Keeping Mum Quotes
A pastor preoccupied with writing the perfect sermon fails to realize that his wife is having an affair and his children are up to no good.
Gloria Goodfellow: [writing to Grace] So in all, I'd say our life here is complete. It just ambles along in its quiet and merry way. A few hiccups here and there. Like the pond. Which now, they tell me, needs to be drained. It's a bit of a fuss as you can imagine but I'm sure we'll sort something out.
Gloria Goodfellow: This cannot go on mother, I've had enough.
Grace Hawkins: I understand you're upset.
Gloria Goodfellow: Too bloody right I'm upset, I've got two dead bodies. One in the pond and one in the sitting room.
Grace Hawkins: No, you've got three dead bodies in the pond because you're forgetting...
Gloria Goodfellow: Grace, this has gone far enough. And I mean it.
Grace Hawkins: I understand you're upset.
Gloria Goodfellow: Too bloody right I'm upset, I've got two dead bodies. One in the pond and one in the sitting room.
Grace Hawkins: No, you've got three dead bodies in the pond because you're forgetting...
Gloria Goodfellow: Grace, this has gone far enough. And I mean it.
Gloria Goodfellow: Aren't we forgetting the small matter of dead bodies?
Grace Hawkins: How did you know about the other bodies?
Gloria Goodfellow: What other bodies?
Grace Hawkins: Oh. You didn't know about the other bodies...
Gloria Goodfellow: WHAT other bodies?
Grace Hawkins: Oh, just Mr. Brown's dog. And... and Mr. Brown.
Gloria Goodfellow: You killed them too?
Grace Hawkins: I did it for you, dear.
Grace Hawkins: How did you know about the other bodies?
Gloria Goodfellow: What other bodies?
Grace Hawkins: Oh. You didn't know about the other bodies...
Gloria Goodfellow: WHAT other bodies?
Grace Hawkins: Oh, just Mr. Brown's dog. And... and Mr. Brown.
Gloria Goodfellow: You killed them too?
Grace Hawkins: I did it for you, dear.
[Petey has just seen his bullies' bikes give way under them, not knowing that Grace cut the brake cables]
Petey Goodfellow: Billy Martin's dead! Mummy! Mummy! Billy Martin came after me, but Grace was there and all I said was "broccoli" and now he's dead! Billy Martin's dead! Woo Hoo!
[Petey runs inside cheering]
Gloria Goodfellow: [whispering to Grace] Could we have a word? Is Billy Martin really dead?
Grace Hawkins: [whispers back] No, just unconscious if I'm any judge. But please don't tell Petey; he's so excited.
Petey Goodfellow: Billy Martin's dead! Mummy! Mummy! Billy Martin came after me, but Grace was there and all I said was "broccoli" and now he's dead! Billy Martin's dead! Woo Hoo!
[Petey runs inside cheering]
Gloria Goodfellow: [whispering to Grace] Could we have a word? Is Billy Martin really dead?
Grace Hawkins: [whispers back] No, just unconscious if I'm any judge. But please don't tell Petey; he's so excited.
[Gloria sees Lance's dead body in his car]
Gloria Goodfellow: Oh Jesus Christ.
Grace Hawkins: It's all right. I didn't chop him up or anything grisly like that. Where are you going?
Gloria Goodfellow: I'm not doing it.
Grace Hawkins: But I can't drive.
Gloria Goodfellow: I'm not getting in the car.
Grace Hawkins: I'm a learner. Officially I need someone with me.
Gloria Goodfellow: I would say under the circumstances the normal rules do not apply.
Gloria Goodfellow: Oh Jesus Christ.
Grace Hawkins: It's all right. I didn't chop him up or anything grisly like that. Where are you going?
Gloria Goodfellow: I'm not doing it.
Grace Hawkins: But I can't drive.
Gloria Goodfellow: I'm not getting in the car.
Grace Hawkins: I'm a learner. Officially I need someone with me.
Gloria Goodfellow: I would say under the circumstances the normal rules do not apply.
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: The title for this evening's opening address is Cod's Mysterious Ways. God! God! God's Mysterious Ways
[calms down]
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: . I'm sure Cod *have* mysterious ways, but it's the mysterious ways of God I want to talk about tonight. Cod will just have to wait for their own convention.
[calms down]
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: . I'm sure Cod *have* mysterious ways, but it's the mysterious ways of God I want to talk about tonight. Cod will just have to wait for their own convention.
Police Interrogator: Two dismembered bodies, Rosemary. Why don't you just start by telling me who they are.
Rosie Jones: My husband and his mistress. They were planning to run away together.
Police Interrogator: So you thought you'd just kill them instead?
Rosie Jones: I couldn't very well stand idly by now could I?
Rosie Jones: My husband and his mistress. They were planning to run away together.
Police Interrogator: So you thought you'd just kill them instead?
Rosie Jones: I couldn't very well stand idly by now could I?
Gloria Goodfellow: Petey? Petey? Walter?
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Ah, Gloria. This is Bob and Ted from the waterboard, we're just discussing the...
Gloria Goodfellow: Walter, where's Petey?
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Oh Lord! Mrs Calloway called about her crisis of faith. She was on the verge of losing it.
Gloria Goodfellow: I know the bloody feeling.
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Ah, Gloria. This is Bob and Ted from the waterboard, we're just discussing the...
Gloria Goodfellow: Walter, where's Petey?
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Oh Lord! Mrs Calloway called about her crisis of faith. She was on the verge of losing it.
Gloria Goodfellow: I know the bloody feeling.
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: So. They made love in every room in the house did they? Lilian and Brian? And they went round twice. I think we've got some catching up to do.
Gloria Goodfellow: No. I must see to Mrs Parker.
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Oh gosh. Do you need me?
Gloria Goodfellow: No, no. It's just the flower arranging committee.
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Dear God. I swear that committee will be the death of her.
Gloria Goodfellow: No. I must see to Mrs Parker.
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Oh gosh. Do you need me?
Gloria Goodfellow: No, no. It's just the flower arranging committee.
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Dear God. I swear that committee will be the death of her.
Grace Hawkins: You know, men do sometimes lose their way, dear. I mean, Walter is a sweet soul, but he's a bit slow-witted like the rest of them.
Gloria Goodfellow: So you were married too?
Grace Hawkins: Yes I was. A long time ago.
Gloria Goodfellow: Did he lose his way?
Grace Hawkins: With a little help from another woman.
Gloria Goodfellow: Ohh...
Grace Hawkins: Completely lost his head over her.
Gloria Goodfellow: So you were married too?
Grace Hawkins: Yes I was. A long time ago.
Gloria Goodfellow: Did he lose his way?
Grace Hawkins: With a little help from another woman.
Gloria Goodfellow: Ohh...
Grace Hawkins: Completely lost his head over her.
Train Ticket Collector: Miss Jones? Rosemary Jones?
Rosie Jones: Rosie, please. I prefer Rosie.
Train Ticket Collector: I was just checking the trunk. The big leather trunk. Is, er, is that yours?
Rosie Jones: Yes that's mine. Is there a problem?
Train Ticket Collector: Er.
[uncertain]
Train Ticket Collector: No.
Rosie Jones: Rosie, please. I prefer Rosie.
Train Ticket Collector: I was just checking the trunk. The big leather trunk. Is, er, is that yours?
Rosie Jones: Yes that's mine. Is there a problem?
Train Ticket Collector: Er.
[uncertain]
Train Ticket Collector: No.
Grace Hawkins: Have you thought about sex?
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: What?
Grace Hawkins: The Bible. It's full of sex, haven't you noticed? Song of Solomon?
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Ah yes, but that's a song between a devout man and God.
Grace Hawkins: No. It's about sex. You read it again vicar.
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: What?
Grace Hawkins: The Bible. It's full of sex, haven't you noticed? Song of Solomon?
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Ah yes, but that's a song between a devout man and God.
Grace Hawkins: No. It's about sex. You read it again vicar.
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: Was that a brassiere over Holly's shoulder this morning?
Gloria Goodfellow: You're half a day behind the rest of us you know. And it's called a bra nowadays.
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: But why did she have it over her shoulder?
Gloria Goodfellow: [sighs] She was doing the laundry.
Gloria Goodfellow: You're half a day behind the rest of us you know. And it's called a bra nowadays.
Reverend Walter Goodfellow: But why did she have it over her shoulder?
Gloria Goodfellow: [sighs] She was doing the laundry.
