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An uptight and by-the-book cop tries to protect the outgoing widow of a drug boss as they race through Texas pursued by crooked cops and murderous gunmen.
Daniella Riva: What is that white thing? Cooper: Oh, that's my underwear. Daniella Riva: That's no underwear. That's a diaper! Cooper: I like a lot of coverage.
Cooper: Mrs. Riva, I'm Officer Cooper. I'm here to escort you to Dallas. You must have not seen me. Daniella Riva: Oh, I saw you. I was trying to hit your flat ass. Cooper: Mrs. Riva, I am a police officer. Daniella Riva: Oh please! Look at you! You are teeny tiny! You look like a little dog that I can put in my purse. Cooper: I can assure you, ma'am, that I meet the minimum height requirement of an adult female my weight.
News Reporter: Officer Cooper stands at four feet, 11 inches. Cooper: Oh, come on! News Reporter: The other suspect, a 45-year-old Latino woman. Daniella Riva: 45? My madre!... News Reporter: Officer Cooper is four feet, nine inches. Cooper: I am five-foot, two. News Reporter: Traveling with a 50-year-old suspect.
Cooper: Randy? Randy: Whoa, hey! Cooper: Penis! Oh my God! Penis! Randy: I'm going to get...
Captain Emmett: What I'm about to say can't leave this room. Do you know who Vicente Cortez is? Cooper: Yes, he is the top lieutenant in the cartel. He is known as the Bank of Bogota, the Tender Tender, the Lender Lender, the Money Launderer, El Chapo, the Pork Chop... Captain Emmett: Okay, okay... Tomorrow morning, you will escort our witness to Dallas so she can testify against Cortez... But Cortez has killed every witness we've had.
Cooper: You don't have to like me but I'm your best chance at surviving... What the heck is that? Daniella Riva: Philippe must have put baking powder in the car. Cooper: How much baking powder? Daniella Riva: I don't know, maybe like 42 kilos. Trucker: Hey, are y'all okay? I took that turn way too fast. What the heck is this white stuff? Cooper, Daniella Riva: Baking powder. Cooper: We're bakers, muffins, toast, cakes. Trucker: I should call the police. Cooper: No, I am the mother f'in police. Don't you see? There's no major damage here. You're free to go. Trucker: But I destroyed your car.
Cooper: We have to get out of this car right now or they're going to kill us both. Follow me... Mrs. Riva is having some problems with some lady business. Police Officer: Can't she just hold it? Daniella Riva: No, you see, once a month it sheds its lining. Cooper: It sheds! Daniella Riva: So that the eggs descend into the... Detective Hauser: Oh my God!
Randy: I know who you are. You all are wanted. Cooper: I am a police officer. Mrs. Riva, she's a federal witness in my protective custody. Everybody in this state is looking for her, dirty cops and the cartel. We need a couple hours to lie low. Now, can you help us with that? Randy: I kind of like your smile.
Cooper: You're in danger, ma'am, but everything's going to be fine. Daniella Riva: What about my husband? Cooper: Everything but your husband's going to be fine. Daniella Riva: [hysterically] Ahhhhhh!
Cooper: [in Spanish] I can't wait to see you behind bars. Daniella Riva: Do you speak Spanish? Cooper: [in Spanish] Shut your mouth. Daniella Riva: [in Spanish] You tiny little whitey. Cooper: [in Spanish] Your big, fat mouth. Daniella Riva: [in Spanish] Birdbrain.