Semi-Pro Quotes. QuotesGram

Jackie Moon: In the anals of history people are going to be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint, Michigan Mega Bowl.

Jackie Moon: Everybody panic! Oh my God, there's a bear loose in the coliseum! There will be no refunds! Your refund will be escaping this deathtrap with your life! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love the tender meat! Cover your sodas! Dewie loves sugar!

Jackie Moon: If you see an opossum, kill it. It's not a pet.

Dick Pepperfield: Lou, would you mind putting out that cigarette, it's very unprofessional.
Lou Redwood: No. I like to smoke when I drink.

Jackie Moon: Suck my cock! I'll kill your family!

Father Pat the Ref: Corndogs, Jackie! Corndogs, for all these people!

Dick Pepperfield: Jackie's teammates doing just an awful job of stabilizing his spine off the court.

Jackie Moon: No refunds, consider your refund escaping this death trap with your lives!

Jackie Moon: Nothing in the rulebook that says you can't play drunk.
Dick Pepperfield: Well actually there is.

Jackie Moon: Everybody panic! It's just like the Titanic but it's full of bears!

Jackie Moon: [screaming angrily at Father Pat the Ref] I'll burn your house down!

Lou Redwood: You calling me a jive turkey?

Petrelli: How come it says "Monix" on your jersey when your name's "Pussy"?

Jackie Moon: I'm so excited I can't feel my arms!

Jackie Moon: There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top.
Clarence 'Coffee' Black: So what's the plan?
Jackie Moon: Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on Tv.
Bee Bee Ellis: What the hell is that?
Jackie Moon: It's eyeliner dummy. Now who's first? Monix?
Monix: Oh yeah... Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.

Lou Redwood: Jackie Moon is Flint's favorite son. And he has done more for this city than any human being who's ever lived on this planet!
Dick Pepperfield: With the possible exception of eh, Henry Ford... Jackie Moon has done a lot for this city, you're right about that.

Clarence 'Coffee' Black: Who the fuck is Bambi?

Jackie Moon: It feels like I got cat piss in my eyes.

Dick Pepperfield: Well, we've got an especially dirty hippy here down on the court trying to sink an impossible shot.

Jackie Moon: Damnit, Vakidis! Learn fucking English!

Jackie Moon: It's like Titanic with bears.

Jackie Moon: ELE! Everybody love everybody!

Dick Pepperfield: Here comes the Alley... and there goes the Oop!

Monix: Vakidis, open the window will ya?
Vakidis: Yes, right on!
[does nothing]
Monix: Did you give Bobby Dee a handjob?
Vakidis: Yes, right on!