Earth Girls Are Easy Quotes
A spaceship with three furry aliens lands in a California girl's swimming pool, so she makes friends with them.
Valerie: [Frantically to Candy] A UFO landed in my pool and they captured me but we made friends and I fed them Pop-Tarts and, um, they're here now, but Ted's coming home tonight so you've got to cut their hair.
Owner of Beauty Shop: What did you say?
Valerie: Oh, nothing. I'm on drugs.
[Turns back to Candy]
Valerie: Candy, you've got to help them out.
Candy: Would you listen to yourself? Valerie, no man is worth getting yourself in this state over. Mel Gibson, maybe, but not Ted! Valerie, come here, just sit down, honey, relax, have a mental margarita, and everything is...
[Gets interrupted by Valerie]
Valerie: Okay, I'm going to show you something that's going to totally change your life, completely, forever. Okay?
Candy: Well, in that case, let me get a cigarette.
Owner of Beauty Shop: What did you say?
Valerie: Oh, nothing. I'm on drugs.
[Turns back to Candy]
Valerie: Candy, you've got to help them out.
Candy: Would you listen to yourself? Valerie, no man is worth getting yourself in this state over. Mel Gibson, maybe, but not Ted! Valerie, come here, just sit down, honey, relax, have a mental margarita, and everything is...
[Gets interrupted by Valerie]
Valerie: Okay, I'm going to show you something that's going to totally change your life, completely, forever. Okay?
Candy: Well, in that case, let me get a cigarette.
Mac: Joe, take us to hospital, please.
Joe the Cop: Hey, clown, you're going to the slammer!
Mac: [looks at Mike the cop, then at Valerie] We go to slammer first.
Valerie: [to Mac] Listen, give them that love touch, then they'll come on to me. They'll be putty in my hands.
Mac: You want sex with Joe and Mike?
Valerie: No, no, just so we can get away. Do it, do it! You'll see.
Joe the Cop: Hey, clown, you're going to the slammer!
Mac: [looks at Mike the cop, then at Valerie] We go to slammer first.
Valerie: [to Mac] Listen, give them that love touch, then they'll come on to me. They'll be putty in my hands.
Mac: You want sex with Joe and Mike?
Valerie: No, no, just so we can get away. Do it, do it! You'll see.
Ted: [On the phone] Dr. Tuchman, please.
[waits]
Ted: Barbara? Ted here. Listen, uh, I need a really big favor. I want you to cover my shift at the hospital tomorrow. I'm going to Vegas!
[laughs]
Ted: Well, I'm gonna lose a little money, take in a show, and get married.
[waits]
Ted: Barbara, Barbara, look, jus, just because I'm getting married doesn't mean we can't date, alright! What?
[looks at the phone]
[waits]
Ted: Barbara? Ted here. Listen, uh, I need a really big favor. I want you to cover my shift at the hospital tomorrow. I'm going to Vegas!
[laughs]
Ted: Well, I'm gonna lose a little money, take in a show, and get married.
[waits]
Ted: Barbara, Barbara, look, jus, just because I'm getting married doesn't mean we can't date, alright! What?
[looks at the phone]
