Eight Crazy Nights Quotes
Davey Stone, an alcoholic with a criminal record, is sentenced to community service under the supervision of an elderly referee. Davey is then faced with trying to reform and abandon his bad habits.
Eleanor Duvall: It's a home invasion! Take whatever you want, but please don't chop my legs off!
Whitey: It's okay Eleanore! It's okay!
Eleanor Duvall: Whitey, thank god you're here! We're being robbed by a lunatic! Mister, if you're going to kill us, take off your wet shoes? They're soaking the carpet.
Whitey: Eleanore, that's Davey Stone, my new partner.
Eleanor Duvall: The criminal? Did he force you to bring him here so he could molest you?
Whitey: His home just went up in flames. So I invited him to stay with us for a while.
Eleanor Duvall: All right. But I'm taking an inventory of everything alive and accounted in this house.
Eleanor Duvall: Look, he already stole something! He's hiding it in his jacket.
Whitey: It's okay Eleanore! It's okay!
Eleanor Duvall: Whitey, thank god you're here! We're being robbed by a lunatic! Mister, if you're going to kill us, take off your wet shoes? They're soaking the carpet.
Whitey: Eleanore, that's Davey Stone, my new partner.
Eleanor Duvall: The criminal? Did he force you to bring him here so he could molest you?
Whitey: His home just went up in flames. So I invited him to stay with us for a while.
Eleanor Duvall: All right. But I'm taking an inventory of everything alive and accounted in this house.
Eleanor Duvall: Look, he already stole something! He's hiding it in his jacket.
Davey Stone: How did you get so good on the ice, anyway?
Whitey: In the '50s I refed youth hockey for a couple of seasons.
Eleanor Duvall: Until a hockey puck struck him in the back of the head.
Whitey: Nothin' a metal plate couldn't fix.
Eleanor Duvall: You were in a coma for three months.
Whitey: I needed the rest, anyway!
Whitey: In the '50s I refed youth hockey for a couple of seasons.
Eleanor Duvall: Until a hockey puck struck him in the back of the head.
Whitey: Nothin' a metal plate couldn't fix.
Eleanor Duvall: You were in a coma for three months.
Whitey: I needed the rest, anyway!
Whitey: I'm lettin' this one go, Stone. But next screw-up, it's slammer time. Hmph.
[tries to drive away; his car is stuck in the snow; rolls down the window and calls to Davey]
Whitey: Got any sand or rock salt in there? I need to get some traction!
Davey Stone: "Got any sand or rock salt in there, 'cause I need to get some..." oh SHUT UP!
[tries to drive away; his car is stuck in the snow; rolls down the window and calls to Davey]
Whitey: Got any sand or rock salt in there? I need to get some traction!
Davey Stone: "Got any sand or rock salt in there, 'cause I need to get some..." oh SHUT UP!
Davey Stone: So, what's good about this place?
Whitey: What's good about it? Everything. You want a pair of socks? My buddy, Mr. Foot Locker will warm your feet. You need a fancy doodad? Hello, Sharper Image. Thanks for the combination pogo stick/clock radio. I mean, The Body Shop, the Tie Rack, GNC, Radio Shack, Petland for a cat or two, Spencer's Gifts for some fake dog doo, Sbarro's, Dunkin' Donuts, they're simply the best. And don't forget the orange chicken at Panda Express. But if you're short of cash like little old me, the window shopping's always free.
Whitey: What's good about it? Everything. You want a pair of socks? My buddy, Mr. Foot Locker will warm your feet. You need a fancy doodad? Hello, Sharper Image. Thanks for the combination pogo stick/clock radio. I mean, The Body Shop, the Tie Rack, GNC, Radio Shack, Petland for a cat or two, Spencer's Gifts for some fake dog doo, Sbarro's, Dunkin' Donuts, they're simply the best. And don't forget the orange chicken at Panda Express. But if you're short of cash like little old me, the window shopping's always free.
Eleanor Duvall: You're an animal.
Davey Stone: And you're bald!
[rips her wig off]
Eleanor Duvall: Not again.
[faints]
Whitey: You're not welcome in my house.
Davey Stone: Good, your house SUCKS!
Jennifer: Do you have to be mean to everybody who tries to help you?
Davey Stone: That's my problem!
[tosses wig which hands on the Waiter's head]
Chinese Waiter: He just a no-goodnik, and *I* am the real Kristi Yamaguchi
Narrator: Wow. Just when you started to really like Davey, he goes and has a butthole relapse.
Davey Stone: And you're bald!
[rips her wig off]
Eleanor Duvall: Not again.
[faints]
Whitey: You're not welcome in my house.
Davey Stone: Good, your house SUCKS!
Jennifer: Do you have to be mean to everybody who tries to help you?
Davey Stone: That's my problem!
[tosses wig which hands on the Waiter's head]
Chinese Waiter: He just a no-goodnik, and *I* am the real Kristi Yamaguchi
Narrator: Wow. Just when you started to really like Davey, he goes and has a butthole relapse.
Eleanor Duvall: You know, I read recently in Reader's Digest that people who let themselves cry when they're hurting are often stronger than the people who try to hold all their pain inside.
Davey Stone: Did you read anything about a deformed referee who spends 35 years trying to win some stupid patch, so he can pretend people actually like him?
Eleanor Duvall: Which month was that in?
Davey Stone: Did you read anything about a deformed referee who spends 35 years trying to win some stupid patch, so he can pretend people actually like him?
Eleanor Duvall: Which month was that in?
Narrator: Well, while Whitey and Eleanor are getting ready for the banquet, the moron was having a party of his own. And when people get in a state that Davey is in, they do really stupid things. Like go to a mall that's obviously closed to yell at a woman who is obviously not there.
Davey Stone: Jennifer! Jennifer! What's the matter with the way I live my life, huh, Jennifer? Where are you? Home reading your baby boy a bedtime story? While he sucks his thumb and goes pee-pee on his blanket? Ugh, horse shit!
Davey Stone: Jennifer! Jennifer! What's the matter with the way I live my life, huh, Jennifer? Where are you? Home reading your baby boy a bedtime story? While he sucks his thumb and goes pee-pee on his blanket? Ugh, horse shit!
