stuart Abernathy: What kind of moron would put military technology in toys?
Irwin Wayfair: [pointing at Larry] Well that would be Gizmo over here.
Christy Fimple: Any sign of the Gorgonites?
Alan: No, none of them.
Phil Fimple: [calling off shot] Come on Christy!
Christy Fimple: [kisses Alan on cheek] I gotta go.
[Alan grabs her and kisses her overdramatically]
Gil Mars: [getting into helicopter, looking at wreckage] Too bad, would've made a hell of a commercial.
Alan: No, none of them.
Phil Fimple: [calling off shot] Come on Christy!
Christy Fimple: [kisses Alan on cheek] I gotta go.
[Alan grabs her and kisses her overdramatically]
Gil Mars: [getting into helicopter, looking at wreckage] Too bad, would've made a hell of a commercial.
[first lines]
Irwin Wayfair: He's here! He's early! He's not supposed to be here now. He said... okay, here's the copy of... check.
Larry Benson: Pretty exciting, huh?
Irwin Wayfair: I don't know. I think it's kinda sad, I mean you know Heartland Toys has a long tradition of bringing joy to kids, ya know? Gil Mars isn't going to care about any of that. He's just gonna care about profits. I think it sucks.
Larry Benson: Welcome to Earth, Irwin. You may not be familiar with our company, but this is pretty much the way things work down here in the real world.
Irwin Wayfair: Yeah, well the real world sucks.
Irwin Wayfair: He's here! He's early! He's not supposed to be here now. He said... okay, here's the copy of... check.
Larry Benson: Pretty exciting, huh?
Irwin Wayfair: I don't know. I think it's kinda sad, I mean you know Heartland Toys has a long tradition of bringing joy to kids, ya know? Gil Mars isn't going to care about any of that. He's just gonna care about profits. I think it sucks.
Larry Benson: Welcome to Earth, Irwin. You may not be familiar with our company, but this is pretty much the way things work down here in the real world.
Irwin Wayfair: Yeah, well the real world sucks.
Alan: [Freakenstein and Punch-It are at Alan's computer] What are you looking for?
Freakenstein: Gorgon.
Alan: Well, this is a Central Park.
Freakenstein: The Isle of Gorgon is our homeland.
Punch-It: Will you help us find it?
Alan: I don't think you're gonna find it in here.
Archer: [at Alan's bedroom window] Alan, if Gorgon is not in that window, is it in this one?
Freakenstein: Gorgon.
Alan: Well, this is a Central Park.
Freakenstein: The Isle of Gorgon is our homeland.
Punch-It: Will you help us find it?
Alan: I don't think you're gonna find it in here.
Archer: [at Alan's bedroom window] Alan, if Gorgon is not in that window, is it in this one?
Chip Hazard: Soldiers, no poor sap ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by being all that he can be. Damn the torpedoes, or give me death! Eternal vigilance is the price of duty. And, to the victors go the spoils. So remember: you are the best of the best of the few and the proud. So ask not what your country can do for you, only regret that you have but one life to live! The war against the Gorgonites will be won! Commando Elite, let the first shot be fired! Search out the Gorgonites and frag 'em all!
