How the Grinch Stole Christmas Quotes
A creature is intent on stealing Christmas.
The Grinch: All right, you're a reindeer. Here's your motivation: Your name is Rudolph, you're a freak with a red nose, and no one likes you. Then, one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. No, forget that part. We'll improvise... just keep it kind of loosey-goosey. You HATE Christmas! You're gonna steal it. Saving Christmas is a lousy ending, way too commercial. ACTION!
[Max knocks the red nose off]
The Grinch: BRILLIANT! You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of commercialism. Why didn't I think of that? Cut, print, check the gate, moving on.
[Max knocks the red nose off]
The Grinch: BRILLIANT! You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of commercialism. Why didn't I think of that? Cut, print, check the gate, moving on.
The Grinch: The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there - on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn't allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, jazzercize; 6:30, dinner with me - I can't cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing... I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?
The Grinch: I tell you Max, I don't know why I ever leave this place. I've got all the company I need right here.
[indicates himself]
The Grinch: [shouts] Hello?
Echo: Hello.
The Grinch: How are you?
Echo: How are you?
The Grinch: I asked you first.
Echo: I asked you first.
The Grinch: Oh right, that's REALLY mature, saying exactly what I say.
Echo: ...Saying exactly what I say.
The Grinch: I'm an idiot!
Echo: You're an idiot!
The Grinch: [whispering] Alright fine! I'm not talking to you anymore! In fact, I'm going to whisper! So that by the time my voice reverbarates off the walls, and gets back to me, I won't be able to hear it.
[pause]
Echo: You're an idiot!
[indicates himself]
The Grinch: [shouts] Hello?
Echo: Hello.
The Grinch: How are you?
Echo: How are you?
The Grinch: I asked you first.
Echo: I asked you first.
The Grinch: Oh right, that's REALLY mature, saying exactly what I say.
Echo: ...Saying exactly what I say.
The Grinch: I'm an idiot!
Echo: You're an idiot!
The Grinch: [whispering] Alright fine! I'm not talking to you anymore! In fact, I'm going to whisper! So that by the time my voice reverbarates off the walls, and gets back to me, I won't be able to hear it.
[pause]
Echo: You're an idiot!
The Grinch: Any calls?
Grinch's Answering Machine: [computer voice] You have no messages.
The Grinch: Odd. Better check the outgoing.
Grinch's Answering Machine: [Grinch's voice] If you utter so much as one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key.
The Grinch: Hmm. Hmm.
Grinch's Answering Machine: [computer voice] You have no messages.
The Grinch: Odd. Better check the outgoing.
Grinch's Answering Machine: [Grinch's voice] If you utter so much as one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key.
The Grinch: Hmm. Hmm.
Cindy Lou Who: Santa?
The Grinch: WHAT?
Cindy Lou Who: Don't forget the Grinch. I know he's mean and hairy and smelly. His hands might be cold and clammy, but I think he's actually kinda... sweet.
The Grinch: SWEET? You think he's sweet?
Cindy Lou Who: [nods] Merry Christmas, Santa.
[goes upstairs]
The Grinch: Nice kid... baaad judge of character.
The Grinch: WHAT?
Cindy Lou Who: Don't forget the Grinch. I know he's mean and hairy and smelly. His hands might be cold and clammy, but I think he's actually kinda... sweet.
The Grinch: SWEET? You think he's sweet?
Cindy Lou Who: [nods] Merry Christmas, Santa.
[goes upstairs]
The Grinch: Nice kid... baaad judge of character.
The Grinch: That's what it's all about, isn't it? That's what it's always been *about*. Gifts, gifts... gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts! You wanna know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me. In your garbage. You see what I'm saying? In your *garbage*. I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump. And the avarice...
[shouts]
The Grinch: The avarice never ends! "I want golf clubs. I want diamonds. I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored and sell it to make glue." Look, I don't wanna make waves, but this *whole* Christmas season is...
[shouts again]
The Grinch: ...stupid, stupid, stupid!
[calmer]
The Grinch: There is, however, one teeny-tiny Christmas tradition I find quite meaningful...
[holds up mistletoe]
The Grinch: Mistletoe.
[puts mistletoe over his butt]
The Grinch: Now pucker up and kiss it, Whoville!
[wiggles mistletoe]
The Grinch: Boi-yoi-yoi-yoing!
[shouts]
The Grinch: The avarice never ends! "I want golf clubs. I want diamonds. I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored and sell it to make glue." Look, I don't wanna make waves, but this *whole* Christmas season is...
[shouts again]
The Grinch: ...stupid, stupid, stupid!
[calmer]
The Grinch: There is, however, one teeny-tiny Christmas tradition I find quite meaningful...
[holds up mistletoe]
The Grinch: Mistletoe.
[puts mistletoe over his butt]
The Grinch: Now pucker up and kiss it, Whoville!
[wiggles mistletoe]
The Grinch: Boi-yoi-yoi-yoing!
Narrator: So whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, he stood outside his cave, hating the Whos.
The Grinch: [opens phone book] Alphabetically!
[looks into book]
The Grinch: Aadvarkian Abakeneezer Who, I...
[yelling]
The Grinch: HATE YOU!
[looks into book again]
The Grinch: Aaron B. Benson Who, I hate *you*.
[looking into book]
The Grinch: Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. LOATHE ENTIRELY!
The Grinch: [opens phone book] Alphabetically!
[looks into book]
The Grinch: Aadvarkian Abakeneezer Who, I...
[yelling]
The Grinch: HATE YOU!
[looks into book again]
The Grinch: Aaron B. Benson Who, I hate *you*.
[looking into book]
The Grinch: Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. LOATHE ENTIRELY!
The Grinch: I am the Grinch that stole Christmas... and I'm sorry.
[long silence]
The Grinch: Aren't you going to cuff me? Put me in a choke hole? Blind me with pepper spray?
Mayor Augustus Maywho: You heard him, Officer. He admitted it. I'd go with the pepper spray.
Officer Wholihan: Yes, I heard him all right. He said he was sorry.
[long silence]
The Grinch: Aren't you going to cuff me? Put me in a choke hole? Blind me with pepper spray?
Mayor Augustus Maywho: You heard him, Officer. He admitted it. I'd go with the pepper spray.
Officer Wholihan: Yes, I heard him all right. He said he was sorry.
Cindy Lou Who: Thanks for saving me.
The Grinch: [stops in his tracks] Saving you, is that what you think I was doing? Wrongo. I just noticed that you were improperly packaged, my dear.
[grabs wrapping paper and starts wrapping Cindy up]
The Grinch: Hold still.
[to Max]
The Grinch: Max, pick out a bow.
[to Cindy]
The Grinch: Can I use your finger for a sec?
The Grinch: [stops in his tracks] Saving you, is that what you think I was doing? Wrongo. I just noticed that you were improperly packaged, my dear.
[grabs wrapping paper and starts wrapping Cindy up]
The Grinch: Hold still.
[to Max]
The Grinch: Max, pick out a bow.
[to Cindy]
The Grinch: Can I use your finger for a sec?
Stu Lou Who: Are you ready, Drew? I'll race you! Last one up is a stinky old Grinch.
Junie: Guys, where are we? I think we should go back.
Stu Lou Who: What? You're scared of The Grinch!
Christina Whoterberry: That is so not true.
Drew Lou Who: They say he lives inside the mountain, waiting to feast on... WHO-FLESH!
Christina Whoterberry: Oh, Drew!
Stu Lou Who: You're scared of the Grinch! You're scared of The Grinch!
Christina Whoterberry: Are not!
Stu Lou Who: Are to! You're scared of...
[they come to the door, Stu and Drew are bit taken back]
Christina Whoterberry: Oh, come on touch it. Touch the door! Do it for me, Stu.
Junie: Guys, where are we? I think we should go back.
Stu Lou Who: What? You're scared of The Grinch!
Christina Whoterberry: That is so not true.
Drew Lou Who: They say he lives inside the mountain, waiting to feast on... WHO-FLESH!
Christina Whoterberry: Oh, Drew!
Stu Lou Who: You're scared of the Grinch! You're scared of The Grinch!
Christina Whoterberry: Are not!
Stu Lou Who: Are to! You're scared of...
[they come to the door, Stu and Drew are bit taken back]
Christina Whoterberry: Oh, come on touch it. Touch the door! Do it for me, Stu.
