Sex Drive Quotes
A high school senior drives cross-country with his best friends to hook up with a babe he met online.
Fundraising Girl: Hi. I'm collecting for the underprivileged children of Ecuador. Would you like to help?
Andy: Not really.
Randy: We don't have any money.
Andy: No jobs.
Randy: You wanna party?
Fundraising Girl: Um, I'm kind of working right now.
Andy: When're you done?
Randy: Yeah, what're you doing after?
Fundraising Girl: I have a church thing tonight.
Andy: Kickass! We'll come.
Randy: Yeah, where is it?
Andy: Is there gonna be more hot snatch like you there?
Randy: Do you wear thong underpants?
Andy: Do you want us to take our shirts off?
Randy: What color bra are you wearing?
Andy: Is your mom hot too?
Randy: Are you into me? Where do you live?
Andy: What color car do you have?
Randy: Where do you live?
Andy: What's your address?
Randy: Do you want us to come over?
Andy: Do you like pizza?
Randy: We've been to a motel.
Andy: Not really.
Randy: We don't have any money.
Andy: No jobs.
Randy: You wanna party?
Fundraising Girl: Um, I'm kind of working right now.
Andy: When're you done?
Randy: Yeah, what're you doing after?
Fundraising Girl: I have a church thing tonight.
Andy: Kickass! We'll come.
Randy: Yeah, where is it?
Andy: Is there gonna be more hot snatch like you there?
Randy: Do you wear thong underpants?
Andy: Do you want us to take our shirts off?
Randy: What color bra are you wearing?
Andy: Is your mom hot too?
Randy: Are you into me? Where do you live?
Andy: What color car do you have?
Randy: Where do you live?
Andy: What's your address?
Randy: Do you want us to come over?
Andy: Do you like pizza?
Randy: We've been to a motel.
Randy: So where's Felicia?
Andy: Fel-ate-cha. Yeah.
Ian: She's in...
Andy: Fe-lay-cha! You banging her?
Ian: We're just friends.
Randy: I'm uncircumcised.
Girl: Fuck off!
Randy: Wait, I thought you took her to prom?
Ian: Yeah, but it was a just-friends kinda thing.
Randy: You should bang her. We would.
Andy: Dude, we would bang her so hard.
Randy: Tell her we'll bang her for you if you're not into it!
Andy: Yeah. Hard.
Randy: With our dicks!
Andy: Yeah, our dicks are huge!
Randy: You can see them from space!
Andy: Fel-ate-cha. Yeah.
Ian: She's in...
Andy: Fe-lay-cha! You banging her?
Ian: We're just friends.
Randy: I'm uncircumcised.
Girl: Fuck off!
Randy: Wait, I thought you took her to prom?
Ian: Yeah, but it was a just-friends kinda thing.
Randy: You should bang her. We would.
Andy: Dude, we would bang her so hard.
Randy: Tell her we'll bang her for you if you're not into it!
Andy: Yeah. Hard.
Randy: With our dicks!
Andy: Yeah, our dicks are huge!
Randy: You can see them from space!
Ian: You don't know my brother, okay? He's gonna fuck my ass with a roll of quarters!
Ezekiel: What? He's gonna what? With what?
Ian: Oh, yeah! He's gonna go get off work early, and he's gonna walk into the bank, stand in line, change a 10, find my ass, and just... fuck it... with a roll of fucking quarters.
Ezekiel: What? He's gonna what? With what?
Ian: Oh, yeah! He's gonna go get off work early, and he's gonna walk into the bank, stand in line, change a 10, find my ass, and just... fuck it... with a roll of fucking quarters.
Ian: [handing Felicia a new t-shirt] Another one for the collection.
Felicia: Oh, cool. Thanks.
[she stares at nothing leaning on the GTO]
Ian: What?
[she points down on the car roof. Lance is on the back seat comforting a sobbing Brandy]
Lance: It's okay, Brandy. it's okay, baby, don't cry.
Ian: Lance, what are you doing?
Lance: Dude, you should be ashamed of yourself, because I'm just trying to show another human being a little compassion.
[pause]
Lance: And my dick.
Felicia: Oh, cool. Thanks.
[she stares at nothing leaning on the GTO]
Ian: What?
[she points down on the car roof. Lance is on the back seat comforting a sobbing Brandy]
Lance: It's okay, Brandy. it's okay, baby, don't cry.
Ian: Lance, what are you doing?
Lance: Dude, you should be ashamed of yourself, because I'm just trying to show another human being a little compassion.
[pause]
Lance: And my dick.
[Ezechiel comes out from the barn where the GTO is on repair]
Ezekiel: Uh-oh. See that creamy stuff? You blew your head gasket. That's not good.
Ian: Shit.
Ezekiel: Dont' cry. We can fix it.
Ian: Really?
Ezekiel: Yeah, really. We're good at it.
Ian: Yeah?
Ezekiel: Yeah, I didn't mean to undersell it, but it's an impressive thing. Yeah, we'll fix it.
Ian: Wow, that'd be cool.
Ezekiel: Yeah, would be cool, wouldn't it? I might be the coolest guy you ever met.
Ian: Wow.
Ezekiel: Wow.
Ian: Thank you.
Ezekiel: Yeah, you're welcome. That's what you say when people do nice things for you. You know, there's a pretty big shindig shaping up next door if you guys want to hang there while we work on it. Take it easy while we do all this - for you.
[he turns to the barn]
Ian: Does he have an attitude?
Lance: No, he's fucking with you.
Ezekiel: Uh-oh. See that creamy stuff? You blew your head gasket. That's not good.
Ian: Shit.
Ezekiel: Dont' cry. We can fix it.
Ian: Really?
Ezekiel: Yeah, really. We're good at it.
Ian: Yeah?
Ezekiel: Yeah, I didn't mean to undersell it, but it's an impressive thing. Yeah, we'll fix it.
Ian: Wow, that'd be cool.
Ezekiel: Yeah, would be cool, wouldn't it? I might be the coolest guy you ever met.
Ian: Wow.
Ezekiel: Wow.
Ian: Thank you.
Ezekiel: Yeah, you're welcome. That's what you say when people do nice things for you. You know, there's a pretty big shindig shaping up next door if you guys want to hang there while we work on it. Take it easy while we do all this - for you.
[he turns to the barn]
Ian: Does he have an attitude?
Lance: No, he's fucking with you.
Rex: Ian, your 18 and you've never had A girlfriend. That's how people wind up getting gay, you know?
Ian: I don't think that's really how it happens.
Rex: Tell me how it happens expert, ya cock expert, ya cockspert. Hey, what do you like better the shaft or the balls?
Ian: That's gross.
Rex: You like em both don't you. It's like, sometimes tuesday you want the big, old, shiny-ass cock. Wednesdays and Thursdays you're onto the balls.
Ian: I don't know what you're talking about.
Rex: You can't choose can you? Thats a tough one. You love it. You're obsessed with it.
Ian: No, you are, your talking about it.
Rex: Why are you smiling at me, I'm serious. Don't fucking smile at me, I'll knock you out of the god damn earth. What does it taste like? What's it like when you take your mouth off of it and its like, you can see your reflection in that fucking cock. Smack you in the face a little bit, you don't like that?
Ian: I don't eat
[gets cut off]
Ian: .
Rex: Just like shiny, fucking stiff, throbbing, hot vascular mushroom head.
Ian: Ya ya.
Rex: Look, every guy has a fantasy about another guy, but you gotta bury that shit way down, this is America goddamnit.
Ian: There is, there is a girl. That I've been kinda...
Rex: Alright, I'm listening, where'd you meet her?
Ian: Um, on the, online.
Rex: [Slams car breaks on] What? For fuck's sakes Ian, don't you watch dateline? She's probably a guy. Some fat, old dude who wants to ram you in the tailpipe.
[Smiles]
Rex: But you'd love that wouldn't you, cuz your a homo!
Ian: I don't think that's really how it happens.
Rex: Tell me how it happens expert, ya cock expert, ya cockspert. Hey, what do you like better the shaft or the balls?
Ian: That's gross.
Rex: You like em both don't you. It's like, sometimes tuesday you want the big, old, shiny-ass cock. Wednesdays and Thursdays you're onto the balls.
Ian: I don't know what you're talking about.
Rex: You can't choose can you? Thats a tough one. You love it. You're obsessed with it.
Ian: No, you are, your talking about it.
Rex: Why are you smiling at me, I'm serious. Don't fucking smile at me, I'll knock you out of the god damn earth. What does it taste like? What's it like when you take your mouth off of it and its like, you can see your reflection in that fucking cock. Smack you in the face a little bit, you don't like that?
Ian: I don't eat
[gets cut off]
Ian: .
Rex: Just like shiny, fucking stiff, throbbing, hot vascular mushroom head.
Ian: Ya ya.
Rex: Look, every guy has a fantasy about another guy, but you gotta bury that shit way down, this is America goddamnit.
Ian: There is, there is a girl. That I've been kinda...
Rex: Alright, I'm listening, where'd you meet her?
Ian: Um, on the, online.
Rex: [Slams car breaks on] What? For fuck's sakes Ian, don't you watch dateline? She's probably a guy. Some fat, old dude who wants to ram you in the tailpipe.
[Smiles]
Rex: But you'd love that wouldn't you, cuz your a homo!
Rex: [Lifts up the garage door, stopping below his neck without looking inside] Oh, fuck. I know you didn't take my car again. 'Cause you're a big giant pussy. That's right. I'm gonna lift up this door, and my big, fucking glorious bitchy Judge is gonna be sitting right there gleaming at me. Or I am gonna have the fucking neighborhood squirrels eat your asshole.
[Lifts up the door, sees the car is gone, proceeds to beat the garage door to death]
Rex: He took my fucking baby. Cocksucker!
[Lifts up the door, sees the car is gone, proceeds to beat the garage door to death]
Rex: He took my fucking baby. Cocksucker!
