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Retired C.I.A. agent Frank Moses reunites his unlikely team of elite operatives for a global quest to track down a missing portable nuclear device.
Marvin: If there's one thing I know, it's women and covert operations. Frank: Marvin, that's two things. Han Cho Bai: No, grasshopper. It is not.
Frank: What are you doing kissing this guy? Sarah: I didn't wanna kill him. Frank: What kind of stupid logic is that?
The Frog: You think I'm just going to roll over for you hegemonic, Mickey Mouse-loving Americans? Marvin: [Hits him hard in the stomach] Leave Mickey out of it!
Han Cho Bai: You blew up my plane! Sarah: Sorry. Marvin: I was wrong? So we're not even gonna *die*? Frank: Not yet. Han Cho Bai: I was actually starting to like you. I was even thinking about not killing you. This is what happens when you try to save the world. Victoria: Han, Han. You can't put a price on these things. Han Cho Bai: You owe me 30 mil for the plane, and 20 for not killing you! You're a dead man, Moses. Frank: Thanks for your help. Really. [starts walking away] Sarah: You think he means it? Frank: Nah, he's a nice guy. Han Cho Bai: I mean it, Frank! Frank: Alright... Victoria: [to Marvin] They're gonna be right as rain. Marvin: [whispering] He made the run to emotional safety.
Ivan: [noticing her shoeless foot] Ah, there is nothing more sexy in the whole world than a beautiful woman with an incredible gun. Victoria: [taking out soldiers with scoped rifle] You're such a romantic. Ivan: I love the way your toes curl right before you fire. Victoria: Hopeless. Ivan: [sniffs her boot] Oh!
Han Cho Bai: You ready to kill this son of a bitch? Victoria: Abso-bloody-lutely. [cocking her gun]
Sarah: Why does Han hate you so much? Frank: Not enough hugs as a child.
Frank: Look, I'm retired, okay? I'm happy. We're happy. Marvin: Frank... Frank, you haven't killed anybody in months! Frank: That is not a bad thing. Okay? That's a positive thing for a lot of people.
Frank: Marvin, is that a stick of dynamite in your pocket? Marvin: Yeah, but I'm saving it for an emergency. Frank: Well, this is kind of an emergency, isn't it?
Marvin: She has talents you and I will never have. Frank: What talents? Marvin: People like her. Han Cho Bai: If she lives, this'll be good for your relationship. You're right. Marvin: And if there's one thing I know, it's women and covert ops. Frank: That's two things. Han Cho Bai: No, grasshopper. It is not.
MI6 Interogator: They say you're a legend around here. I've, um, I've never heard of you. Must have been a bit before my time. Victoria: [escapes her handcuffs and takes him down] Well, you've heard of me know.
Sarah: Where did you get the bodies? Victoria: [Deadpan] From my freezer.
Victoria: Its important to enjoy life while you still can!
Marvin: What happens in the Kremlin stays in the Kremlin!
Frank: You gave her a gun? Marvin: It is America, Frank. Sarah: Everyone else has a gun. Frank: She has no idea what to do with this. Sarah: I know exactly what to do with it. [grabs gun back and accidentally shoots randomly] Frank: You don't give fire to a kitten! Why don't you just give her dynamite, Marvin. [walks away] Sarah: No external safety on the Sig? Marvin: [stunned no]
Frank: Eleven million people are gonna lose their lives if you don't help me. [tosses him the gun] Han Cho Bai: [reluctantly tosses it back] Alright, let's go. This doesn't mean I'm not going to kill you later.
[last lines] Sarah: [shooting up a third-world bar] Marvin: [wearing a fruit headpiece] Don't look at me, she's you're girlfriend. Frank: Ah, come on...
[first lines] Frank: Baby, check this out. Ha, a power washer? We need one of these. Sarah: Yeah. Frank: On the patio in the back yard. Sarah: Yeah. Frank: Should we go look at those window treatments? Sarah: No. Frank: Do you want one of those hotdogs? They're very good. Sarah: Baby, you are a heck of a homemaker. You know that? But we could just go to dinner. Er... Frank: Well, you know. If you don't make it... Sarah: You don't eat it. Frank: You know what? That's a great idea. What if I make you dinner? I'm gonna get that grill. The big shiny one. Will you get us some shrimp? The big jumbo kind. Four down, three over. Come back and find me down here. In "tools".
Marvin: [pointing to his own body] Two shots here and here. Drag the body in there and repeat as necessary. Sarah: No safety. Marvin: No safety.
Marvin: [Drops a bomb in the toilet] Poo-poo's comin'!
Marvin: Mommy just slapped Daddy at the dinner table!
Frank: [eulogy] Marvin was... different. He was... a very good shot. Some would say that he was paranoid. But you have to expect a little of that when the CIA's doing you with LSD for a little more than a decade.
Marvin: Frank is a very simple creature with very simple needs. Okay? It's killing, eating, sexting, eating... Killing, I guess. Sarah: What's your point? Marvin: I can't believe you kissed The Frog! Sarah: Well, I've kissed a lotta frogs.
Sarah: I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to kill him! Frank: So you chose to kiss him?
Han Cho Bai: [about Frank] I'm going to enjoy killing him. Get me a gun that really hurts.
Han Cho Bai: [to Frank] They paid me to kill you. They didn't say I had to do it all at once.
Victoria: [on the phone] Please tell me you're not crashing with a weapon of mass destruction...
Marvin: Edward Bailey was a genius physicist who built some of the greatest stuff during the Cold War. Neutron bombs, particle beam weapons, nerve gas. Excellent nerve gas. He was a rock star of conceptual mass killing. They called him the "Da Vinci of Death".
Bailey: I didn't see that coming!
The Frog: [sipping and swishing] Superb. Al Said: Wine is wine. I want to buy American air defense protocols. The Frog: Why is it terrorists never appreciate Burgundy?
Jack Horton: Hi there. Um, my client Frank Moses is here. He's an American citizen being detained illegally and without due process. You know what? That is a lovely blazer. Kelly: Thank you.
Marvin: I knew she would play him like a banjo at an Ozark hoe-down, so I have the key.
Jack Horton: Speaking of Sarah. I love watching her shave her legs in the tub. Kinda reminds me of these Belgian mercs I met in the Congo. They would skin people alive to get them to talk.
Bailey: When you mess with me, that's what you get.