Face/Off Quotes
To foil an extortion plot, an FBI agent undergoes a face-transplant surgery and assumes the identity of a ruthless terrorist. But the plan backfires when the same criminal impersonates the cop with the same method.
[Troy and Archer see each other for the first time with each other's faces]
Castor Troy: [grins] OOOEEEE, you're good lookin'! You're hot!
[cocks his head]
Castor Troy: It's like looking in a mirror, only not.
Sean Archer: Troy?
Castor Troy: Now that is between us. OK?
Sean Archer: But you were, were, uh...
Castor Troy: In a coma? Nothing like having your face cut off to disturb your sleep! Read the newspaper lately?
[shows him a newspaper article headlined "Deadly Inferno at Walsh Institute"]
Sean Archer: You killed them?
Castor Troy: Yeah well, beats paying the bill, huh? I mean, come on, uh, if a face lift costs five grand...
[shows Archer's wedding ring on his hand]
Castor Troy: ... SEE ANYTHING YOU LIKE?
[Cut to a shot of Miller, Dr. Walsh, and Tito, all bound and gagged, being doused with gasoline]
Sean Archer: [feeling a lump forming in his throat] Tito!
[In flashback, a hand drops a lit cigarette in a puddle of gasoline that quickly spreads towards the captives]
Castor Troy: I torched all the evidence that proves you're you, okay? So, wow! Looks like you're going to be in here for THE NEXT HUNDRED YEARS! Now, I have got to go. I've got a government job to abuse and a lonely wife to fuck! Whoops did I just say that? I'm sorry... make love to! God, I miss that face!
[Archer throws his hands around Castor's neck and tries to strangle him. Guards promptly rush in and pull Archer off Castor]
Castor Troy: [grins] OOOEEEE, you're good lookin'! You're hot!
[cocks his head]
Castor Troy: It's like looking in a mirror, only not.
Sean Archer: Troy?
Castor Troy: Now that is between us. OK?
Sean Archer: But you were, were, uh...
Castor Troy: In a coma? Nothing like having your face cut off to disturb your sleep! Read the newspaper lately?
[shows him a newspaper article headlined "Deadly Inferno at Walsh Institute"]
Sean Archer: You killed them?
Castor Troy: Yeah well, beats paying the bill, huh? I mean, come on, uh, if a face lift costs five grand...
[shows Archer's wedding ring on his hand]
Castor Troy: ... SEE ANYTHING YOU LIKE?
[Cut to a shot of Miller, Dr. Walsh, and Tito, all bound and gagged, being doused with gasoline]
Sean Archer: [feeling a lump forming in his throat] Tito!
[In flashback, a hand drops a lit cigarette in a puddle of gasoline that quickly spreads towards the captives]
Castor Troy: I torched all the evidence that proves you're you, okay? So, wow! Looks like you're going to be in here for THE NEXT HUNDRED YEARS! Now, I have got to go. I've got a government job to abuse and a lonely wife to fuck! Whoops did I just say that? I'm sorry... make love to! God, I miss that face!
[Archer throws his hands around Castor's neck and tries to strangle him. Guards promptly rush in and pull Archer off Castor]
Wanda: You turned your beeper off.
Castor Troy: Yes, well... my son's birthday.
Wanda: Well, here's some poetic justice, sir... Castor Troy's dead.
Buzz: He got killed trying to escape from Erewhon.
Castor Troy: Where's his body? I want to see his body.
Wanda: It hasn't been recovered yet.
Castor Troy: IT HASN'T BEEN *RECOVERED YET*? *Get the LAPD on this!*
Wanda: Even if he is alive, Castor isn't stupid enough to come back to the city.
Castor Troy: You must... you must trust me. He's already here.
Castor Troy: Yes, well... my son's birthday.
Wanda: Well, here's some poetic justice, sir... Castor Troy's dead.
Buzz: He got killed trying to escape from Erewhon.
Castor Troy: Where's his body? I want to see his body.
Wanda: It hasn't been recovered yet.
Castor Troy: IT HASN'T BEEN *RECOVERED YET*? *Get the LAPD on this!*
Wanda: Even if he is alive, Castor isn't stupid enough to come back to the city.
Castor Troy: You must... you must trust me. He's already here.
Castor Troy: I don't know what I hate wearing worse: your face or your body. I mean I enjoy *boning* your wife, but let's face it, we both like it better the other way, yes? So why don't we trade back.
Sean Archer: You can't give back what you've taken from me.
Castor Troy: OK, then... plan B, why don't we just kill each other?
Sean Archer: You can't give back what you've taken from me.
Castor Troy: OK, then... plan B, why don't we just kill each other?
[a faceless Castor Troy confronts Dr. Walsh after waking from a coma]
Dr. Malcolm Walsh: What the hell is this?
Castor Troy: Doctor Walsh! I'm just enjoying some of your greatest hits here. I hope you don't mind: I partook of a few of your groovy painkillers. Oh, bravo. Bra-fucking-vo. Oh God, this is excellent. Bravo!
Dr. Malcolm Walsh: What do you want?
Castor Troy: Take one goddamn guess!
Dr. Malcolm Walsh: What the hell is this?
Castor Troy: Doctor Walsh! I'm just enjoying some of your greatest hits here. I hope you don't mind: I partook of a few of your groovy painkillers. Oh, bravo. Bra-fucking-vo. Oh God, this is excellent. Bravo!
Dr. Malcolm Walsh: What do you want?
Castor Troy: Take one goddamn guess!
Sean Archer: [as Castor Troy] This is between us. Leave them out of it.
Castor Troy: [as Sean Archer] No. You should have left them out of it. Your son was an accident. I wanted to kill you. But, you took it too personally. Why couldn't you just kill yourself or let it go?
Sean Archer: [as Castor Troy] No father could.
Castor Troy: [as Sean Archer] No brother could either.
Sasha Hassler: [coming in] Neither could a sister.
Castor Troy: [as Sean Archer] No. You should have left them out of it. Your son was an accident. I wanted to kill you. But, you took it too personally. Why couldn't you just kill yourself or let it go?
Sean Archer: [as Castor Troy] No father could.
Castor Troy: [as Sean Archer] No brother could either.
Sasha Hassler: [coming in] Neither could a sister.
Castor Troy: [after saving Archers daughter from help boyfriend raping her] Do you have protection?
Jamie Archer: Protection? You mean like condoms?
Castor Troy: [pulls out his switchblade] Protection. Next time, let Carl take his pants down, slip this in his thigh, twist it. So the wound won't close...
[gives her the knife]
Castor Troy: Go on, get out of here.
[Jamie leaves]
Castor Troy: I am the King!
Jamie Archer: Protection? You mean like condoms?
Castor Troy: [pulls out his switchblade] Protection. Next time, let Carl take his pants down, slip this in his thigh, twist it. So the wound won't close...
[gives her the knife]
Castor Troy: Go on, get out of here.
[Jamie leaves]
Castor Troy: I am the King!
Pollux Troy: [Not realizing that he is talking with Sean Archer with Troy's face] Not feeling very coordinated lately, are you?
Sean Archer: [Trying to act like Troy] Listen, bro. I am soooo fried. If the psychos find out I'm this wacky we're both dead meat.
Pollux Troy: Shock treatment? What's the matter, did they operate?
[Pollux touches Archer's face]
Sean Archer: I was in a COMA! Jesus, you're still so frickin' paranoid! Aren't they giving you your medication in here?
Pollux Troy: What *was* my medication?
Sean Archer: [sighing in exasperation] Pollux, I hand-fed you those pills for years. Vivex! I haven't forgotten *that*.
Sean Archer: [beat] It's just everything else. My reflexes, my synapses, it's all like a...
Sean Archer: [beat] tab of bad Quantrax.
Sean Archer: [beat] I don't even know why that fucking Yeti jumped me the other day.
Pollux Troy: Dubov? You had a sex sandwich with his wife and his sister the night he was sent here.
Sean Archer: Well, that explains why he was so upset. We're gonna blow up L.A., bro. Ain't that cool?
Pollux Troy: Sure, rub my nose in it, why don't you. Ten million dollar design and those Militia nut jobs get to keep their cash.
Sean Archer: It's so fucking unfair! That bomb you built does deserve an audience. I mean, it's a work of art, it belongs in the Louvre.
Pollux Troy: Yes, it does. Oh well, I guess the L.A. Convention Center will just have to do.
Sean Archer: [rejoices as Pollux just revealed the location of the bomb] Thank you.
Pollux Troy: For what?
Sean Archer: Oh, bro. You are so fuckin' pathetic.
Sean Archer: [Trying to act like Troy] Listen, bro. I am soooo fried. If the psychos find out I'm this wacky we're both dead meat.
Pollux Troy: Shock treatment? What's the matter, did they operate?
[Pollux touches Archer's face]
Sean Archer: I was in a COMA! Jesus, you're still so frickin' paranoid! Aren't they giving you your medication in here?
Pollux Troy: What *was* my medication?
Sean Archer: [sighing in exasperation] Pollux, I hand-fed you those pills for years. Vivex! I haven't forgotten *that*.
Sean Archer: [beat] It's just everything else. My reflexes, my synapses, it's all like a...
Sean Archer: [beat] tab of bad Quantrax.
Sean Archer: [beat] I don't even know why that fucking Yeti jumped me the other day.
Pollux Troy: Dubov? You had a sex sandwich with his wife and his sister the night he was sent here.
Sean Archer: Well, that explains why he was so upset. We're gonna blow up L.A., bro. Ain't that cool?
Pollux Troy: Sure, rub my nose in it, why don't you. Ten million dollar design and those Militia nut jobs get to keep their cash.
Sean Archer: It's so fucking unfair! That bomb you built does deserve an audience. I mean, it's a work of art, it belongs in the Louvre.
Pollux Troy: Yes, it does. Oh well, I guess the L.A. Convention Center will just have to do.
Sean Archer: [rejoices as Pollux just revealed the location of the bomb] Thank you.
Pollux Troy: For what?
Sean Archer: Oh, bro. You are so fuckin' pathetic.
[looking at Jamie in her underwear]
[to himself]
Castor Troy: The plot thickens.
Jamie Archer: [on the phone] Carl, I'll have to call you back.
[hangs up]
Jamie Archer: You're not respecting my boundaries.
Castor Troy: I'm coming in, Janie.
Jamie Archer: Janie?
Castor Troy: [seeing a pillow that says Jamie on it, he realizes his mistake] I don't think you heard me, JAMIE. You got something I crave.
[closes in on Jamie, reaches back and grabs her pack of cigarettes]
Jamie Archer: Danielle left those here.
Castor Troy: I won't tell mom if you don't.
[puts a cigarette in his mouth and lights it]
Jamie Archer: When did you start smoking?
Castor Troy: You'll be seeing a lot of changes around here.
[blows smoke rings at Jamie]
Castor Troy: Papa's got a brand new bag. OW!
[to himself]
Castor Troy: The plot thickens.
Jamie Archer: [on the phone] Carl, I'll have to call you back.
[hangs up]
Jamie Archer: You're not respecting my boundaries.
Castor Troy: I'm coming in, Janie.
Jamie Archer: Janie?
Castor Troy: [seeing a pillow that says Jamie on it, he realizes his mistake] I don't think you heard me, JAMIE. You got something I crave.
[closes in on Jamie, reaches back and grabs her pack of cigarettes]
Jamie Archer: Danielle left those here.
Castor Troy: I won't tell mom if you don't.
[puts a cigarette in his mouth and lights it]
Jamie Archer: When did you start smoking?
Castor Troy: You'll be seeing a lot of changes around here.
[blows smoke rings at Jamie]
Castor Troy: Papa's got a brand new bag. OW!
Castor Troy: [Jamie shot Archer in the shoulder, now Troy has the gun on her] Clod! No daughter of mine would shoot so wide.
[to Archer]
Castor Troy: DAD! *Put* the gun down! Put it down. Dad, put it down.
[to Jamie]
Castor Troy: Now we're going to find out what's in Papa's bag, Peaches!
[licks Jamie's face]
Castor Troy: Say good-bye to Papa.
[to Archer]
Castor Troy: DAD! *Put* the gun down! Put it down. Dad, put it down.
[to Jamie]
Castor Troy: Now we're going to find out what's in Papa's bag, Peaches!
[licks Jamie's face]
Castor Troy: Say good-bye to Papa.
Castor Troy: [Both have each other at gun point] Wow. We have something in common. We both know our guns.
Sean Archer: What we don't have in common, is that I don't care if I live, and you do.
Castor Troy: Sean, that hurts. You're not having any fun, are you, Sean? Why don't you join us? Try Terrorism-for-hire, we can blow shit up, it's more FUN!
Sean Archer: Shut the fuck up!
Castor Troy: You watch your FUCKIN' MOUTH! I'm about to unleash the biblical plague "Hell-A" deserves. But I'll give this SHITHOLE a break if my brother and I walk.
Sean Archer: [Not believing what troy is saying] Bullshit.
Castor Troy: Oh, no? Oh, you think I'm bluffing, oh yeah. Maybe I am. But then maybe I'm NOT! Besides, what are you gonna do with me locked up? You'll drive your wife and kid crazy. Oh by the way, how is your daughter, Janie? Your darling peach, is she ripe yet...
[Making barking noises and pulls the trigger on the gun and realizes that he is out of bullets, and falls to his knees]
Castor Troy: Please don't shoot me, man. I'm scared, Sean.
[gets a knife]
Castor Troy: Well, I think you better pull the trigger, because I don't give a FUCK!
[singing]
Castor Troy: I'm ready, Ready for the big ride, BABY!
Sean Archer: What we don't have in common, is that I don't care if I live, and you do.
Castor Troy: Sean, that hurts. You're not having any fun, are you, Sean? Why don't you join us? Try Terrorism-for-hire, we can blow shit up, it's more FUN!
Sean Archer: Shut the fuck up!
Castor Troy: You watch your FUCKIN' MOUTH! I'm about to unleash the biblical plague "Hell-A" deserves. But I'll give this SHITHOLE a break if my brother and I walk.
Sean Archer: [Not believing what troy is saying] Bullshit.
Castor Troy: Oh, no? Oh, you think I'm bluffing, oh yeah. Maybe I am. But then maybe I'm NOT! Besides, what are you gonna do with me locked up? You'll drive your wife and kid crazy. Oh by the way, how is your daughter, Janie? Your darling peach, is she ripe yet...
[Making barking noises and pulls the trigger on the gun and realizes that he is out of bullets, and falls to his knees]
Castor Troy: Please don't shoot me, man. I'm scared, Sean.
[gets a knife]
Castor Troy: Well, I think you better pull the trigger, because I don't give a FUCK!
[singing]
Castor Troy: I'm ready, Ready for the big ride, BABY!
Jamie Archer: HOLD IT!
Castor Troy: Good girl, Jamie. SHOOT HIM!
Sean Archer: Honey, don't listen to him. He's not your father.
[Archer's original voice]
Sean Archer: Hear my voice. I'M YOUR FATHER!
Castor Troy: Use your eyes, Jamie and shoot him!
Sean Archer: Don't shoot. Just don't...
Castor Troy: This scumbag, this SCUMBAG shot your BROTHER Jamie. SHOOT HIM!
[Jamie shoots Archer in the shoulder]
Castor Troy: Good girl, Jamie. SHOOT HIM!
Sean Archer: Honey, don't listen to him. He's not your father.
[Archer's original voice]
Sean Archer: Hear my voice. I'M YOUR FATHER!
Castor Troy: Use your eyes, Jamie and shoot him!
Sean Archer: Don't shoot. Just don't...
Castor Troy: This scumbag, this SCUMBAG shot your BROTHER Jamie. SHOOT HIM!
[Jamie shoots Archer in the shoulder]
Sean Archer: I've said and done some things that made your life hard, I know
Sasha Hassler: How would you? when you left you never looked back
Sean Archer: I just know,
[Adam walks in]
Sean Archer: Sasha I'm not the same person you remember and for what it's worth I'm sorry,
[getting dressed]
Sean Archer: nice looking clothes
Sasha Hassler: Yeah, of course their yours
Sean Archer: [Sees Adam] nice looking kid too
Sasha Hassler: Yeah, of course, his yours too
Sasha Hassler: How would you? when you left you never looked back
Sean Archer: I just know,
[Adam walks in]
Sean Archer: Sasha I'm not the same person you remember and for what it's worth I'm sorry,
[getting dressed]
Sean Archer: nice looking clothes
Sasha Hassler: Yeah, of course their yours
Sean Archer: [Sees Adam] nice looking kid too
Sasha Hassler: Yeah, of course, his yours too
Castor Troy: I was thinking the other day, I remember I once took a date out for surf and turf, not knowing she was a vegetarian, so she ate bread and broke her tooth on a rice seed, we drove around all night, looking for an all night dentist, and he was so drunk he fixed the wrong tooth, when I finally brought her home, even though it must've hurt like hell, you kissed me
Castor Troy: Brother, we're going straight
Pollux Troy: My goodness did you exchange brains as well?
Castor Troy: First thing I need you to confess to is the location of the bomb
Pollux Troy: What about our ten million dollars?
Castor Troy: What about when I become an American hero for defusing the bomb? What's that worth? Know that, thank you, next question
[both laugh]
Pollux Troy: My goodness did you exchange brains as well?
Castor Troy: First thing I need you to confess to is the location of the bomb
Pollux Troy: What about our ten million dollars?
Castor Troy: What about when I become an American hero for defusing the bomb? What's that worth? Know that, thank you, next question
[both laugh]
Sean Archer: The last time I saw you was in this room, we had a fight when I said I had to go away again I spent the night in Mike's old bed, the assignment was to enter a federal prison as Castor Troy, just fucking insane, a special ops surgeon gave me Caster's face and somehow Castor came out of his coma and killed everybody who knew about the mission not before transforming into me,
[breaks the glass in Michael's picture frame and removes the photo]
Sean Archer: I know you don't believe a word I'm saying, well here's proof doctor your husband, me, my Sean's blood type O-negative Castor's AB
[breaks the glass in Michael's picture frame and removes the photo]
Sean Archer: I know you don't believe a word I'm saying, well here's proof doctor your husband, me, my Sean's blood type O-negative Castor's AB
Castor Troy: [On the phone with Pollux] What I'm trying to tell you brother, Pollux once we get the full protection and resources of the government to get rid of our rivals right? then we'll set, and maybe just maybe I'll get my freaking face back, then I'll just have one jag off to take care
[seeing Karl and Jamie in a car]
Castor Troy: Maybe two, happy hunting I'll catch you later.
[seeing Karl and Jamie in a car]
Castor Troy: Maybe two, happy hunting I'll catch you later.
