Moonlighting Quotes
The quirky cases of a former model and a smart aleck detective who manage a private detective agency.
Security Officer: I'm sorry, but you're not on the guest list.
David Addison: That's because we're not guests. We're looking for a man with a mole on his nose.
Security Officer: A mole on his nose?
Maddie Hayes: A mole on his nose.
Security Officer: [to Maddie] What kind of clothes?
Maddie Hayes: [to David] What kind of clothes?
David Addison: What kind of clothes do you suppose?
Security Officer: What kind of clothes do I suppose would be worn by a man with a mole on his nose? Who knows?
David Addison: Did I happen to mention, did I bother to disclose, that this man that we're seeking with the mole on his nose? I'm not sure of his clothes or anything else, except he's Chinese, a big clue by itself.
Maddie Hayes: How do you do that?
David Addison: Gotta read a lot of Dr. Seuss.
Security Officer: I'm sorry to say, I'm sad to report, I haven't seen anyone at all of that sort. Not a man who's Chinese with a mole on his nose with some kind of clothes that you can't suppose. So get away from this door and get out of this place, or I'll have to hurt you - put my foot in your face.
David Addison: That's because we're not guests. We're looking for a man with a mole on his nose.
Security Officer: A mole on his nose?
Maddie Hayes: A mole on his nose.
Security Officer: [to Maddie] What kind of clothes?
Maddie Hayes: [to David] What kind of clothes?
David Addison: What kind of clothes do you suppose?
Security Officer: What kind of clothes do I suppose would be worn by a man with a mole on his nose? Who knows?
David Addison: Did I happen to mention, did I bother to disclose, that this man that we're seeking with the mole on his nose? I'm not sure of his clothes or anything else, except he's Chinese, a big clue by itself.
Maddie Hayes: How do you do that?
David Addison: Gotta read a lot of Dr. Seuss.
Security Officer: I'm sorry to say, I'm sad to report, I haven't seen anyone at all of that sort. Not a man who's Chinese with a mole on his nose with some kind of clothes that you can't suppose. So get away from this door and get out of this place, or I'll have to hurt you - put my foot in your face.
Lucentio/Viola: Stay! Didst I hear, "I come to wive it wealthily in Padua?"
Petruchio/Addison: Pray sir, yea sir, I dare say I did say.
Lucentio/Viola: Yea sir, you do say you did say?
Petruchio/Addison: Yea, I say, but why do you bray? Do not gainsay what I say that we may make headway. I foray this way that I may be home ere midday.
Lucentio/Viola: Hooray for this day and the words that you say and forgive my display, but I have something to say.
Petruchio/Addison: Then without further delay, I say, fire away!
Petruchio/Addison: Pray sir, yea sir, I dare say I did say.
Lucentio/Viola: Yea sir, you do say you did say?
Petruchio/Addison: Yea, I say, but why do you bray? Do not gainsay what I say that we may make headway. I foray this way that I may be home ere midday.
Lucentio/Viola: Hooray for this day and the words that you say and forgive my display, but I have something to say.
Petruchio/Addison: Then without further delay, I say, fire away!
David Addison: What about this banquet? I don't want to go.
Maddie Hayes: We're going. It's very important.
David Addison: Important for what? Okay, it will give us a chance to fight in public, but what else?
Maddie Hayes: I wouldn't want you losing any more sleep over me.
David Addison: Believe me, if and when I ever find myself over you, the last thing I'll be thinking about is sleeping.
Maddie Hayes: We're going. It's very important.
David Addison: Important for what? Okay, it will give us a chance to fight in public, but what else?
Maddie Hayes: I wouldn't want you losing any more sleep over me.
David Addison: Believe me, if and when I ever find myself over you, the last thing I'll be thinking about is sleeping.
Maddie Hayes: You're an animal!
David Addison: Exactly.
Maddie Hayes: And what does that mean?
David Addison: The male of the species engages in sexual congress no less than forty-six thousand, five hundred and three times from the time he is thirteen until the time he runs out of ammo.
Maddie Hayes: You know that and you can't remember our zip code?
David Addison: Exactly.
Maddie Hayes: And what does that mean?
David Addison: The male of the species engages in sexual congress no less than forty-six thousand, five hundred and three times from the time he is thirteen until the time he runs out of ammo.
Maddie Hayes: You know that and you can't remember our zip code?
Agnes DiPesto: Mr. Addison. Here's your ticket.
David Addison: Thanks again, Agnes.
Agnes DiPesto: I guess this means you're going away.
David Addison: Agnes, in all my born days I have never met a person who could put two and two together faster than you.
Agnes DiPesto: Math was always my strongest subject.
David Addison: Thanks again, Agnes.
Agnes DiPesto: I guess this means you're going away.
David Addison: Agnes, in all my born days I have never met a person who could put two and two together faster than you.
Agnes DiPesto: Math was always my strongest subject.
Baptista: It is plain the whole town knoweth of the deal 'twixt me and Petruchio. And if the whole town knoweth, then 'tis possible that Kate knoweth. And if Kate knoweth and knoweth that the whole town knoweth and knoweth that we knoweth that she knoweth - knowest what that means?
Herbert Viola: No-eth.
Herbert Viola: No-eth.
Maddie Hayes: I got an idea!
David Addison: Excuse me?
Maddie Hayes: An idea. You know, an original thought. You've heard of them. Anyway, I was just lying in my bed last night, just lying there, feeling terrible about telling that poor man that he couldn't write Mrs. Woodley anymore, when suddenly, BA-BING! I get this idea...
David Addison: Ba-what?
Maddie Hayes: Huh?
David Addison: Ba-what? I thought I just heard you say ba-bing.
Maddie Hayes: Ba-bing? So what if I did say ba-bing? So what? Anyway, David, I suddenly realized - why are you looking at me like that?
David Addison: Huh?
Maddie Hayes: Why are you looking at me like that?
David Addison: You're doing me.
Maddie Hayes: I'm WHAT?
David Addison: You're doing me, Maddie. You come in here, you slam the door, you say ba-bing, you sit on the corner of that desk - I know what I'm talking about, Maddie Hayes. This is not just some idea I plucked out of my head willy-nilly - now I'm doing you!
Maddie Hayes: David! Are you all right?
David Addison: Trust me Maddie, we are doing this backwards. Let's just go to your office and start all over.
David Addison: Excuse me?
Maddie Hayes: An idea. You know, an original thought. You've heard of them. Anyway, I was just lying in my bed last night, just lying there, feeling terrible about telling that poor man that he couldn't write Mrs. Woodley anymore, when suddenly, BA-BING! I get this idea...
David Addison: Ba-what?
Maddie Hayes: Huh?
David Addison: Ba-what? I thought I just heard you say ba-bing.
Maddie Hayes: Ba-bing? So what if I did say ba-bing? So what? Anyway, David, I suddenly realized - why are you looking at me like that?
David Addison: Huh?
Maddie Hayes: Why are you looking at me like that?
David Addison: You're doing me.
Maddie Hayes: I'm WHAT?
David Addison: You're doing me, Maddie. You come in here, you slam the door, you say ba-bing, you sit on the corner of that desk - I know what I'm talking about, Maddie Hayes. This is not just some idea I plucked out of my head willy-nilly - now I'm doing you!
Maddie Hayes: David! Are you all right?
David Addison: Trust me Maddie, we are doing this backwards. Let's just go to your office and start all over.
Paul McCain: What committee decided to put the kibosh on love and replace it with "relationships"? A relationship is when two people see a lot of each other while they wait for something better to come along. And then one day you wake up, realize you had a crack at some really great people, but were too busy worrying about what you might be missing, to notice.
Mortician: This is him, Edward O'Leary. Recognize him?
Maddie Hayes: I don't know, we never knew him.
Mortician: Then what did you want to look at the body for?
Maddie Hayes: What did we want to look at the body for?
David Addison: We're private detectives. It's what we do.
Mortician: You wanna look at any others while you're here?
Maddie Hayes: No thanks. Our limit is one stiff per day.
Maddie Hayes: I don't know, we never knew him.
Mortician: Then what did you want to look at the body for?
Maddie Hayes: What did we want to look at the body for?
David Addison: We're private detectives. It's what we do.
Mortician: You wanna look at any others while you're here?
Maddie Hayes: No thanks. Our limit is one stiff per day.
