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An overworked mother and her daughter do not get along. When they switch bodies, each is forced to adapt to the other's life for one freaky Friday.
Anna (in Tess's body): Like cooking: I mean, have you never heard of takeout? And cleaning: let's don't and say we did. Quality time with your kids: You know what? Quit bugging 'em. Leave 'em alone. They like it!
Ryan: OK, where are we going next, Harry's school? Anna (in Tess's body): Oh, he can walk from here. Harry: It's 20 blocks! Anna (in Tess's body): Fresh air will do you good. Harry: But what about bullies? Anna (in Tess's body): Run fast.
Anna (in Tess's body): I'm old! Tess (in Anna's body): I beg your pardon! Anna (in Tess's body): Oh, I'm like the Cryptkeeper!
Dottie Robertson: Loved your book, I actually read this one. Anna (in Tess's body): That makes one of us.
Jake: Yesterday was freaky.
Tess (in Anna's body): You pierced your navel? Anna (in Tess's body): Yeah, I... meant to talk to you about that. Tess (in Anna's body): When did you do this? Anna (in Tess's body): At Maddie's cousin's sweet 16. Tess (in Anna's body): Well, when you get your body back, it's grounded.
Tess (in Anna's body): Honey. Look, I think something's happened to us. Anna (in Tess's body): What are you? Tess (in Anna's body): It's me, Mom. Anna (in Tess's body): You're not my mother! Tess (in Anna's body): Yes, I am. Anna (in Tess's body): Get away, you clone freak! Tess (in Anna's body): Don't you use that tone with me! Anna (in Tess's body): Oh my God, you are my mother!
Anna (in Tess's body): Are you mad? Ryan: No. Anna (in Tess's body): Do you, like, not want to get married now? Ryan: No. No I don't. Not if you're gonna put me in this role. Anna (in Tess's body): What role? Ryan: The role of insensitive stepfather who couldn't care less, or thinks it's a stupid rock band, or any of the preposterous things you just said. How can you say I don't care? I'm not that guy, Tess, and if that's who you think I am, then this is never gonna work. When I fell in love with you, I knew you came with a history and a family, and I respect the hell out of that. You have always put the kids first. That's exactly how it should be, that's how I want it. I never pushed Anna, because I want her to like me on her own terms, in her own way.
Tess (in Anna's body): And what are you doing with this? [grabs box of french fries] Anna (in Tess's body): I'm eating. Tess (in Anna's body): You cannot eat fast food. Anna (in Tess's body): Why not? Tess (in Anna's body): Because it will go down your throat and drop instantly to my thighs!
Tess: Hello, Dr. Coleman. Yes, Elizabeth. Yes, Elizabeth, I'll be at the appointment tomorrow. Ok, good. And Elizabeth, remember, you are a smart, strong, beautiful, independent woman and you don't need a man to complete you. Butcher Woman: Thank you. Tess: Goodbye.
Tess (in Anna's body): I don't believe in physical contact with the opposite sex. At all. Ever. Nothing.
Peg: Aren't you like the maid of horror or something?
[Ryan has just let Anna go to the House Of Blues for the band audition] Peg: Mr. Dude, you rock!
[first lines] Tess: Honey, wake up. Anna: No. Tess: Anna. Greet the day.
Tess (in Anna's body): We'd like to speak to you about something that we think happened to us at your restaurant. Anna (in Tess's body): Yeah, something that SUCKS.
Tess (in Anna's body): She is dead, worse than dead. She will spend the next year in a phoneless, dateless, Amish existence!
Anna (in Tess's body): 3 years ago we had a really bad thing happen we lost a father and a husband and I didn't think we'd ever get over it but then this guy next to me [Ryan looks at Tess Proudly] Anna (in Tess's body): came into the picture and everyone could see I was happy again I was singing in the shower again not well I may add but I was still worried about my kids Anna and Harry whether or not they would be able to accept a new man in their life and now I know how Anna feels [Ryan looks over towards Anna] Anna (in Tess's body): and what she feels is that... [Tess starts to get emotional] Anna (in Tess's body): No-one could ever take the place of her Dad [Voice breaking] Anna (in Tess's body): because he was a really great Dad but somebody could be part of a new family it's own kind of cool, new little unit and that for someone as special as Ryan that we would all just make a little room Anna really wanted her mom to know that. [Tess mouths I love you]
[Grandpa seeing Harry's underwear that was put over his head, thanks to Anna] Grandpa: What is this, one of them thongs? I don't want to know.
Jake: You know, I've been thinking about that kiss. Anna: [puzzled] Kiss? [pulls herself together] Anna: Remind me again how I did it. Jake: In front of your mom? Anna: It's okay. She owes me. [They kiss]
Anna (in Tess's body): It's easy to be you. I'll just suck the fun out of everything. Tess (in Anna's body): I do not suck the fun out of everything. Anna (in Tess's body): Fun-sucker.
Anna: You're ruining my life!
[last lines] Pei-Pei: Mama! What are you doing? Mama! Grandpa! Harry! No! [tackles them, grabs cookies] Pei-Pei: Okay!
Ryan: You know what, I'm not really a prying kind of guy, but just for the heck of it, I was wondering what you were doing on the eve of our wedding straddling some guy on the back of a big black Harley? Anna (in Tess's body): Hello, it was a Ducati!
[after dropping "Anna" off at school] Ryan: Okay, where are we going next? Harry's school? Anna (in Tess's body): [smirking at Harry] Oh, he can walk from here. Harry: It's twenty blocks! Anna (in Tess's body): Fresh air will do you good. Harry: But what about bullies? Anna (in Tess's body): Run fast.
Anna (in Tess's body): Darling. Could you, like, chill for a sec?
Pei-Pei's Mom: Coo-kie?
Harry: Get a room!
Anna (in Tess's body): I can't marry Ryan. Eww.
Anna (in Tess's body): Halibut? Eww! That's disgusting! What kind of caterer ARE you?
Anna (in Tess's body): Mom, maybe we should go to the emergency room. Tess (in Anna's body): Oh no! All that will get us is a 72-hour lockdown in a psych ward and a Thorazine drip. No, we're not going anywhere.
Ryan: What the hell just happened? Tess: Trust me, you don't wanna know.
Anna (in Tess's body): So, let's do this thingy. Ryan: You mean our wedding rehearsal? Anna (in Tess's body): Yeah, whatever.
Ryan: [hearing Anna scream because her door is gone] She saw it. Grandpa: [gets up quick] I'm gonna check those Lakers. Ryan: I'm with you...
Grandpa: [about Anna] Stop groveling, man. Let her come to YOU. Ryan: She'd come with a hatchet.
Pei-Pei: Sexy new look for you, Mrs. Coleman! You look hot!
Anna: You couldn't last one day in my high school. Tess: Actually I could, and I would do it without getting a detention.
Anna (in Tess's body): Let's just say this cute guy asks you out. What are you gonna do? WOOOH.
Mr. Bates: [to a student] Mr. Waters, describe the character of Hamlet. Mr. Waters: Hamlet. He's, uh... he's one of the big characters. I mean, he's Hamlet. He's just... bopping around... doesn't know which way's up. I don't think the guy's got a clue. Mr. Bates: You mean to say that he is a man... Mr. Waters: Yeah. Mr. Bates: Who couldn't make up his... mind. Mr. Waters: ...mind. Exactly. Mr. Bates: Good. B.
Jake: You know, it's just... Yesterday was freaky, and I mean, I see your mom... And I like her. I mean, not "like her" like her, but, you know, I mean... Like her as your mom. Listen, do you think we could just rewind this whole thing and start again? Anna: [smiles] I'd like that.
Anna (in Tess's body): So you're in my body, and I'm in your body. Why don't we, like... Tess (in Anna's body): Yes, yes, I see what you're saying. A jolt! Okay, you go over there, and I go over here. Okay, when I say go. Ready? Go! [they both bump heads and fall to the ground while Harry walks into the room]
Harry: [straws sticking out of his nose] Look I'm a walrus!
Anna (in Tess's body): Root canal? That's not fair, they're not my teeth.
Pei-Pei: [about her mother] Oh, she's crazy. Pei-Pei's Mom: [subtitles] Like a fox.
[as he holds Tess's hand] Ryan: One more day. Anna (in Tess's body): Yeah, it's great we're getting married, isn't it? Even though my husband died. How quickly I've been able to get over it.
Tess (in Anna's body): I look like Stevie Nicks. Anna (in Tess's body): Who's he?
Tess (in Anna's body): Role-playing! Her idea. New therapeutic technique. Switching points of view. Grandpa: If I switch with Harry, do I have to wear a thong? Harry: [mocking Grandpa] Earthquake. Save me. Earthquake.
Anna (in Tess's body): You mean we're like stuck in this SUCKFEST?
[Anna and Tess read the fortunes they received from Pei-Pei's mother] Anna, Tess: A journey soon begins... Tess: ...its prize reflected in the other's eyes. Anna: When what you see is what you lack... Anna, Tess: ...then selfless love will change you back.