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A troubled child summons the courage to help a friendly alien escape Earth and return to his home-world.
E.T.: E.T. phone home.
[last lines] E.T.: Come... Elliot: [solemnly] Stay... E.T.: [puts his finger to his glowing heart] Ouch. Elliot: [mimics the same action, tearfully] Ouch. E.T.: [E.T. and Elliot embrace each other, then E.T. puts his glowing finger to Elliot's forehead] I'll... be... right... here. Elliot: [tearfully] ... bye.
Michael: Maybe it was an iguana. Elliot: It was *no* iguana. Michael: Maybe, um - You know how they say there are alligators in the sewers? Gertie: Alligators in the sewers. Mary: All we're trying to say is, maybe you just probably imagined it. It happened... Elliot: I couldn't have imagined it! Michael: Maybe it was a pervert or a deformed kid or something. Gertie: A deformed kid. Michael: [mockingly] Maybe an elf or a leprechaun. Elliot: It was nothing like that, penis-breath! Mary: [laughs in shock] *Elliot!* Sit down.
Elliot: He's a man from outer space and we're taking him to his spaceship. Greg: Well, can't he just beam up? Elliot: This is *reality*, Greg.
Michael: Where's the playground? Elliot: It's near the preschool! Michael: Where's that? Elliot: I don't know streets! Mom always drives me! Michael: Son of a bitch.
Mary: A pizza? Who said you guys could order a pizza?
Elliot: Think, Michael. What would make a radar? Michael: How the hell do I know? You're the genius in the family; you have absolute power, remember?
Elliot: You could be happy here, I could take care of you. I wouldn't let anybody hurt you. We could grow up together, E.T.
Elliot: [tearfully, while looking down at E.T.'s plastic-covered corpse] I'll believe in you all my life, everyday. E.T... I love you.
Tyler: [sarcastically] Hey, Elliot, where's your goblin? Michael: Shut up. Steve: Did he come back? Pretty Young Girl: Hi, Elliot. Greg: Well, did he? Elliot: Yeah, he came back, but he's not a goblin. He's a spaceman. Steve: Ooh, as in extra-terrestrial! Tyler: Where is he from, Uranus? Get it? Your anus? Greg: He doesn't get it, Ty. Tyler: Get it, your anus? Greg: He doesn't get it. Elliot: You're so immature! Greg: And you're such a cintus suprimus! Elliot: Zero charisma! Greg: Cintus suprimus! Elliot: Zero charisma! Greg: Cintus suprimus! Elliot: Shut up, Greg! Greg: Cintus suprimus! Elliot: [yells as he rides off on his bike] Zero charisma! Greg: You wimp!
[after E.T. learns how to talk] Mary: Gertie, I have to go pick up Elliot. Will you be a good girl and stay... Gertie: Mama, he can talk! Mary: [thinking she meant Elliot] Of course he can talk. I'll be right back in ten minutes. Stay there.
Elliot: You must be dead, because I don't know how to feel. I can't feel anything anymore.
Michael: Did you explain school to him? Elliot: How do you explain school to higher intelligence? Michael: Maybe he's not that smart. Maybe he's like a worker bee who only knows how to push buttons or something. Elliot: [knowingly] He is too smart. Michael: Okay, I just hope we don't wake up on Mars or something surrounded by millions of little squashy guys.
Michael: [as Yoda] You have absolute power! Yes!
Tyler: [to Elliot] Douche bag. Mary: [hits him on the head] No 'douche bag' talk in my house!
Tyler: We made it! Oh shit!
[watching Elliot's house under quarantine after E.T.'s death] Steve: Something's happening. Greg: [sarcastically] Ooh, they're gonna die. Tyler: Shut up, Greg. Steve: Something is definitely happening.
E.T.: [touching heart, about to leave] Ouuuuch!
Keys: Elliot, that machine, what does it do? Elliot: [in a sickly voice] The communicator? Is it still working? Keys: It's doing *something*. What? Elliot: I really shouldn't tell. He came to me, he came to me. Keys: Elliot, he came to me too. I've been wishing for this since I was 10 years old, I don't want him to die. What can we do that we're not already doing? Elliot: He needs to go home; he's calling his people. And I don't know where they are, but he needs to go home. Keys: Elliot, I don't think he was left here intentionally, but his being here is a miracle, Elliot. It's a miracle and you did the best that anybody could do. I'm glad he met you first.
Michael: We're all going to die and they're never going to give me my license!
E.T.: [steps on a bathroom scale, it reads 35 lbs] Elliot: 35 pounds? You're fat!
[Mary hits E.T. with the refrigerator door] Gertie: Here he is. Mary: [absently] Here's who? Gertie: The man from the moon. But I think you've killed him already.
Mary: If you ever see it again, whatever it is, don't touch it, just call me and we'll have somebody come and take it away. Gertie: Like the dogcatcher? Elliot: But they'll give it a lobotomy or do experiments on it or something.
Michael: Maybe he's some animal that wasn't supposed to live; kind of like those rabbits we saw. He could be a monkey or an orangutan. Elliot: A bald monkey? Gertie: Is he a pig? He sure eats like one.
Mary: It's your turn to do the dishes, fellas. Michael: I set and cleared. Elliot: [in a stern tone] I set and cleared. Michael: [quickly] I did breakfast. Gertie: [solemnly] I did breakfast. Michael: [noticing how upset Mary is] What's the matter, mom? Mary: [leaves in tears, to herself, about her husband] He HATES Mexico! Michael: [to Elliott, furiously] Damn it, why don't you - grow up and think how other people feel for a change! [Elliott goes angry and does the dishes]
Gertie: What are you going as for Halloween? Elliot: [Elliot is upset because nobody believes him] I'm not going to stupid Halloween. Michael: [to Elliot] Why don't you go as a goblin? Elliot: [flatly] Shut up.
Elliot: [upon encountering E.T., running excitedly into the house] Mom, Mom! There's something out there! Mary: What? Elliot: It's in the toolshed. It threw the ball at me. [Michael and his friends mock him loudly] Elliot: QUIET! [Michael's friends go silent] Elliot: [in hushed tone] Nobody go out there! Michael: [the boys all spring up excitedly] Ha! Ha! Ha! [they grab knives] Mary: Stop, now! You guys stay right here! Michael: You stay here, Mom, we'll check it out! Mary: And put those knives back! [Elliot grabs her hand and pulls her outside as well] Mary: Okay, Elliot! Let me get a flashlight.
Elliot: But, look, you can't tell. Not even Mom. Gertie: Why not? Elliot: Because, uh, grown-ups can't see him. Only little kids can see him. Gertie: Give me a break! Elliot: [Transylvanian accent] Well, do you know what's going to happen if you do tell? [Elliot grabs Gertie's doll and throw it to Michael] Elliot: Do it, Mike, we have to. [Gertie begs the doll back as Elliott and Michael 'torture' it. They stop when Gertie vows to keep E.T. a secret] Elliot: [to Gertie] Promise? Gertie: [distressed] Yes. Elliot: [to Michael] You promise? [Michael nods]
Elliot: [seeing E.T. in a dress, with a wig and jewelry] Oh, God! E.T.: Elliot. Elliot: [still too frustrated to notice he just spoke to him] What? E.T.: Elliot!... Elliot! Gertie: I taught him how to talk now. He can talk now. [Elliot sees electronics and supplies together in the closet] Gertie: Look what he brought up here all by himself. What's he need this stuff for? Elliot: E.T., can you say that? Can you say 'E.T.'? E.T. E.T.: Eeee Teee. Elliot: [Elliot laughs in amazement] E.T.: E.T.! E.T.! E.T.! Be good. Gertie: "Be good"! I taught him that too! Elliot: You should give him his dignity. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. E.T.: [gives Elliot a newspaper and points at a comic picture] Phone. Elliot: 'Phone'? He said 'phone'? He said 'phone'? Gertie: Can't you understand English? He said 'phone'. E.T.: [points to closet] Home? Elliot: You're right. That's E.T.'s home. E.T.: [scurries over to the window and points his long finger towards it] E.T. home phone. Gertie: [clarifying] E.T. phone home. Elliot: E.T. phone home. [understanding what he means] Elliot: E.T. phone home! Gertie: He wants to call somebody.
Michael: [walks in Elliot's room and sees E.T. in a dress; he chuckles] What's all this shit? E.T.: E.T. phone home. Michael: [astonished] My God, he's talking now. E.T.: Home. Elliot: E.T. phone home? E.T.: [points to window] E.T. phone home. Elliot: [whispers] And they'll come? E.T.: Come? Home. [pulls off wig and hat from his head] E.T.: Home.
[having Elliot order the pizza so he can get in the game] Greg: And plenty of sausages and pepperonis! Tyler: Everything but the little fishies.
Gertie: I don't like his feet. Elliot: They're only feet, you little twerp.
Michael: I've never driven foward before!
[first lines] Steve: [reading dice] Five. Michael: Oh, great. Steve: So you got an arrow right in your chest.
Michael: [imitating Elliot] I found him, he belongs to me!