Kaboom

Kaboom Quotes

A sci-fi story centered on the sexual awakening of a group of college students.

Stella: You meet some guy on a nude beach and after five minutes later you're downloading his hard drive in the back of a van? You're a slut.
Smith: It's always the same dream. I'm wandering, naked, in this strange maze of hallways, and I feel this creeping sense of impending doom, like something terrible's about to happen. I pass my roommate, my mom, my best friend Stella - basically every significant person in my life - and they're all just staring at me like I'm some kind of museum display behind glass. Then I see two people I've never met before - a mysterious, unearthly, beautiful woman, and this red-haired girl, and they both seem to be leading me deeper into the corridor. This is when I notice the black door. And I'm not sure why, but somehow I know that I've got to find out what's behind it. So I grab hold of the knob, open the door and discover... a dumpster.
Stella: Next to putting a dick in your mouth with Lady Gaga playing in the background, that's about as gay as it gets.
Smith: I'm not sure how straight Thor really is.
Stella: You just said he was putting a load in some pinhead's dryer last night.
Smith: Yeah, but doing it with women doesn't necessarily make him straight. Case in point.
Stella: The fact that you randomly sometimes stick it in a girl does not mean anything beyond you need to monitor your drinking.
Smith: And what do you make of him, uh, trying to blow himself this afternoon?
Stella: He likes having his sword swallowed. Not exactly a revelation.
Stella: Nice hat, by the way. Are we in Paris?
Stella: So, anyways, the party tonight...
[Smith groans]
Stella: You're going. Lorelei, this hot girl from my Emotion Painting class, invited me.
Smith: Lorelei? As in legendary siren luring helpless sailors to their doom?
Stella: Yeah, I know. She's gorge and I need a wingman, so you're drafted.
Smith: So that you can hook up and ditch me after five seconds.
Stella: Basically.
Stella: The guy sounds like a fucking asstard.
London: Well, I'm stressed about this exam I have on Monday and I was thinking I could use a really good orgasm.
Smith: Sure you can't stay a little bit longer?
London: Now, is that you or Smith Junior talking?
Smith: You got something better to do?
Stella: Uh, sucking a fart out of a dead seagull's ass?
Smith: So, are you worried?
Stella: Does Mel Gibson hate Jews?
Stella: Smith, college is just an intermission between high school and the rest of your life. It's four years of having sex, making stupid mistakes, and experiencing stuff. It's a pit stop, not the second coming of the Messiah.
London: You joking?
Rex: Sorry.
London: I've had pelvic exams that last longer than that.
London: Straight guys are gayer than gay guys. The fact they're in love and can't suck each other's dicks makes them act queerer than Clay Aiken.
London: What kind of guy are you? If I didn't just have your dick inside of me, I'd swear you didn't have one.
Thor: I've been reading on the Internet that if you do these flexibility exercises twice a day, you'll be able to give yourself a blowjob in three weeks. I'll e-mail you the link.
Stella: Happy birthday, monkey-spanker.

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