Jarhead Quotes
Based on former Marine Anthony Swofford's best-selling 2003 book about his pre-Desert Storm experiences in Saudi Arabia and about his experiences fighting in Kuwait.
[last lines]
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: A story. A man fires a rifle for many years. and he goes to war. And afterwards he comes home, and he sees that whatever else he may do with his life - build a house, love a woman, change his son's diaper - he will always remain a jarhead. And all the jarheads killing and dying, they will always be me. We are still in the desert.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: A story. A man fires a rifle for many years. and he goes to war. And afterwards he comes home, and he sees that whatever else he may do with his life - build a house, love a woman, change his son's diaper - he will always remain a jarhead. And all the jarheads killing and dying, they will always be me. We are still in the desert.
Sgt. Siek: Now to the rest of you, do you have what it takes to be the meanest, the cruelest, the most sadist unforgiving mother fuckers in God's cruel kingdom?
All Marines: Yes, Staff Sergeant.
Sgt. Siek: Will you be able to one day say, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the baddest mother fucker in the God damn valley?"
All Marines: Yes, Staff Sergeant.
Sgt. Siek: We shall fucking see.
All Marines: Yes, Staff Sergeant.
Sgt. Siek: Will you be able to one day say, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the baddest mother fucker in the God damn valley?"
All Marines: Yes, Staff Sergeant.
Sgt. Siek: We shall fucking see.
Sgt. Siek: [looking at Oil Fires] I could be working with my brother right now. He's got a dry-wall business in Compton. Does the inside of office buildings; you know, the metal studs. I could be his partner, said he'd give me that brand new Dodge Ram Charger. You know, the 318 Magnum? The beast? All indoor work, too, lots of AC. I could sleep with my wife every night, fuck her, maybe; take my kids to school every morning. And I'd run his crews, too, probably increase productivity 40 to 50%. Make $100K a year. Do you know why I don't? Because I love this job. I thank God for every fucking day he gives me in the corps, oorah.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: [Swoff and Fergus are disassembling and reassembling their rifles in their tent. Cortez is sitting a few bunks down, messing with his radio] What would you say if I told you I was gonna kill you for fucking me over like that?
Fergus: I already told you, it was an accident.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: An accident. Right. Like when the trigger slips. Of course, your nice little mom and dad are where?
Fergus: Cottonwood Falls.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Cottonwood Falls. They'll be sad. THey won't have their little boy to send fucking cookies to. I'll say it was an accidental discharge. I might spend some time in the brig... but it'll end this fucking waiting. And I don't knwo what it's like to kill a man.
[loads rifle and points it at Fergus]
Fergus: What are you doing?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I'm in the firing position known as the sitting position. After the prone position, it is the platform most likely to enable a Marine to effectivley kill his target. His target being a human, generally an enemy but sometimes a friend or friendly. We call this frinedly fire, or friendly fucking or getting friendly fucked.
Fergus: Come on Swoff, it was your watch! It was Christmans Eve, and I was just thinking about home. That's it.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What do you think Cortez? You think I'll accidentally kill your homeboy from boot camp?
Cortez: Sure you'll kill him. Accidents happen.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: You don't see shit right?
Cortez: I don't see shit. This ain't even my tent. Matter of fact, I ain't even here, Swoff.
[exits tent]
Fergus: I already told you, it was an accident.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: An accident. Right. Like when the trigger slips. Of course, your nice little mom and dad are where?
Fergus: Cottonwood Falls.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Cottonwood Falls. They'll be sad. THey won't have their little boy to send fucking cookies to. I'll say it was an accidental discharge. I might spend some time in the brig... but it'll end this fucking waiting. And I don't knwo what it's like to kill a man.
[loads rifle and points it at Fergus]
Fergus: What are you doing?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I'm in the firing position known as the sitting position. After the prone position, it is the platform most likely to enable a Marine to effectivley kill his target. His target being a human, generally an enemy but sometimes a friend or friendly. We call this frinedly fire, or friendly fucking or getting friendly fucked.
Fergus: Come on Swoff, it was your watch! It was Christmans Eve, and I was just thinking about home. That's it.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What do you think Cortez? You think I'll accidentally kill your homeboy from boot camp?
Cortez: Sure you'll kill him. Accidents happen.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: You don't see shit right?
Cortez: I don't see shit. This ain't even my tent. Matter of fact, I ain't even here, Swoff.
[exits tent]
D.I. Fitch: Are you eyeballing me with those baby-blues? Are you?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, no, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Are you in love with me, Swofford?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, no, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Why, you don't think I look good in my uniform, Swofford?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, the Drill Instructor looks excellent in his uniform, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Oh, so you're gay then and you love me!
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, I'm not gay, sir!
D.I. Fitch: You got a girlfriend, Swafford?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, yes, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Guess again, dumbass, Jody's banging her right now! Get on your face and give me twenty five for all the times she's gonna get fucked this month! Down on your face!
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, no, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Are you in love with me, Swofford?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, no, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Why, you don't think I look good in my uniform, Swofford?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, the Drill Instructor looks excellent in his uniform, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Oh, so you're gay then and you love me!
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, I'm not gay, sir!
D.I. Fitch: You got a girlfriend, Swafford?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, yes, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Guess again, dumbass, Jody's banging her right now! Get on your face and give me twenty five for all the times she's gonna get fucked this month! Down on your face!
[first lines]
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: A story: A man fires a rifle for many years, and he goes to war. And afterward he turns the rifle in at the armory, and he believes he's finished with the rifle. But no matter what else he might do with his hands, love a woman, build a house, change his son's diaper; his hands remember the rifle.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: A story: A man fires a rifle for many years, and he goes to war. And afterward he turns the rifle in at the armory, and he believes he's finished with the rifle. But no matter what else he might do with his hands, love a woman, build a house, change his son's diaper; his hands remember the rifle.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: [voice over narration] Suggested techniques for the Marine to use in the avoidance of boredom and loneliness: Masturbation. Rereading of letters from unfaithful wives and girlfriends. Cleaning your rifle. Further masturbation. Rewiring Walkman. Arguing about religion and meaning of life. Discussing in detail, every woman the Marine has ever fucked. Debating differences, such as Cuban vs. Mexican, Harleys vs. Hondas, left- vs. right-handed masturbation. Further cleaning of rifle. Studying of Filipino mail order bride catalog. Further masturbation. Planning of Marine's first meal on return home. Imagining what the Marine's girlfriend and her man Jody are doing in the hay, or in the alley, or in a hotel bed.
Kruger: This is censorship.
Sgt. Siek: This is what?
Kruger: Censorship. You're telling us what we can and can't say to the press. That's un-American.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Yeah, what about freedom of speech? The Constitution?
Sgt. Siek: No you signed a contract. You don't have any rights. You got any complaints you complain to Saddam Insane and see if he gives a fuck.
Kruger: Why that's exactly what Saddam Hussein does. You're treating us the same way.
Sgt. Siek: You are a marine. There is no such thing as speech that is free. You must pay for everything that you say.
Sgt. Siek: This is what?
Kruger: Censorship. You're telling us what we can and can't say to the press. That's un-American.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Yeah, what about freedom of speech? The Constitution?
Sgt. Siek: No you signed a contract. You don't have any rights. You got any complaints you complain to Saddam Insane and see if he gives a fuck.
Kruger: Why that's exactly what Saddam Hussein does. You're treating us the same way.
Sgt. Siek: You are a marine. There is no such thing as speech that is free. You must pay for everything that you say.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: You poor bastard. I bet your recruiter promised you a whole wide world of pussy, huh?
Kruger: Fuckin' eh. Cocksucker knew the price of every whore from Olangapo to Stockholm.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: And here we are, headed to the desert - no pussy and a thousand miles.
Kruger: Fucked by the green weenie again!
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Well, what would you be doing if you were a civilian? Staying up late, jacking off, playing Metroid - trying to get to that ninth level?
Troy: You know what happens when you get there?
[laughs]
Troy: Nothing. You just start all over again.
Kruger: Fuckin' eh. Cocksucker knew the price of every whore from Olangapo to Stockholm.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: And here we are, headed to the desert - no pussy and a thousand miles.
Kruger: Fucked by the green weenie again!
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Well, what would you be doing if you were a civilian? Staying up late, jacking off, playing Metroid - trying to get to that ninth level?
Troy: You know what happens when you get there?
[laughs]
Troy: Nothing. You just start all over again.
Fergus: [to the reporter] Yes, ma'am. I'm very happy to be here. I love my country. I miss my parents. Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. They're treating me alright here.
Ramon Escobar: [to the reporter] It was an opportunity for me to defend America, the country which has given freedom to me and to my family. And it is an honor to, to fight for that freedom.
Ramon Escobar: [to the reporter] It was an opportunity for me to defend America, the country which has given freedom to me and to my family. And it is an honor to, to fight for that freedom.
D.I. Fitch: [to a whole squad of Marines] You are no longer black, or brown, or yellow, or red! You are now green! You are light green! Or dark green! Do you understand?
All Marines: Sir, yes, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Swofford!
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, yes, sir!
D.I. Fitch: You the maggot whose father served in Vietnam?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, yes, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Out-standing! Did he have the balls to die there?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, no, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Too fucking bad! He ever talk about it?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, only once, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Good! Then he wasn't lying!
All Marines: Sir, yes, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Swofford!
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, yes, sir!
D.I. Fitch: You the maggot whose father served in Vietnam?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, yes, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Out-standing! Did he have the balls to die there?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, no, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Too fucking bad! He ever talk about it?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, only once, sir!
D.I. Fitch: Good! Then he wasn't lying!
Sgt. Siek: I don't give out too many special treats. But this morning we have a very special treat. Private Swofford here is going to play reveille for us. Okay, Swofford, play reveille.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I don't have a bugle, Staff Sergeant.
Sgt. Siek: You don't have a what?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I don't have a bugle.
Sgt. Siek: Oh no. No, no. Damn, damn. You better play it with your mouth.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What?
Sgt. Siek: I said play it with your God damn mouth.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I don't have a bugle, Staff Sergeant.
Sgt. Siek: You don't have a what?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I don't have a bugle.
Sgt. Siek: Oh no. No, no. Damn, damn. You better play it with your mouth.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What?
Sgt. Siek: I said play it with your God damn mouth.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What's up, buddy? Merry Christmas.
Corporal Harrigan: Yeah.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I hear you got some good shit.
Corporal Harrigan: Fly, rumor, on winged feet. Here... read this.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What is it?
Corporal Harrigan: It's a love letter for the Major. I write all of his letters.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: "Dear sweet Gloria, I wish I was up in you now with a finger in your ass. Love you, Captain Skinboat."
Corporal Harrigan: I studied classics at Dartmouth.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: It's a good school.
Corporal Harrigan: Forty bucks, five gallons.
Corporal Harrigan: Yeah.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I hear you got some good shit.
Corporal Harrigan: Fly, rumor, on winged feet. Here... read this.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What is it?
Corporal Harrigan: It's a love letter for the Major. I write all of his letters.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: "Dear sweet Gloria, I wish I was up in you now with a finger in your ass. Love you, Captain Skinboat."
Corporal Harrigan: I studied classics at Dartmouth.
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: It's a good school.
Corporal Harrigan: Forty bucks, five gallons.
Sgt. Siek: Swofford? Swofford?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Yeah?
Sgt. Siek: What the fuck? You sick?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: No, sir. I just got this stomach-thing...
Sgt. Siek: Staff Sergenat Siek. I'm with Surveillance and Target Acquisition. STA. I heard it took six guys to pull that little branding trick on you. And your file says that you ain't dumb either. So you better get unsick most motha fucking rikey-tick, cause' there's a chance that you could be a scout sniper!
Sgt. Siek: [picks up Swofford's book] What the fuck is this?
Sgt. Siek: "The stranger from Camus". That's some heavy dope right there, marine!
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Yeah?
Sgt. Siek: What the fuck? You sick?
Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: No, sir. I just got this stomach-thing...
Sgt. Siek: Staff Sergenat Siek. I'm with Surveillance and Target Acquisition. STA. I heard it took six guys to pull that little branding trick on you. And your file says that you ain't dumb either. So you better get unsick most motha fucking rikey-tick, cause' there's a chance that you could be a scout sniper!
Sgt. Siek: [picks up Swofford's book] What the fuck is this?
Sgt. Siek: "The stranger from Camus". That's some heavy dope right there, marine!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Good afternoon Marines!
All Marines: Good afternoon, sir!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Jesus Did you just land in a War Zone or a funeral parlor? Good afternoon Marines!
All Marines: GOOD AFTERNOON, SIR!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: OOOO! I just felt my dick move!
[All Marines are laughing]
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: For those of you that don't know me, I am Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski, your battalion commander. We are now part of Operation Desert Shield, now just north of us, Saddam Hussein has got one million Iraqi soldiers, now some of those boys have been fighting since you were nine or ten years old, they are tough, they will stop at nothing, they've used nerve gas against the Iranians and the Kurds, here's a picture.
[All marines are looking stunned and angered at the picture of a boy hit with nerve gas]
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Now I know what you're thinkin', you're thinkin' "let's kick ass! and take names! And end *this* shit, the day before yesterday!"
All Marines: OORAH!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: But the bureaucrats have a lot of jaw bonin' to do, so for now these Iraqis who have raped and pillaged poor little Kuwait, are not yet in our gunsights. Our current mission is to protect the oil fields of our good friends in the Kingdom of Saud until further notice, and gentlemen, I'm talkin' a lot of oil, a LOT of oil, so you will hydrate, you will train, you will adjust to this desert, and you'll hydrate some more, and you will be ready, you will maintain a constant state of suspicious alertness, and one day soon, Saddam Hussein is gonna regret pullin' this sorry shit!
[points to picture of boy]
All Marines: OORAH!
Fowler: We're gonna kick some Iraqi ass!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Hahaha! What did you say?
Fowler: We're gonna kick some Iraqi ass, SIR!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Oh hell, son, you're gonna win the Medal of Honor all by your self! what's the rest of my battalion gonna do?
All Marines: Kick some Iraqi ass!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: You know what? I think it's time for me to retire... I can't hear a FUCKIN' THING!
All Marines: [All the Marines in the tent rise as one] KICK SOME IRAQI ASS!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Oh, boys, I just got a hard on!
All Marines: Good afternoon, sir!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Jesus Did you just land in a War Zone or a funeral parlor? Good afternoon Marines!
All Marines: GOOD AFTERNOON, SIR!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: OOOO! I just felt my dick move!
[All Marines are laughing]
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: For those of you that don't know me, I am Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski, your battalion commander. We are now part of Operation Desert Shield, now just north of us, Saddam Hussein has got one million Iraqi soldiers, now some of those boys have been fighting since you were nine or ten years old, they are tough, they will stop at nothing, they've used nerve gas against the Iranians and the Kurds, here's a picture.
[All marines are looking stunned and angered at the picture of a boy hit with nerve gas]
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Now I know what you're thinkin', you're thinkin' "let's kick ass! and take names! And end *this* shit, the day before yesterday!"
All Marines: OORAH!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: But the bureaucrats have a lot of jaw bonin' to do, so for now these Iraqis who have raped and pillaged poor little Kuwait, are not yet in our gunsights. Our current mission is to protect the oil fields of our good friends in the Kingdom of Saud until further notice, and gentlemen, I'm talkin' a lot of oil, a LOT of oil, so you will hydrate, you will train, you will adjust to this desert, and you'll hydrate some more, and you will be ready, you will maintain a constant state of suspicious alertness, and one day soon, Saddam Hussein is gonna regret pullin' this sorry shit!
[points to picture of boy]
All Marines: OORAH!
Fowler: We're gonna kick some Iraqi ass!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Hahaha! What did you say?
Fowler: We're gonna kick some Iraqi ass, SIR!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Oh hell, son, you're gonna win the Medal of Honor all by your self! what's the rest of my battalion gonna do?
All Marines: Kick some Iraqi ass!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: You know what? I think it's time for me to retire... I can't hear a FUCKIN' THING!
All Marines: [All the Marines in the tent rise as one] KICK SOME IRAQI ASS!
Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Oh, boys, I just got a hard on!
