Friends Quotes
Follows the lives of six 20-something friends living in Manhattan.
Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
Chandler: Oh, my God.
Monica: Chandler, in all my life I never thought I would be so lucky as to fall in love with my best, my best...
[crying]
Monica: There's a reason why girls don't do this.
Chandler: Okay, okay I'll do it. I thought, wait I can do this, I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?
Monica: Yes.
Chandler: Oh, my God.
Monica: Chandler, in all my life I never thought I would be so lucky as to fall in love with my best, my best...
[crying]
Monica: There's a reason why girls don't do this.
Chandler: Okay, okay I'll do it. I thought, wait I can do this, I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?
Monica: Yes.
[Re: "If you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"]
Monica: Sex!
Chandler: Seriously. Answer faster.
Monica: I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you.
Chandler: It's like a big hug.
Phoebe: Ross, how about you? Sex or food?
Ross: Sex!
Phoebe: What about sex or dinosaurs?
Ross: My God, it's like Sophie's Choice.
Phoebe: Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?
Joey: I don't know it's too hard.
Rachel: Come on, you have to answer.
Joey: Okay... sex. No, food. No, uh... I want both! I want girls on bread!
Monica: Sex!
Chandler: Seriously. Answer faster.
Monica: I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you.
Chandler: It's like a big hug.
Phoebe: Ross, how about you? Sex or food?
Ross: Sex!
Phoebe: What about sex or dinosaurs?
Ross: My God, it's like Sophie's Choice.
Phoebe: Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?
Joey: I don't know it's too hard.
Rachel: Come on, you have to answer.
Joey: Okay... sex. No, food. No, uh... I want both! I want girls on bread!
[Joey just got ordained via the internet so that he could perform Monica and Chandler's wedding]
Joey: Hey, I started working on what I'm going to say at the ceremony. Wanna hear it?
Monica, Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share.
[Monica and Chandler look impressed]
Joey: It is a love based of giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have... and receive.
[later]
Joey: Okay, you guys, I've got a little more written... are you ready?
Chandler: Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Joey: When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving... and then I can't think of a good word for right here.
Monica: How bout receiving?
Joey: Yes!
Joey: Hey, I started working on what I'm going to say at the ceremony. Wanna hear it?
Monica, Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share.
[Monica and Chandler look impressed]
Joey: It is a love based of giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have... and receive.
[later]
Joey: Okay, you guys, I've got a little more written... are you ready?
Chandler: Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Joey: When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving... and then I can't think of a good word for right here.
Monica: How bout receiving?
Joey: Yes!
Monica: Rach, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want.
Monica: [on the phone] Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on.
[to Rachel]
Monica: Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks.
Monica: That is the unusual activity.
Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want.
Monica: [on the phone] Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on.
[to Rachel]
Monica: Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks.
Monica: That is the unusual activity.
[Ross and Rachel are picking out names for their baby, and have each 5 vetoes]
Ross: Curie.
Rachel: Veto. Rain.
Ross: Veto. Mark.
Rachel: Veto. Vince.
Ross: Veto. Lance.
Rachel: Veto. James.
Ross: Hmmm...
Rachel: If it's a girl.
Ross: Veto.
Phoebe: Is it just me, or is Vito beginning to sound real good?
Ross: Curie.
Rachel: Veto. Rain.
Ross: Veto. Mark.
Rachel: Veto. Vince.
Ross: Veto. Lance.
Rachel: Veto. James.
Ross: Hmmm...
Rachel: If it's a girl.
Ross: Veto.
Phoebe: Is it just me, or is Vito beginning to sound real good?
Phoebe: Ok, I got an idea. If it's a girl, Phoebe, naturally. And, if it's a boy... Phoebo.
Ross: Uhh... Sure, but let's not limit ourselves to just one name.
Rachel: Ok, I got one. If it's a girl... Sandrine. It's French.
Ross: That's a great name... for an industrial solvent.
Rachel: Ok, you got a better one?
Ross: Yeah, check this out. If it's a boy - Darwin.
Rachel: Yes, Ross, I do want a son who'll be regularly beaten in the schoolyard.
Phoebe: By Sandrine.
Ross: Uhh... Sure, but let's not limit ourselves to just one name.
Rachel: Ok, I got one. If it's a girl... Sandrine. It's French.
Ross: That's a great name... for an industrial solvent.
Rachel: Ok, you got a better one?
Ross: Yeah, check this out. If it's a boy - Darwin.
Rachel: Yes, Ross, I do want a son who'll be regularly beaten in the schoolyard.
Phoebe: By Sandrine.
[Ross is trying to talk Rachel's boss into giving her her job back so she won't go to Paris; Mr. Zelner has a son who is also named Ross]
Ross: Does little Ross like dinosaurs by any chance?
Mr. Zelner: Yeah, they're all he talks about, why?
Ross: How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History after everyone else has left, just the two of us, and he can touch anything he wants.
[Mr. Zelner looks shocked]
Ross: I just heard it as you must have heard it and that's not good. Let me start again. I'm a paleontologist, you'll be there with us and the touching refers only to bones - fossils!
Ross: Does little Ross like dinosaurs by any chance?
Mr. Zelner: Yeah, they're all he talks about, why?
Ross: How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History after everyone else has left, just the two of us, and he can touch anything he wants.
[Mr. Zelner looks shocked]
Ross: I just heard it as you must have heard it and that's not good. Let me start again. I'm a paleontologist, you'll be there with us and the touching refers only to bones - fossils!
Ross: [after trying to kiss his cousin]
[thinking]
Ross: Say something. Say anything. Nothing you say could make this situation worse. Oh my God, this is the longest that anyone has not spoken EVER.
[actually speaking to his cousin]
Ross: I haven't had sex in a very long time.
[thinking again]
Ross: Yeah you really shouldn't have said anything.
[thinking]
Ross: Say something. Say anything. Nothing you say could make this situation worse. Oh my God, this is the longest that anyone has not spoken EVER.
[actually speaking to his cousin]
Ross: I haven't had sex in a very long time.
[thinking again]
Ross: Yeah you really shouldn't have said anything.
Monica: Hi.
Chandler: You are not gonna believe what I did today.
Monica: Well, clearly you didn't shower or shave.
Chandler: I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule. They should change the name to Ms. Chandler.
[pause]
Chandler: Although, I hope they don't.
Monica: Wait a minute, you staid home all day playing Ms. Pacman, while I was at work like some kind of chump?
Chandler: Yeah, and I got all the top ten scores and erased Phoebe off the board. High five!
Monica: What is the matter with your hand?
Chandler: Well, I've been playing for like eight hours. It'll loosen up, come on check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, their dirty words.
Monica: Chandler, why would you do that?
Chandler: Because it's awesome.
Monica: You think this is clever?
Chandler: Well, they only give you three letters, so after A.S.S., it is a bit of a challenge.
Monica: Wait a minute, this one's not dirty.
Chandler: Well, it is, when you put it together with that one.
Monica: Oh, well, if you don't clear this off, you wont be getting those from me. Ben's coming tomorrow over to play this game, this can't be there.
Chandler: Come on, he wont even know what they mean.
Monica: He's seven, not stupid.
Chandler: Have you talked to him lately?
Monica: All right, I'm just going to unplug it...
Chandler: No, no, no, if you'll unplug it, then there will be nothing to show from my day. It would be like I was at work!
[Monica unplugs it]
Chandler: Look at that, look at that, it's still there, this thing must have a primitive ROM chip!
Monica: You gotta beat your scores.
Chandler: With the claw?
Monica: Fine, I'll do it. We gotta get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him "Pull my finger".
Chandler: Pull my finger... my hand is messed up!
Chandler: You are not gonna believe what I did today.
Monica: Well, clearly you didn't shower or shave.
Chandler: I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule. They should change the name to Ms. Chandler.
[pause]
Chandler: Although, I hope they don't.
Monica: Wait a minute, you staid home all day playing Ms. Pacman, while I was at work like some kind of chump?
Chandler: Yeah, and I got all the top ten scores and erased Phoebe off the board. High five!
Monica: What is the matter with your hand?
Chandler: Well, I've been playing for like eight hours. It'll loosen up, come on check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, their dirty words.
Monica: Chandler, why would you do that?
Chandler: Because it's awesome.
Monica: You think this is clever?
Chandler: Well, they only give you three letters, so after A.S.S., it is a bit of a challenge.
Monica: Wait a minute, this one's not dirty.
Chandler: Well, it is, when you put it together with that one.
Monica: Oh, well, if you don't clear this off, you wont be getting those from me. Ben's coming tomorrow over to play this game, this can't be there.
Chandler: Come on, he wont even know what they mean.
Monica: He's seven, not stupid.
Chandler: Have you talked to him lately?
Monica: All right, I'm just going to unplug it...
Chandler: No, no, no, if you'll unplug it, then there will be nothing to show from my day. It would be like I was at work!
[Monica unplugs it]
Chandler: Look at that, look at that, it's still there, this thing must have a primitive ROM chip!
Monica: You gotta beat your scores.
Chandler: With the claw?
Monica: Fine, I'll do it. We gotta get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him "Pull my finger".
Chandler: Pull my finger... my hand is messed up!
Monica: [chasing after him] Chandler. It happens to lots of guys. You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, don't worry about it.
Chandler: [motioning with his hands] I'm not worried, I'm uh, I'm fascinated. Y'know it's like uh, Biology. Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me.
Chandler: [motioning with his hands] I'm not worried, I'm uh, I'm fascinated. Y'know it's like uh, Biology. Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me.
Chandler: Look, when Monica comes in, mention fire trucks.
Joey: Why?
Chandler: There's this guy at her work that she says is the funniest guy she ever met.
Joey: How could she do that? She know being funny is your thing.
Chandler: I know. So could you mention fire trucks when she comes in.
Joey: I don't know. I'm not too good at memorizing lines.
Chandler: [sarcastically] It's a good thing you don't have to do that for a living.
Joey: I know.
Joey: Why?
Chandler: There's this guy at her work that she says is the funniest guy she ever met.
Joey: How could she do that? She know being funny is your thing.
Chandler: I know. So could you mention fire trucks when she comes in.
Joey: I don't know. I'm not too good at memorizing lines.
Chandler: [sarcastically] It's a good thing you don't have to do that for a living.
Joey: I know.
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, I've never been able to cry as an actor, so if I'm in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, let's say I wanna convey that I've just done something evil. That would be the basic 'I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it'
[Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook]
Joey: Okay, let's say I've just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13.
[looks all confused]
Joey: And that's how it's done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
[Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook]
Joey: Okay, let's say I've just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13.
[looks all confused]
Joey: And that's how it's done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
[Joey has to sleep with a woman to get a part]
Joey: I just don't think that I want it that way though, you know? I mean, let's say I do make it, all right? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or because of... y'know, the Little General.
Chandler: Didn't you use to call it the Little Major?
Joey: Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to promote it.
Joey: I just don't think that I want it that way though, you know? I mean, let's say I do make it, all right? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or because of... y'know, the Little General.
Chandler: Didn't you use to call it the Little Major?
Joey: Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to promote it.
Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
Joey: Yeah, right!... Y'serious?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah!
Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica: Absolutely.
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.
Joey: Yeah, right!... Y'serious?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah!
Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica: Absolutely.
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.
Joey: I am telling this to Rachel.
Monica: No, Joey.
Joey: Unless...
Chandler: Unless what?
Joey: Unless you name your first born after me.
Chandler: What? Why?
Joey: Because, I may never have kids. Somebody's gonna have to carry on my family name.
Chandler: Your family name is Tribianni.
[pause]
Joey: Oh ho ho. You almost had me there.
Monica: No, Joey.
Joey: Unless...
Chandler: Unless what?
Joey: Unless you name your first born after me.
Chandler: What? Why?
Joey: Because, I may never have kids. Somebody's gonna have to carry on my family name.
Chandler: Your family name is Tribianni.
[pause]
Joey: Oh ho ho. You almost had me there.
Joey: Ooh-ooh-ooh. Are we opening presents?
Monica: No. No. I shouldn't have even opened these. I mean I - Joey, I am out of control. Joey, you have to do me a favor. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, please do not let me open another present. Okay?
Joey: Okay.
Monica: Give me one more.
Joey: Okay.
[hands her one]
Monica: No. No. I shouldn't have even opened these. I mean I - Joey, I am out of control. Joey, you have to do me a favor. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, please do not let me open another present. Okay?
Joey: Okay.
Monica: Give me one more.
Joey: Okay.
[hands her one]
[a ritual to get rid of bad-boyfriend karma]
Phoebe: Okay, now we need the sage branches and the sacramental wine.
Monica: All I have is oregano and a Fresca.
Phoebe: That's okay.
[Adds them]
Phoebe: All right, now we need the semen of a righteous man.
Rachel: OK, Pheebs, you know what? If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.
Phoebe: Okay, now we need the sage branches and the sacramental wine.
Monica: All I have is oregano and a Fresca.
Phoebe: That's okay.
[Adds them]
Phoebe: All right, now we need the semen of a righteous man.
Rachel: OK, Pheebs, you know what? If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.
Rachel: [upset] All right, well, if you must know... I had a traumatic... swing incident... when I was little.
Ross: Seriously?
Rachel: Yes, I was 4 years-old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to - had to cut a big chunk of my hair.
[she starts crying]
Rachel: And it was uneven for weeks.
Ross: [sarcastically] And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie.
Rachel: Ok, fine. You can make fun of me. I do not want Emma going there.
[pause]
Rachel: And I was thinking Claire Danes.
Ross: Seriously?
Rachel: Yes, I was 4 years-old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to - had to cut a big chunk of my hair.
[she starts crying]
Rachel: And it was uneven for weeks.
Ross: [sarcastically] And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie.
Rachel: Ok, fine. You can make fun of me. I do not want Emma going there.
[pause]
Rachel: And I was thinking Claire Danes.
Chandler: [after accidentally spitting out gum whilst trying to blow a bubble to "charm" Jill Goodacre]
[thinks]
Chandler: Just reach over and pick it up...
[discreetly picks up gum from table and pops it back in mouth]
Chandler: There we go! Good save! Now it's all good and you're... chewing someone else's gum. Oh, my God! Oh, my *God*!
[suddenly starts to gag]
Chandler: And now you're choking.
Jill Goodacre: [frowns] Are you okay?
[Chandler continues to choke and flashes a thumbs-up]
[thinks]
Chandler: Just reach over and pick it up...
[discreetly picks up gum from table and pops it back in mouth]
Chandler: There we go! Good save! Now it's all good and you're... chewing someone else's gum. Oh, my God! Oh, my *God*!
[suddenly starts to gag]
Chandler: And now you're choking.
Jill Goodacre: [frowns] Are you okay?
[Chandler continues to choke and flashes a thumbs-up]
Monica: Okay. Wait-wait-wait. Shhh.
[Bangs on her glass with a spoon to make a toast]
Monica: Okay, umm, I just wanna say that... I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night.
[Chandler clears his throat]
Monica: Our special night. I mean it just wouldn't be my-our-our night, if you all weren't here to celebrate with me-us-Damnit.
[Bangs on her glass with a spoon to make a toast]
Monica: Okay, umm, I just wanna say that... I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night.
[Chandler clears his throat]
Monica: Our special night. I mean it just wouldn't be my-our-our night, if you all weren't here to celebrate with me-us-Damnit.
Ross: Oh, really? Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City.
Chandler: Du-ude!
Monica: What happened in Atlantic City?
Ross: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar...
Chandler: Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude"?
Ross: ...and this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after a while he just goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking. Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you're right. Chandler's not the type of guy just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
Monica: You kissed a guy? Oh my God.
Chandler: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy.
Chandler: Du-ude!
Monica: What happened in Atlantic City?
Ross: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar...
Chandler: Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude"?
Ross: ...and this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after a while he just goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking. Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you're right. Chandler's not the type of guy just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
Monica: You kissed a guy? Oh my God.
Chandler: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy.
Joey: [thinking] OK, I have no feelings for Rachel. No feelings at all. She's just a friend. I mean, I might have had some feelings for her, but now they're all gone. All of them. As a matter of fact, I don't think I ever had feelings for Rachel.
[Rachel walks into the room]
Rachel: Hey, sweetie.
Joey: [thinking] I love you.
[Rachel walks into the room]
Rachel: Hey, sweetie.
Joey: [thinking] I love you.
Ross: [leaning over and talking to Rachel's lap] I can't wait to play with you all day, and to hear your first words.
Phoebe: [wide eyed] Why are you letting him talk to your crotch that way?
Rachel: He's talking to the baby.
Phoebe: Oh, that's good. Because when I heard, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "Boy that's some trick!"
Phoebe: [wide eyed] Why are you letting him talk to your crotch that way?
Rachel: He's talking to the baby.
Phoebe: Oh, that's good. Because when I heard, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "Boy that's some trick!"
[Mona doesn't know that Rachel is living with Ross]
Mona: Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation but this is Valentine's Day. So, if you don't mind, would you please just go back home?
[Ross enters with his gift for Mona]
Rachel: What are you talking about? I live here.
Ross: [nervously gives Mona her present] Happy Valentine's Day.
[Mona stares angrily at Ross]
Ross: Or, something to remember me by...
Mona: Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation but this is Valentine's Day. So, if you don't mind, would you please just go back home?
[Ross enters with his gift for Mona]
Rachel: What are you talking about? I live here.
Ross: [nervously gives Mona her present] Happy Valentine's Day.
[Mona stares angrily at Ross]
Ross: Or, something to remember me by...
Phoebe: Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap, asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap. He said all you need is to write them a song. Now you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along. No don't sing along. Monica, Monica, have a happy Hannukah. I saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy. And Rachel and Chandler... have a
[mumble]
Phoebe: handlerrrrr.
[mumble]
Phoebe: handlerrrrr.
[after Joey told Rachel he loved her, she told him her boss wanted to buy her baby in order to make things less awkward]
Rachel: Joey, I'm really sorry that I lied to you. I was just trying to make things...
Joey: I know. I know.
Rachel: It kinda worked. I mean you know, I don't know about you but I haven't thought about our thing since all this.
Joey: Hey you're right. Yeah, it's kinda been like us again a little bit.
Rachel: Yeah I know. I miss that.
Joey: Me too. I mean I... haven't thought at all about how I put myself out there and said all that stuff and how you didn't feel the same way about me and-and how it was really awkward.
[long, awkward pause]
Rachel: My gynecologist tried to kill me.
Rachel: Joey, I'm really sorry that I lied to you. I was just trying to make things...
Joey: I know. I know.
Rachel: It kinda worked. I mean you know, I don't know about you but I haven't thought about our thing since all this.
Joey: Hey you're right. Yeah, it's kinda been like us again a little bit.
Rachel: Yeah I know. I miss that.
Joey: Me too. I mean I... haven't thought at all about how I put myself out there and said all that stuff and how you didn't feel the same way about me and-and how it was really awkward.
[long, awkward pause]
Rachel: My gynecologist tried to kill me.
Phoebe: [Rachel's hormones are raging] She's going through her fourth month of pregnancy. Remember when I was in my fourth month?
Monica: Yes, that was the Evander Holyfield period. You know, you were so hard up, you even came on to me.
Phoebe: Did not!
Monica: Yes, you did.
[puts on a seductive look]
Monica: Listen, Phoebe, I could have had you if I had wanted you.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on.
[blows Monica a kiss]
Rachel: Guys! Stop it! This is even turning me on!
Monica: Yes, that was the Evander Holyfield period. You know, you were so hard up, you even came on to me.
Phoebe: Did not!
Monica: Yes, you did.
[puts on a seductive look]
Monica: Listen, Phoebe, I could have had you if I had wanted you.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on.
[blows Monica a kiss]
Rachel: Guys! Stop it! This is even turning me on!
Chandler: [Monica thinks their maid stole her pants and bra] Monica, come on do you really think that she would steal from us, then come back and wear it right in front of you?
Monica: Don't you see? It's the PERFECT crime!
Chandler: [acting as outraged as her] She must have been planning this for years!
Monica: Don't you see? It's the PERFECT crime!
Chandler: [acting as outraged as her] She must have been planning this for years!
Monica: Pack your things, we're going to Vegas.
Chandler: You mean, we're just gonna elope? This is great. We're gonna save so much money. And, no more pain-in-the-ass planning.
[Monicas stares at him]
Chandler: Oh, we're not going to elope. We have so much money, could our wedding please be bigger?
Chandler: You mean, we're just gonna elope? This is great. We're gonna save so much money. And, no more pain-in-the-ass planning.
[Monicas stares at him]
Chandler: Oh, we're not going to elope. We have so much money, could our wedding please be bigger?
Chandler: You know, I'm really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding.
Monica: Me too.
Chandler: You know, I was, uh, thinking. If you and I had a big fight and broke up for a few hours...
Monica: Yeah?
Chandler: Technically we could have sex again. So, what do you think... bossy and domineering?
Monica: The wedding's off, sloppy and immature.
[they get up]
Monica: Oh, wait. We can't, my cousin Cassie is in the guest room.
Chandler: Well, get rid of her, obsessive and shrill.
Monica: Shrill? The wedding's back on.
Monica: Me too.
Chandler: You know, I was, uh, thinking. If you and I had a big fight and broke up for a few hours...
Monica: Yeah?
Chandler: Technically we could have sex again. So, what do you think... bossy and domineering?
Monica: The wedding's off, sloppy and immature.
[they get up]
Monica: Oh, wait. We can't, my cousin Cassie is in the guest room.
Chandler: Well, get rid of her, obsessive and shrill.
Monica: Shrill? The wedding's back on.
[Chandler fell asleep, during Joey's movie. The credits roll, and Chandler wakes up]
Chandler: Great show. Good work, Joey.
Joey: You liked it?
Chandler: Liked it? I loved it.
Joey: What did you like best about it?
Chandler: I liked... everything the whole show.
Joey: What about the specifics?
Chandler: Specifics? Specifics were the best part.
Joey: What about the scene with the kangaroo?
Chandler: I... I was surprised to see a kangaroo in a World War I epic.
Joey: You fell asleep. There was no kangaroo. They didn't take any of my suggestions.
Chandler: Great show. Good work, Joey.
Joey: You liked it?
Chandler: Liked it? I loved it.
Joey: What did you like best about it?
Chandler: I liked... everything the whole show.
Joey: What about the specifics?
Chandler: Specifics? Specifics were the best part.
Joey: What about the scene with the kangaroo?
Chandler: I... I was surprised to see a kangaroo in a World War I epic.
Joey: You fell asleep. There was no kangaroo. They didn't take any of my suggestions.
Phoebe: A person's wedding is important. And especially to me. OK? I didn't have a graduation party. And I didn't go to Prom. And I spent my sweet sixteen being chased round a tyre yard by an escaped mental patient who in his own words wanted to "kill me, or whatever." So I deserve a real celebration and I am not gonna let some sweaty little man make me feel badly about it.
[Jack knows that Richard is dating a younger woman, but doesn't know that it's actually Monica]
Jack Geller: Come on, tell us.
Jack's friend: Yeah. Is she really 20?
Richard: I'm not telling you guys anything.
Jack Geller: Come on, Rich. It's my birthday, let me live vicariously.
Ross: Dad, you really don't want to do that.
Jack Geller: Ahh, what's a little mid-life crisis between friends?
Richard: Jack, would you let it go?
Jack Geller: Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50 I got my Porsche. You... you got your own speedster.
Richard: Guys, seriously, it's not like that.
Jack Geller: Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I could...
Ross: Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence.
Jack Geller: Come on, tell us.
Jack's friend: Yeah. Is she really 20?
Richard: I'm not telling you guys anything.
Jack Geller: Come on, Rich. It's my birthday, let me live vicariously.
Ross: Dad, you really don't want to do that.
Jack Geller: Ahh, what's a little mid-life crisis between friends?
Richard: Jack, would you let it go?
Jack Geller: Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50 I got my Porsche. You... you got your own speedster.
Richard: Guys, seriously, it's not like that.
Jack Geller: Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I could...
Ross: Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence.
Chandler: You wanna tell secrets? Okay. In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers.
Ross: All right. Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won.
Chandler: Ross came in fourth and cried.
Ross: Chandler got drunk one night and slept with the woman who cleaned our dorm.
Chandler: That was you.
Ross: Whatever dude. You kissed a guy.
Ross: All right. Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won.
Chandler: Ross came in fourth and cried.
Ross: Chandler got drunk one night and slept with the woman who cleaned our dorm.
Chandler: That was you.
Ross: Whatever dude. You kissed a guy.
Monica: Can you help me fold these napkins?
Phoebe: Sure.
Monica: I'm gonna go across the hall and check on the yams.
[Notices the way Pheobe is folding the napkins]
Monica: No... no honey... Not like that, we're not a barn dance. You wanna fold them like swans like I showed you at Christmas, remember?
Phoebe: Yeah. It all came screaming back to me.
Phoebe: Sure.
Monica: I'm gonna go across the hall and check on the yams.
[Notices the way Pheobe is folding the napkins]
Monica: No... no honey... Not like that, we're not a barn dance. You wanna fold them like swans like I showed you at Christmas, remember?
Phoebe: Yeah. It all came screaming back to me.
Monica: What about friends of your grandmother's? Wouldn't they have the recipe?
Phoebe: Well, you know I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother,
[trying to pronounce her name in French]
Phoebe: Nestlé Toulouse.
Monica: What was her name?
Phoebe: [again trying to pronounce it in French] Nestlé Toulehouse.
Monica: Nestle Toll House?
Phoebe: Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language.
Phoebe: Well, you know I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother,
[trying to pronounce her name in French]
Phoebe: Nestlé Toulouse.
Monica: What was her name?
Phoebe: [again trying to pronounce it in French] Nestlé Toulehouse.
Monica: Nestle Toll House?
Phoebe: Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language.
[Phoebe thinks Joey has a crush on her]
Phoebe: Look, Joey, I know about your feelings.
Joey: Oh, you do?
Phoebe: Yeah, and I don't think it could happen.
Joey: I know. I mean it's not just my friend Rachel, it's my pregnant with Ross's child friend Rachel.
Phoebe: Uhh... Yeah, Rachel, I mean you two are friends.
[under her breath]
Phoebe: Kick me in the stomach why don't you.
Joey: What?
Phoebe: Nothing. You know, maybe it's just a crush, it doesn't mean you love her.
Joey: You think?
Phoebe: Yeah. I mean I've had them for you guys... except for Ross and Chandler. I'm sure you had them for us before, right?
Joey: No, not really.
Phoebe: [under her breath] Throw me a friggin' bone here, will ya?
Phoebe: Look, Joey, I know about your feelings.
Joey: Oh, you do?
Phoebe: Yeah, and I don't think it could happen.
Joey: I know. I mean it's not just my friend Rachel, it's my pregnant with Ross's child friend Rachel.
Phoebe: Uhh... Yeah, Rachel, I mean you two are friends.
[under her breath]
Phoebe: Kick me in the stomach why don't you.
Joey: What?
Phoebe: Nothing. You know, maybe it's just a crush, it doesn't mean you love her.
Joey: You think?
Phoebe: Yeah. I mean I've had them for you guys... except for Ross and Chandler. I'm sure you had them for us before, right?
Joey: No, not really.
Phoebe: [under her breath] Throw me a friggin' bone here, will ya?
[Ross is about to tell Rachel that he loves her before she leaves for Paris, but Gunther walks up to her first]
Gunther: I... I know you're leaving tonight, but I just have to tell you. I love you. I... I don't know if that changes your plans at all, but I thought you should know.
Rachel: Gunther... Oh... I love you too. Probably not in the same way, but I do. And, and when I'm in a café, having coffee, or I see a man with hair brighter than the sun, I'll think of you. Aw.
[kisses him on the cheek]
Gunther: I... I know you're leaving tonight, but I just have to tell you. I love you. I... I don't know if that changes your plans at all, but I thought you should know.
Rachel: Gunther... Oh... I love you too. Probably not in the same way, but I do. And, and when I'm in a café, having coffee, or I see a man with hair brighter than the sun, I'll think of you. Aw.
[kisses him on the cheek]
Ross: My dad wanted to know if you wanted to play racquetball with us.
Monica: Wow. That's great. Dad must really like you, he doesn't ask just anyone to play.
Ross: Yeah and he didn't really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you.
Chandler: Well, did-did you correct him?
Ross: No, I-I thought it would be more fun this way.
Monica: Wow. That's great. Dad must really like you, he doesn't ask just anyone to play.
Ross: Yeah and he didn't really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you.
Chandler: Well, did-did you correct him?
Ross: No, I-I thought it would be more fun this way.
Kate Miller: [they are doing a scene] I have a question about this scene.
The Director: Yes?
Kate Miller: Well, I don't understand why Adrienne's attracted to Victor.
[Joey plays Victor, she plays Adrienne]
The Director: Peel the onion. First of all, he's good-looking.
Joey: Yeah.
Kate Miller: I think my character's gonna need a little bit more of a reason than that.
Joey: Oh, hey, how about this one? It says so in the script! Y'know, I don't know why my character likes you either, I mean, it says in the script here that you're a bitch.
Kate Miller: It does not say that in the script.
Joey: It does in mine!
The Director: Yes?
Kate Miller: Well, I don't understand why Adrienne's attracted to Victor.
[Joey plays Victor, she plays Adrienne]
The Director: Peel the onion. First of all, he's good-looking.
Joey: Yeah.
Kate Miller: I think my character's gonna need a little bit more of a reason than that.
Joey: Oh, hey, how about this one? It says so in the script! Y'know, I don't know why my character likes you either, I mean, it says in the script here that you're a bitch.
Kate Miller: It does not say that in the script.
Joey: It does in mine!
[Everyone is eating dinner at a fancy restaurant. Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel don't want to order something expensive because they can't afford it]
Rachel: I will have the uh,
[whispers]
Rachel: side salad.
Waiter: [whispers] And what will that be on the side of?
Rachel: Uh, I don't know. Why don't you put it right here next to my water?
Rachel: I will have the uh,
[whispers]
Rachel: side salad.
Waiter: [whispers] And what will that be on the side of?
Rachel: Uh, I don't know. Why don't you put it right here next to my water?
Monica: I am so jealous.
Rachel: You guys are really just right there.Aren't you?
Chandler: Yes... Right where?
Monica: The beginning, where it's all sex and talking and sex and talking...
Chandler: Yeah you gotta love the talking.
Monica: And the sex?
Chandler: Alright we hadn't have sex yet. Okay. What's the big deal?This is special. I want our love to grow before moving to the next level.
Rachel: Oh, chandler, that is so nice.
Ross: That is really nice... Lying! No way is that the reason.
Rachel: Why? Just because you're not mature enough to understand something like that?
Chandler: He's right. I'm totally lying.
Monica: Then what is it?
Chandler: Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey.
Ross: And you're afraid you won't be able to fill his shoes?
Chandler: No. I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him.
Ross: I was going for the metaphor.
Chandler: Yes and I was saying the actual words.
Monica: Big deal. So Joey has had a lot of girlfriends. That doesn't mean he's great in bed.
Chandler: We share a wall. So either is great in bed, or she just liked to agree with him a lot.
Monica: With you it's gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great because you guys are in love.
Chandler: Yeah?
Ross: Just go for it Chandler.
Monica, Rachel: Yeah you should.
Chandler: All right. All right. I'll sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys.
Rachel: You guys are really just right there.Aren't you?
Chandler: Yes... Right where?
Monica: The beginning, where it's all sex and talking and sex and talking...
Chandler: Yeah you gotta love the talking.
Monica: And the sex?
Chandler: Alright we hadn't have sex yet. Okay. What's the big deal?This is special. I want our love to grow before moving to the next level.
Rachel: Oh, chandler, that is so nice.
Ross: That is really nice... Lying! No way is that the reason.
Rachel: Why? Just because you're not mature enough to understand something like that?
Chandler: He's right. I'm totally lying.
Monica: Then what is it?
Chandler: Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey.
Ross: And you're afraid you won't be able to fill his shoes?
Chandler: No. I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him.
Ross: I was going for the metaphor.
Chandler: Yes and I was saying the actual words.
Monica: Big deal. So Joey has had a lot of girlfriends. That doesn't mean he's great in bed.
Chandler: We share a wall. So either is great in bed, or she just liked to agree with him a lot.
Monica: With you it's gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great because you guys are in love.
Chandler: Yeah?
Ross: Just go for it Chandler.
Monica, Rachel: Yeah you should.
Chandler: All right. All right. I'll sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys.
[talking about engagement presents for Monica and Chandler]
Rachel: Oh, y'know what you should get 'em? One of those little uh, portable CD players.
Monica: Oh, I already have one.
Phoebe: Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist.
Rachel: Yeah, and-and-and by someone, she means Joey.
Rachel: Oh, y'know what you should get 'em? One of those little uh, portable CD players.
Monica: Oh, I already have one.
Phoebe: Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist.
Rachel: Yeah, and-and-and by someone, she means Joey.
[Referring to Janice]
Chandler: How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?
Joey: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.
Chandler: Oh man. In my next life I'm comin' back as a toilet brush.
[Janice enters Central Perk]
Janice: [to Chandler] Hello Funny Valentine.
Chandler: Hello, Just Janice.
Chandler: How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?
Joey: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.
Chandler: Oh man. In my next life I'm comin' back as a toilet brush.
[Janice enters Central Perk]
Janice: [to Chandler] Hello Funny Valentine.
Chandler: Hello, Just Janice.
Ross: [on Monica's phone] Yeah, Tony, hold on.
[gets second line]
Ross: Hello? Yeah, she's right here. Hold on.
[returns to second line]
Ross: Yeah, Tony I'll call you back. It's my sister's boyfriend.
[switches back to second line]
Monica: Give me that.
[into phone]
Monica: Hi sweetie. Before I forget, did I leave my diaphragm at your house?
[pause]
Monica: Oh, hi mom.
[starts throwing things at Ross]
[gets second line]
Ross: Hello? Yeah, she's right here. Hold on.
[returns to second line]
Ross: Yeah, Tony I'll call you back. It's my sister's boyfriend.
[switches back to second line]
Monica: Give me that.
[into phone]
Monica: Hi sweetie. Before I forget, did I leave my diaphragm at your house?
[pause]
Monica: Oh, hi mom.
[starts throwing things at Ross]
Monica: Look, Chandler, I feel really bad about this. Please have this bachelor party.
Chandler: No.
Monica: Stop being a baby and watch the hot woman get naked.
Chandler: ...All right.
Joey: YEAH.
Chandler: But, I'm only doing this for you... And Joey.
Monica: Ok, so who's going to be there?
Chandler: No, no, no. Just Ross and Joey is humiliating enough.
Ross: Well, actually, I have a date tonight.
Chandler: Yeah, I understand. What kind of guy would blow off a date for a fake bachelor party.
Joey: [on cell phone] Yeah, baby, I'm not gonna make it tonight...
Chandler: No.
Monica: Stop being a baby and watch the hot woman get naked.
Chandler: ...All right.
Joey: YEAH.
Chandler: But, I'm only doing this for you... And Joey.
Monica: Ok, so who's going to be there?
Chandler: No, no, no. Just Ross and Joey is humiliating enough.
Ross: Well, actually, I have a date tonight.
Chandler: Yeah, I understand. What kind of guy would blow off a date for a fake bachelor party.
Joey: [on cell phone] Yeah, baby, I'm not gonna make it tonight...
Jack Geller: I remember when we first got engaged.
Chandler: Oh, I don't think I ever heard that story.
Monica: Oh dad, really you don't need to...
Jack Geller: [ignoring her] Well, I'd gotten Judy pregnant. I still don't know that happened.
Judy Geller: [incredulous] You don't know how that happened? Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy.
Chandler: Oh, I don't think I ever heard that story.
Monica: Oh dad, really you don't need to...
Jack Geller: [ignoring her] Well, I'd gotten Judy pregnant. I still don't know that happened.
Judy Geller: [incredulous] You don't know how that happened? Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy.
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it. I don't think that was my point.
Joey: Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she's like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!
Chandler: Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.
Joey: God, I just, I hate her! I hate her! With her, "Oh, I'm so talented." and "Oh, I'm so pretty," and "Ooh, I smell so good."
Chandler: I think somebody has a crush on somebody.
Joey: Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here? Y'know?
Chandler: I'm talking about you. You big, big freak.
Chandler: Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.
Joey: God, I just, I hate her! I hate her! With her, "Oh, I'm so talented." and "Oh, I'm so pretty," and "Ooh, I smell so good."
Chandler: I think somebody has a crush on somebody.
Joey: Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here? Y'know?
Chandler: I'm talking about you. You big, big freak.
Ross: [waiting for Rachel and Monica to come out of the bathroom] Good, good, good. So, is uh, was your moustache, did, used to be different?
Richard: No.
Ross: Oh. How do you uh, ya know, keep it so neat?
Richard: I have a little comb.
Ross: Oh. And what do you call that?
Richard: A moustache comb.
Richard: No.
Ross: Oh. How do you uh, ya know, keep it so neat?
Richard: I have a little comb.
Ross: Oh. And what do you call that?
Richard: A moustache comb.
Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.
Joey, Chandler: That's nice.
Ross: No, no, with him. I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby. I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defense is comin' right at me.
Joey: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.
Ross: Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, I just heave it downfield.
Chandler: What are you crazy? That's a baby!
Joey: He should take the sack?
Ross: Anyway, suddenly I'm downfield, and I realize that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See, I am so not ready to be a father.
Chandler: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad.
Joey: Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking.
Joey, Chandler: That's nice.
Ross: No, no, with him. I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby. I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defense is comin' right at me.
Joey: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.
Ross: Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, I just heave it downfield.
Chandler: What are you crazy? That's a baby!
Joey: He should take the sack?
Ross: Anyway, suddenly I'm downfield, and I realize that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See, I am so not ready to be a father.
Chandler: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad.
Joey: Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking.
Joey: Anyway, I started working on what I'm gonna say at the ceremony, you wanna hear it?
Monica, Chandler: Yeah!
Joey: Now, listen, it's just the first draft so... "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share. It is a love based on giving and receiving, as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have and receive."
Chandler: [to Monica] Shouldn't we call the spitter?
Monica, Chandler: Yeah!
Joey: Now, listen, it's just the first draft so... "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share. It is a love based on giving and receiving, as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have and receive."
Chandler: [to Monica] Shouldn't we call the spitter?
Chandler: [about Richard] Oh hey listen, don't be mad at him, it's our fault. I'm sorry we've been hoggin so much of his time.
Joey: Yeah, he's just really great to hang around with.
Richard: Well...
Joey: No, I'm serious. Chandler and I were just talkin' about this. He is so much cooler than our dads.
[Chandler kicks, out of sight]
Joey: I mean, you know, our dads are okay, you know? But Richard is just- ow, ow.
[to Chandler]
Joey: What are you kickin' me for, huh? I'm tryin' to talk here.
Joey: Yeah, he's just really great to hang around with.
Richard: Well...
Joey: No, I'm serious. Chandler and I were just talkin' about this. He is so much cooler than our dads.
[Chandler kicks, out of sight]
Joey: I mean, you know, our dads are okay, you know? But Richard is just- ow, ow.
[to Chandler]
Joey: What are you kickin' me for, huh? I'm tryin' to talk here.
Ross: So I don't know if he's testing me or just acting out but my monkey is OUT OF CONTROL!... He keeps erasing the messages on my machine!
Rachel: Oh yeah... I've done that
Ross: And a few days ago he got to the newspaper before I did and peed all over the crossword!
Rachel: I've never done that
Ross: And last night I don't know what he did but there were capers EVERYWHERE!
Rachel: Oh yeah... I've done that
Ross: And a few days ago he got to the newspaper before I did and peed all over the crossword!
Rachel: I've never done that
Ross: And last night I don't know what he did but there were capers EVERYWHERE!
Rachel: So are things between you and Joey getting any better?
Chandler: It couldn't get any worse. Last night, I spent eight hours calling him, trying to get him to talk to me.
Rachel: Oh, wow. Eight hours. So you could probably really use one of those plug-in telephone headsets, huh?
Ross: Should we all expect Christmas gifts that can be stolen from your office?
Rachel: You shouldn't.
Chandler: It couldn't get any worse. Last night, I spent eight hours calling him, trying to get him to talk to me.
Rachel: Oh, wow. Eight hours. So you could probably really use one of those plug-in telephone headsets, huh?
Ross: Should we all expect Christmas gifts that can be stolen from your office?
Rachel: You shouldn't.
Chandler: Where is Ross at? Hasn't he checked out yet?
Monica: Are you kidding me? It's not 11:00 yet that means Ross still has 11 mins to check out of the hotel, and Ross has NEVER checked out of a hotel early.
Rachel: Oh yeah that's right. One time Ross and I were at a hotel and we got a late check out... Ross was so happy it was the best sex we ever had!
Phoebe: Ohhhhhhh!
Rachel: That is until he screamed out RADISON at the end.
Phoebe: Yeah that'll kill it.
Monica: Are you kidding me? It's not 11:00 yet that means Ross still has 11 mins to check out of the hotel, and Ross has NEVER checked out of a hotel early.
Rachel: Oh yeah that's right. One time Ross and I were at a hotel and we got a late check out... Ross was so happy it was the best sex we ever had!
Phoebe: Ohhhhhhh!
Rachel: That is until he screamed out RADISON at the end.
Phoebe: Yeah that'll kill it.
Rachel: Well, oh, Mark, I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry, it's not very fair to you.
Mark: Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here!
Mark: Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here!
Phoebe: Hey. Why isn't it Spidermen? You know, like Goldmen, Silvermen.
Chandler: Because, it... it's not his last name.
Phoebe: It isn't?
Chandler: No. It's not like Phil Spidermen. He's a spider *man*. You know, like Goldmen is a last name but there's no gold man.
Phoebe: Oh, oh okay...
Phoebe: There should *be* a gold man!
Chandler: Because, it... it's not his last name.
Phoebe: It isn't?
Chandler: No. It's not like Phil Spidermen. He's a spider *man*. You know, like Goldmen is a last name but there's no gold man.
Phoebe: Oh, oh okay...
Phoebe: There should *be* a gold man!
Julie: [Monica has told everyone about Chandler's third nipple] You know, Chandler, in some cultures a third nipple is considered a mark of virility. The most desirable women dance naked around you so you can make your pick.
Chandler: Ah, would any of these cultures be in the tri-state area?
Julie: Sorry.
Chandler: Ah, would any of these cultures be in the tri-state area?
Julie: Sorry.
