Legally Blonde Quotes
When a blonde sorority queen is dumped by her boyfriend, she decides to follow him to law school to get him back and, once there, learns she has more legal savvy than she ever imagined.
Emmett: Did you take Mrs. Windham on a date?
Enrique Salvatore: Yes.
Emmett: Where?
Enrique Salvatore: A restaurant in Concord, where no one could recognize us.
Emmett: How long have you been sleeping with Mrs. Windham?
Enrique Salvatore: Three months.
Emmett: And your boyfriend's name is...
Enrique Salvatore: Chuck.
Emmett: Right.
[Everyone gasps/laughs]
Enrique Salvatore: Pardon me, pardon me. I thought you said friend; Chuck is just a friend.
Chuck: YOU BITCH!
Enrique Salvatore: Yes.
Emmett: Where?
Enrique Salvatore: A restaurant in Concord, where no one could recognize us.
Emmett: How long have you been sleeping with Mrs. Windham?
Enrique Salvatore: Three months.
Emmett: And your boyfriend's name is...
Enrique Salvatore: Chuck.
Emmett: Right.
[Everyone gasps/laughs]
Enrique Salvatore: Pardon me, pardon me. I thought you said friend; Chuck is just a friend.
Chuck: YOU BITCH!
Elle: [Elle is cross-examining Chutney Windham] Ms. Windham, what had you done earlier that day?
Chutney Windham: I got up. Got a latte. Went to the gym. Got a perm and came home.
Elle: Where you got in the shower?
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: I believe the witness has made it clear that she was in the shower.
[Courtroom audience laughs]
Elle: Yes, your Honor.
Elle: [a sudden brainstorm comes over Elle] Ms. Windham, had you ever gotten a perm before?
Chutney Windham: Yes.
Chutney Windham: Two a year since I was 12. You do the math.
Elle: You know, a girl in my sorority, Tracy Marcinco got a perm once. We all tried to talk her out of it. Curls weren't a good look for her. She didn't have your bone structure, but thankfully that same day she entered the Pheta Delta Phi wet t-shirt contest where she was completely hosed to down from head to toe...
DA Joyce Rafferty: Objection, why is this relevant?
Elle: I have a point, I promise.
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Then make it.
Elle: Chutney, why is it Tracy Marcinco's curls were ruined when she got hosed down?
Chutney Windham: Because they got wet.
Elle: Exactly. Because isn't the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you're forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the immonium thygocolate?
Chutney Windham: Yes.
Elle: And wouldn't somebody who had, say, 30 perms before in their life be well aware of this rule, and if in fact you weren't washing your hair as I suspect you weren't because your curls are still intact, wouldn't you have heard the gunshot, and if in fact you had heard the gunshot Brooke Windham wouldn't have had time to hide the gun before you got downstairs. Which means you would have had to found Brooke Windham with a gun in her hand to make your story plausible, isn't that right?
Chutney Windham: She's my age! Did she tell you that? How would you feel if your father married someone who was your age?
Elle: You, however, Chutney had time to hide the gun after you shot your father.
Chutney Windham: [Chutney is in tears] I didn't mean to shoot him!
[points at Brooke]
Chutney Windham: I thought it was YOU walking through the door!
[Courtroom audience gasps]
Elle: Oh my God.
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Oh my God.
Brooke: Oh my God.
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Balliff, take the witness into custody, where she will be charged for the murder of Joseph Windham. Case dismissed. Mrs. Windham, you're free to go.
Brooke: Thank you, your honor.
Chutney Windham: I got up. Got a latte. Went to the gym. Got a perm and came home.
Elle: Where you got in the shower?
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: I believe the witness has made it clear that she was in the shower.
[Courtroom audience laughs]
Elle: Yes, your Honor.
Elle: [a sudden brainstorm comes over Elle] Ms. Windham, had you ever gotten a perm before?
Chutney Windham: Yes.
Chutney Windham: Two a year since I was 12. You do the math.
Elle: You know, a girl in my sorority, Tracy Marcinco got a perm once. We all tried to talk her out of it. Curls weren't a good look for her. She didn't have your bone structure, but thankfully that same day she entered the Pheta Delta Phi wet t-shirt contest where she was completely hosed to down from head to toe...
DA Joyce Rafferty: Objection, why is this relevant?
Elle: I have a point, I promise.
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Then make it.
Elle: Chutney, why is it Tracy Marcinco's curls were ruined when she got hosed down?
Chutney Windham: Because they got wet.
Elle: Exactly. Because isn't the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you're forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the immonium thygocolate?
Chutney Windham: Yes.
Elle: And wouldn't somebody who had, say, 30 perms before in their life be well aware of this rule, and if in fact you weren't washing your hair as I suspect you weren't because your curls are still intact, wouldn't you have heard the gunshot, and if in fact you had heard the gunshot Brooke Windham wouldn't have had time to hide the gun before you got downstairs. Which means you would have had to found Brooke Windham with a gun in her hand to make your story plausible, isn't that right?
Chutney Windham: She's my age! Did she tell you that? How would you feel if your father married someone who was your age?
Elle: You, however, Chutney had time to hide the gun after you shot your father.
Chutney Windham: [Chutney is in tears] I didn't mean to shoot him!
[points at Brooke]
Chutney Windham: I thought it was YOU walking through the door!
[Courtroom audience gasps]
Elle: Oh my God.
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Oh my God.
Brooke: Oh my God.
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Balliff, take the witness into custody, where she will be charged for the murder of Joseph Windham. Case dismissed. Mrs. Windham, you're free to go.
Brooke: Thank you, your honor.
Elle: [on video essay] ... and that's why you should vote for me. Elle Woods: future lawyer for the class of 2004.
Admissions Guy: She does have a 4.0 from CULA and she got a 179 on LSATs.
Head of Admissions: Fashion major?
Admissions Guy: Well sir we've never had one before and aren't we always looking for diversity?
Admissions Guy: Her list of extra-curricular activities is impressive.
Head of Admissions: She was in a Ricky Martin video.
Admissions Guy: Clearly, she's interested in music.
Head of Admissions: She also designed a line of faux-fur panties for her sorority's charity project.
Admissions Guy: Uh huh, she's a friend to the animals as well as a philanthropist.
Head of Admissions: Elle Woods.
[pause]
Head of Admissions: Welcome to Harvard.
Admissions Guy: She does have a 4.0 from CULA and she got a 179 on LSATs.
Head of Admissions: Fashion major?
Admissions Guy: Well sir we've never had one before and aren't we always looking for diversity?
Admissions Guy: Her list of extra-curricular activities is impressive.
Head of Admissions: She was in a Ricky Martin video.
Admissions Guy: Clearly, she's interested in music.
Head of Admissions: She also designed a line of faux-fur panties for her sorority's charity project.
Admissions Guy: Uh huh, she's a friend to the animals as well as a philanthropist.
Head of Admissions: Elle Woods.
[pause]
Head of Admissions: Welcome to Harvard.
[Elle sees David the geek trying unsuccessfully to get a date with two lovely girls, who mock him, and decides to help by making the girls think she dated David]
Elle: Excuse me.
[Elle turns around and slaps David]
Elle: Why didn't you call me? We spent a beautiful night together and I haven't heard from you since.
David: [pause] I'm sorry?
Elle: Sorry for what? For breaking my heart, or for giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever known and just taking it away?
David: Both?
Elle: Well, forget it. I've spent too much time crying over you.
[Elle walks away, and the girls change their mind about him]
Girl: So, when did you wanna go out?
Elle: Excuse me.
[Elle turns around and slaps David]
Elle: Why didn't you call me? We spent a beautiful night together and I haven't heard from you since.
David: [pause] I'm sorry?
Elle: Sorry for what? For breaking my heart, or for giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever known and just taking it away?
David: Both?
Elle: Well, forget it. I've spent too much time crying over you.
[Elle walks away, and the girls change their mind about him]
Girl: So, when did you wanna go out?
Elle's Mother: Honey, you were First Runner-Up at the "Miss Hawaiian Tropics" contest. Why are you going to throw that all away?
Elle: Going to Harvard is the only way I'm going to get the love of my life back.
Elle's Father: Oh, sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things.
Elle: Going to Harvard is the only way I'm going to get the love of my life back.
Elle's Father: Oh, sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things.
Elle: I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard.
C.U.L.A. Advisor: Well then, you'll need excellent recommendations from your professors.
Elle: Okay.
C.U.L.A. Advisor: And a heck of an admissions essay.
Elle: Right.
C.U.L.A. Advisor: And at least a 175 on your LSATs.
Elle: I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me, I can handle anything.
C.U.L.A. Advisor: Well then, you'll need excellent recommendations from your professors.
Elle: Okay.
C.U.L.A. Advisor: And a heck of an admissions essay.
Elle: Right.
C.U.L.A. Advisor: And at least a 175 on your LSATs.
Elle: I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me, I can handle anything.
Elle: [to Emmett] So, if you don't know an answer they're just gonna kick you out.
Emmett: So you have Stromwell, huh?
Elle: Yes. Did she do that to you too?
Emmett: No, but she did make me cry once... not in class I waited until I got back to my room, but yeah she'll kick you right in the balls, or wherever.
Emmett: So you have Stromwell, huh?
Elle: Yes. Did she do that to you too?
Emmett: No, but she did make me cry once... not in class I waited until I got back to my room, but yeah she'll kick you right in the balls, or wherever.
Elle: Is that low-viscosity rayon? With a half-loop top stitching on the hem?
Boutique Saleswoman: Of course. It's one of a kind.
Elle: It's impossible to use a half-loop stitching on low-viscosity rayon. It would snag the fabric. And you didn't just get it in - I saw it in the June Vogue a year ago. So if you're trying to sell it to me for full price, you've picked the wrong girl.
Boutique Saleswoman: Of course. It's one of a kind.
Elle: It's impossible to use a half-loop stitching on low-viscosity rayon. It would snag the fabric. And you didn't just get it in - I saw it in the June Vogue a year ago. So if you're trying to sell it to me for full price, you've picked the wrong girl.
