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A former First Lady of the US wants a particular Secret Service agent to head her bodyguard detail, even though he can't stand her.
Doug Chesnic: [Calming the hospital employee who insisted it's hospital policy that patients leave by wheelchair] The regulations aren't really that sacred, are they? Doug Chesnic: And Tess... Get in the god damn chair. Tess Carlisle: Hmm. Very good, Douglas. You're going to be all right.
Frederick: Just back to pick up your accoutrements? Doug Chesnic: Speak English Fred. Frederick: Just back to pick up your shit?
Store Manager: [to Doug] Does she want to be known today? [Doug shakes his head] Store Manager: [to customers and cashiers] Don't know her! Don't know her! Don't know her!
Tess Carlisle: I have some exciting news for you. I have an inoperable brain tumor. [pause] Tess Carlisle: I have bought you and your men a scud missile launcher. [pause] Tess Carlisle: We are going to the opera in Columbus. Which of those do you think is true? Doug Chesnic: When?
Tess Carlisle: It's got no price at all. Bob Hutcherson: Yes ma'am. Uh, Doug, this is Bobby in canned goods, are you anywhere near the manager? I need a price check on Lesieur baby peas, repeat, Lesieur baby peas. Doug Chesnic: Lesieur baby peas. Store Manager: They're on special today, two for .59. Doug Chesnic: They're on special today, two for .59. Bob Hutcherson: Uh, copy that, it's two for .59. Tess Carlisle: But I only want one. Bob Hutcherson: Uh, roger that, Doug, but she only wants one. Doug Chesnic: How much for just one? Store Manager: The same. It's a two for one thing. Doug Chesnic: Uh, Bobby, it's a two for one thing so I suggest you go ahead and get both. Bob Hutcherson: Uh, copy that Doug but I believe we've lost in interest in peas, repeat, lost interest in peas. Canned goods out.
Doug Chesnic: Don't you see? If he is involved, then her life is worthless, you understand? They had to fucking kill her!
Lee Danielson: [about Tess refusing Secret Service protection] She kicked us out of the house.
Tess Carlisle: The President is coming to Somersville. Will you have the cars and the machine guns ready in about an hour?
Doug Chesnic: Where is she Earl? Earl Fowler: Speak to my lawyer Agent... Agent Dougie.