Fun with Dick and Jane Quotes
When an affluent couple lose all their money following a series of blunders, they turn to a life of crime to make ends meet.
Dick Harper: [after watching the news saying he is going to be indicted] Indicted?
Jane Harper: Dick?
Dick Harper: [screaming] Indicted!
Jane Harper: Dick, its gonna' be alright.
Dick Harper: [starts running around house screaming] Indicted, Indicted, I'm being Indicted!
Jane Harper: [Yells to him in a different room] Dick calm down.
Dick Harper: [Runs back in to bedroom]
[In pitiful voice]
Dick Harper: I can't calm down, I'm being indicted...
Jane Harper: Dick?
Dick Harper: [screaming] Indicted!
Jane Harper: Dick, its gonna' be alright.
Dick Harper: [starts running around house screaming] Indicted, Indicted, I'm being Indicted!
Jane Harper: [Yells to him in a different room] Dick calm down.
Dick Harper: [Runs back in to bedroom]
[In pitiful voice]
Dick Harper: I can't calm down, I'm being indicted...
Jane Harper: [sees her lawn getting repossessed] Hector, what's going on? What, what happened?
Hector: Your check go bouncy-bounce. But it's okay, I heard what happened to your husband. Not everybody can afford landscaping like this.
Jane Harper: Hector, please!
Hector: I am sorry, Miss Jane.
Jane Harper: [sees her neighbor] Oh, no. No, no, no, no, NO! This is all- everything is all WRONG! I want this out. Roll it all up! I ordered Kentucky Bluegrass! This! Is! GREEN!
Hector: Your check go bouncy-bounce. But it's okay, I heard what happened to your husband. Not everybody can afford landscaping like this.
Jane Harper: Hector, please!
Hector: I am sorry, Miss Jane.
Jane Harper: [sees her neighbor] Oh, no. No, no, no, no, NO! This is all- everything is all WRONG! I want this out. Roll it all up! I ordered Kentucky Bluegrass! This! Is! GREEN!
Dick Harper: [holding McCallister at gunpoint] I've been terminated, bankrupted, deported and blackmailed because of you, and I'm not leaving here without your money.
Jack McCallister: What are you gonna do, Dick? Shoot me if I don't approve that form?
Dick Harper: Write me a check.
Jack McCallister: You are kidding me.
Jane Harper: Dick, it's not going to do us any good. He's just going to cancel it the minute we walk out of here.
Dick Harper: I don't care... I don't care. I'm not walking out of this bank empty-handed.
Jack McCallister: ...Alright. Alright, Dick, I'm gonna write you a check. I'm gonna need my hand back though.
Dick Harper: Gladly.
[releases grip]
Jack McCallister: Alright, yes sir, I'm gonna write you that check, and what's more I'm not gonna cancel it as soon as I leave the bank because I think it takes alotta cojones to do what you two have done here today, and I admire that. So, here you go. Just a little something to show you what I think you're worth.
[hands him a check for $100]
Jack McCallister: Y'all take care now.
Jack McCallister: What are you gonna do, Dick? Shoot me if I don't approve that form?
Dick Harper: Write me a check.
Jack McCallister: You are kidding me.
Jane Harper: Dick, it's not going to do us any good. He's just going to cancel it the minute we walk out of here.
Dick Harper: I don't care... I don't care. I'm not walking out of this bank empty-handed.
Jack McCallister: ...Alright. Alright, Dick, I'm gonna write you a check. I'm gonna need my hand back though.
Dick Harper: Gladly.
[releases grip]
Jack McCallister: Alright, yes sir, I'm gonna write you that check, and what's more I'm not gonna cancel it as soon as I leave the bank because I think it takes alotta cojones to do what you two have done here today, and I admire that. So, here you go. Just a little something to show you what I think you're worth.
[hands him a check for $100]
Jack McCallister: Y'all take care now.
Dick Harper: [singing in elevator to self] I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky.
Dick Harper: Every night and every cloudy day
[drums elevator panel]
Dick Harper: spread my wings and fly away. I believe I can soar. Catch me goin' through that open do-o-o-r. I believe I can fly-i-i-i.
Dick Harper: [low voice, man walks by elevator and looks incredulously] I believe! I believe! I believe! I believe! I believe! I believe! Ooow!
[elevator dings, Dick steps out as though nothing happened]
Dick Harper: Every night and every cloudy day
[drums elevator panel]
Dick Harper: spread my wings and fly away. I believe I can soar. Catch me goin' through that open do-o-o-r. I believe I can fly-i-i-i.
Dick Harper: [low voice, man walks by elevator and looks incredulously] I believe! I believe! I believe! I believe! I believe! I believe! Ooow!
[elevator dings, Dick steps out as though nothing happened]
[first lines]
Dick Harper: Globodyne is a consolidator of media properties. Globodyne is a consolidator of media properties. Consolidator. Consolidator.
[traffic light turns]
Dick Harper: Oh, no!
Title card: Run, Dick, Run
Dick Harper: Globodyne's a consolidator of media properties and data retrieval with a focus in fiber-optic content provision. It's basically a synergy of Web-based and platform-based UNIX-driven delivery systems. OK, I made that last part up.
Dick Harper: Globodyne is a consolidator of media properties. Globodyne is a consolidator of media properties. Consolidator. Consolidator.
[traffic light turns]
Dick Harper: Oh, no!
Title card: Run, Dick, Run
Dick Harper: Globodyne's a consolidator of media properties and data retrieval with a focus in fiber-optic content provision. It's basically a synergy of Web-based and platform-based UNIX-driven delivery systems. OK, I made that last part up.
[At a bar, Dick gets up on a table and starts acting crazy because he's being indicted for his share of the bummed, worthless Globodyne stock]
Dick Harper: [blathers; marionette voice] Hello! I'm a corporate puppet...
[blathers again]
Dick Harper: ...and I'm going to need some more string, so that I can go on believing I'll be a real boy someday without bein' manipulative...
Dick Harper: [regular voice] by the bullshit!
Dick Harper: [blathers; marionette voice] Hello! I'm a corporate puppet...
[blathers again]
Dick Harper: ...and I'm going to need some more string, so that I can go on believing I'll be a real boy someday without bein' manipulative...
Dick Harper: [regular voice] by the bullshit!
Dick Harper: [composing letter] "It has come to our attention that certain departments have begunn to run into situations." Situations.
Dick's Secretary: The big boys want to see you upstairs.
Dick Harper: Which floor? Twentieth?
Dick's Secretary: [smiles, shakes head]
Dick Harper: Twenty-sixth?
Dick's Secretary: [shakes head]
Dick Harper: Thirty-second?
Dick's Secretary: [smiles, motions upwards]
Dick Harper: Not the 51st?
Dick's Secretary: Yes. Congratulations, Mr. Harper.
Dick Harper: [giggles] Uh, go ahead and wrap this up.
Dick's Secretary: Ok.
Dick Harper: How do I look?
Dick's Secretary: Great.
Dick Harper: Anything in my teeth?
Dick's Secretary: No.
Dick Harper: [through clenched teeth] I need a paper bag.
Dick's Secretary: The big boys want to see you upstairs.
Dick Harper: Which floor? Twentieth?
Dick's Secretary: [smiles, shakes head]
Dick Harper: Twenty-sixth?
Dick's Secretary: [shakes head]
Dick Harper: Thirty-second?
Dick's Secretary: [smiles, motions upwards]
Dick Harper: Not the 51st?
Dick's Secretary: Yes. Congratulations, Mr. Harper.
Dick Harper: [giggles] Uh, go ahead and wrap this up.
Dick's Secretary: Ok.
Dick Harper: How do I look?
Dick's Secretary: Great.
Dick Harper: Anything in my teeth?
Dick's Secretary: No.
Dick Harper: [through clenched teeth] I need a paper bag.
