Thank you! Don't forget to confirm subscription in your email.
A knight and his valet are plagued by a witch, and to repair the damage they make use of the services of a wizard. However, something goes wrong and they are transported from the 12th ... See full summary »
Maitre D': [he is brandishing a raw chicken which Andre has stolen from the kitchens, skewered with an umbrella and tried to roast in the fireplace] I'm afraid I'm going to have add an order of "Chicken à la Umbrella" to your bill.
Hunter: [to the Count and Andre as they are in the bathroom] Don't be bashful with the soap.
Julia: But Hunter doesn't have a sister. Count Thibault: Excuse me, I will kill him for you.
[after eating dog food] André le Pate: I am eating this very good meats and vegetables in a very fine sauce... I will shit easy tomorrow.
André le Pate: Master! You're worried. What is wrong? Count Thibault: The wizard - - he exploded.
Hunter: Do you realize the bath you just took cost over two thousand dollars? That's American dollars! Count Thibault: Is that a lot? Hunter: Yes, yes it is. Count Thibault: Then I will repay you with one of my swans.
[Telephone conversation] Amber: Who is this? Andre: I am Andre le Pate. I have big balls! And my ass breathes fire!
Count Thibault: I am already wealthy. I own hundreds of horses and bags of pepper, four hundred backs of wool, and fifty barrels of Spanish olives. Andre: And you own me, Sire. Count Thibault: Yes. But you have no value. Andre: [pause] That is true.
Count Thibault: He belongs to me. I decide his fate. André le Pate: No master! I mean, no way Jose!
Hunter: [he notices André's table manners] Actually, the floor wasn't such a bad place for him. Easier to hose down.
Hunter: Your French relatives are bathing in the toilet.
Count Thibault: [explaining his perplexion with the light-switch] I do not have this invention in my castle. Julia: You don't have power? Count Thibault: I have the power to judge and condemn to death any villain on my land. Julia: [nonplussed] Oh, really? Hunter will be so jealous.
Count Thibault: You are more than a rose. You are love's own flower.
Count Thibault: Run behind the chariot, peasant! Hunter: Yes, master! André le Pate: He can't run behind the car! Count Thibault: He cannot ride with us; he is not noble. Julia: Yes, but he has to ride in the car. Count Thibault: He is very fast! Hunter: We-we're taking the freeway; you can run seventy miles an hour, can you? André le Pate: I have good boots!
André le Pate: [as they are dining, he whispers] Sire? Count Thibault: What? André le Pate: [whispers] I have to make pee-pee. Count Thibault: [aloud] Ah, you have to pee! *Outside*! André le Pate: But sire... the wolves! I could be eaten! Count Thibault: Find a torch! Idiot.
Julia: I am strong, and I am smart, and I don't need you to take care of me. Hunter: Oh really? Julia: [grabs Thibault's sword and thrusts it toward Hunter] Courage is my creed.
Julia: [her family motto] Courage is my creed.
Hunter: [indicating the Wizard experimenting in their kitchen] What's this? Julia: A twelfth-century English wizard. [the Wizard bows to Hunter]
[after the wizard's apartment explodes] Count Thibault: Damn English Wizards. Can't do anything right.
Andre: You want some dog?
Count Thibault: You are lionhearted, Julia, like the women of your lineage. You have courage.
Maitre D': [at a fancy restaurant, Thibault throws bones from his plate to Andre, who is eating from the floor] Excuse me, but the gentleman can't eat off the floor. Count Thibault: He's not a gentleman! He is my servant [throws another bone] Count Thibault: and he is not worthy of our company.
André le Pate: [as the Count is bathing, Andre takes a bottle of Chanel and drinks some, handing it to the count] Ah! Very good flavour! Count Thibault: [he drinks some, then promptly spits it out] Blah! This is not wine, ignorant peasant! It is oil for the bath!
Julia: Honey, did you know that the women of my lineage are all lionhearted?
Narrator: You could tell from the petulant arch on his furrowed brow that he was not in route to a good deed.