Thank you! Don't forget to confirm subscription in your email.
The new kid in town stumbles across something sinister about the town's method of transforming its unruly teens into upstanding citizens.
Allen Clark: Don't worry about the snakes in your garden when you've got spiders in your bed.
Gavin Strick: The Yogurt Shop, Yogurt Shoppe, what the fuck's a Shoppe?
Gavin Strick: Appropriate sparks are flying, somebody cue the power ballad.
Dorian Newberry: Hey, teacher, leave them kids alone.
Gavin Strick: Mr. Newberry here has got the full-on Boo Radley, village idiot, Quasimoto thing going, don't you Mr. Newb?
Betty Caldicott: Meet the musical little creatures that hide among the flowers.
[U.V. isn't sure if Steve Clark is now one of the Blue Ribbons] U.V.: Wait man, what's the capital of North Dakota? Steve Clark: How the fuck should I know? U.V.: All right. You're still okay.
Steve: Be the ball.
Rachel Wagner: Listen, the last ferry leaves at eleven thirty. Just tell me you have a razor plan? Steve: I am making this shit up as I go.
[as Steve is leaving] Dorian Newberry: Wait... [Steve stops, turns back] Dorian Newberry: You like Kurt Vonnegut? Steve Clark: I don't get it. Dorian Newberry: Haven't you ever wanted to just disappear, lunch boy? Poof, you're gone? You'd be surprised how interesting people become when they think you're *really* stupid.
Lorna Longley: Treat yourself.
Dr. Edgar Caldicott: Science is God.
Dr. Edgar Caldicott: Every time one of these kids gets a hard-on they go out and beat somebody with it!
Lorna Longley: Bad wrong, wrong bad, bad wrong, wrong bad.
Rachel Wagner: Sounds razor.
U.V.: [shoots Gavin to prevent him from shooting Rachel and Steve] Gavin Strick: [falls to the ground, bleeding] Three times? You had to shoot me three times? U.V.: [voice breaking] Sorry, man. Gavin Strick: Wow. I get to say to my twisted family... I guess this diminishes my chances of ever meeting Trent Reznor... [about to die] Gavin Strick: Wow, I guess I'm finally coming around...
Chug Roman: Come on, Rae-Rae, give up the plate for old Chug.
Gavin Strick: Hello, Lorna. How are you doing today, my dear? Lorna Longley: Drop dead. Gavin Strick: Contact.
Dickie Atkinson the Mechanic: [awkwardly] You had friends in Chicago? Steve Clark: Yeah. Lorna Longley: You can have friends here.
Andy Effkin: [snaps Mary Jo's neck] Slut.
Steve Clark: Don't do this! Maybe they can be helped! Dorian Newberry: No they can't. And neither can I. [shows the gunshot wound to his stomach]
Gavin Strick: [sees Andy Effkin being talked to by police] Andy Effkin toasts with the most.
[Blood running down her face] Lorna Longley: I have to go home. I've got a big physics test tomorrow.
U.V.: I bet you didn't know toast came in 3 flavors.
Steve Clark: Tell me, Shannon, do you get yelled at when you talk about your dead grandfather? Nathan Clark: Steve... Steve Clark: 'Cause around here, people go crazy if you talk about a dead brother.
Steve Clark: [after seeing Chug in a fight] What was that about? Rachel Wagner: Toxic jock syndrome.
Dorian Newberry: Do good things, lunch boy.
Gavin Strick: Look at him, he's killing his hard-on.
Chug Roman: Will you go out with me? Rachel Wagner: No. Chug Roman: WHY NOT?
Dorian Newberry: This town sucks for heroes.
Rachel: Gavin thinks some sinister force has taken over the Cradle Bay meatheads. Steve: A sinister force? Rachel: You know, evil. Nowhere to turn, no one to trust, altogether ooky.
Rachel Wagner: Who put the acid in my Spam?
Randi Sklar - Blue Ribbon: Why don't you make like a tree and leave? Gavin Strick: Clever girl.
Gavin Strick: Rachel, this is Stevie Boy - good man. Stevie Boy, this is Rachel - Cook's Ridge trash. Rachel Wagner: [disgusted] Bite me.
Gavin Strick: [Blue Ribbons circle around Steve] Ice ice baby.
U.V.: I've got like, two customers left! If this keeps up, I'm going to be the 7-11 guy!
Dorian Newberry: Evening Officer! Officer Cox the BIG Rat: What are you doing? Dorian Newberry: Oh, I'm getting rid of rats!
[after Steve begs for the family to head back to Chicago, Dr. Caldicott steps inside the Clark house] Dr. Edgar Caldicott: Steven, you ARE home. Cradle Bay is where you belong, here with your family. Steve Clark: You signed me up for the program? Cynthia Clark: We want what's best for you. Steve Clark: [screaming] WHAT ABOUT WHAT I WANT? Dr. Edgar Caldicott: Steven, do you think you're really happy... Steve Clark: Oh, shut the up! You sold me out.
Steve Clark: I had no idea the evil was this pervasive.