Hairspray Quotes
Pleasantly plump teenager Tracy Turnblad teaches 1962 Baltimore a thing or two about integration after landing a spot on a local TV dance show.
Motormouth Maybelle: [to Seaweed and Penny] Oh, so this is love?
[pauses, then smiles]
Motormouth Maybelle: Well, love is a gift, a lot of people don't remember that. So, you two better brace yourselves for a whole lotta ugly comin' at you from a neverending parade of stupid.
Penny Pingleton: [deadpans] So, you've met my mom?
[pauses, then smiles]
Motormouth Maybelle: Well, love is a gift, a lot of people don't remember that. So, you two better brace yourselves for a whole lotta ugly comin' at you from a neverending parade of stupid.
Penny Pingleton: [deadpans] So, you've met my mom?
Link Larkin: I was just at home, practicing my new twist on The Twist, when I overheard it on the news. I can't believe Tracy savagely bludgeoned an Eagle Scout. That's just not like her.
Edna Turnblad: But it's not true! I was there! He didn't even bleed.
Link Larkin: I shoulda been there, beside her. I can't sleep. I can't eat...
Edna Turnblad: You can't eat? Well, come on in and worry with us. I'll make you some pork.
Edna Turnblad: But it's not true! I was there! He didn't even bleed.
Link Larkin: I shoulda been there, beside her. I can't sleep. I can't eat...
Edna Turnblad: You can't eat? Well, come on in and worry with us. I'll make you some pork.
Motormouth Maybelle: Well, looks like y'all took a step outta bounds.
[to Seaweed]
Motormouth Maybelle: Who've we got here?
Seaweed: Mom, I want you to meet my new friends. This here is Link, Tracy Turnblad...
Tracy Turnblad: [interrupts] This is just so afro-tastic!
Seaweed: And this young lady right here, is Penny Pingleton.
Penny Pingleton: I'm very pleased and scared to be here.
Motormouth Maybelle: Now, honey, we got more reason to be scared on your street.
[to Seaweed]
Motormouth Maybelle: Who've we got here?
Seaweed: Mom, I want you to meet my new friends. This here is Link, Tracy Turnblad...
Tracy Turnblad: [interrupts] This is just so afro-tastic!
Seaweed: And this young lady right here, is Penny Pingleton.
Penny Pingleton: I'm very pleased and scared to be here.
Motormouth Maybelle: Now, honey, we got more reason to be scared on your street.
Penny Pingleton: Seaweed? Shhh, don't let her hear you!
Seaweed: What happened to you?
Penny Pingleton: [sighs] She's punishing me for harboring a fugitive without her permission. What are you doing?
Seaweed: I'm here to rescue the fair maiden, baby.
[kisses Penny]
Penny Pingleton: Oh, Seaweed, you do care! I was afraid the colors of our skin would keep us apart.
Seaweed: No... but these knots might.
[still trying to untie her]
Seaweed: Was your mom in the Navy?
Seaweed: What happened to you?
Penny Pingleton: [sighs] She's punishing me for harboring a fugitive without her permission. What are you doing?
Seaweed: I'm here to rescue the fair maiden, baby.
[kisses Penny]
Penny Pingleton: Oh, Seaweed, you do care! I was afraid the colors of our skin would keep us apart.
Seaweed: No... but these knots might.
[still trying to untie her]
Seaweed: Was your mom in the Navy?
Seaweed: My mom's havin' a platter party tonight. Y'all wanna come check it out?
Tracy Turnblad: Now?
Penny Pingleton: Would you mind if I, too, checked it out? I've never been to North Avenue before.
Link Larkin: Uh... well, would it be safe, you know... for us?
Seaweed: Calm down, cracker boy, it's cool.
Penny Pingleton: Wow! Being invited places by colored people!
Tracy Turnblad: It feels so hip!
Seaweed: I'm glad y'all feel that way, 'cause, uh, not many people do.
Tracy Turnblad: Now?
Penny Pingleton: Would you mind if I, too, checked it out? I've never been to North Avenue before.
Link Larkin: Uh... well, would it be safe, you know... for us?
Seaweed: Calm down, cracker boy, it's cool.
Penny Pingleton: Wow! Being invited places by colored people!
Tracy Turnblad: It feels so hip!
Seaweed: I'm glad y'all feel that way, 'cause, uh, not many people do.
Corny Collins: I'd like to welcome our new council member, Miss Tracy Turnblad! Tracy, cozy up to ol' Corny and tell us a little bit about yourself
Tracy Turnblad: Well, I watch the Corny Collins show everyday and I do nothing else!
Corny Collins: Oh!
Tracy Turnblad: I also hope to be the first female president... or a rockette!
Corny Collins: As your first act as president, what would you do?
Tracy Turnblad: Hmm...
[ponders]
Tracy Turnblad: ... I'd make everyday Negro Day!
Corny Collins: I read you like tomorrow's headlines!
Tracy Turnblad: Well, I watch the Corny Collins show everyday and I do nothing else!
Corny Collins: Oh!
Tracy Turnblad: I also hope to be the first female president... or a rockette!
Corny Collins: As your first act as president, what would you do?
Tracy Turnblad: Hmm...
[ponders]
Tracy Turnblad: ... I'd make everyday Negro Day!
Corny Collins: I read you like tomorrow's headlines!
[last lines]
Ensemble: [singing] Ever since we first saw the sun, a man and woman liked to shake it when the day is done. And so we're gonna shake and shimmy it and have some fun today. Cause you can't stop the motion of the ocean or the rain from above. They can try to stop the paradise that we're dreamin' of, but you'll never stop the rhythm of two hearts in love to stay. Cause you can't stop the beat. You can't stop the beat. You can't stop the beat. You can't stop the beat. You can't stop the beat.
Ensemble: [singing] Ever since we first saw the sun, a man and woman liked to shake it when the day is done. And so we're gonna shake and shimmy it and have some fun today. Cause you can't stop the motion of the ocean or the rain from above. They can try to stop the paradise that we're dreamin' of, but you'll never stop the rhythm of two hearts in love to stay. Cause you can't stop the beat. You can't stop the beat. You can't stop the beat. You can't stop the beat. You can't stop the beat.
Amber von Tussel: [to her classmates] Oh, and it's totally not true about her and the entire football team. I mean, please: anybody can get grass stains all over their back.
Link Larkin: Amber, stop it. I'm sick of you doing that! Just because she's a good dancer...
Amber von Tussel: [scoffs] Uh, I'm sorry... you think that she can dance? Well, maybe you'd rather have her as your partner. You could get sponsored by Goodyear!
Link Larkin: Amber, stop it. I'm sick of you doing that! Just because she's a good dancer...
Amber von Tussel: [scoffs] Uh, I'm sorry... you think that she can dance? Well, maybe you'd rather have her as your partner. You could get sponsored by Goodyear!
Corny Collins: And now it's time to say goodbye to our very own fun-lovin', free-wheelin' little Brenda.
Corny Collins: [looks to Brenda] Come on up here, Brenda. Brenda will be taking a leave of absence from the show. How long are you gonna be gone, Brenda?
Brenda: [smiles nervously] Just nine months.
Corny Collins: [looks to Brenda] Come on up here, Brenda. Brenda will be taking a leave of absence from the show. How long are you gonna be gone, Brenda?
Brenda: [smiles nervously] Just nine months.
Edna Turnblad: Tracy, I have told you about that hair. All ratted up like a teenage Jezebel!
Penny Pingleton: Tracy's "flamboyant flip" is all the rage, Miss Edna. Jackie Kennedy, our First Lady, even rats her hair.
Edna Turnblad: But Tracy ain't no First Lady, are your Tracy? No siree. She's a hair hopper, that's what she is!
Penny Pingleton: Tracy's "flamboyant flip" is all the rage, Miss Edna. Jackie Kennedy, our First Lady, even rats her hair.
Edna Turnblad: But Tracy ain't no First Lady, are your Tracy? No siree. She's a hair hopper, that's what she is!
Velma Von Tussle: [disgusted] Oh!
[forces a smile]
Velma Von Tussle: Mrs. Turnblad! I'd know whose mother you were ANYWHERE.
[notices Edna's outfit]
Velma Von Tussle: Oh, let me guess - new dress?
Edna Turnblad: [nods, shyly but proudly]
Velma Von Tussle: Well... you'll stop traffic!
[laughs]
Edna Turnblad: [looks away, crushed]
Velma Von Tussle: It was nice meeting you... Tracy.
[struts away with Amber, as Edna starts crying]
Tracy Turnblad: Mama, don't you DARE listen to a word she says!
[Edna appears not to hear her]
Tracy Turnblad: Come on! She's just worried that I'm going to win the Miss Teenage Hairspray contest!
Edna Turnblad: [stops crying immediately and looks at Tracy, impressed] ... Really?
[forces a smile]
Velma Von Tussle: Mrs. Turnblad! I'd know whose mother you were ANYWHERE.
[notices Edna's outfit]
Velma Von Tussle: Oh, let me guess - new dress?
Edna Turnblad: [nods, shyly but proudly]
Velma Von Tussle: Well... you'll stop traffic!
[laughs]
Edna Turnblad: [looks away, crushed]
Velma Von Tussle: It was nice meeting you... Tracy.
[struts away with Amber, as Edna starts crying]
Tracy Turnblad: Mama, don't you DARE listen to a word she says!
[Edna appears not to hear her]
Tracy Turnblad: Come on! She's just worried that I'm going to win the Miss Teenage Hairspray contest!
Edna Turnblad: [stops crying immediately and looks at Tracy, impressed] ... Really?
Amber von Tussel: [on the phone with Edna, disguising her voice] My name is Mike.
Edna Turnblad: [off-camera] Mike?
Amber von Tussel: Yes, Mike.
Edna Turnblad: Mike who?
Amber von Tussel: [slips back into her normal voice] It's MIKE!
[catches herself, coughs]
Amber von Tussel: Anyway... I'm calling because I have some information about your daughter's whereabouts.
Edna Turnblad: What?
Amber von Tussel: Right now, as we speak, your daughter has entered a hotbed of moral... turpentine.
Edna Turnblad: [off-camera] Mike?
Amber von Tussel: Yes, Mike.
Edna Turnblad: Mike who?
Amber von Tussel: [slips back into her normal voice] It's MIKE!
[catches herself, coughs]
Amber von Tussel: Anyway... I'm calling because I have some information about your daughter's whereabouts.
Edna Turnblad: What?
Amber von Tussel: Right now, as we speak, your daughter has entered a hotbed of moral... turpentine.
Edna Turnblad: No one is auditioning for anything in this household!
Tracy Turnblad: But why not? Why not?
Edna Turnblad: Dancing is not your future. One day, you're going to own Edna's Occidental Laundry.
Tracy Turnblad: I don't want to be a laundress. I want to be famous.
Edna Turnblad: If you want to be famous, learn how to take blood out of car upholstery. That's a skill you can take right to the bank.
Tracy Turnblad: But why not? Why not?
Edna Turnblad: Dancing is not your future. One day, you're going to own Edna's Occidental Laundry.
Tracy Turnblad: I don't want to be a laundress. I want to be famous.
Edna Turnblad: If you want to be famous, learn how to take blood out of car upholstery. That's a skill you can take right to the bank.
Amber von Tussel: I lost, Mom. Let's just deal with it!
Velma Von Tussle: [as she pulls the tallies out of her dress] You did not lose! You can not have lost because I switched the damn tallies!
Edna Turnblad: [standing behind a live television camera] Smile, Miss Crabcakes! You're on Candid Camera!
Wilbur Turnblad: That was a good shot! Don't you think?
Velma Von Tussle: [as she pulls the tallies out of her dress] You did not lose! You can not have lost because I switched the damn tallies!
Edna Turnblad: [standing behind a live television camera] Smile, Miss Crabcakes! You're on Candid Camera!
Wilbur Turnblad: That was a good shot! Don't you think?
Motormouth Maybelle: [singing] Oh, oh, oh... you can't stop today as it comes speeding down the track! Child, yesterday is history, and it's never coming back! 'Cause tomorrow is a brand new day, and it don't know white from black! 'Cause the world keeps spinnin' 'round and 'round, and my heart's keepin' time to the speed of sound... I was lost 'till I heard the drums and I found my way, 'cause you can't stop the beat!
[singing]
Tammy: Are you scared we're on live?
Tracy Turnblad: No, I'm sure I can cope.
Amber Von Tussle: Well, this show isn't broadacst in...
Tammy, Amber Von Tussle, Shelley, Noreen, Doreen, Vicki, Darla, Becky: [with the other council girls] Cinemascope!
Velma Von Tussle: I never drank one chocolate malt. No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs.
Tammy: Are you scared we're on live?
Tracy Turnblad: No, I'm sure I can cope.
Amber Von Tussle: Well, this show isn't broadacst in...
Tammy, Amber Von Tussle, Shelley, Noreen, Doreen, Vicki, Darla, Becky: [with the other council girls] Cinemascope!
Velma Von Tussle: I never drank one chocolate malt. No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs.
Prudy Pingleton: [tying Penny to her bed with a jump rope, as Penny stoically says nothing]
Prudy Pingleton: Penny Lou Pingleton, you are absolutely, positively, permanently punished. You will live on a diet of saltines and Tang, and you will never leave this room again.
Prudy Pingleton: [tosses holy water on Penny] Devil child, devil child!
Penny Pingleton: [glowers at her mother]
Prudy Pingleton: Penny Lou Pingleton, you are absolutely, positively, permanently punished. You will live on a diet of saltines and Tang, and you will never leave this room again.
Prudy Pingleton: [tosses holy water on Penny] Devil child, devil child!
Penny Pingleton: [glowers at her mother]
Prudy Pingleton: [about Tracy, who was just on the news] You see? You see! If I let you leave the house right now, you'd be in prison, fighting whores for cigarettes. That Tracy Turnblad always was a bad influence! Well, you are never, ever gonna see that beehived harlot again.
Penny Pingleton: [sees Tracy in the window, gets up to leave] Okay, mother. Excuse me.
Prudy Pingleton: Penny!
[offers her a rosary]
Prudy Pingleton: Pray for her. She's gonna need it.
Penny Pingleton: [sees Tracy in the window, gets up to leave] Okay, mother. Excuse me.
Prudy Pingleton: Penny!
[offers her a rosary]
Prudy Pingleton: Pray for her. She's gonna need it.
Edna Turnblad: First the hair, now this?
Wilbur Turnblad: But, all the kids are battin' up their hair now, hon.
Edna Turnblad: [to Wilbur] You're no help.
Tracy Turnblad: It's ratting, daddy.
[to Edna]
Tracy Turnblad: And our first lady, Jacqueline Kennedy does it!
Edna Turnblad: I don't believe that.
Tracy Turnblad: What do you mean you don't believe that? How else would it look that way?
Edna Turnblad: I believe that it is naturally stiff.
Wilbur Turnblad: But, all the kids are battin' up their hair now, hon.
Edna Turnblad: [to Wilbur] You're no help.
Tracy Turnblad: It's ratting, daddy.
[to Edna]
Tracy Turnblad: And our first lady, Jacqueline Kennedy does it!
Edna Turnblad: I don't believe that.
Tracy Turnblad: What do you mean you don't believe that? How else would it look that way?
Edna Turnblad: I believe that it is naturally stiff.
Mr. Pinky: There's my shining star! Fantastic to meet you! I'm Mr. Pinky
Tracy Turnblad: It's so nice to meet you!
Mr. Pinky: Tracy, is this your older sister?
Edna Turnblad: Oh!
[chuckles]
Mr. Pinky: Perhaps you both would like some complimentary couture?
[hands them a tray of doughnuts]
Edna Turnblad: Couture?
Mr. Pinky: [presents Edna with Tracy's spokesgirl contract] Now, if you could just sign here...
Edna Turnblad: Flattery will not distract Miss Turnblad's agent from reading the fine print!
Mr. Pinky: [flabbergasted] Her agent?
Edna Turnblad: [hands Tracy the food tray] Tracy, eat your doughnuts.
[to Mr. Pinky]
Edna Turnblad: Let's talk...
Tracy Turnblad: It's so nice to meet you!
Mr. Pinky: Tracy, is this your older sister?
Edna Turnblad: Oh!
[chuckles]
Mr. Pinky: Perhaps you both would like some complimentary couture?
[hands them a tray of doughnuts]
Edna Turnblad: Couture?
Mr. Pinky: [presents Edna with Tracy's spokesgirl contract] Now, if you could just sign here...
Edna Turnblad: Flattery will not distract Miss Turnblad's agent from reading the fine print!
Mr. Pinky: [flabbergasted] Her agent?
Edna Turnblad: [hands Tracy the food tray] Tracy, eat your doughnuts.
[to Mr. Pinky]
Edna Turnblad: Let's talk...
Penny Pingleton: Mom, please don't send my best friend to the big house!
Prudy Pingleton: [grabs Penny] Penny, hush!
Tracy Turnblad: You haven't heard the last of me, Mrs. Pingleton! Things need to change, and I won't stop trying to change them. I don't care how long it takes.
Prudy Pingleton: Good! You'll be waiting twenty to life.
Prudy Pingleton: [grabs Penny] Penny, hush!
Tracy Turnblad: You haven't heard the last of me, Mrs. Pingleton! Things need to change, and I won't stop trying to change them. I don't care how long it takes.
Prudy Pingleton: Good! You'll be waiting twenty to life.
[first lines]
Tracy Turnblad: [singing] Oh, oh, oh, woke up today, feeling the way I always do. Oh, oh, oh, hungry for something that I can't eat. Then I hear that beat. That rhythm of town starts calling me down. It's like a message from high above. Oh, oh, oh, pulling me out to the smiles and the streets that I love. Good morning, Baltimore!
Tracy Turnblad: [singing] Oh, oh, oh, woke up today, feeling the way I always do. Oh, oh, oh, hungry for something that I can't eat. Then I hear that beat. That rhythm of town starts calling me down. It's like a message from high above. Oh, oh, oh, pulling me out to the smiles and the streets that I love. Good morning, Baltimore!
Geometry Student: I can't see through her hair.
Tracy Turnblad: I can't help it if he's short.
Geometry Teacher: You're ratted hair is preventing yet another student's geometry education.
Tracy Turnblad: It's feathered, not ratted.
Geometry Teacher: Whatever you call it, it's a hair-don't. You've been warned repeatedly. I want you to take a little walk down to the principle's office. Let's see what he has to say
Tracy Turnblad: I can't help it if he's short.
Geometry Teacher: You're ratted hair is preventing yet another student's geometry education.
Tracy Turnblad: It's feathered, not ratted.
Geometry Teacher: Whatever you call it, it's a hair-don't. You've been warned repeatedly. I want you to take a little walk down to the principle's office. Let's see what he has to say
