Shanghai Noon Quotes
A Chinese man who travels to the Wild West to rescue a kidnapped princess. After teaming up with a train robber, the unlikely duo takes on a Chinese traitor and his corrupt boss.
Roy O'Bannon: Alright, pay attention because I don't want any mistakes.
[displays a childlike diagram]
Roy O'Bannon: I've calculated the speed of the train and the speed of our horses. We meet at this vector; the only variable is the wind. Technically, if you travel...
Blue: Is this the train?
Roy O'Bannon: [crumples up his drawing] Alright, we're just gonna wing it.
[displays a childlike diagram]
Roy O'Bannon: I've calculated the speed of the train and the speed of our horses. We meet at this vector; the only variable is the wind. Technically, if you travel...
Blue: Is this the train?
Roy O'Bannon: [crumples up his drawing] Alright, we're just gonna wing it.
Roy O'Bannon: Reach for the sky ladies and gentle...
Wallace: Touch that gun and I'll blow your goddamn head off!
Roy O'Bannon: What are you doing? No, no, I sorta like to be the only guy that talks, alright?
Wallace: Okay, sorry.
Roy O'Bannon: [aside to Blue] Why's the new guy talking? Where did you get this guy? I'm the only one who talks!
Wallace: Touch that gun and I'll blow your goddamn head off!
Roy O'Bannon: What are you doing? No, no, I sorta like to be the only guy that talks, alright?
Wallace: Okay, sorry.
Roy O'Bannon: [aside to Blue] Why's the new guy talking? Where did you get this guy? I'm the only one who talks!
Roy O'Bannon: So who are you?
Chon Wang: I'm an Imperial Guard to the Emperor of China.
Roy O'Bannon: China... what's with the book?
Chon Wang: The book belongs to Princess Pei Pei. She was kidnapped from the Forbidden City.
Roy O'Bannon: I like that, Forbidden City, a princess, kidnapped! It's so mysterious.
Chon Wang: I'm an Imperial Guard to the Emperor of China.
Roy O'Bannon: China... what's with the book?
Chon Wang: The book belongs to Princess Pei Pei. She was kidnapped from the Forbidden City.
Roy O'Bannon: I like that, Forbidden City, a princess, kidnapped! It's so mysterious.
[Roy is watching Chon attempt to saddle his horse. The horse keeps pulling the saddle blanket off before Chon can get the saddle on]
Roy O'Bannon: Well, best of luck to you. Guess this is what your people call "sayanora." Looks like Fido's giving you some problems there. You want me to, uh, give you a hand?
Chon Wang: No, I can do it.
Roy O'Bannon: *Sure* you can. H-How is a greenhorn like you gonna make it to Carson City and rescue this princess?
["Fido" pulls the saddle blanket off again. Roy sighs]
Roy O'Bannon: Stop, stop, stop, stop. I can't take it any more. Watch me do it.
[He takes the saddle blanket]
Roy O'Bannon: You get it like this and you put it up high
[demonstrates]
Roy O'Bannon: . See, it'll drift back when you're riding.
[pause]
Roy O'Bannon: All right, I'll do it.
Chon Wang: Do what?
Roy O'Bannon: Take you to Carson City, help you rescue Princess Pee Pee.
Chon Wang: Pei Pei! You do not care about the princess.
Roy O'Bannon: You don't know me very well, do you? Tell you one thing: I hate to think of an innocent member of Chinese nobility suffering, I'll tell you that.
[pause]
Roy O'Bannon: You people believe in Karma over there, right? Well I've been thinking... there must be a reason why we keep running into each other. Now I've ridden with some terrible men, just people I couldn't trust, but when I look at you, there's something different about you. And I can see it, I can see it in your eyes. It's what the Indians call... chipichawa.
Chon Wang: What's that?
Roy O'Bannon: Chipichawa is nobility. And you have it, in spades. You got yourself a partner, and this has nothing to do with gold, okay?
[Spits in his hand and offers it to Chon]
Roy O'Bannon: Shake on it.
Chon Wang: Why are you spitting in your hand?
Roy O'Bannon: Well, it's, uh, customary to seal the deal. Come on, let's go
[Chon spits into Roy's hand]
Roy O'Bannon: . No, you -
[wipes of his hand on his shirt]
Roy O'Bannon: this is going to be a long journey.
Roy O'Bannon: Well, best of luck to you. Guess this is what your people call "sayanora." Looks like Fido's giving you some problems there. You want me to, uh, give you a hand?
Chon Wang: No, I can do it.
Roy O'Bannon: *Sure* you can. H-How is a greenhorn like you gonna make it to Carson City and rescue this princess?
["Fido" pulls the saddle blanket off again. Roy sighs]
Roy O'Bannon: Stop, stop, stop, stop. I can't take it any more. Watch me do it.
[He takes the saddle blanket]
Roy O'Bannon: You get it like this and you put it up high
[demonstrates]
Roy O'Bannon: . See, it'll drift back when you're riding.
[pause]
Roy O'Bannon: All right, I'll do it.
Chon Wang: Do what?
Roy O'Bannon: Take you to Carson City, help you rescue Princess Pee Pee.
Chon Wang: Pei Pei! You do not care about the princess.
Roy O'Bannon: You don't know me very well, do you? Tell you one thing: I hate to think of an innocent member of Chinese nobility suffering, I'll tell you that.
[pause]
Roy O'Bannon: You people believe in Karma over there, right? Well I've been thinking... there must be a reason why we keep running into each other. Now I've ridden with some terrible men, just people I couldn't trust, but when I look at you, there's something different about you. And I can see it, I can see it in your eyes. It's what the Indians call... chipichawa.
Chon Wang: What's that?
Roy O'Bannon: Chipichawa is nobility. And you have it, in spades. You got yourself a partner, and this has nothing to do with gold, okay?
[Spits in his hand and offers it to Chon]
Roy O'Bannon: Shake on it.
Chon Wang: Why are you spitting in your hand?
Roy O'Bannon: Well, it's, uh, customary to seal the deal. Come on, let's go
[Chon spits into Roy's hand]
Roy O'Bannon: . No, you -
[wipes of his hand on his shirt]
Roy O'Bannon: this is going to be a long journey.
[they both hide behind pillars, Roy shoots blindly]
Roy O'Bannon: Did I hit you?
Marshal Nathan Van Cleef: [sarcastically] No, but you're getting really close.
Roy O'Bannon: You've almost killed me like seventeen times already!
[Marshall Van Cleef fires three more shots]
Roy O'Bannon: Eighteen, nineteen, twenty! You're on fire today!
[Roy fires another round of shots, way off]
Marshal Nathan Van Cleef: How do you survive out here?
Roy O'Bannon: What's that supposed to mean?
Roy O'Bannon: Did I hit you?
Marshal Nathan Van Cleef: [sarcastically] No, but you're getting really close.
Roy O'Bannon: You've almost killed me like seventeen times already!
[Marshall Van Cleef fires three more shots]
Roy O'Bannon: Eighteen, nineteen, twenty! You're on fire today!
[Roy fires another round of shots, way off]
Marshal Nathan Van Cleef: How do you survive out here?
Roy O'Bannon: What's that supposed to mean?
Roy O'Bannon: You gotta be able to laugh at stuff like that. Like me in the desert. I don't hold any grudges; I laugh about it. I'm not angry at you. You just left me there with chopsticks to die. Roy, all by his lonesome, just me and the buzzards, pickin' at my head... You're a very silent man, aren't you?
Roy O'Bannon: [adjusting Chon's cowboy hat] There, sort of a rakish angle.
Chon Wang: How do I look?
Roy O'Bannon: I think you look great! I think you look like a real cowboy. Very dapper - red bandana.
[holding out his hand]
Roy O'Bannon: Roy O'Bannon.
Chon Wang: [shaking his hand] My name is Chon Wang.
Roy O'Bannon: John Wayne?
Chon Wang: Chon Wang.
Roy O'Bannon: That's a terrible cowboy name!
Chon Wang: Why?
Roy O'Bannon: No, come on. That's not gonna work. That's horrible; that's so bad! And so's the ponytail!
Chon Wang: How do I look?
Roy O'Bannon: I think you look great! I think you look like a real cowboy. Very dapper - red bandana.
[holding out his hand]
Roy O'Bannon: Roy O'Bannon.
Chon Wang: [shaking his hand] My name is Chon Wang.
Roy O'Bannon: John Wayne?
Chon Wang: Chon Wang.
Roy O'Bannon: That's a terrible cowboy name!
Chon Wang: Why?
Roy O'Bannon: No, come on. That's not gonna work. That's horrible; that's so bad! And so's the ponytail!
