Good Burger Quotes
Two dim-witted teenage boys, are forced to save the fast-food restaurant they work at from going out of business, despite a new-and-improved burger joint opening across the street that want to be the "Top Dog" in the fast food industry.
[Ed dumped Trilampathol into the meat supply, causing Mondo Burger to be destroyed]
Ed: I thought that if I took the can, there was a good chance that I'd get caught, but even if I did get the Trilampathol to the proper authorities, Kurt would hire some powerful attornies who would dispute any charges brought against him or Mondo Burger by manipulating the legal system and the way America's court system is congested these days, it would take months to convict him of anything. So I thought I'd take matters into my own hands and dump the Trilampathol into the meat supply, making Mondo Burger a victim of its own foul play.
Dexter: You thought all that?
Ed: Yeah. I'm not stupid.
Ed: I thought that if I took the can, there was a good chance that I'd get caught, but even if I did get the Trilampathol to the proper authorities, Kurt would hire some powerful attornies who would dispute any charges brought against him or Mondo Burger by manipulating the legal system and the way America's court system is congested these days, it would take months to convict him of anything. So I thought I'd take matters into my own hands and dump the Trilampathol into the meat supply, making Mondo Burger a victim of its own foul play.
Dexter: You thought all that?
Ed: Yeah. I'm not stupid.
Customer: [to Ed] Excuse me? Look, I ordered one Good Burger with nothing on it.
Ed: That's what I gave you.
Customer: No! You gave me a bun. Just a bun! Look! There's no meat in here.
Ed: But you said you wanted nothing on it.
Customer: Yes, but I expected a meat patty!
Ed: Dude, a meat patty is something. You said "nothing".
[to Fizz]
Ed: Fizz, is a meat patty something or nothing?
Fizz: Uh, something?
Ed: I win!
Customer: That's it! I am reporting your name to the manager!
Ed: The manager already knows my name.
Customer: [while throwing the bun down] And I'll see you in Hell!
[Leaves]
Ed: OK! See you there!
Ed: That's what I gave you.
Customer: No! You gave me a bun. Just a bun! Look! There's no meat in here.
Ed: But you said you wanted nothing on it.
Customer: Yes, but I expected a meat patty!
Ed: Dude, a meat patty is something. You said "nothing".
[to Fizz]
Ed: Fizz, is a meat patty something or nothing?
Fizz: Uh, something?
Ed: I win!
Customer: That's it! I am reporting your name to the manager!
Ed: The manager already knows my name.
Customer: [while throwing the bun down] And I'll see you in Hell!
[Leaves]
Ed: OK! See you there!
Shaquille O'Neal: Little man, I ordered tomatoes on this Good Burger, and I don't see no tomatoes!
Ed: Well, hang on...
[pulls a couple of tomato slices out of his pocket, and slaps them on Shaq's burger]
Ed: There! Consider yourself tomatoed!
Shaquille O'Neal: You're not like other people are you?
Ed: Nope.
Ed: Well, hang on...
[pulls a couple of tomato slices out of his pocket, and slaps them on Shaq's burger]
Ed: There! Consider yourself tomatoed!
Shaquille O'Neal: You're not like other people are you?
Ed: Nope.
Ed: [with 2 grapes up his nose] Look! Ib Grape Dose Boy! Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity
Dexter: Stop.
Ed: Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity
Dexter: Stop it.
Ed: Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity
Dexter: Stop it!
[laughs]
Ed: Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity... Made ya laugh!
Dexter: Yeah, so what? Oh, I give up.
Dexter: Stop.
Ed: Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity
Dexter: Stop it.
Ed: Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity
Dexter: Stop it!
[laughs]
Ed: Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity... Made ya laugh!
Dexter: Yeah, so what? Oh, I give up.
Angry Customer: Can I get two Good Burgers?
Ed: Sorry, dude, I gotta go get 'em. Customers aren't allowed in back.
Angry Customer: Just give me two Good Burgers!
Ed: Dude, I can't just *give* you two Good Burgers. you hafta pay for 'em.
Angry Customer: [shouts] All right, that's it! I've had it up to *here* with Good Burger!
Ed: Sorry, dude, I gotta go get 'em. Customers aren't allowed in back.
Angry Customer: Just give me two Good Burgers!
Ed: Dude, I can't just *give* you two Good Burgers. you hafta pay for 'em.
Angry Customer: [shouts] All right, that's it! I've had it up to *here* with Good Burger!
Kurt: Triampathol is WAY illegal. But I'll tell you what, it sure makes burgers nice and enormo!
Dexter: Yea, but what happens to all those nice, innocent people when they eat your "enormo" burgers?
Kurt: Uh-oh. DON'T CARE... ladies!
[Troy and Griffin rip off Ed and Dexter's old lady disguises and laugh when they see that Ed is wearing a corset underneath his]
Dexter: Yea, but what happens to all those nice, innocent people when they eat your "enormo" burgers?
Kurt: Uh-oh. DON'T CARE... ladies!
[Troy and Griffin rip off Ed and Dexter's old lady disguises and laugh when they see that Ed is wearing a corset underneath his]
Deedee: Ed! There must be 50 customers out there! It's unbelievable! What do you put in that sauce?
Ed: Well, you start off with a little lemon juice and some ketchup...
[Dexter tackles him to the ground]
Ed: Um, look Dexter, I like you as a friend and all but...
Dexter: No! Listen to me carefully.
Ed: Okay.
Dexter: Do not tell anyone the recipe to your sauce.
Ed: Oh, well first you start off with a little lemon juice and some ketchup...
Dexter: *Stop It*! Stop talking. *Never* tell anyone the ingredients of your *sauce*.
Ed: Well, you start off with a little lemon juice and some ketchup...
[Dexter tackles him to the ground]
Ed: Um, look Dexter, I like you as a friend and all but...
Dexter: No! Listen to me carefully.
Ed: Okay.
Dexter: Do not tell anyone the recipe to your sauce.
Ed: Oh, well first you start off with a little lemon juice and some ketchup...
Dexter: *Stop It*! Stop talking. *Never* tell anyone the ingredients of your *sauce*.
Ed: [driving everyone home from a night out, and trying to entertain his unconscious date] ... Then when I was six, I said my first word. My mom thinks it was "trouser", but I think it was "tweezers". And then, I went to camp and fell down the sand dunes...
Dexter: [interrupting] Ed? Ed! She's still unconscious, bro.
Ed: Oh.
Dexter: [interrupting] Ed? Ed! She's still unconscious, bro.
Ed: Oh.
Otis: [in Demented Hills] Do I LOOK like I came to visit? What're you doing here?
Dexter: They kidnapped US, but why'd they bring YOU here?
Otis: Because I caught those Mondo brats dumping shark poison in our sauce!
Dexter: SHARK POISON?
Ed: Wow, who'd want to hurt those innocent sharks?
Dexter: Man will you forget about the sharks? That stuff's going to hurt innocent people!
Otis: Can you get to a phone?
Dexter: There's no chance! What time is it?
Ed: Oh, I'll tell you.
[stares at his wrist]
Otis: It's 6 A.M., and Good Burger opens at 10.
Dexter: That means we've only got four hours to warn them!
Otis: But how are we gonna get out of here?
Dexter: They kidnapped US, but why'd they bring YOU here?
Otis: Because I caught those Mondo brats dumping shark poison in our sauce!
Dexter: SHARK POISON?
Ed: Wow, who'd want to hurt those innocent sharks?
Dexter: Man will you forget about the sharks? That stuff's going to hurt innocent people!
Otis: Can you get to a phone?
Dexter: There's no chance! What time is it?
Ed: Oh, I'll tell you.
[stares at his wrist]
Otis: It's 6 A.M., and Good Burger opens at 10.
Dexter: That means we've only got four hours to warn them!
Otis: But how are we gonna get out of here?
Dexter: I never took you for much of a thinker.
Ed: Oh yeah, I think about all kinds of stuff: squirrels, cardboard boxes, things that are sticky.
Dexter: I bet you don't have one real problem, do you?
Ed: I have six toes on my left foot. What kind of problems do you have, Dexter?
Dexter: Other than the ones YOU caused? A lot. Most of them started when I was a kid when my parents split up.
Ed: Oh yeah, I think about all kinds of stuff: squirrels, cardboard boxes, things that are sticky.
Dexter: I bet you don't have one real problem, do you?
Ed: I have six toes on my left foot. What kind of problems do you have, Dexter?
Dexter: Other than the ones YOU caused? A lot. Most of them started when I was a kid when my parents split up.
Ed: What's wrong? Were you bitten by a sheep?
Dexter: What?
Ed: Did you lose your trousers?
[looks down at Dexter's legs]
Dexter: No! Look, you are an unusually bad guesser, so I'm just gonna go ahead and tell you why I'm upset. I gotta come up with $1900 to fix some jerk's car, another $800 to fix my mother's car, and I just got fired. Man! I can't believe Kurt fired me from Mondo Burger... and he yelled at me... and he assaulted me... and he made fun of me...
Ed: [after a long pause] Boy... you must really suck!
Dexter: What?
Ed: Did you lose your trousers?
[looks down at Dexter's legs]
Dexter: No! Look, you are an unusually bad guesser, so I'm just gonna go ahead and tell you why I'm upset. I gotta come up with $1900 to fix some jerk's car, another $800 to fix my mother's car, and I just got fired. Man! I can't believe Kurt fired me from Mondo Burger... and he yelled at me... and he assaulted me... and he made fun of me...
Ed: [after a long pause] Boy... you must really suck!
Dexter: I could've sworn I've seen you somewhere before.
Ed: Maybe I'm someone famous like a baseball player or a pretty nurse.
Dexter: What? What are you talking about?
Ed: Okay, I give up. Who am I?
Dexter: I don't know *who* you are or *where* I've seen you before or *why* you think you're an attractive nurse.
Ed: Maybe I'm someone famous like a baseball player or a pretty nurse.
Dexter: What? What are you talking about?
Ed: Okay, I give up. Who am I?
Dexter: I don't know *who* you are or *where* I've seen you before or *why* you think you're an attractive nurse.
Dexter: [busted at Mondo Burger disguised as two women, get their disguises ripped off and Dexter's wearing a T-shirt and boxers, Ed's wearing a teddy, Kurt's henchmen laugh] Yeah yeah, laugh it up, but when those people find out that you've been putting illegal stuff in their food, you're going to jail!
Kurt: That's why nobody outside of this room is going to find out.
Dexter: What do you expect us to do, keep our mouths shut?
Kurt: No, I'LL shut them for you.
Dexter: Ed, run!
[Ed runs straight into a wall]
Kurt: That's why nobody outside of this room is going to find out.
Dexter: What do you expect us to do, keep our mouths shut?
Kurt: No, I'LL shut them for you.
Dexter: Ed, run!
[Ed runs straight into a wall]
Ed: [to a hungry dog] Here, have a Mondo burger...
[dog barks at the burger]
Ed: What's wrong?
Dexter: I don't know, he sure does look hungry though.
Ed: [to the dog] Here, try a Good Burger.
[dog eats the burger]
Ed: You see! I told you there was something wrong with Mondo Burger!
Dexter: [about the dog and the Mondo burger] He's definitely sensing something he doesn't like.
[dog barks at the burger]
Ed: What's wrong?
Dexter: I don't know, he sure does look hungry though.
Ed: [to the dog] Here, try a Good Burger.
[dog eats the burger]
Ed: You see! I told you there was something wrong with Mondo Burger!
Dexter: [about the dog and the Mondo burger] He's definitely sensing something he doesn't like.
Connie Muldoon: [as she gives her long order, her speed of talking increases] Hello. My name is Connie Muldoon. I'm hosting a family reunion and my oven has run amuck; I think it's the heat actuator. Anyhoo, I'd like to order, uh, three Good Meals, four Junior Good Meals, and 17-piece order of your Good Chunks and, okay, on two of the Junior Good Meals, I need to substitute the Good Cookies for Good Pies. Now, don't fret if that's extra; I'll pony up the overage. And, uh, oh! On the regular Good Meals, I need two of the Good Burgers to have ketchup, mayo, mustard, lettuce, tomato, but no onion; I've got an interview this afternoon. Let's see, that takes care of everyone but Uncle Leslie who doesn't eat meat but, of course, he does eat dairy, so I don't get it. Let's get Leslie a Good Chickwich, some Good Fries, and a Good Root Beer all to go. But I would like to have my beverage while I wait. Now, total me up.
Dexter: Ed, what happened?
Ed: I just tackled this old lady.
Dexter: Alright! You're the man!
[they whoop and cheer]
Mr. Baily: EXCUSE ME? But will somebody explain WHY this is a GOOD thing?
Dexter: This is why, Mondo Burger poisoned our sauce.
Mr. Baily: How could Mondo Burger poison our sauce?
Dexter: We'll explain it to you later, right now just keep all these people from eating a Good Burger, and call the police. Come on, Ed, we're going back to Mondo Burger.
Ed: What for?
Dexter: Evidence!
Ed: I just tackled this old lady.
Dexter: Alright! You're the man!
[they whoop and cheer]
Mr. Baily: EXCUSE ME? But will somebody explain WHY this is a GOOD thing?
Dexter: This is why, Mondo Burger poisoned our sauce.
Mr. Baily: How could Mondo Burger poison our sauce?
Dexter: We'll explain it to you later, right now just keep all these people from eating a Good Burger, and call the police. Come on, Ed, we're going back to Mondo Burger.
Ed: What for?
Dexter: Evidence!
