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Richard Clark has just left the well-known Wellington Academy to teach at Marion Barry High School. Now, he will try to inspire the D-average students into making good grades and try to woo a fellow teacher.
Victoria Chapell: [Richard and Victoria are making love in the dark] Richard? I'm over here. Victoria's Cat: MEOW!
Principal Evelyn Doyle: I inherited the business from my late husband. Richard Clark: I'm shocked! Principal Evelyn Doyle: What? That a woman can run a business? Richard Clark: No. That you were ever married.
Richard Clark: [to Ms Doyle] I'm higher than hell and you're STILL ugly!
Victoria Chapell: [referring to Paco's entry into a school dance, even though it's not his school] Paco's gang always gets into other school dances, and they bring weapons to them Richard Clark: What kind of people bring weapons to a dance? [Anferney and all his friends nearby put their hands in their coats, and you hear guns cocking]
Richard Clark: Why are you late? Natalie: Because the bell rang before I got here.
Richard Clark: Victoria, could you give me a ride home? I seem to have misplaced my car. Victoria Chapell: Oh, don't worry about it. All the teachers loose their car on their first day.
Mrs. McReynolds: [Griff has graduated] Way to go Griff that's my boy! Mrs. Clark: [She taps Mrs. McReynolds on the shoulder and then points at Richard] That's *my* boy
[Alcohol is poured into Richard Clark's coffee cup by a burned-out looking alcoholic teacher] Richard Clark: Isn't it a little early to start drinking? Woman: Who stops?
Richard Clark: [trying to act high] Oh, this shit be kickin'!
Miss Bernie Wells: You coming on to me, pickledick?
Victoria Chapell: Remember, some things are irreplaceable Richard Clark: Irreplaceable? Nothings gonna happen to me. [Richard drives away] Victoria Chapell: I was talking about my car!
Richard Clark: I'm Richard Clark, I'm the new history teacher here. What department do you teach in? Teacher: I don't know, something up on the third floor.
Richard Clark: I've never been very good with relationships. In fact, most of mine ended with "Hey, what are you doing in bed with that other woman?" And that was me talking!
[Julie is pregnant with her third child] Richard Clark: Well, Julie I hoped you learned a valuable lesson from this. Julie Rubels: Oh, yes. Basically as far as vasectomies go, never use the home kit.
Paco Rodriguez: Come on, I know you want this. I read Mike Tyson's book.
Principal Evelyn Doyle: What the hell is going on here? Victoria Chapell: I was attacked. Principal Evelyn Doyle: Well, what did you expect, dressed like that, and alone, with him?
School P.A.: [voice-over] Farouk Abdul, please report to the principal's office. One of your fathers is here.
Paco Rodriguez: As long as you're here, you show some respect to me! Me... Paco Rodriguez Fernandez Martinez Diaz DeJesus Morales Santos... Junior. Griff McReynolds: Are we not forgetting a name? Paco Rodriguez: What's that? Griff McReynolds: Skidmark.
Richard Clark: Why would I have his briefcase unless I was workin' for him? Principal Evelyn Doyle: That's doesn't prove anything. You could have seen him down in the restaurant, dressed up like a waiter, created some kind of diversion while she snatched it from under the table. Richard Clark: [Swallows toothpick] That's a little farfetched, don't you think?
Thaddeus Clark: Richard, if you do this, you will fail. You... will... fail! And mark my works, you'll come crawling back here with your tail between your legs! Richard Clark: You're wrong, father. I'm gonna succeed at Barry High School. And, I have no intention of ever crawling back here with anything between my legs!
Miss Bernie Wells: This was a new suit, pickledick.
[the school nurse hands a student a paper which has an appointment for a pregnancy test] Nurse: Here you go you little slut.
[During drug bust] Principal Evelyn Doyle: What is she doing here? Richard Clark: She's my bitch! [Veronica scolds at him] Richard Clark: Well... my significant other. We've been slappin' skins for sometime, hmmmm?