Men in Black II Quotes
Agent J needs help so he is sent to find Agent K and restore his memory.
Frank the Pug: [Frank sings "I Will Survive"] And now you're back from outer space, / I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face, / I should've changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key, / If I'd have known for just one second you'd be back to bother me. / Go on, now go! Walk out the door...
Agent J: Frank! Move your head inside this window, before I roll it up in there.
Frank the Pug: [Sits further away from the window] Got it!
[Starts humming "I Will Survive" melody again, looking anxiously out the window]
Agent J: [shouts] Frank!
Agent J: Frank! Move your head inside this window, before I roll it up in there.
Frank the Pug: [Sits further away from the window] Got it!
[Starts humming "I Will Survive" melody again, looking anxiously out the window]
Agent J: [shouts] Frank!
Agent J: Wait, what are you doing?
Kevin Brown/K: I always do the driving.
Agent J: Oh, no...
Kevin Brown/K: I remember that.
Agent J: No, what you remember is that you used to drive that old busted jawn. See, I drive the new hotness.
[pointing at Kay]
Agent J: Old and busted.
[pointing at himself]
Agent J: New hotness.
[Kay looks at Jay for a second, then J hands the keys over]
Agent J: Old, busted hotness...
Kevin Brown/K: I always do the driving.
Agent J: Oh, no...
Kevin Brown/K: I remember that.
Agent J: No, what you remember is that you used to drive that old busted jawn. See, I drive the new hotness.
[pointing at Kay]
Agent J: Old and busted.
[pointing at himself]
Agent J: New hotness.
[Kay looks at Jay for a second, then J hands the keys over]
Agent J: Old, busted hotness...
[as Jeff devours the commuter train from one end, the passengers crowd at the head of the train in panic. The conductor comes out]
Captain Larry Bridgewater, The Motorman: You people clear out of here before I start knocking heads together!
Agent J: You get back in that cabin, and you put the hammer down on this thing!
Captain Larry Bridgewater, The Motorman: I'm Captain Larry Bridgewater, and I decide what happens on this train.
Agent J: Oh, you decide? Okay, come on...
[J steers Larry to the rear of the crowd, and points]
Agent J: Larry, this my man Jeff.
[Jeff takes another huge bite out of the back of the train]
Captain Larry Bridgewater, The Motorman: Larry just made a decision.
Agent J: Yeah, Larry needs to get his ass back in that cabin!
Captain Larry Bridgewater, The Motorman: Yeah...
Captain Larry Bridgewater, The Motorman: You people clear out of here before I start knocking heads together!
Agent J: You get back in that cabin, and you put the hammer down on this thing!
Captain Larry Bridgewater, The Motorman: I'm Captain Larry Bridgewater, and I decide what happens on this train.
Agent J: Oh, you decide? Okay, come on...
[J steers Larry to the rear of the crowd, and points]
Agent J: Larry, this my man Jeff.
[Jeff takes another huge bite out of the back of the train]
Captain Larry Bridgewater, The Motorman: Larry just made a decision.
Agent J: Yeah, Larry needs to get his ass back in that cabin!
Captain Larry Bridgewater, The Motorman: Yeah...
[last lines]
Agent J: [in J's locker] All hail J! All hail J!
Agent J: Why did you put them rats in my locker, man?
Agent K: I thought it would put things in perspective for you.
Agent J: No, K, it's actually kind of sad, really. We need to let them out of there. I mean, they need to know that the world is bigger than that.
Agent K: Still a rookie.
[Kicks open a door to a room filled with gigantic aliens]
Agent J: [in J's locker] All hail J! All hail J!
Agent J: Why did you put them rats in my locker, man?
Agent K: I thought it would put things in perspective for you.
Agent J: No, K, it's actually kind of sad, really. We need to let them out of there. I mean, they need to know that the world is bigger than that.
Agent K: Still a rookie.
[Kicks open a door to a room filled with gigantic aliens]
Agent K: You did not see a room full of shiny weapons, you did not see four alien night crawlers. You will love and cherish each other for the rest of your life.
Agent J: Which could be the next 27 or 28 minutes, so y'all should get to lovin' and cherishin'. Oh, and she gets to stay up as late as she wants and have candy and cookies and cake and junk and stuff...
Agent J: Which could be the next 27 or 28 minutes, so y'all should get to lovin' and cherishin'. Oh, and she gets to stay up as late as she wants and have candy and cookies and cake and junk and stuff...
Newton: A neuralize...
[Agent J neuralizes Newton]
Agent J: Ok. First, get some contact lenses, cause those jaunts look like they could pick up cable. Second, take her to Cambodia, get her a lobster dinner. Pay more than a dollar. Third, the second y'all get back from Cambodia, move your bum ass outta your mom's house. Boy, you like forty years old.
Kevin Brown/K: Agent J?
Agent J: Aight! Oh, and there ain't no such thing as aliens or Men in Black.
[J leaves]
Newton, Hailey: You wanna go to Cambodia?
Hailey: Yeah.
Newton: Hey, Mom?
[Newton picks up a shovel]
[Agent J neuralizes Newton]
Agent J: Ok. First, get some contact lenses, cause those jaunts look like they could pick up cable. Second, take her to Cambodia, get her a lobster dinner. Pay more than a dollar. Third, the second y'all get back from Cambodia, move your bum ass outta your mom's house. Boy, you like forty years old.
Kevin Brown/K: Agent J?
Agent J: Aight! Oh, and there ain't no such thing as aliens or Men in Black.
[J leaves]
Newton, Hailey: You wanna go to Cambodia?
Hailey: Yeah.
Newton: Hey, Mom?
[Newton picks up a shovel]
Agent J: [Looking at the picture of K and the pizza guy] You're pointing at something.
[Looks around]
Agent J: That astronaut.
[Goes to the astronaut picture]
Agent J: He like, he like.
[Goes to the ovens, seeing pizza boxes stacked like a diamond shape]
Agent J: Who would stack pizza boxes like this, its a pizza box stacker who's not stacking pizza boxes. He's leaving clues, it's an arrow.
Agent K: [notices a key hanging where the picture points] Um, J...?
Agent J: You're slowing me down slick! Whatever we're looking for is in these cabinets!
[Opens up the cabinets and takes out a thing of anchovies]
Agent J: Anchovy fillets in virgin olive oil!
[Looks at the can of anchovies dubiously]
Agent K: [takes key] I hope I'm not slowing you down, partner...
[Looks around]
Agent J: That astronaut.
[Goes to the astronaut picture]
Agent J: He like, he like.
[Goes to the ovens, seeing pizza boxes stacked like a diamond shape]
Agent J: Who would stack pizza boxes like this, its a pizza box stacker who's not stacking pizza boxes. He's leaving clues, it's an arrow.
Agent K: [notices a key hanging where the picture points] Um, J...?
Agent J: You're slowing me down slick! Whatever we're looking for is in these cabinets!
[Opens up the cabinets and takes out a thing of anchovies]
Agent J: Anchovy fillets in virgin olive oil!
[Looks at the can of anchovies dubiously]
Agent K: [takes key] I hope I'm not slowing you down, partner...
Jeebs: If I could have your attention while we go over the safety procedures. Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times, and if at any point you become disoriented, there's nothin' we can do about it.
Jeebs: Now, have you removed all of your jewellery?
[K stares at him, saying nothing]
Jeebs: Are you allergic to shellfish?
Agent J: Jeebs!
Jeebs: Right then! Smoke 'em if you got 'em!
[Jeebs turns on and sets up his equipment]
Agent J: You ever used this thing before?
Jeebs: I used the exhaust once to make some hot-air popcorn, that's about it.
[K turns his head to look at Jeebs, startled]
Jeebs: OK! Let's make it happen, Cap'n!
Jeebs: Now, have you removed all of your jewellery?
[K stares at him, saying nothing]
Jeebs: Are you allergic to shellfish?
Agent J: Jeebs!
Jeebs: Right then! Smoke 'em if you got 'em!
[Jeebs turns on and sets up his equipment]
Agent J: You ever used this thing before?
Jeebs: I used the exhaust once to make some hot-air popcorn, that's about it.
[K turns his head to look at Jeebs, startled]
Jeebs: OK! Let's make it happen, Cap'n!
Undercover alien intelligence officer: Zed, the Drolecks are gone and the treaty is signed.
Zed: Good work!
Undercover alien intelligence officer: Zed, what about that position you promised me in Men In Black?
Zed: Still working on the Alien Affirmative Action Program. I'll keep you posted.
Undercover alien intelligence officer: Wait a minute! That's not what you promised me!
Zed: You're breaking up, can't hear you.
Undercover alien intelligence officer: Zed! Hello? Zed?
Zed: I'll call you back...
[starts walking away]
Undercover alien intelligence officer: I could be Agent M!
Zed: Good work!
Undercover alien intelligence officer: Zed, what about that position you promised me in Men In Black?
Zed: Still working on the Alien Affirmative Action Program. I'll keep you posted.
Undercover alien intelligence officer: Wait a minute! That's not what you promised me!
Zed: You're breaking up, can't hear you.
Undercover alien intelligence officer: Zed! Hello? Zed?
Zed: I'll call you back...
[starts walking away]
Undercover alien intelligence officer: I could be Agent M!
Kevin Brown/K: You're standing between me and my memories, pal. Now you have this deneuralyzer thing or not?
Jeebs: Mmm, no. Fresh out.
[J and K stare at him]
Jeebs: Can't help you.
[They continue staring]
Jeebs: Don't got it...
[J and K continue to stare. Jeebs cracks]
Jeebs: Even if I did... If it doesn't work, K dies, you blow my head off! If it does work, I brought back K who, just for the fun of it, blows my head off! Sooo, what's MY incentive?
[K points his gun at Jeebs' head]
Jeebs: [weak laugh] Okay homey, I keep it right downstairs next to the snowblower.
[K smiles, satisfied]
Jeebs: Mmm, no. Fresh out.
[J and K stare at him]
Jeebs: Can't help you.
[They continue staring]
Jeebs: Don't got it...
[J and K continue to stare. Jeebs cracks]
Jeebs: Even if I did... If it doesn't work, K dies, you blow my head off! If it does work, I brought back K who, just for the fun of it, blows my head off! Sooo, what's MY incentive?
[K points his gun at Jeebs' head]
Jeebs: [weak laugh] Okay homey, I keep it right downstairs next to the snowblower.
[K smiles, satisfied]
Agent J: Sweet dreams, big boy!
[jabs the tranquilizer into Jeff, only aggravating him. After a few moments time, J reloads the tranquilizer]
Agent J: Whoo! Sweet...
[is launched forward]
Agent J: dreeeeeeaaaaaaams...
Agent J: [crashes through back window of a subway car] ... big boy. Transit authority people! Please move to the forward car, we got a bug in the electrical system!
[passengers ignore him]
Agent J: Yo! People! We got a bug in the electrical system!
[Jeff bites off a large portion of the subway car, and the passengers start running to the front]
Agent J: Yeah, now y'all runnin'! Now y'all- no, no, no, come on, sit down, sit down! It's only a 600 foot worm!
[jabs the tranquilizer into Jeff, only aggravating him. After a few moments time, J reloads the tranquilizer]
Agent J: Whoo! Sweet...
[is launched forward]
Agent J: dreeeeeeaaaaaaams...
Agent J: [crashes through back window of a subway car] ... big boy. Transit authority people! Please move to the forward car, we got a bug in the electrical system!
[passengers ignore him]
Agent J: Yo! People! We got a bug in the electrical system!
[Jeff bites off a large portion of the subway car, and the passengers start running to the front]
Agent J: Yeah, now y'all runnin'! Now y'all- no, no, no, come on, sit down, sit down! It's only a 600 foot worm!
[first lines]
Mysteries in History Narrator: Mysteries in History with your host, Peter Graves!
Peter Graves: Although no one has ever been able to prove their existence, a quasi-government agency known as the Men in Black supposedly carries out secret operations here on Earth in order to keep us safe from aliens throughout the galaxies. Here is one of their stories that never happened, from one of their files that doesn't exist...
Mysteries in History Narrator: Mysteries in History with your host, Peter Graves!
Peter Graves: Although no one has ever been able to prove their existence, a quasi-government agency known as the Men in Black supposedly carries out secret operations here on Earth in order to keep us safe from aliens throughout the galaxies. Here is one of their stories that never happened, from one of their files that doesn't exist...
Agent J: Whoo! Flushed! Yeah, man, back when you was an agent, you used to love gettin' flushed. Yeah, every Saturday night, you'd be like "flush me, J! Flush me!" and I'd be like "Naw... " You can't quit on me now, K.
Kevin Brown/K: I save to world, you tell me why I stare at the stars.
Agent J: Cool.
Kevin Brown/K: I save to world, you tell me why I stare at the stars.
Agent J: Cool.
[Agents J and T have dinner at a restaurant]
Agent T: Oh, good pie!
Agent J: Oh, yeah.
[T starts crying]
Agent J: What's wrong, man? The pie not good?
Agent T: You're gonna neuralyze me!
Agent J: No...
Agent T: Yes! You brought me to a public place so I wouldn't make a scene!
Agent J: You ARE making a scene!
Agent T: Oh, good pie!
Agent J: Oh, yeah.
[T starts crying]
Agent J: What's wrong, man? The pie not good?
Agent T: You're gonna neuralyze me!
Agent J: No...
Agent T: Yes! You brought me to a public place so I wouldn't make a scene!
Agent J: You ARE making a scene!
Agent J: Just about everybody who works in this post office is an alien.
[Opens up the aail sorter, revealing that there is an alien with a cigarette sorting the mail inside]
Kevin Brown/K: [takes the cigarette out of the alien's mouth] No smoking!
[moves off, the alien puts another cigarette in his mouth and continues to sort the mail]
[Opens up the aail sorter, revealing that there is an alien with a cigarette sorting the mail inside]
Kevin Brown/K: [takes the cigarette out of the alien's mouth] No smoking!
[moves off, the alien puts another cigarette in his mouth and continues to sort the mail]
Agent J: Could I have your attention, please?
[Neuralyzes the crowd]
Agent J: Thank you for participating in our drill. Had this been an actual emergency, y'all would have been EATEN. 'Cause you don't listen! You're ignorant! How's a man gonna come crashin' through the back of a subway win - that's the problem with all y'all New Yorkers! "Oh no, we've seen it all!" "Oh no, a 600 foot worm, save us Mr. Black Man!" I ask you nicely to move forward to the next car, y'all just sit there like...
[Gathers himself and Neuralyzes the crowd again]
Agent J: The City of New York would like to thank you for participating in our drill. Hopefully you enjoyed our smaller, more energy-efficient subway cars. Watch your step, you all have a nice evening.
[He leaves, neuralyzing Larry in the driver's seat on his way]
[Neuralyzes the crowd]
Agent J: Thank you for participating in our drill. Had this been an actual emergency, y'all would have been EATEN. 'Cause you don't listen! You're ignorant! How's a man gonna come crashin' through the back of a subway win - that's the problem with all y'all New Yorkers! "Oh no, we've seen it all!" "Oh no, a 600 foot worm, save us Mr. Black Man!" I ask you nicely to move forward to the next car, y'all just sit there like...
[Gathers himself and Neuralyzes the crowd again]
Agent J: The City of New York would like to thank you for participating in our drill. Hopefully you enjoyed our smaller, more energy-efficient subway cars. Watch your step, you all have a nice evening.
[He leaves, neuralyzing Larry in the driver's seat on his way]
Kevin Brown/K: How ya doing?
Agent J: Good.
Kevin Brown/K: Listen, we've all been there. The girl is gone and it hurts. Wanna talk about it?
Agent J: No.
Kevin Brown/K: I can help.
Agent J: No.
Zed: [walks into the room] Still sulking?
Kevin Brown/K: [at the same time as J] Yeah.
Agent J: [at the same time as K] No.
Zed: You miss her, it happens to all of us. There was this young, hot thing I knew once. When our bodies were intwined, in the positions of the Kamasutra...
Agent J: Zed!
[Grins and chuckles]
Agent J: Come on, man! Damn!
Frank the Pug: [walks in] I'll tell you about dames. They say they wanna be scratched behind the ears, but what they REALLY want is...
[growls]
Agent J: Hey! Come on...
Frank the Pug: What? Still sitting shiva? Want my advice?
Agent J: No.
[to Frank]
Agent J: No advice...
Agent J: [to K] ... no talking...
Agent J: Good.
Kevin Brown/K: Listen, we've all been there. The girl is gone and it hurts. Wanna talk about it?
Agent J: No.
Kevin Brown/K: I can help.
Agent J: No.
Zed: [walks into the room] Still sulking?
Kevin Brown/K: [at the same time as J] Yeah.
Agent J: [at the same time as K] No.
Zed: You miss her, it happens to all of us. There was this young, hot thing I knew once. When our bodies were intwined, in the positions of the Kamasutra...
Agent J: Zed!
[Grins and chuckles]
Agent J: Come on, man! Damn!
Frank the Pug: [walks in] I'll tell you about dames. They say they wanna be scratched behind the ears, but what they REALLY want is...
[growls]
Agent J: Hey! Come on...
Frank the Pug: What? Still sitting shiva? Want my advice?
Agent J: No.
[to Frank]
Agent J: No advice...
Agent J: [to K] ... no talking...
Agent J: Why did you join MiB?
Agent T: Six years in the Marines. Love to serve, love the action.
Agent J: You wanted to play hero. Well, you joined the wrong organization. You ever hear of James Edwards?
Agent T: No.
Agent J: Well, he saved the lives of fifteen people tonight. But nobody knows he exists. And if nobody knows he exists, how can anybody love him?
Agent T: Six years in the Marines. Love to serve, love the action.
Agent J: You wanted to play hero. Well, you joined the wrong organization. You ever hear of James Edwards?
Agent T: No.
Agent J: Well, he saved the lives of fifteen people tonight. But nobody knows he exists. And if nobody knows he exists, how can anybody love him?
Serleena: You lost, you insignificant little speck! You wasted 20 years of my time, and for what? The complete destruction of the Zarthas, all because you went mushy!
Agent K: I'm giving you one last chance to surrender, you slimy Kylothian invertebrate.
Serleena: Oh, what are you gonna do?
Agent K: Not me, him...
Agent J: [behind Serleena] Your flight's been cancelled!
[blasts Serleena]
Agent K: I'm giving you one last chance to surrender, you slimy Kylothian invertebrate.
Serleena: Oh, what are you gonna do?
Agent K: Not me, him...
Agent J: [behind Serleena] Your flight's been cancelled!
[blasts Serleena]
[J takes Kevin/K into the Deneuralizer room]
Agent J: The Deneuralizer. In a few moments, transverse magneto energy will surge through your brain, unlocking information hidden deep and dormant that could hold the key to Earth's very survival.
Kevin Brown/K: Okay.
[pointing at the deneuralizer]
Kevin Brown/K: What's that thing?
Agent J: The Deneuralizer. In a few moments, transverse magneto energy will surge through your brain, unlocking information hidden deep and dormant that could hold the key to Earth's very survival.
Kevin Brown/K: Okay.
[pointing at the deneuralizer]
Kevin Brown/K: What's that thing?
Agent J: [Jay is hiding Laura at the Worms' place] Here's my communicator. You'll be safe here.
Worms: [Laura kisses Jay] Whooooh!
Agent J: Uh... just... watch out for Neeble.
Laura: Which one's Neeble?
Agent J: Um... err... which one o' y'all's Neeble?
Neeble: Yo, mama!
Agent J: Ah, there ya go. And... uh... don't fall asleep.
[Jay exits]
Worms: Twister!
Worms: [Laura kisses Jay] Whooooh!
Agent J: Uh... just... watch out for Neeble.
Laura: Which one's Neeble?
Agent J: Um... err... which one o' y'all's Neeble?
Neeble: Yo, mama!
Agent J: Ah, there ya go. And... uh... don't fall asleep.
[Jay exits]
Worms: Twister!
[Frank is wearing his very own MIB suit]
Frank the Pug: J! Wait up! I appreciate this shot man. Thought I'd never get out of that mailroom.
Agent J: Lose the suit!
Frank the Pug: Sure thing partner. No problemo. Just going for the look. But if I say so myself, I do find the overall effect very slimming!
Frank the Pug: J! Wait up! I appreciate this shot man. Thought I'd never get out of that mailroom.
Agent J: Lose the suit!
Frank the Pug: Sure thing partner. No problemo. Just going for the look. But if I say so myself, I do find the overall effect very slimming!
