Chappelle's Show Quotes
Comedian Dave Chappelle hosts this sketch-comedy show that parodies many of the nuances of race and culture.
Rick James: Now, Darkness, the tables are turned.
Rick James: [to his bodyguards] Do with him whatever you like.
Charlie Murphy: Motherfuckers take one more step, I'm kicking this nigga out the motherfucking window.
Rick James: Cubbie, freeze!
Charlie Murphy: You know you was wrong for what you did to me earlier. Look what you did to my face!
[soft piano music playing... ]
Rick James: I'm sorry, Charlie Murphy, it was an accident. I was having too much fun. I offer you a truce. The stickiest of the icky. You want to smoke with the old boy Rick James?
Charlie Murphy: Yo, man, my forehead is bumpin', man.
Rick James: Now that you mention it, I think I'm bleeding inside my chest. But I got the medicine.
Rick James: Bitches... Come over here and have sex with Charlie Murphy.
Rick James: I'm Rick James, bitch.
[Rick claps twice]
Rick James: [to his bodyguards] Do with him whatever you like.
Charlie Murphy: Motherfuckers take one more step, I'm kicking this nigga out the motherfucking window.
Rick James: Cubbie, freeze!
Charlie Murphy: You know you was wrong for what you did to me earlier. Look what you did to my face!
[soft piano music playing... ]
Rick James: I'm sorry, Charlie Murphy, it was an accident. I was having too much fun. I offer you a truce. The stickiest of the icky. You want to smoke with the old boy Rick James?
Charlie Murphy: Yo, man, my forehead is bumpin', man.
Rick James: Now that you mention it, I think I'm bleeding inside my chest. But I got the medicine.
Rick James: Bitches... Come over here and have sex with Charlie Murphy.
Rick James: I'm Rick James, bitch.
[Rick claps twice]
Rick James: [as Charlie and Eddie Murphy beat up on his legs] YOU DARKNESS, YOU BLACK - LATE NIGHT - EVIL MOTHAFUCKAS - BLACK MAGIC, DARKNESS! YOU RAW... DARKNESS... YOU... DELIRIOUS... MOTHAFUCKAS. YOU WAS COLD AS ICE.
Charlie Murphy: [narrating] But still, after taking a beating like that, Rick's like...
Rick James: Fuck yo couch, nigga.
Charlie Murphy: [narrating] But still, after taking a beating like that, Rick's like...
Rick James: Fuck yo couch, nigga.
Real Rick James: See, I never just did things just to do them. Come on, what am I gonna do? Just all of a sudden jump up and grind my feet on somebody's couch like it's something to do? Come on. I got a little more sense then that.
[pause]
Real Rick James: Yeah, I remember grinding my feet on Eddie's couch.
[pause]
Real Rick James: Yeah, I remember grinding my feet on Eddie's couch.
[after Dylan attempted to choke Wyclef Jean]
P. Diddy: If I had my way, I'd never work. I'd just stay home all day, watch Scarface 50 times, eat a turkey sandwich, and have sex all fucking day. Then I'd dress up like a clown, and surprise kids at schools. Then I'd take a dump in the back of a movie theater, and just wait until somebody sat in it. Hear it squish. That's funny to me. Then I'd paint, and read, and play violin. I'd climb the mountains, and sing the songs that I like to sing. But I don't got that kinda time.
P. Diddy: If I had my way, I'd never work. I'd just stay home all day, watch Scarface 50 times, eat a turkey sandwich, and have sex all fucking day. Then I'd dress up like a clown, and surprise kids at schools. Then I'd take a dump in the back of a movie theater, and just wait until somebody sat in it. Hear it squish. That's funny to me. Then I'd paint, and read, and play violin. I'd climb the mountains, and sing the songs that I like to sing. But I don't got that kinda time.
[breaking news report following the distribution of slavery reparations]
News Reporter: So, what do you plan to spend your money on.
Tron: [In fake, quivering voice] I'm going to re-invest it in the community.
News Reporter: Well, that's...
[cut off]
Tron: Psyche. I'm gonna spend it before y'all honkies change yo minds.
News Reporter: So, what do you plan to spend your money on.
Tron: [In fake, quivering voice] I'm going to re-invest it in the community.
News Reporter: Well, that's...
[cut off]
Tron: Psyche. I'm gonna spend it before y'all honkies change yo minds.
[R. Kelly jury selection hearing]
Dave Chappelle: Listen, lady, the burden of proof is on the state.
[shouts]
Dave Chappelle: On the State! You have got to prove - *to me* - beyond a reasonable doubt whether or not this man is a pisser.
Prosecutor: Aren't your doubts unreasonable?
Dave Chappelle: No, it's not unreasonable. We're talking about a justice system that had 500 people whose cases were overturned by DNA evidence. I seen a tape where five cops beat up a nigga and they said that they had a reasonable doubt. I got my doubts too! All right? How come they never found Biggie and Tupac's murderers, but they could arrest O.J. the next day. Nicole Simpson can't rap!
[pounds hand on witness stand]
Dave Chappelle: [shouts] I want justice! You're out of order, Miss!
[grabs judge's gavel and begins to pound]
Dave Chappelle: [shouts] This whole goddamn court is out of order. Everybody!
Prosecutor: [after whispering to her partner] Mr. Chappelle, you're dismissed.
Dave Chappelle: [pees on prosecutors while seated at the witness stand] And that's from the heart!
Dave Chappelle: Listen, lady, the burden of proof is on the state.
[shouts]
Dave Chappelle: On the State! You have got to prove - *to me* - beyond a reasonable doubt whether or not this man is a pisser.
Prosecutor: Aren't your doubts unreasonable?
Dave Chappelle: No, it's not unreasonable. We're talking about a justice system that had 500 people whose cases were overturned by DNA evidence. I seen a tape where five cops beat up a nigga and they said that they had a reasonable doubt. I got my doubts too! All right? How come they never found Biggie and Tupac's murderers, but they could arrest O.J. the next day. Nicole Simpson can't rap!
[pounds hand on witness stand]
Dave Chappelle: [shouts] I want justice! You're out of order, Miss!
[grabs judge's gavel and begins to pound]
Dave Chappelle: [shouts] This whole goddamn court is out of order. Everybody!
Prosecutor: [after whispering to her partner] Mr. Chappelle, you're dismissed.
Dave Chappelle: [pees on prosecutors while seated at the witness stand] And that's from the heart!
Car Wash Man: You got a nice car here man.
Dave Chappelle: Thanks. How much will that be?
Car Wash Man: Oh, eight hundred seventy-three dollars.
Dave Chappelle: But the sign only says five dollars.
Car Wash Man: Thats the old price.
Dave Chappelle: Whats you mean the old...
[man shows Dave his gun]
Dave Chappelle: Oh come on man.
Dave Chappelle: Thanks. How much will that be?
Car Wash Man: Oh, eight hundred seventy-three dollars.
Dave Chappelle: But the sign only says five dollars.
Car Wash Man: Thats the old price.
Dave Chappelle: Whats you mean the old...
[man shows Dave his gun]
Dave Chappelle: Oh come on man.
Dave Chappelle: Who? Who's Nick Cannon?
Chappelle's Kid: Daddy,
[with huge grin on face]
Chappelle's Kid: Nick Cannon's 'ilarious.
Dave Chappelle: Man, fuck you son! I'm glad you think he's so gaddamn hilarious because he just walked off with your school clothes money. It's, isn't it? I'm broke nigga, I'm broke!
Chappelle's Kid: Daddy,
[with huge grin on face]
Chappelle's Kid: Nick Cannon's 'ilarious.
Dave Chappelle: Man, fuck you son! I'm glad you think he's so gaddamn hilarious because he just walked off with your school clothes money. It's, isn't it? I'm broke nigga, I'm broke!
Prosecutor: What if I told you that the accusers correctly described Michael's penis to investigators?
Dave Chappelle: Sir, I have never seen Michael's alleged penis, but I bet you that I can describe it all right? Let me guess... there's a head, a shaft, some balls, hair - maybe pressed, permed hair, with glitter sprinkled on it.
Prosecutor: That's correct.
Dave Chappelle: Whoa... how'd I know? Come on dude, I couldn't pick my own penis out of a line up, all right? And me and penis is like this, son.
Dave Chappelle: Sir, I have never seen Michael's alleged penis, but I bet you that I can describe it all right? Let me guess... there's a head, a shaft, some balls, hair - maybe pressed, permed hair, with glitter sprinkled on it.
Prosecutor: That's correct.
Dave Chappelle: Whoa... how'd I know? Come on dude, I couldn't pick my own penis out of a line up, all right? And me and penis is like this, son.
Miss Harvey: Look at that, Calvins got a job! Hey, Calvin!
Calvin: Hey Miss Harvey! Just got my first paycheck.
Miss Harvey: That's good, Calvin very good!
Neighbor: Way to go young brotha, gettin' paid, gettin' paid.
Thug #3: Yo, I heard Calvin got a job.
Thug #1: Man, I'm proud of him!
Thug #2: [pulling ski mask over his face] Let's rob that nigga, man.
Calvin: Hey Miss Harvey! Just got my first paycheck.
Miss Harvey: That's good, Calvin very good!
Neighbor: Way to go young brotha, gettin' paid, gettin' paid.
Thug #3: Yo, I heard Calvin got a job.
Thug #1: Man, I'm proud of him!
Thug #2: [pulling ski mask over his face] Let's rob that nigga, man.
Sheila: [after "It's A Wonderful Life" style sketch] Are you an angel?
'The Angel': Me? An angel? I'm the janitor
[puts on uniform]
Sheila: But... How did you show me all those things?
'The Angel': Girl, I am high on PCP! I was wondering how you were following me. You smoke sherm?
Sheila: Come on, who are you really?
'The Angel': Lady, I'm just a nigga that loves titties.
'The Angel': Me? An angel? I'm the janitor
[puts on uniform]
Sheila: But... How did you show me all those things?
'The Angel': Girl, I am high on PCP! I was wondering how you were following me. You smoke sherm?
Sheila: Come on, who are you really?
'The Angel': Lady, I'm just a nigga that loves titties.
Dave Chappelle: [from the announcer's booth after Tiger Woods' acceptance speech after he was picked by the black race during the Racial Draft] I've just received word that Tiger has lost all his endorsements. Nike, Wheaties, Amex, Tag Heuer, the whole shebang-a-bang. Well, tough break, nigga. There's always FUBU.
Mace "Sam Jackson" Windau: [during press conference talking about Jedi's raping their students] I would just like to say that this counsil will have zero tolerance for any sexual deviency regarding our Jedi knights!
Reporter: Mace, do you feel that the Jedi's that have commited this crime deserve to die?
Mace "Sam Jackson" Windau: Yes, they deserve to die! And I hope they burn in hell!
Reporter: Mace, do you feel that the Jedi's that have commited this crime deserve to die?
Mace "Sam Jackson" Windau: Yes, they deserve to die! And I hope they burn in hell!
Prosecutor: Mr. Chappelle, what would it take to convince you that R. Kelly is guilty?
Dave Chappelle: Okay, I'd have to see a video of him singing "Pee On You," two forms of government ID, a police officer there to verify the whole thing, four or five of my buddies and Neal taking notes, and R. Kelly's grandma to confirm his identity.
R. Kelly's Grandma: That's my Robert, always peeing on people.
Dave Chappelle: Okay, I'd have to see a video of him singing "Pee On You," two forms of government ID, a police officer there to verify the whole thing, four or five of my buddies and Neal taking notes, and R. Kelly's grandma to confirm his identity.
R. Kelly's Grandma: That's my Robert, always peeing on people.
Charlie Murphy: My brother, he's a lot more compassionate than I am, you know. We were looking at Rick getting in the limo, and as it drove off, Eddie says, "Man... Rick really needs help". I was like, "Hey man, we just gave him some help. We busted his motha fuckin' legs. I bet he won't come back and disrespect again." WRONG, WRONG... We're talkin' bout Rick James, man.
[after Rick James has slapped him for no particular reason]
Charlie Murphy: I'm standing there I'm thinking, "This nigga really has lost his fucking mind." First of all, you don't slap a man. Ok. I mean, even when slapping was fashionable, ya know, they did it in Paris, some guy would come up, "I challenge you to a duel." They would have a gunfight after that, somebody had to go!
Charlie Murphy: I'm standing there I'm thinking, "This nigga really has lost his fucking mind." First of all, you don't slap a man. Ok. I mean, even when slapping was fashionable, ya know, they did it in Paris, some guy would come up, "I challenge you to a duel." They would have a gunfight after that, somebody had to go!
[sportscasters covering the Racial Draft]
Robert Petkoff: The blacks have won the coin toss, so they get to go first.
Dave Chappelle: Wow, that's the first lottery a black person's won in a long time.
Bill Burr: Yes, and they'll probably still complain. Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Dave Chappelle: heh heh - man, fuck you.
Robert Petkoff: The blacks have won the coin toss, so they get to go first.
Dave Chappelle: Wow, that's the first lottery a black person's won in a long time.
Bill Burr: Yes, and they'll probably still complain. Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Dave Chappelle: heh heh - man, fuck you.
Kent Wallace: You've never left this property, have you, Mr. Bigsby?
Clayton Bigsby: No, sir, not in many years.
Kent Wallace: What if I were to tell you that you're an African American?
Clayton Bigsby: Sir! I'm going to make this clear. I'm in no way, shape or form involved in any kind of niggerdom.
Clayton Bigsby: No, sir, not in many years.
Kent Wallace: What if I were to tell you that you're an African American?
Clayton Bigsby: Sir! I'm going to make this clear. I'm in no way, shape or form involved in any kind of niggerdom.
[Black people receive reparations for slavery]
Reporter: Sir, now that you've got your check do you plan on quitting your job driving this truck?
Man In Truck: Truck driver? I ain't no truck driver. I'm a janitor. That's right, baby, I just bought this truck straight cash. I got cigarettes for me and my family the rest of our lives! I'M RICH, BIATCH!
[honks horn]
Reporter: Sir, now that you've got your check do you plan on quitting your job driving this truck?
Man In Truck: Truck driver? I ain't no truck driver. I'm a janitor. That's right, baby, I just bought this truck straight cash. I got cigarettes for me and my family the rest of our lives! I'M RICH, BIATCH!
[honks horn]
Billy: [Billy and Dave are still playing video games] Dave, can't you see I'm dying of cancer?
Dave Chappelle: [Dave pauses the game] Billy, I'm sorry man. I was just trying to teach you a lesson! You can beat cancer but you got to be strong. I see it in you Billy, you're going to make it.
Billy: Really?
Dave Chappelle: Hell, no, nigga! You play like a bitch! Hang on a second.
[unpauses the game and it's game over]
Dave Chappelle: [shouts] Game! In your face! In your face! Feel better!
[then leaves]
Billy: Half-Baked sucked anyway!
Dave Chappelle: [Dave pauses the game] Billy, I'm sorry man. I was just trying to teach you a lesson! You can beat cancer but you got to be strong. I see it in you Billy, you're going to make it.
Billy: Really?
Dave Chappelle: Hell, no, nigga! You play like a bitch! Hang on a second.
[unpauses the game and it's game over]
Dave Chappelle: [shouts] Game! In your face! In your face! Feel better!
[then leaves]
Billy: Half-Baked sucked anyway!
[Tron having dinner with police after turning self in]
Police Commisioner: Now, you are a cocaine dealer, but you've done a lot of good for the community.
Tron: I know. When it's Thanksgiving, I be passin' around turkeys like Nino Brown, baby!
Police Commisioner: Of course!
Tron: [dignified] But may I ask you gentleman, when I'm acquitted, can I continue to channel rocks throughout my community?
Police Commisioner: [holding up tape recorder, non-sincerely] Ab-sol-ute-ly not!
Police Commisioner: [winks]
Tron: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah, sellin' rocks would be bad.
Police Commisioner: Now, you are a cocaine dealer, but you've done a lot of good for the community.
Tron: I know. When it's Thanksgiving, I be passin' around turkeys like Nino Brown, baby!
Police Commisioner: Of course!
Tron: [dignified] But may I ask you gentleman, when I'm acquitted, can I continue to channel rocks throughout my community?
Police Commisioner: [holding up tape recorder, non-sincerely] Ab-sol-ute-ly not!
Police Commisioner: [winks]
Tron: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah, sellin' rocks would be bad.
Businessman: I'll have a Samuel Jackson.
Samuel Jackson: [shouts] Good motherfucking choice, motherfucker! Samuel Jackson! Made painstakingly by me, Samuel L. Jackson! It'll get ya drunk! You'll be fucking fat girls in no time! You might even fight a nigga or two! Mmmm-mmm, bitch!
[Jackson walks up to the businessman]
Samuel Jackson: [shouts] How's it taste, motherfucker?
Businessman: Could you please stop yelling at me?
Samuel Jackson: [shouts] No, I can't stop yelling, 'cause that's how I talk! Haven't you seen my movies? "Juice" That was a good one! "Deep Blue Sea" They ate me! A motherfucking shark ate me! Drink up, bitch!
Samuel Jackson: [shouts] Good motherfucking choice, motherfucker! Samuel Jackson! Made painstakingly by me, Samuel L. Jackson! It'll get ya drunk! You'll be fucking fat girls in no time! You might even fight a nigga or two! Mmmm-mmm, bitch!
[Jackson walks up to the businessman]
Samuel Jackson: [shouts] How's it taste, motherfucker?
Businessman: Could you please stop yelling at me?
Samuel Jackson: [shouts] No, I can't stop yelling, 'cause that's how I talk! Haven't you seen my movies? "Juice" That was a good one! "Deep Blue Sea" They ate me! A motherfucking shark ate me! Drink up, bitch!
[singing]
Tron: There are! I say there are so many amendments in the constitution of the United States of Americaaaa! I can only choose one! I can only choose ooooooone! I plead the fif! I plead the fif! FIVE! 1,2,3,4, fiiiif! Anything you say! FIIIF! Go ahead and ask me a question!
Senator: How do...
Tron: Fif! I like to show all of you a secret document!
[pulls out a piece of paper saying "FiF"]
Tron: Fiiiiiiiiiiiiif!
Tron: There are! I say there are so many amendments in the constitution of the United States of Americaaaa! I can only choose one! I can only choose ooooooone! I plead the fif! I plead the fif! FIVE! 1,2,3,4, fiiiif! Anything you say! FIIIF! Go ahead and ask me a question!
Senator: How do...
Tron: Fif! I like to show all of you a secret document!
[pulls out a piece of paper saying "FiF"]
Tron: Fiiiiiiiiiiiiif!
Dave Chappelle: Ever since I've been doing this show a lot of rappers have been offering me to be in their videos. Which is nice but they get me to do stupid stuff. Like, whadda got to do, Snoop?
Dave Chappelle: [imitating Snoop Dogg] Okay, here it is, Dave. It's a club scene and like you is dancing and then you slip on a banana peel and land in some doo-doo. Splat. Then you rollin' around got doo-doo all over you and then here I come with my gatas', my now an' lata' gata's, steps over and then you see me walk off in slow-motion.
Dave Chappelle: And I'm like, "Hold up nigga! Why can't I be the one in slow-motion? I'm tired of being the one in the doo-doo!"
Dave Chappelle: [imitating Snoop Dogg] Okay, here it is, Dave. It's a club scene and like you is dancing and then you slip on a banana peel and land in some doo-doo. Splat. Then you rollin' around got doo-doo all over you and then here I come with my gatas', my now an' lata' gata's, steps over and then you see me walk off in slow-motion.
Dave Chappelle: And I'm like, "Hold up nigga! Why can't I be the one in slow-motion? I'm tired of being the one in the doo-doo!"
Quills: [screaming] All right, nigga! Get butt naked right now!
Leonard Washington: [calm] First of all, I think y'better watch your tone son. I'm Leonard Washington. I don't get butt naked for nobody.
[holds up wad of money]
Leonard Washington: You want this roll, nigga? You gonna have to shoot me for it.
Quills: OK
[shoots him in the knee, takes the money]
Leonard Washington: GOD DAMN, NIGGA! WHAT THE HELL WRONG WITH YOU! THAT'S WHY BLACK PEOPLE CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING! YOUR MAMA AIN'T SHIT!
Leonard Washington: [calm] First of all, I think y'better watch your tone son. I'm Leonard Washington. I don't get butt naked for nobody.
[holds up wad of money]
Leonard Washington: You want this roll, nigga? You gonna have to shoot me for it.
Quills: OK
[shoots him in the knee, takes the money]
Leonard Washington: GOD DAMN, NIGGA! WHAT THE HELL WRONG WITH YOU! THAT'S WHY BLACK PEOPLE CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING! YOUR MAMA AIN'T SHIT!
[in "Trading Spouses," Leonard Washington lives with a white family]
[rap music is blaring]
Leonard Washington: Hey! What the hell you listening to?
White Kid: It's the new 50 Cent. Man, I'm from the streets! G-G-G G-G-G G-Unit!
Leonard Washington: Come on... get in the car. G-G-G G-G-G Get your ass in the car!
[rap music is blaring]
Leonard Washington: Hey! What the hell you listening to?
White Kid: It's the new 50 Cent. Man, I'm from the streets! G-G-G G-G-G G-Unit!
Leonard Washington: Come on... get in the car. G-G-G G-G-G Get your ass in the car!
[announcing the nominees for "Player Hater of the Year"]
Ice T: The nominees are... Buck Nasty. Buck Nasty is nominated for getting his best friend's girlfriend pregnant, then tricking his best friend into raising the little motherfucker. The next nominee is... Pit Bull. Pit Bull is nominated for calling the cops on his drug-dealing neighbors, not because it was the right thing to do, but just 'cause he was jealous of all the money they was makin'. And the final nominee is... Silky Johnston. Silky Johnston is nominated for calling in a bomb threat at the Special Olympics.
Ice T: The nominees are... Buck Nasty. Buck Nasty is nominated for getting his best friend's girlfriend pregnant, then tricking his best friend into raising the little motherfucker. The next nominee is... Pit Bull. Pit Bull is nominated for calling the cops on his drug-dealing neighbors, not because it was the right thing to do, but just 'cause he was jealous of all the money they was makin'. And the final nominee is... Silky Johnston. Silky Johnston is nominated for calling in a bomb threat at the Special Olympics.
Charlie Murphy: Eddie and everybody else thought that that was the funniest shit. And that threw me in a weird space cause I'm like, "Yo, this is Rick James and he's a star. Maybe I'm overreacting." I actually went there like, "Maybe I shouldn't do nothing." But my ghetto side was going, "Yo, stomp this motherfucker out right here. What the fuck is wrong with him?"
[one white man has been forced to live with five crazy black people]
Chad: Tyree, you stabbed my dad! And you had sex with Katie.
Tyree: Hey man, you got that all wrong. I ain't had sex with Katie. Lysol had sex with Katie. I just filmed it.
Katie: No, Tyree, you had sex with me too.
Tyree: Correction: I had sex with Katie.
Chad: Tyree, you stabbed my dad! And you had sex with Katie.
Tyree: Hey man, you got that all wrong. I ain't had sex with Katie. Lysol had sex with Katie. I just filmed it.
Katie: No, Tyree, you had sex with me too.
Tyree: Correction: I had sex with Katie.
[from the Charlie Murphy/Prince "True Hollywood" story]
Neal Brennan: What happened next after the game?
Charlie Murphy: He took us back inside and made us pancakes.
[shot of Dave as Prince serving pancakes]
Charlie Murphy: [pause, dead serious] Pancakes.
Prince: [serving pancakes] Nice game, bitches.
Neal Brennan: What happened next after the game?
Charlie Murphy: He took us back inside and made us pancakes.
[shot of Dave as Prince serving pancakes]
Charlie Murphy: [pause, dead serious] Pancakes.
Prince: [serving pancakes] Nice game, bitches.
Dave Chappelle: Look, man, look. Michael Jackson has many faces - none of them look guilty to me. You gotta look in the eyes, not the noses.
Prosecutor: He's been accused of this more than once.
Dave Chappelle: So? Some people say that cucumbers taste better pickled.
Prosecutor: What?
Dave Chappelle: Huh?
Prosecutor: What?
Dave Chappelle: Huh?
Prosecutor: He's been accused of this more than once.
Dave Chappelle: So? Some people say that cucumbers taste better pickled.
Prosecutor: What?
Dave Chappelle: Huh?
Prosecutor: What?
Dave Chappelle: Huh?
Kent Wallace: [Kent Wallace and Jasper are in the gas station and Jasper is paying for gas] Sir, you're a friend. Why not tell him he's African American?
Jasper: Listen man. He's too important to the movement. Tell him that he's black, he would probably kill himself. Just be one less nigger around. His commitment is that deep.
Kent Wallace: I'm overwhelmed by the irony.
Skin Head: [four guys are outside banging on the car and Jasper runs out to the car and save Clayton from trouble] Hey, monkey! You lost, boy!
Skinhead: Run, boy, we don't like your kind around here!
Skin Head: You better get out of here before something bad happens.
Clayton Bigsby: That's right!
[shouts]
Clayton Bigsby: That's right! Tell that nigger. That dirty nigger!
Jasper: Come on, Clayton, we got to go.
Clayton Bigsby: Jasper, there's nigger around here. That damn monkey was beatin' my hood
[then Clayton gets back in the car and they drive off]
Clayton Bigsby: [shouts] White power! Nigger!
Jasper: Listen man. He's too important to the movement. Tell him that he's black, he would probably kill himself. Just be one less nigger around. His commitment is that deep.
Kent Wallace: I'm overwhelmed by the irony.
Skin Head: [four guys are outside banging on the car and Jasper runs out to the car and save Clayton from trouble] Hey, monkey! You lost, boy!
Skinhead: Run, boy, we don't like your kind around here!
Skin Head: You better get out of here before something bad happens.
Clayton Bigsby: That's right!
[shouts]
Clayton Bigsby: That's right! Tell that nigger. That dirty nigger!
Jasper: Come on, Clayton, we got to go.
Clayton Bigsby: Jasper, there's nigger around here. That damn monkey was beatin' my hood
[then Clayton gets back in the car and they drive off]
Clayton Bigsby: [shouts] White power! Nigger!
Howard Dean: I happen to know that Dick Cheney's daughter is a lesbian and not only is his daughter a lesbian but his moms a lesbian and his sisters a lesbian and his old granny has holes in her panties! Byahh! Byahh!
[Cheney continues to talk while Dean interupts]
Howard Dean: Byahh Byahh! I love lesbians! Byahh! I watch The L Word on Showtime! Byahh!
[Cheney continues to talk while Dean interupts]
Howard Dean: Byahh Byahh! I love lesbians! Byahh! I watch The L Word on Showtime! Byahh!
[the Haters are time traveling]
Silky Johnson: Reach for the sky, honky!
Slave Master: Honky?
Silky Johnson: "Honky" is a racial epithet. It was made popular in the 1970s by a man named George Jefferson. You see, he and his wife owned a dry-cleaning business, so they moved on up to the east side, to a deluxe apartment in the sky. They finally got a piece of the pie.
Silky Johnson: Reach for the sky, honky!
Slave Master: Honky?
Silky Johnson: "Honky" is a racial epithet. It was made popular in the 1970s by a man named George Jefferson. You see, he and his wife owned a dry-cleaning business, so they moved on up to the east side, to a deluxe apartment in the sky. They finally got a piece of the pie.
