Night Shift

Night Shift Quotes

A nebbish of a morgue attendant gets shunted back to the night shift where he is shackled with an obnoxious neophyte partner who dreams of the "one great idea" for success. His life takes a... See full summary »

Bill: We're all adults here - we can talk about this openly...
[writing on chalkboard]
Bill: PROSTITUTION! But what does that mean really? Sometimes it helps to understand a word if you break it down, so let's do that now shall we? Pros... it doesn't mean anything, you can forget about that... Tit, I think we all know what that means, Tu, two tit and TION of course, from the Latin to shun... to say uh-uh no thank you anyway I don't want it, to push away... it doesn't even belong in this word really.
Bill Blazejowski: [picking up photo from desk] Hey Chuck? Who is this? Your wife?
Chuck Lumley: Fiancée.
Bill Blazejowski: Nice frame!
Bill: You tellin' me to shut up?
Chuck: I'm telling you to shut up! I will tell your recorder so that you don't forget!
[Chuck picks up tape recorder and turns it on]
Chuck: Hello, this is Chuck to remind Bill to SHUT UP!
Chuck Lumley: As we sit here and idly chat, there are woman, female human beings, rolling around in strange beds with strange men, and we are making money from that.
Bill Blazejowski: Is this a great country, or what?
Bill: OK, here's an example. Watch out, stand back.
[speaks into tape recorder]
Bill: This is Bill. Idea to eliminate garbage: edible paper. You see, you eat it, it's gone. Eat it, it's out of there!
Bill: I'm an idea man Chuck, I get ideas all day long. I can't control them. I can't even fight 'em
[could be 'find 'em']
Bill: if I want to. You know, 'AAAA!' So I say 'em in here and that way I never forget 'em. You see what I'm sayin'?"
Bill: So there I was at the Blackjack table with all my wash 'n' dries... did I tell you I had they idea for them first?
Bill: What if you mix the mayonnaise in the can, WITH the tunafish? Or... hold it! Chuck! I got it! Take LIVE tuna fish, and FEED 'em mayonnaise! Oh this is great.
[speaks into tape recorder]
Bill: Call Starkist!
Leonard: Oh, that Barney Rubble. What an actor.
Chuck: I used to be an investment counselor.
Bill: Yeah?
[pause]
Bill: What's that?
Chuck: It's like a stockbroker.
Bill: So what're you doing babysitting stiffs? What were you... drinker? Big drinker?
Chuck: No!
Bill: Doper! Toothead! Nose candy! Coke!
Chuck Lumley: [reads the forms that Lenoard, the day shift guy left] Name of the deceased... something Polish?
Bill: Wanna know why I carry this tape recorder? To tape things. See, I'm an idea man, Chuck. I get ideas coming at me all day. I can't control 'em. I can't even fight 'em if I want to. You know, 'AHHH!' So I say 'em in here, and that way I never forget 'em. You see what I'm sayin'?
[speaking into tape recorder]
Bill: Stand back, this is Bill. Idea to eliminate garbage. Edible paper. You eat it, it's gone! You eat it, it's outta there! No more garbage!
Bill: [Chuck is spitting on himself in the jail cell] Chuck, come on - it looks bad in front of the other guys!
Chuck Lumley: So what am I running for, cell president?
Bill: No!... they have that?
Belinda Keaton: We are all yours, Chuck!
Bill Blazejowski: What's our job? We like drive around and pickup stiffs, or what? Is that what we are supposed to do?
Bill: LOVE BROKERS!
Belinda Keaton: Bill, Bill, are you all right? Did you break anything, Bill?
Bill Blazejowski: I caught an updraft.
Chuck Lumley: Are you ok?
Bill: Yeah, I'm all right, don't worry, I'm all right, fortunately the ground broke my fall.
Bill Blazejowski: I wash my hands and my feet of you!
Bill: [points to morgue cold chambers] What's in here, just stiffs and stuff?
Chuck: Uh, no, we call them "corpses."
Bill: Can I take a peek?
Chuck: Sure.
Bill: Alright!
Chuck: I think there's one in #7.
Bill: Hey, this Carboni guy! What's he, like, our boss or what?
Chuck: No, no, he's the supervisor. He's not here at night.
Bill: Nuh-uh! Get outta town! Just you and me and the stiffs alone? Here? That's gonna be radical, Chuck!
[Chuck opens morgue drawer]
Bill: That guy's dead!
Belinda Keaton: Franklin once told me that he wanted to be buried in his car.
Chuck Lumley: We don't do that.
Belinda Keaton: Oh.
Chuck Lumley: You'll probably have to call the funeral home or the department of motor vehicles.
Chuck: [elevator door opens; Chuck sees Belinda lying on the elevator floor] Oh my God. Did you fall down? Did somebody hit you?
Belinda Keaton: Other way round. Somebody hit me and then I fell down.

Popular Movies view all

The Shawshank Redemption The Godfather The Godfather: Part II The Dark Knight The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Schindler\'s List Pulp Fiction Fight Club 12 Angry Men The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back Inception