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A group of heavily armed hijackers board a luxury ocean liner in the South Pacific Ocean to loot it, only to do battle with a series of large-sized, tentacled, man-eating sea creatures who have taken over the ship first.
Hanover: [Mulligan stands in front of the hatch door to the galley, and keeps them away from it] We're not staying here, Mulligan! Mulligan: I say we are! [Holds his assault rifle up to Hanover's face, Hanover holds his handgun up to Mulligan's face] Mulligan: Last stand, eh? We'll kick ass and take names! Hanover: You back off soldier, before I put you down! Finnegan: [after a few momens of silence] I once saw a guy put a fish in a bottle. He corked it, sealed it tight, and threw it to a baby octopus inside a fish tank. The octopus... he felt his way all around that bottle. In less than two minutes, he got the cork off, slid inside, and ate the fish. Pantucci: And your moral of this story is...? Trillian St. James: We're the fish. Look... the ship already starting to sink. What if they don't get here in time? I don't wanna drown. Finnegan: Now look, Mulligan, you can do whatever you want. But I am gonna get my ass to the surface, and pray to God my boat is still there, and those things aren't crawlin' all over it. Then I am gonna bail the hell outta here!
Finnegan: Like a fine wine, I'm aging gracefully, thank you. Mason: Like a fine wine my ass. You look more like a keg of beer to me.
Mulligan: [the remaining six survivors are in the galley. Mulligan closes a hatch door] I say we stay right here! Trillian St. James: Are you insane? Pantucci: No man, he's right. There's plenty of food here. We can hold out til they rescue us. Canton: They're right. This is the galley for the crew. It was built almost entirely air tight in case of fire. With these hatches closed there's no way those things could get in here. Hanover: You wanna wind up in jail, Mulligan? Mulligan: Better there than in the belly of one of those things! Finnegan: [Finnegans head for the hatch] I don't know about you, but I'm gonna keep on goin'. It's our only chance. Mulligan: [Points his gun at him and keeps him away from the door] Back off. They're wiping us out one at a time. I say we make a stand. Right here. Right now. Pantucci: The whole damn ships infested Finnegan. We're not gonna make it back to the boat anyway. Finnegan: I'm not staying down here and that's a fact. Now back off that hatch. Mulligan: [Hold the gun up to Finnegan's face] I'll do it. I'll do it. I swear to god I'll kill you! I'm not murking about. Pantucci: Don't get hasty, man.
Canton: [Captain Atherton has just been eaten by one of the monsters] I'm beginning to fear that our friends here may be some kind of strange off-shoot of the Archaea Ottoia family. Pantucci: The Ottoia family? To think I was startin' to worry. Canton: These creatures are actually part of a larger body... something we haven's seen yet. They live deep under the surface of any ocean. At 4,000 feet the Ottoia are only as long as a pencil, with bodies about the size of a golf ball. But those at 20,000 feet have been known to eat full grown sharks! At 30,000 or 40,000 feet... [to Pantucci] Canton: Well... you do the math. Trillian St. James: This is not good. Pantucci: Are we talkin' some kind of mutated sea monsters here? Mason: Who gives a shit what they are? Just tell us how to kill these motherfuckers. Canton: The Ottoia are very crafty. They hide in burrows. They catch their victims with spiny living tentacles. Then they crush them between massive jaws. Trillian St. James: Then they eat you, right? Canton: No, they drink you. They drink you alive. Sucking all the fluids out of the body before excreting the skeletal remains.
Pantucci: [Coming across a propeller] I think we just totalled a speed boat! Finnegan: [confused] All the way out here?
Mason: Shut your fucking whining weasel! Don't forget that you're expendable! Pantucci: Yeah! Don't remind me!
Pantucci: [as he is caught nosing around the cargo] I'm feeling a real lack of love here...
[repeated line; just before something bad happens] Finnegan: Now what?
Vivo: Yes! Money, money, money, money... [as the door to the vault opens, Kanton lodges an axe into Vivo's head]
[after Trillian hits Pantucci with her shoe] Pantucci: I think she broke my nose! Trillian St. James: Give me a chance and I'll break the rest of your face. Not that anyone would notice. Pantucci: What is this about?
Finnegan: [Hanover's goons are beating up Pantucci] We got a contract: 20 hours out and back. You beat my engine man to death, it's gonna take a hell of a lot longer - which is ok by me since overtime'll cost you double rate! Hanover: He was nosing around in my cargo! Finnegan: Ok, so he's nosy. Hanover: Contract was "no questions asked." Mason: Yo, fellas, I vote we kick this lil' piece of shit overboard! Mamooli: Well, I vote we kill him! Mulligan: I vote we kill him, then throw him overboard! Finnegan: Well, we don't vote here, it's NOT a democracy. [one of the goons hits Pantucci] Finnegan: Ok, I'll say it one more time for the hearing impaired... [hits one of them, points his harpoon gun at Mamooli, a standoff ensues] Finnegan: [long pause] This could be messy...
Finnegan: What you got there? Pantucci: Peanut... Finnegan: Peanut? Pantucci: Peanut. Finnegan: Okay, peanut... Pantucci: [Joey drops his peanut in the water] Shit!
Leila: You should do something. Finnegan: I've found you live longer if you don't.
Mason: I don't mean to sound like a pussy, but this shit is startin' to freak me out, man!
Billy: So what you realizing, Mamooli? Mamooli: Well, that my goal in life before I die is to make love to a woman from every country on Earth. Vivo: You come to my country I shoot your ass!
Pantucci: [looking around the workshop] Oh man, what stinks? [T-Ray slaps Joey in the face] Pantucci: Did I say it was you?
Finnegan: [Jumps down in the water behind Trillian and startles her and she fires around 35 rounds at his feet] Jesus lady, watch it, will ya? Trillian St. James: I'm sorry! Thank god you're alive. Finnegan: Damn straight I am! Let's keep it that way, huh?
Canton: But This ship is state of the art... Captain Atherton: Doesn't matter with the computer systems down... we are sailing blind... and with no bloody way of contacting anyone for help. Sonar Man: Sir? I've got something on my sonar. Captain Atherton: What is it, Collins? Sonar Man: I'm not sure sir... but whatever it is... it's big. Canton: Probably a bottom feeding whale. Sonar Man: Moving at 200 knots? Sir, I don't think so. Captain Atherton: Where's it coming from? Sonar Man: Directly below us sir... moving at 160 meters and still rising... 150 meters... 140 meters... 130... 120... 110... 90... Canton: [looks at a video monitor] What are those things? Sonar Man: 80... 50 meters... [the Ottoia ram the ship]
Finnegan: [First lines] How we doin' out there, Leila? Leila: Fuck you! How you doing, my ass! I'm totally soaked out here. Finnegan: Aw, come on now, I pay you two bucks a day, don't I? Leila: Get off your lazy ass and come and help me! Finnegan: Cut me some slack, will ya? I'm workin' hard too, you know. [Plays card games on his radar computer]
[Security places Trillian in the cold storage room for the remainder of the trip, but manages to steal Canton's wallet] Trillian St. James: And you, Mr. Canton, are no gentleman.
[the big bad monster has just eaten the boat's captain] Canton: I'm beginning to fear that our friends here may be some kind of strange offshoot of the Archaea Ottoia family. Pantucci: Oh, the Ottoia family. And to think I was startin' to worry.
Finnegan: Anything I want? Trillian St. James: Anything you want. Finnegan: Can you get me a cold beer?
Finnegan: Well, it looks like we're stuck on this island.
Hanover: You wanna wind up in jail, Mulligan? Mulligan: Better there then in the belly of one of those things!
Trillian St. James: What the hell are these things? Finnegan: Real unfriendly.
Pantucci: [chased by the monster] They're catching up, we gotta slow 'em down! Hanover: The only way to slow 'em down is to feed 'em! Pantucci: FEED 'EM? The only thing I got is a wet stick of gum and a breath mint!
Finnegan: [the rad stops working] Son of a bitch. Pantucci! Pantucci: [Stands up and hits his head] Ow! shit man! Finnegan: [On headset] I'm flyin' blind up here, brainiac. I thought you fixed the radar. Pantucci: It's a little temperamental, you have to be gentle. Finnegan: Gentle, my ass. The whole system just crapped out on me. Pantucci: Killed off by your negative vibes no doubt. Finnegan: No doubt. [Finnegan hits the radar, which sends sparks flying at the box that Joeys at and makes him jump] Pantucci: Are you hitting that thing again? Finnegan: ...No?
Finnegan: [after a fight with the pirates] There goes one year off my life.
Finnegan: Do you know how many uncharted islands there are in this ocean? Pantucci: I don't know, two?
Pantucci: You mean we're all gonna die 'cause you screwed up on the math?
Leila: [Hanover's thugs are beating up Pantucci, Finnegan seems indifferent] Well, don't just sit there, go help him! Finnegan: Are you kiddin' me? Those guys are dangerous!
Finnegan: Don't wander off. T. Ray: Didn't know you cared. Finnegan: I care about yer gun.
Mulligan: [after only Joey surfaces] Where's Mason? Pantucci: They caught up to him. Mulligan: Shit not Mason... no way is this happening!
Mulligan: [as a half-digested screaming Billy is spewed up by a dying Ottoia] CHRIST IT'S BILLY!
[repeated line] Finnegan: Hang on!
Vivo: [Trying to make T-Ray vomit] You know what I wanna eat? I'll take a couple of nice, greasy pig's feet, some pickled monkey brains and one of them big elephant eyeballs. Raw. So they pop when you bite into them. [Imitates popping and slurping] Billy: [Blows smoke into T-Rays face] Yummy. [T-Ray vomits again and Vivo high-fives Billy]
Pantucci: If the cash is there, then we do not care. What kinda philosophy is that?
[Trillian is breaking into the ship's safe until Simon, Capt. Atherton, and Cruise Security catches her in the act] Canton: [clears throat] Good evening, mademoiselle. Trillian St. James: Hello. Captain Atherton: Red handed. My God, what a cheap, little trollop you are. Trillian St. James: Good evening, gentlemen. I was just on my way out. [Two security men holds Trillian back] Trillian St. James: Or not. Canton: A good decision. There's really no place to run. The nearest land is, what is it, about 600 miles, Captain? Captain Atherton: Near 800. Canton: [holding Trillian's rap sheet] According to this fax we received - Oh, that's not a very flattering photograph, is it? Trillian St. James: What is it? Canton: You're wanted for burglary, robbery, forgery. Oh, and attempted murder. Trillian St. James: I can explain that. [Canton chuckles] Trillian St. James: What? Canton: Six arrests, five convictions, and wanted in four countries. How does a beautiful woman as young as yourself amass such an incredible record? Trillian St. James: Trust me. It wasn't easy. Canton: I think it's because you're not very good at what you do. [Canton hits Trillian in the face] Captain Atherton: Hey, steady on, Canton. No need for that. Captain Atherton: [Recovers his stolen key card from Trillian] Ah, ah, ah. I believe that's my card, thank you. Canton: Captain, I forget. Do we have a brig on this ship? Captain Atherton: Yes, we do, sir, but it's not finished. Trillian St. James: [angry tone] You can't put a lady in the brig! Canton: True, but you, mademoiselle, are no lady.
Pantucci: Give me the parts. Finnegan: [Mumbling] I lom... Pantucci: E-lu-deh? Finnegan: I lost them, okay, I lost them!
Captain Atherton: This is supposed to be your life's work, I thought. Canton: I spent my whole life, my entire fortune, building this ship. I'll be damned if I'm gonna lose it to a bunch of pencil-necked bankers.
Finnegan: This is turning out to be one hell of a day.