Man on the Moon

Man on the Moon Quotes

The life and career of a legendary comedian, Andy Kaufman.

George Shapiro: Andy, you have to look inside and ask this question: who are you trying to entertain - the audience or yourself?
George Shapiro: You're insane, but you might also be brilliant.
Tony Clifton: Can I use the bathroom? I may have shit my pants.
Security Guard: Not on the lot.
Tony Clifton: Drink of water?
Security Guard: [shakes head]
Tony Clifton: Aspirin?
Security Guard: [shakes head]
Tony Clifton: Moist Towelette?
Security Guard: [shakes head]
Tony Clifton: Well, in that case, a good day.
Lynne Margulies: So, you just pretend to be an asshole.
Andy Kaufman: It's what I'm good at.
Andy Kaufman: You don't know the real me.
Lynne Margulies: There isn't a real you.
Andy Kaufman: Oh yeah, I forgot.
Tony Clifton: So... ya wanna see Andy? Anybody gotta flashlight and a couple of shovels?
Andy Kaufman: Since you've all been such good boys and girls, I would like to take everybody in this entire audience out for milk and cookies. There are buses outside. Everybody follow me.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Kaufman, did you come here to wrestle or act like an ass?
Andy Kaufman: I am from Caspiar, an Island in the Caspian Sea. It sunk.
Andy Kaufman: I am sick of this shit, Lawler. I am gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you, I swear to God. Fuck you! Okay? Okay, Lawler? Fuck you! I'm sorry, Dave. I know I'm not supposed to use those words on television. I can't say those words. I'm sorry, I'm sorry! But, you, you are a motherfucking, fucking asshole! Okay?
[At a meeting with the NBC executives]
George Shapiro: Andy Kauffman is Tony Clifton. And Tony Clifton is Andy Kauffman. They'll deny it up and down, but believe me, it's true!
George Shapiro: Your material doesn't exactly transfer to film.
[first lines]
Andy Kaufman: Hello. I am Andy and I would like to thank you for coming to my movie. I wish it was *better*, you know, but... it is so stupid! It's terrible! I do not even like it. All of the most important things in my life are changed around and mixed up for dramatic purposes. So, I decided to cut out all of the baloney! Now the movie is much *shorter*.
[pause]
Andy Kaufman: In fact, this is the end of the movie. Thank you very much.

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