Psych Quotes
A novice sleuth is hired by the police after he cons them into thinking he has psychic powers which help solve crimes. With the assistance of his reluctant best friend, the duo take on a series of complicated cases.
Shawn Spencer: Good morning, detectives! Collecting donations for the Policeman's Ball?
Carlton Lassiter: We don't have balls.
Shawn Spencer: I honestly have no response for that.
Carlton Lassiter: Need I remind you, Mr. Spencer, what happens when you interfere with a police investigation?
Shawn Spencer: Uhhh... The case gets solved?
Carlton Lassiter: We don't have balls.
Shawn Spencer: I honestly have no response for that.
Carlton Lassiter: Need I remind you, Mr. Spencer, what happens when you interfere with a police investigation?
Shawn Spencer: Uhhh... The case gets solved?
Karen Vick: It goes without saying, Mr. Spencer, that your father is in no way to participate in this investigation. He's no longer on the force, and his meddling could compromise the case in court. Do I make myself clear?
Shawn Spencer: Yes, you do, Chief. What isn't clear is why people always say "goes without saying," yet still feel compelled to say the thing that was supposed to go without saying. Doesn't that bother you?
Karen Vick: No, and frankly, I could care less.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Now, that's the one that bothers me. Why do people say, 'I could care less' when they really mean, 'I couldn't care less?'
Karen Vick: Well, why don't you tell me how to properly say this? If you share any official information about this case with your father, or let him anywhere near any new evidence, then the two of you will have to find another police department to work for, and I will personally see to it that each of you is charged with obstruction of justice.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: You split an infinitive.
Shawn Spencer: Good catch, Gus!
Karen Vick: You two realize I carry a gun, right?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: That was perfectly elocuted.
Shawn Spencer: Yes, you do, Chief. What isn't clear is why people always say "goes without saying," yet still feel compelled to say the thing that was supposed to go without saying. Doesn't that bother you?
Karen Vick: No, and frankly, I could care less.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Now, that's the one that bothers me. Why do people say, 'I could care less' when they really mean, 'I couldn't care less?'
Karen Vick: Well, why don't you tell me how to properly say this? If you share any official information about this case with your father, or let him anywhere near any new evidence, then the two of you will have to find another police department to work for, and I will personally see to it that each of you is charged with obstruction of justice.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: You split an infinitive.
Shawn Spencer: Good catch, Gus!
Karen Vick: You two realize I carry a gun, right?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: That was perfectly elocuted.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Now everybody on my mom's side of the family thinks that I'm a psychic detective, and they think you're...
Shawn Spencer: Gay?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: No.
Shawn Spencer: German?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: No.
Shawn Spencer: Invisible?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: My assistant.
Shawn Spencer: Wow.
Shawn Spencer: Gay?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: No.
Shawn Spencer: German?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: No.
Shawn Spencer: Invisible?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: My assistant.
Shawn Spencer: Wow.
Henry Spencer: I don't even know how that ridiculous urban legend got started.
Shawn Spencer, Burton 'Gus' Guster: [stare at each other]
Shawn Spencer: [whispering] It was your big-ass mouth!
Burton 'Gus' Guster: I wanted to keep it a secret! You were the one who was broadcasting it at the lunch table!
Shawn Spencer: I can't believe this...
Burton 'Gus' Guster: We actually started an urban legend.
Shawn Spencer: That's dope.
Shawn Spencer, Burton 'Gus' Guster: [stare at each other]
Shawn Spencer: [whispering] It was your big-ass mouth!
Burton 'Gus' Guster: I wanted to keep it a secret! You were the one who was broadcasting it at the lunch table!
Shawn Spencer: I can't believe this...
Burton 'Gus' Guster: We actually started an urban legend.
Shawn Spencer: That's dope.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: I'm a man of untold mystery. that's why my friends call me G.
Shawn Spencer: Ha. That's funny. I thought they called you Big-Head Burton.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Don't ever say that name, Shawn. Besides, I know it was you who started that.
Shawn Spencer: I'm sorry, Gus, I have a knack for alliteration. I'm a slave to it. Besides, how many words start with a B?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: About a thousand! You could have used bold, black, beautiful...
Shawn Spencer: Dude, who would have called you Black Burton?
Shawn Spencer: Ha. That's funny. I thought they called you Big-Head Burton.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Don't ever say that name, Shawn. Besides, I know it was you who started that.
Shawn Spencer: I'm sorry, Gus, I have a knack for alliteration. I'm a slave to it. Besides, how many words start with a B?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: About a thousand! You could have used bold, black, beautiful...
Shawn Spencer: Dude, who would have called you Black Burton?
Carlton Lassiter: You wanted to see me, Chief?
Karen Vick: Yes. It has come to my attention, Detective, that you've discharged your weapons in the last four cases you've worked.
Carlton Lassiter: Thank you.
Karen Vick: That wasn't a compliment.
Carlton Lassiter: I'm just trying to keep the streets safe.
Karen Vick: The last incident was at a cat show.
Carlton Lassiter: Well, let me just go on record as saying that I would never shoot a cat.
Karen Vick: I guess I can find some solace in that.
Carlton Lassiter: Unless it was approaching in a threatening manner, or refused to stop upon my command. I would probably just fire a warning shot to make my point, but it's actually a field decision I can't commit to at this juncture.
Karen Vick: Yes. It has come to my attention, Detective, that you've discharged your weapons in the last four cases you've worked.
Carlton Lassiter: Thank you.
Karen Vick: That wasn't a compliment.
Carlton Lassiter: I'm just trying to keep the streets safe.
Karen Vick: The last incident was at a cat show.
Carlton Lassiter: Well, let me just go on record as saying that I would never shoot a cat.
Karen Vick: I guess I can find some solace in that.
Carlton Lassiter: Unless it was approaching in a threatening manner, or refused to stop upon my command. I would probably just fire a warning shot to make my point, but it's actually a field decision I can't commit to at this juncture.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: So now I have a cat?
Shawn Spencer: An orange tabby. Last Christmas you made her a tiny Santa hat and she adores it.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Fantastic. I can't even have a make-believe boy cat.
Shawn Spencer: Gus, a boy cat would never serve my purposes nearly as well. Next time I need you, Pickles is having kittens.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Pickles?
Shawn Spencer: Mrs. Pickles is her full name. Although, I'm not actually sure cats can marry outside of Boston.
Shawn Spencer: An orange tabby. Last Christmas you made her a tiny Santa hat and she adores it.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Fantastic. I can't even have a make-believe boy cat.
Shawn Spencer: Gus, a boy cat would never serve my purposes nearly as well. Next time I need you, Pickles is having kittens.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Pickles?
Shawn Spencer: Mrs. Pickles is her full name. Although, I'm not actually sure cats can marry outside of Boston.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: To be honest, I'm burnt. I just wanna take a nap.
Shawn Spencer: Couldn't agree with you more, buddy. I think we should lay low for a bit. No more cases.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Oh, I'm so glad to hear you say that. I was kind of worried about telling you.
Shawn Spencer: Don't be a silly goose. Now, we've had a good talk, I think we both felt it, and look at this. Here we are.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: What is this, Shawn?
Shawn Spencer: Okay, here's the thing. The police may have found a body... which I may have picked up on my police scanner which... I may have brought with me.
Shawn Spencer: Couldn't agree with you more, buddy. I think we should lay low for a bit. No more cases.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Oh, I'm so glad to hear you say that. I was kind of worried about telling you.
Shawn Spencer: Don't be a silly goose. Now, we've had a good talk, I think we both felt it, and look at this. Here we are.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: What is this, Shawn?
Shawn Spencer: Okay, here's the thing. The police may have found a body... which I may have picked up on my police scanner which... I may have brought with me.
Shawn Spencer: Life insurance policy?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: It doesn't make any sense.
Shawn Spencer: Tell me about it... Dude, seriously, tell me about it. I have no idea what this means.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: You never could understand legalese.
Shawn Spencer: Oh, really? Remind me who it was who set up our Psych 401ks?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Oh, you mean our 601ks? Because India doesn't have 401ks.
Shawn Spencer: It's a growth economy, Gus. We've already made like, 500 rupee.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: That's thirteen dollars.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: It doesn't make any sense.
Shawn Spencer: Tell me about it... Dude, seriously, tell me about it. I have no idea what this means.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: You never could understand legalese.
Shawn Spencer: Oh, really? Remind me who it was who set up our Psych 401ks?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Oh, you mean our 601ks? Because India doesn't have 401ks.
Shawn Spencer: It's a growth economy, Gus. We've already made like, 500 rupee.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: That's thirteen dollars.
Shawn Spencer: Dude. Some guy in a wolf costume with a light saber just said hi to you.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: [evasive] I don't know that guy.
Shawn Spencer: He looked right at you.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: He was mistaken.
Shawn Spencer: He said, 'Hi, Gus.' And then, another dude with a cape and a codpiece gave you a half-nod.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: [evasive] I don't know that guy.
Shawn Spencer: He looked right at you.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: He was mistaken.
Shawn Spencer: He said, 'Hi, Gus.' And then, another dude with a cape and a codpiece gave you a half-nod.
Shawn Spencer: Besides, this is a real-life television studio, Gus. What could be better?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Eating my breakfast. I was having a poached egg with hollandaise sauce on an English muffin.
Shawn Spencer: Look, we'll solve it up quick. You'll be home in no time.
[pretends to answer phone]
Shawn Spencer: Hello? Dame Judi Dench called. She wants her breakfast back.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Eating my breakfast. I was having a poached egg with hollandaise sauce on an English muffin.
Shawn Spencer: Look, we'll solve it up quick. You'll be home in no time.
[pretends to answer phone]
Shawn Spencer: Hello? Dame Judi Dench called. She wants her breakfast back.
