Fanboys Quotes
Star Wars fanatics take a cross-country trip to George Lucas' Skywalker Ranch so their dying friend can see a screening of Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999) before its release.
Windows: You guys both got to stop perpetuating this myth that Boba Fett is some kind of bad-ass. All right? He has a jet pack. So did the Rocketeer. Really cool. When it comes time for battle, the man's Michael Bay - all style, no substance.
Hutch: If you diss the Fett the again, I will corn-hole you with a lightsaber!
Hutch: If you diss the Fett the again, I will corn-hole you with a lightsaber!
Admiral Seasholtz: Okay. Hilarious, everyone. Looks like we got more Lucas hounds here to mock Roddenberry. Congratulations, gentleman, but I would like to see your Darth Vader take on one Borg drone. And we'll see who's laughing then. Am I right?
Windows: Darth Vader can put the entire Borg collective in a vice grip with his mind.
Admiral Seasholtz: Uh, Darth Vader has asthma, so name me one Star Trek character with a respiratory disease, 'cause I'm drawing a blank.
Linus: Name me one Star Wars character who's gay.
Hutch: Beside's you.
Admiral Seasholtz: Well, no one's gay in Star Trek, so why would I even do that?
Linus: Captain Picard.
Admiral Seasholtz: Okay. Captain Picard is not gay. He's British.
Windows: [in a swishy voice] Come on. "Make it so!"
Windows: Darth Vader can put the entire Borg collective in a vice grip with his mind.
Admiral Seasholtz: Uh, Darth Vader has asthma, so name me one Star Trek character with a respiratory disease, 'cause I'm drawing a blank.
Linus: Name me one Star Wars character who's gay.
Hutch: Beside's you.
Admiral Seasholtz: Well, no one's gay in Star Trek, so why would I even do that?
Linus: Captain Picard.
Admiral Seasholtz: Okay. Captain Picard is not gay. He's British.
Windows: [in a swishy voice] Come on. "Make it so!"
Zoe: Asshole. You have been trying that Jedi mind shit on me since the eighth grade. It doesn't work.
Hutch: Oh, it works. Tell her, Windows.
Zoe: He's been geeking out with Rogue Leader all morning. Nothing can tear him away.
[lifts her sweater, exposing her breasts to Windows who is on the Internet on his laptop, not looking up]
Zoe: Ah, I love the feeling of fresh air on my naked breasts.
Hutch: Oh, ho-ho!
Zoe: See that? Man's immune to sweater yams.
Hutch: What about me? I like sweater yams!
Hutch: Oh, it works. Tell her, Windows.
Zoe: He's been geeking out with Rogue Leader all morning. Nothing can tear him away.
[lifts her sweater, exposing her breasts to Windows who is on the Internet on his laptop, not looking up]
Zoe: Ah, I love the feeling of fresh air on my naked breasts.
Hutch: Oh, ho-ho!
Zoe: See that? Man's immune to sweater yams.
Hutch: What about me? I like sweater yams!
Head Of Security: Mr. Lucas is touched and mildly flattered by what have done here. And I have been informed that I feel the same way. So the charges are gonna be dropped. That is, of course, if you are what you appear to be.
Windows: Uh, what do we appear to be?
Head Of Security: Fanboys. Something we can easily determine with a simple quiz.
Windows: Uh, what do we appear to be?
Head Of Security: Fanboys. Something we can easily determine with a simple quiz.
Windows: I met her in a Jedi chatroom. The woman is perfect. She's intelligent and acerbic, and a die-hard fan. She's even got connections inside the Lucas camp.
Linus: Who's also got a man package and a goatee.
Windows: You guys are all just jealous because she describes herself as a cross between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Janeane Garafolo.
Hutch: Tell 'em how you described yourself.
Windows: I was perfectly honest with her.
Linus: You said you look like a white Billy Dee Williams. You called yourself white chocolate.
Windows: I *am* white chocolate.
Linus: Who's also got a man package and a goatee.
Windows: You guys are all just jealous because she describes herself as a cross between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Janeane Garafolo.
Hutch: Tell 'em how you described yourself.
Windows: I was perfectly honest with her.
Linus: You said you look like a white Billy Dee Williams. You called yourself white chocolate.
Windows: I *am* white chocolate.
Zoe: All right, everybody, shut up! Swear to God this little Ewok is going up in flames! I'll do it.
THX Security Guard #4: Go ahead, burn it.
Zoe: I will.
THX Security Guard #4: Yeah, burn it.
Hutch: Guys, nobody wants this.
Zoe: I will.
THX Security Guard #4: [Mimicking Yoda's voice] Burn it, burn it.
Zoe: I'm gonna.
THX Security Guard #4: Burn it.
Zoe: That's what I said.
THX Security Guard #4: Burn it.
Zoe: I said it.
THX Security Guard #4: Good, I was always more of a Star Trek fan anyway.
Zoe: Oh...
Hutch: These Trekkies are everywhere.
THX Security Guard #4: Go ahead, burn it.
Zoe: I will.
THX Security Guard #4: Yeah, burn it.
Hutch: Guys, nobody wants this.
Zoe: I will.
THX Security Guard #4: [Mimicking Yoda's voice] Burn it, burn it.
Zoe: I'm gonna.
THX Security Guard #4: Burn it.
Zoe: That's what I said.
THX Security Guard #4: Burn it.
Zoe: I said it.
THX Security Guard #4: Good, I was always more of a Star Trek fan anyway.
Zoe: Oh...
Hutch: These Trekkies are everywhere.
[title card]
Title card/crawl: The year is 1998 and it is a period of galactic civil war. Scratch that. There's no civil war. That would be crazy. However, the past fifteen years have been a dark time for Star Wars fans.
Title card/crawl: But there is hope. A new Star Wars film is on the horizon. In 199 days, 3 hours, 33 minutes and 29 seconds the most anticipated movie of all time will be released.
Title card/crawl: In the remote state of Ohio, two best friends and lifelong Star Wars fans have drifted apart. Little do they know that on Halloween night, their paths will cross again...
Title card/crawl: Ever wonder why these words are flying? Maybe aliens in another galaxy will one day read this and think WTF?
Title card/crawl: sent from my iPhone.
Title card/crawl: The year is 1998 and it is a period of galactic civil war. Scratch that. There's no civil war. That would be crazy. However, the past fifteen years have been a dark time for Star Wars fans.
Title card/crawl: But there is hope. A new Star Wars film is on the horizon. In 199 days, 3 hours, 33 minutes and 29 seconds the most anticipated movie of all time will be released.
Title card/crawl: In the remote state of Ohio, two best friends and lifelong Star Wars fans have drifted apart. Little do they know that on Halloween night, their paths will cross again...
Title card/crawl: Ever wonder why these words are flying? Maybe aliens in another galaxy will one day read this and think WTF?
Title card/crawl: sent from my iPhone.
Eric: Linus. Hey, stop walking. Linus! Hold up, man! Stop. What the hell, man? I did nothing to you.
Linus: Exactly. You did nothing. Absolutely nothing. Eric Bottler graduates high school and never looks back. You bailed on our plan, Bottler!
Eric: What plan? To be the next big thing in comics? Come on, man. That was never gonna happen. I did what I had to do, dude. I grew up. I'm the only one who did. Look at you guys.
Linus: You know, you could fool anybody with this cheap suit, salesman-of-the-year pitch. But I know you better than anybody and deep down, you are one miserable son of a bitch.
Linus: Exactly. You did nothing. Absolutely nothing. Eric Bottler graduates high school and never looks back. You bailed on our plan, Bottler!
Eric: What plan? To be the next big thing in comics? Come on, man. That was never gonna happen. I did what I had to do, dude. I grew up. I'm the only one who did. Look at you guys.
Linus: You know, you could fool anybody with this cheap suit, salesman-of-the-year pitch. But I know you better than anybody and deep down, you are one miserable son of a bitch.
The Chief: The Chief fixed it while you boys were asleep.
Eric: The Chief fixed it. Is he around? Can we thank him?
Linus: He's the Chief. You're the Chief, aren't you? Why didn't you say so?
The Chief: The Chief likes to refer to himself in the third person. It causes confusion, especially with the bitches.
Eric: The Chief fixed it. Is he around? Can we thank him?
Linus: He's the Chief. You're the Chief, aren't you? Why didn't you say so?
The Chief: The Chief likes to refer to himself in the third person. It causes confusion, especially with the bitches.
Hutch: Rule number one: In my van, it's Rush. All Rush, all the time. No exceptions. Rule number two: Nobody touch the red button. And I mean never touch the red button. Most importantly, rule number three: There's no jerking it in my van!
Windows: [throwing up his hands] Fine...
Hutch: [amid laughter] Don't roll your eyes at ME, Admiral Jackbar!
Windows: [throwing up his hands] Fine...
Hutch: [amid laughter] Don't roll your eyes at ME, Admiral Jackbar!
Hutch: I'm telling you, man. I took that Vulcan down hard. I rolled him into the dirt like he was my frickin tauntaun.
Eric: Tauntaun, my ass. If it wasn't for me, you guys would all be dead.
Windows: What fight were you watching? I was channeling the emperor.
Linus: The emperor? I don't remember the emperor crapping his robe and screaming "time-out."
Eric: Oh, my God. That's right.
Windows: There is such a thing as time-out.
Hutch: [imitating The Emperor] I can feel your anger growing inside. Wait. Time-out.
Eric: Tauntaun, my ass. If it wasn't for me, you guys would all be dead.
Windows: What fight were you watching? I was channeling the emperor.
Linus: The emperor? I don't remember the emperor crapping his robe and screaming "time-out."
Eric: Oh, my God. That's right.
Windows: There is such a thing as time-out.
Hutch: [imitating The Emperor] I can feel your anger growing inside. Wait. Time-out.
Head Of Security: By the time y'all walk away from this your face are gonna be shrunken and shriveled...
[walks up to Hutch]
Head Of Security: ...just like your one nut.
Hutch: What? How can he possibly know that?
Head Of Security: Oh, we know about your uniball. We know everything, Mr. Harold Hutchinson, aka Hutch. Son of Gloria. Humongous Rush fan.
Hutch: Dude, you're freaking me out. How do you know this?
Head Of Security: Because you have a Rush shirt on, dipshit.
[walks up to Hutch]
Head Of Security: ...just like your one nut.
Hutch: What? How can he possibly know that?
Head Of Security: Oh, we know about your uniball. We know everything, Mr. Harold Hutchinson, aka Hutch. Son of Gloria. Humongous Rush fan.
Hutch: Dude, you're freaking me out. How do you know this?
Head Of Security: Because you have a Rush shirt on, dipshit.
Windows: Harrison Ford is the greatest actor of all time!
Eric: In the history of cinema?
Windows: He's Han Solo, Indiana Jones. Yes!
Eric: Deckard from Blade Runner.
Windows: Yes. Exactly. Greatest actor of all time. He's never done a bad movie.
[the van drives by a billboard for the 1998 movie "Six Days, Seven Nights"]
Eric: In the history of cinema?
Windows: He's Han Solo, Indiana Jones. Yes!
Eric: Deckard from Blade Runner.
Windows: Yes. Exactly. Greatest actor of all time. He's never done a bad movie.
[the van drives by a billboard for the 1998 movie "Six Days, Seven Nights"]
