Shoot 'Em Up Quotes
A man named Mr. Smith delivers a woman's baby during a shootout, and is then called upon to protect the newborn from the army of gunmen.
[DQ has just had a quickie with a passing john to raise some quick cash]
DQ: To buy something for the baby.
Mr. Smith: Something for the baby?
[back in the pawnshop, she wraps Baby Oliver in a bulletproof vest]
DQ: A bulletproof vest is better than a crib.
Mr. Smith: I hate to think what you'd do to get him into the right school.
DQ: To buy something for the baby.
Mr. Smith: Something for the baby?
[back in the pawnshop, she wraps Baby Oliver in a bulletproof vest]
DQ: A bulletproof vest is better than a crib.
Mr. Smith: I hate to think what you'd do to get him into the right school.
Mr. Smith: I hate it when parents hit their children.
Woman in Museum: Let go of my arm!
Mr. Smith: Not until you stop hitting your kid.
Woman in Museum: I will discipline my child as I see fit.
Mr. Smith: How would you like it if I spank you?
[Smith spanks the mother]
Mr. Smith: See? It doesn't feel so good, does it?
Woman in Museum: Let go of my arm!
Mr. Smith: Not until you stop hitting your kid.
Woman in Museum: I will discipline my child as I see fit.
Mr. Smith: How would you like it if I spank you?
[Smith spanks the mother]
Mr. Smith: See? It doesn't feel so good, does it?
Hertz's Driver: Of all the squats in the city, how does he know Smith's in this one? Another lucky guess?
Man Who Rides Shotgun: Naw, he doesn't guess. He sees things we don't. He was once an FBI profiler.
Mr. Hertz: Forensic behavior consultant. My god, how many times do I have to tell you guys? Details make all the difference in this business.
[opens the door]
Man Who Rides Shotgun: Hey, uh, don't you think you should hang back, sir?
Mr. Hertz: The leader who stays in the rear, takes it in the rear. Besides, violence is one of the most fun things to watch.
Man Who Rides Shotgun: Naw, he doesn't guess. He sees things we don't. He was once an FBI profiler.
Mr. Hertz: Forensic behavior consultant. My god, how many times do I have to tell you guys? Details make all the difference in this business.
[opens the door]
Man Who Rides Shotgun: Hey, uh, don't you think you should hang back, sir?
Mr. Hertz: The leader who stays in the rear, takes it in the rear. Besides, violence is one of the most fun things to watch.
[while his men are cleaning up the scene of the warehouse shootout, Hertz drags the corpse of the Baby's Mother to the car]
Hertz's Driver: I was going back for her, Boss...
Mr. Hertz: No, I got it. I'm not the head honcho who sits on his hands, warming them with his own exhaust, while everybody else does the work.
Hertz's Driver: I was going back for her, Boss...
Mr. Hertz: No, I got it. I'm not the head honcho who sits on his hands, warming them with his own exhaust, while everybody else does the work.
[last lines]
Mr. Smith: You know what I hate?
Diner Holdup Leader: [gives Smith the middle finger] Shut up and sit on this, asshole!
Diner Hood with Earring: That's right! You heard him...
[the Earring Hood advances on Smith with his gun. Smith kicks it into the air, catches it on the end of a carrot, and uses it to blow off the Leader's middle finger, the second hood's earring, and the third hood's disgustingly dirty foot]
Mr. Smith: You know what I hate?
Diner Holdup Leader: [gives Smith the middle finger] Shut up and sit on this, asshole!
Diner Hood with Earring: That's right! You heard him...
[the Earring Hood advances on Smith with his gun. Smith kicks it into the air, catches it on the end of a carrot, and uses it to blow off the Leader's middle finger, the second hood's earring, and the third hood's disgustingly dirty foot]
Mr. Hertz: Hey, who trained you? Hmm? NSA, Black Ops, CIA, the Army? Well whoever, it's seems you haven't lost your aim, champ.
Mr. Smith: If you think that's good you should see me spell my name in the snow.
Mr. Hertz: [laughs] Hey you know my boss here thinks that you're the Lone Ranger or something. But I believe I have a better idea about who you are. I found out how your wife and son where killed. My god, what a tragedy. Some guy walks into a burger joint. He starts shooting up the place. Oh my god, what a shame that your wife and son were there, eating their chicken nuggets.
[Smith is silent in shock]
Mr. Hertz: What's the matter, you don't like that story? Well then why don't you tell me one, hmm? Children's story, please. Oh, I know, tell me my favorite. Yeah, tell me the one about the baby.
Mr. Smith: Maybe later, when I put you to sleep.
Mr. Smith: If you think that's good you should see me spell my name in the snow.
Mr. Hertz: [laughs] Hey you know my boss here thinks that you're the Lone Ranger or something. But I believe I have a better idea about who you are. I found out how your wife and son where killed. My god, what a tragedy. Some guy walks into a burger joint. He starts shooting up the place. Oh my god, what a shame that your wife and son were there, eating their chicken nuggets.
[Smith is silent in shock]
Mr. Hertz: What's the matter, you don't like that story? Well then why don't you tell me one, hmm? Children's story, please. Oh, I know, tell me my favorite. Yeah, tell me the one about the baby.
Mr. Smith: Maybe later, when I put you to sleep.
Hammerson: Do you know why Americans love guns, Mr. Hertz? And it's got nothing to do with all that phallic mumbo-jumbo, "cockin' your gun." No, Hertz, people love guns because America is a land of opportunity, where a poor man can become rich, and a pussy can become a tough guy, if he's got a gun in his hand. Now, I'm hopin' you're not just a pussy with a gun in your hand.
Mr. Hertz: Oh no, sir. No, no, I am not. I'm a tough guy with a pussy in my hand.
Mr. Hertz: Oh no, sir. No, no, I am not. I'm a tough guy with a pussy in my hand.
Mr. Hertz: Are you trying to tell me that some bum came to her rescue? Well well well, this is a fine mess.
Killer Shot in Behind: I won't make this mistake again. I got a piece of lead in my butt as a reminder!
Mr. Hertz: Yeah, I can appreciate that.
[Hertz shoots him in the other cheek]
Killer Shot in Behind: Aw! My ass!
Mr. Hertz: And let that be a reminder never to fail me again.
Killer Shot in Behind: I won't make this mistake again. I got a piece of lead in my butt as a reminder!
Mr. Hertz: Yeah, I can appreciate that.
[Hertz shoots him in the other cheek]
Killer Shot in Behind: Aw! My ass!
Mr. Hertz: And let that be a reminder never to fail me again.
Mr. Hertz: Bravo, Mr. Hero. Bravo.
Mr. Smith: Why are you trying to kill this woman?
[Hertz laughs]
Mr. Smith: Something funny?
Mr. Hertz: Well, I was just remembering a limerick. "There once was a woman who was quite begat. She had three babies named Nat, Pat, and Tat. She said it was fun in the breeding, but found it was hell in the feeding, when she saw there was no tit for Tat." You have caused me no end of trouble, but now I shall return the favor. Tit for tat, right?
Mr. Smith: Why are you trying to kill this woman?
[Hertz laughs]
Mr. Smith: Something funny?
Mr. Hertz: Well, I was just remembering a limerick. "There once was a woman who was quite begat. She had three babies named Nat, Pat, and Tat. She said it was fun in the breeding, but found it was hell in the feeding, when she saw there was no tit for Tat." You have caused me no end of trouble, but now I shall return the favor. Tit for tat, right?
Mr. Hertz: Stop the car. He was here.
Hertz's Driver: Come on, what makes you think he was here?
Mr. Hertz: Trust me, I know what people do and I know what people think. I always have. Even as a kid I had this gift, and you should have seen the playground hurt I laid down playing rock-paper-scissors.
Hertz's Driver: Come on, what makes you think he was here?
Mr. Hertz: Trust me, I know what people do and I know what people think. I always have. Even as a kid I had this gift, and you should have seen the playground hurt I laid down playing rock-paper-scissors.
Mr. Hertz: [after telling Smith his gun is empty] And you won't be getting it up with that gun you took off my man. No, you see, like my weapon, it also has the thumbprint safety device!
Mr. Smith: Oh, really?
[holds up the thug's severed hand]
Mr. Smith: Wanna bet?
[Hertz grabs a shard of glass and charges, screaming. Smith fits the severed hand's thumb onto the pistol grip, and shoots Hertz in the chest]
Mr. Smith: Nothing like a good hand-job.
Mr. Smith: Oh, really?
[holds up the thug's severed hand]
Mr. Smith: Wanna bet?
[Hertz grabs a shard of glass and charges, screaming. Smith fits the severed hand's thumb onto the pistol grip, and shoots Hertz in the chest]
Mr. Smith: Nothing like a good hand-job.
Mr. Smith: I move my finger one inch to use my turn signal. Why are these assholes so lazy they can't move their finger one fucking measly inch to drive more safely? You wanna know why?
DQ: Not particularly.
Mr. Smith: Because these rich bastards have to be callous and inconsiderate in the first place to make all that money, so when they get on the road, they can't help themselves. They've gotta be callous and inconsiderate drivers too. It's in their nature.
DQ: Not particularly.
Mr. Smith: Because these rich bastards have to be callous and inconsiderate in the first place to make all that money, so when they get on the road, they can't help themselves. They've gotta be callous and inconsiderate drivers too. It's in their nature.
