Keeping Up Appearances

Keeping Up Appearances Quotes

A snobbish housewife is determined to climb the social ladder, in spite of her family's working class connections and the constant chagrin of her long suffering husband.

Hyacinth: It's Bouquet! B-U-C-K-E-T!
Hyacinth: I've just been insulted on my own telephone!
Richard Bucket: I expect the opportunities are rare for being insulted on somebody else's.
Emmet Hawksworth: [repeated line about Hyacinth in a sad and depressed tone] She'll sing at me, I know she will.
Hyacinth: Today could be the day I'm mistaken for somebody important.
Onslow: [to Daisy] What discourages me about looking for your father is we usually find him.
[repeated line]
Hyacinth: Sheridaaaaaaan!
[she pronounces it "Bouquet", and very, very shrilly]
Hyacinth: The Bucket residence, the lady of the house speaking!
Hyacinth: Mind the pedestrian, Richard.
Richard Bucket: Minding the pedestrian...
Hyacinth: It's Bouquet!
Onslow: Daisy, I am not just a play thing.
Hyacinth: Sit wherever you like, dear... *except* there! I always like to face the window.
Hyacinth: This is not the Chinese restaurant. This is a residential number and you are speaking to the lady of the house on a white, slim line telephone with last number redial facility.
Hyacinth: Listen, Daisy. Tell Onslow to put a shirt on while I'm on the telephone. I can always sense him there, expanding.
[repeated line]
Onslow: Oh, nice!
Hyacinth: [on the phone] No, I will not send over another portion of deep-fried squid. This is not the Chinese take-away. You are connected to a private residence on a white, slimlined telephone with last-number redial facility.
Richard Bucket: Hyacinth, do you ever wonder why Sheridan shows very little interest in girls?
Hyacinth: Oh, Richard. You know how much I love daddy. I would have him here if it wasn't for all the time he spends in the bathroom.
[repeated line]
Hyacinth: It's my sister Violet! She's the one with the Mercedes, swimming pool, and room for a pony.
[repeated line]
Someone: Oh damn! It's the Bucket woman!
Elizabeth Hawksworth Warden: I'm sorry Hyacinth, when I'm in this house I go to pieces.
Hyacinth: Well some people just can't help being clumsy.
Hyacinth: Oh, don't make difficulties, Richard!
[repeated line]
Hyacinth: It's my sister Daisy. She's not the one with the Mercedes, sauna and room for a pony.
Rose: Onslow, father's on the roof again!
Onslow: Ask him if he's got my bottle opener!
Hyacinth: [to Richard, after she picks up the phone] It's Sheridan!
Richard Bucket: How much does he want?
Hyacinth: Oh, stop it, Richard! I'm sure he's just calling to say hello to his mommy.
[on the phone, to Sheridan]
Hyacinth: Now, what is it dear?
[stops and blinks]
Hyacinth: You want 90?
Hyacinth: All the men like Rose, that's her problem.
Hyacinth: Rose, that skirt's too short!
[repeated line]
Hyacinth: Now don't be silly, Richard!
Hyacinth: If my Sheridan were here he'd be appalled!
Hyacinth: Richard a little decorum please, that is not the sort of behaviour one would expect from a person with a reservation for a quailty cruise
Hyacinth: [in the car] Mind the horse.
Richard Bucket: It's in the field.
[repeated line]
Hyacinth: Coffee in ten minutes, Elizabeth! Bring Emmet!
Hyacinth: Take your shoes off before you enter the house, dear.
Hyacinth: I want you to instruct your superiors that this is a first class stamp residence.
Hyacinth: What a wonderful sense of duty Daddy has.
Hyacinth: Your suggestion is noted. However, I see little practical merit in having the telephone up my jumper!
Hyacinth: And you are?... Regional Postal Manager. I guess you will do, though I would have preferred to speak to someone on a national scale.
Hyacinth: Ooooh! It's the Chairlady of the Women's Luncheon Club.
Richard Bucket: Ewww...
Hyacinth: I would be very pleased if you would accept my invitation to one my candlelight suppers.

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